I’m on day 14 of NC and so far, my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago, and it’s been a little difficult but getting easier.
I’ve been working on myself a lot with school, and therapy.
My ex told me Happy B-Day yesterday, but she told me she was when we broke up (so idk how weight that really holds). I just need to stop constantly checking her twitter.
I fear that this will be all for nothing once my 30+ days are up.
Btw everyone please answer my post
https://www.forum.exbackpermanently.com/boards/topic/so-my-ex-did-say-happy-birthday-to-me/
Trust the NC, improve yourself and take the chances. She broke up with you because you had some anger issues hence you need to show her that you are calm and peaceful now.
At the same time get some blazers, new hair cut and dress well when you meet her for the first time.
@HeatherJane82 I understand that it hurts. We always carry those we have loved in our hearts. Always. Never forget that. Despite distance, time, even death… they’re there. I think too often people just give up on things worth fighting for, but everyone has their own path to walk and at their own pace. At this time, my ex is not worth fighting for… I am and I deserve better, so I’m taking on the approach of “dating” myself, so to speak. I get how you feel and I am truly sorry that you are experiencing this pain. As I’ve said in the past, a skinned knee is easier to mend than a skinned heart. But take this experience and grow from it if you can. It won’t happen over night, it will be challenging, and I won’t lie and say it gets easier-- rather it becomes more manageable and affects you less.
As of last night, I removed my ex from fb. I know it’s advised to keep them around so they can see how happy you are and that you’re moving on with your life, but in my mind that’s just an attempt to try to prove something. I have nothing to prove to someone like her. If she really cares about how I am, she’ll find a way I’m sure (if not her family bringing up my successes since her step-dad and grandparents love me). -shrug- After hearing about my ex’s recent behavior and her futile attempts to prove herself to those around her and acting like a 13 year old (she’ll be 25 on Sunday mind you), I realized how silly it was. I had originally unfollowed her so it wouldn’t show on my feed, but a friend had told me something ridiculous she posted:
“Love is when someone does not try to tame you, but rather runs wild with you.”
My friend had been tempted to say, “Uh… you had that with ThePhoenix!” but thankfully did not. It’s funny because I have noticed a pattern with my ex. She said the same thing to me many times during our relationship and told me numerous times she was thankful that I never tried to change her, but embraced her and celebrated it. It’s almost a slap to the face with her playing victim and trying to say I tried to change her/control her. It pains me to say it, but having a rational mind and objectiveness, she truly is unhappy and damaged inside. As a result, being unwilling to try to work on herself internally, she attributes problems to external things and places the blame on others. As my counselor has said, she’s pointing a finger but has 3 more back on her. Her way of coping with the voids in herself and the abuse she suffered in the past is to latch onto others and siphon their happiness and attention. It never lasts, but how could it? No matter how much water you try to put into a cup that has a hole in it, it will never be full unless you seal the hole.
I’ve washed my hands of it for now. I have no doubt she’ll be back in the future should things blow up in her face (as they have a tendency to do) or she realizes what she’s lost. But I’m closing the door. Until she has proven that she loves herself and has dealt with her problems, if she ever decides to, there is nothing I have to offer or will offer aside from time and space. I come first. I’m happy and I love myself. I have a tendency to help others in any way I can, but have realized I cannot help those who cannot help themselves. Yes, I knew this before but I never had it hit me really until now.
I will add to this: the best thing my ex before her did was to remove me from fb and block me. We had tried to talk as friends after we broke up, but I was young, foolish, and insecure. I drove her away as a friend and it drove me nuts when she cut me out of her life. I wanted so badly to know what she was up to, how she was, etc. Years later, having grown and matured, we were able to sort things out. We talk often now and look back at the experience with a cheeky grin and laughter, knowing how inexperienced and foolish we were. Her silence and resolve at that time were the greatest gifts she had ever given me. I know it wasn’t easy for her and she told me she regretted being a jerk, but it was the best thing at the time.
When I cut communication with my current ex when we were just friends, she came back in time. She had it in her mind that I was a terrible person, didn’t care about her, and her ‘new’ friends were amazing and loved her deeply. Many nasty things had been said to me, but I kept cool and told her if she wanted to be friends again, then come find me when she was ready. She found out the hard way that they didn’t care and just wanted to have fun. She realized she had messed up and acted foolishly. Realizing what she had and appreciating my friendship, she took a big step months later to reconcile.
Time is a wonderful thing, but you have to focus on yourself and care less about whoever has hurt you. Stay strong all!
@Nell she did end up getting mad. Her exact response was: “you’re crazy I’m not even going to read that.” So I responded “you won’t read an apology? Ok. I still wish you two the best of luck even if you are acting this way.” Maybe that was a little too harsh but the old me wouldn’t have stayed so calm after all the disrespect she has shown me. I do think he gave her his phone only because he hates having a jealous controlling girlfriend and it’s just easier to hand the phone over than argue about it. He would have done the same if I had ever asked even though I know he secretly hated when I got jealous like that. He can be a bit of a pushover but keeps saying he won’t date girls that do this crap. She is way more dramatic than I ever was so there’s that.
Does he really want a divorce or are you guys just doing a separation? I think it could be nice if you got to see him face to face again to talk all of this through and see what is really going on with him. That’s weird your friend offered the photo. Maybe she knows he is missing you and wanted to test the waters to see if you still have feelings for him? That’s very odd. Keep focusing on you for now and I think you will have more answers than questions soon.
@ThePhoenix All of what you say makes sense. I just need to figure out how to make the move from feeling depressed, hurt and wanting him back so badly to truly believing that I deserve better and can find it. Right now that seems like an insurmountable obstacle. I have a very hard time letting go, not just in relationships and I give anything I really care about my all which is why I’m having such a tough time with this. It can be done, but I feel like by giving up or letting go, I’m giving up any hope that he will come back down the road. Along with feeling that if I do, all of it was a lie and that hurts so much (sorry for repeating myself. I know I must seem like all I do is go on about how miserable and heartbroken I am and have no spine. Deep down I know I wont feel this way forever and that I do deserve better, its so hard to see right now. Everything seems hopeless. What my mind knows, the heart doesn’t want to listen).
I also tend to go out of my way for people I care about and end up getting walked all over. I take things to heart, sometimes too much and some may say I’m too sensitive but that’s who I am.
@ThePhoenix It never ceases to amaze me how much alike our ex’s are. My ex is extremely guilty of deflection (pointing fingers), which my therapist brought up. It’s a shame that they can’t take some responsibility for themselves and look inside. It’s sad really. I think you have a good head on your shoulders and you sound strong and in a great frame of mind. I really admire you for that!
@knitterz She totally read your message, lol, whatever. She sounds like a real piece of work. I don’t think what you said was too harsh. Kudos on not showing any upset and wishing them both well. I’m sure that made her mad too. Her behavior is going to make you look better and better without you even having to try. She must be exhausting to put up with.
My ex won’t talk about anything except divorce and how we are going to do it. He won’t talk about us, the relationship, nothing. He messaged me a few days after the breakup trying to push me into talking about divorce and me moving back home to my family. Great guy right? Way to give a person time to let all that sink in. He’s out of the country for another 3 months or so. I’m going to do NC until then, and when he gets back he’ll have to get his stuff, so we will see each other at that point. When my friend mentioned the photo she made a joke about it, said I could throw darts at it. I laughed it off and said while it was tempting, I’ll pass. But really, it still seems odd to me. I had the same thought you did about it but I didn’t want to over think it or get my hopes up over anything.
I’ve been having dreams about my ex lately and it’s really throwing me off. I had decided that I wanted to move on and didn’t want him back, but the dreams are giving me mixed emotions. In one dream he came to get his stuff, but had to stay over for some reason. He took and shower and walked around the apartment naked, and then tried to get me to sleep with him. In another, we had reconciled and were renewing our vows! Ugh. These dreams are making it so hard right now, and it sucks that I can’t control them.
You’re preaching to the choir hon. Trust me, I am a very determined woman and I don’t like to feel like I’ve failed at something. I do not give up easily. But the way I see it this is not giving up, it’s enduring and growing into something more. I waited 2 years to be able to date my now ex. 2 years. Did I sit around just chasing after her, let my life revolve around her? No. I lived my life. I too go out of my way to help those I care about, and even those I hardly know. It’s just how I was raised.
Life can be like driving at night sometimes. You can only see but so far ahead of you as your lights only show but so much of the road. You have to go a bit at a time. Drive too fast and you’ll overdrive your headlights and have problems. Sometimes we hit patches of fog and have to slow down and can’t see quite as well. But with patience, we still get by.
Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. Humans are creatures of habit. I’ve heard the way to make something permanent is to do it 21 times. When you wake up in the morning get out of bed, take a shower, get dressed and ready for the day. I know even that could be a challenge, but you’ve just got to do it. When you’re done, stand in front of a mirror and strike the classic Wonder Woman pose. You would not believe how much confidence that can give you and I believe it’s been scientifically proven to be helpful. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how confident, happy, strong, and successful you are, and whatever else needs to be said. Smile when you do it. Do this enough times, at least 21 days preferably, and you will start to change how your brain fires. It’s really helping you in the long run. 
When I first started NC, I was determined not to sulk all the time. Whenever I ventured out to run errands and the like, I would make myself smile and put a pep in my step. It paid off immensely. Perfect strangers would pick up on it and smile, wave, and greet me. In return, that just made me feel even better and it became a genuine display. Heck, some days I had encountered people that were total grumps who smiled and it seemed to help them more than me. Contagious. Fake it until you make it.
@Nell It really is quite coincidental! But as I’ve been told, it catches up at some point. So we’ll see how that goes in time. You, too, sound like you’ve got a great noggin! It’s interesting for us to sit back and work on ourselves while exes are off on a great snipe hunt!
Dreams are a strange thing. I’ve had a few with my ex, which is funny as I never really dreamed of her before. But hey, it’s just your brain trying to work through things. It can really throw you off, but take it as a good sign that your brain is actually sorting through things.
@Nell I really hope so. I don’t even understand her problem honestly, if she has to be that jealous and freak out over me then she must know he is still in love with me. I think my ex is going through a quarter life crises right now, hanging out with much younger people (18-19) and partying too much. It sucks, but the more I have been looking back the past few months, the more I am convinced he still has strong feelings for me. This girl is a distraction. He always has had a delayed reaction to these types of things. He probably let her do all this and was acting fine with it, but knowing him they will get in a totally unrelated fight a month from now and he will bring it up and be mad at her for it. That’s what always happened with us. How come he can be friends with his other ex girlfriends though? Even the one he has way way more history with than me? I don’t know anything about this girl, I haven’t cared to ask actually. I don’t even know her name, but I can assume she is really young and immature.
I went on a really nice first date last night and we ended up going to a party his friends were having. I had a really great time with everyone, but one of his close friends is his ex girlfriend from a long time ago. Everyone was looking at me like is she going to be jealous? but honestly it wasn’t a problem for me at all. I think that is a good sign as I have worked through my jealousy issues in therapy and now its becoming really obvious that I can actually be in those situations and not care. It was a really nice feeling.
Who knows what the future holds? I care deeply for my ex and no matter what I do to pretend I don’t have feelings, I still do and I still want to be with him in the future. I just have to keep moving forward. I am counting today as NC day 5 because I don’t think it counts when his girlfriend and I talked? Hopefully he has a lot of time over the next few months dating this girl and seeing that she really isn’t all that great. His birthday is coming up soon and I don’t plan on reaching out to him. Last year, he was a total jerk to me on his birthday and I still made it as special as possible for him. His favorite cupcakes, knitted him a few really special things he loved, when he drank too much and vomited on himself I rubbed his back and then cleaned him up. The next day he apologized for being so mean and I just told him I loved him and none of that mattered. I doubt his new girlfriend is going to be able to be so loving to him this year and I think that will be when he really starts to notice I am gone and be sad.
That’s a bummer about your ex. I wonder why he can’t even talk to you about all of this when he gets home? I think he may just be confused how he is feeling since you two haven’t seen each other in person for so long. When he comes home and gets his stuff, you should play it cool and act like a friend would, asking how his trip was, wishing him luck etc. Maybe you could be the first person to bring up divorce papers? Ask him when is a good time to discuss it and get the paperwork started. I know that sounds crappy since you don’t really want a divorce, but it might light a fire in him telling him that he messed up and you are great without him. He sounds like he isn’t really thinking it through and so wants to just get everything done as soon as possible so he doesn’t have to face his decision.
That is really weird your friend was giving you the picture to throw darts at, I wonder if she was sent to see how angry or upset you still are with him. I think now more than ever it will be good for you to show strength and act as if you don’t care about him that way anymore. As for him trying to get you to move back home, that is crappy and you should bring up to him your house is just as much yours as his. I’m not totally sure, but I think while you two are still married you can probably sell the house by yourself and then just later give him half the money so you can be out on your own feet. That would be really hard, but it could be good for you and it would really show him you are doing great. Everyone talks about “winning” the breakup which is really dumb, but it could actually work in your favor if you show him you “won” when he walked away.
As for the dreams, I think we all have those sometimes. I dream of my ex like once a week right now. It used to be a lot more, but now it doesn’t happen as often. Some of the dreams have been us getting back together, some have been us running into each other five years down the road and he realized he made the biggest mistake of his life and immediately proposes, some have been me running into him after some time and I am happily married to someone else, some have been of us fighting and never speaking again. Super weird, but we can’t really look too much into those types of dreams. They are just our brain’s way of processing the pain. Maybe try drinking some tea thats made for sleeping before bed or taking a sleeping pill. Remembering dreams often is a sign that you aren’t getting enough deep sleep, so maybe you just need to be extra sleepy when you go to bed.
@ThePhoenix I really like your analogy of driving at night (even though I don’t drive :P). It reminds me of a Martin Luther King Jr. quote ‘You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step’.
It may sound cheesy but a couple of years ago I saw a psychic. She read my palm & told me that in terms of relationships I would have a major one that I thought was ‘the one’ but wouldn’t be & would end in heartache before the one meant for me came along. This person would bring me little gifts & people back from my past.
I thought this most recent one was ‘the one’, he brought me little gifts, went out of his way for me etc. and there had been someone before him I was thinking was the ‘mistake’ she had mentioned. But in the back of my mind I knew that I’d never really fallen for the previous person, never really thought he was the one.
In times that I’m a little bit stronger, I wonder whether this ex is the mistake, as much as it hurts, and then the person meant for me will come along. Hopefully soon.
I’m trying to see the psychic again and ask if she can tell but so far it seems she only works at farmers markets during the summer.
@HeatherJane82 I’ve heard that quote many times recently! And it’s not silly. I’ve spoken to a psychic recently as well and he told me a lot of things that were spot on. It was kind of creepy just how spot on they were, but I cannot go into detail just yet. All good things in time.
In the meantime, try to enjoy life as it unfolds. Often in life when we seek out an answer so desperately we miss what’s going on around us. Hang tough, hon!
@knitterz It does make me wonder if her being that way is because of your ex still having feelings, she might be picking up on that, or outright noticing it depending on how obvious it is. I also think it could be partially that she is insecure. People like that sometimes do the things she is doing if they have low self esteem or feeling insecure in some way. I agree that she sounds young and immature. If she isn’t young, well, yikes!
The date sounded nice! It’s good that you are getting out and dating and having a good time. That’s great that you noticed some positive changes after putting in work on yourself. It’s a little off putting that the people at the party would just assume you would be put off about your date’s ex, but I think that says more about them than you. It showed your maturity and your confidence that it didn’t get to you. It sounds like you gave your ex a really great birthday last year, and I’m sure he won’t forget it. I doubt new girl will be able to top that and I’m sure he will notice. I can’t imagine having a fun birthday with a girl like that, haha.
Last time we spoke my ex wanted to talk about divorce and I brought up a lot of stuff that he hadn’t thought of or looked into. I’m sure it surprised him that I’ve been doing my research. He told me he was going to look into some things I mentioned and then get back to me but he never did, haha, I think he was angry. You are not the first person who has told me that about him not thinking it through and having to face the decision. Most everyone I’ve spoken to about us has said the same thing! It’s typical of him too. He is notorious for not thinking things through and then regretting his decisions later. He also has the delayed reaction thing that you mentioned with your ex. He used to bring things up a month later like you said, and then we would get in fights over stupid crap that I thought we had already worked past.
The friend I mentioned with the picture, she is actually the girlfriend to his good friend that is out of country with him. So, it would make sense if they are trying to use her as a go between. I have my ex and all his family completely cut off of social media, so the only way he could find anything out about me would be through her. It will be interesting to see if she mentions him or the pic again next time we hang out. I make it a point not to ask about him or bring him up unless she does, and even then I joke or laugh things off and let her know I’m ready to move on. If she does pass anything on to my ex, the only thing she would be able to tell him is that I seem happy and we hung out and had a good time.
The whole thing with him trying to get me to move back home really has a lot to do with him not thinking this all out and not wanting to deal with anything. It’s like he wants me to do all the work and then disappear and then he won’t have to lift a finger or go through any of the tough work of a split. I never used to dream about my ex much. I had a few nightmares after the split where he left me somewhere and abandoned me. These new dreams seemed to come out of nowhere which really threw me off. I’ve been taking melatonin to help me fall asleep at night and it works really well. I think you are on to something about the deep sleep though. I’ve been getting woken up a lot from noisy neighbors at all hours, so that would make a lot of sense.
I am having a really hard time with NC. This is day 14. I got robbed yesterday at knife point and am having overall a really really bad week. And my roommates are not making it any easier.
I keep picturing myself walking over to my ex’s. I miss him and I am having a hard time going through the hard stuff solo.
Help. 
I guess that only now I’m actually accepting and realising she’s gone for good. I still love her, still check her things, still think about her all the time, etc but I’m starting to accept it ended and that she moved on for good and is time for me to get on with it too. What do you guys think?
@Nell I would think she is young. My ex has been going through a sort of quarter life crises with himself, not knowing what he wants to do with his life and feeling really lost. After our breakup, he felt like he didn’t really have friends as all of his best friends are married. He ended up starting to hang out with a bunch of straight from high school kids because they all thought he was super cool and mature haha. He probably met her through them. I feel like she must have some major problem because literally days before meeting her he was in tears saying he would be heartbroken if we couldn’t stay friends. When I flat out asked him when all of this started if he wanted me out of his life forever he said that he never said that. I think she has him on a short leash. I feel really lonely and sad tonight, I am feeling hopeless again. I know it will pass and I know that all of this will be good in the long run because he will see I wasn’t so bad after all. I know the more time he forces the feelings to happen with her, the more he will appreciate what we had all over again. It is just really hard, especially since he didn’t break up with his rebound until I got back into his life again and he faced the fact that he still has these huge feelings for me.
I did have fun on my date, I really enjoyed hanging out with him and his friends. My self improvement I have always thought I could do on my own, but after a little while all the same problems would happen again once I had to live those situations again. It has been a huge step for me to see that now after months and months of therapy I have been able to really live the changes in my life. The crappy part though is that all of these issues are ones that pop up in a relationship and not in other parts of my life, so how exactly am I supposed to show my ex I truly have changed, if I ever even get to be back in his life that is. Ugh. Gotta get out of my own head. Luckily work is crazy busy this week, so I won’t have much time to ponder things. Unfortunately, since work is so busy, I can’t hang out with anyone this week so all of my downtime is already on my ex.
I think its a great thing you have that woman in your life, it definitely seems as if she is supposed to be the spy. Making sure you aren’t moving on faster than your husband. I bet when she reports back it drives him nuts that you are obviously doing so well. I feel like you are doing really well with all of this. Your husband didn’t think any of this through and just made a random decision. He thought you would be a mess and would beg him back, be miserable without him. Now he sees he was totally wrong and it is making him overthink. Hopefully he is going to start actually thinking things through. When you speak to him next I think you should bring those same things up again and ask if he researched them yet. If not, put a little bit of pressure on him and act as if you can’t have a drawn out conversation because you are so busy with everything else. He will come running, maybe not yet, but he definitely is going to regret this decision.
I hope you start sleeping better soon. I feel like not sleeping well and having intense dreams seriously affects your thoughts and moods the rest of the day. I’m sending out good thoughts for you to sleep peacefully tonight and not dream of your ex.
@heartbreak21 I’m sorry to hear that you were robbed, that sounds very upsetting and frightening. I hope you were not hurt? Getting through the split from an ex is difficult enough but having other life problems on top can make it feel so much worse. It’s normal to want to go to your ex for support, especially if they were the one who was always there for you in the past. Do you have some good trustworthy friends or family you can turn to right now? If you haven’t, I would suggest looking into some sort of therapy or counseling, not just for breakup but maybe for the robbery as well, sometimes you can even find support groups. What issues are you having with your roommates? Take it a day at a time. Focus on yourself and doing what you need to in order to feel better. Find someone to talk to that you trust. Realize that things may be really rough right now, but they will get better, and this won’t last forever. When you find that you are having to go it alone, know that you are strong and you can get through this and in the end it will make you stronger.
@archola I think it would be best for you not to check on her. It can be difficult to focus on other things as well as ourselves when we are constantly focused on our ex. I heard something today that I think is true for most of us: rejection breeds obsession. I think a lot of us, myself included, have gone through this after the breakup and in order to focus on ourselves we have to work through and conquer that obsession (the ex). With acceptance and moving on we can find in ourselves a strength that we didn’t know we had. When I decided that I wanted to move on and I came to terms and accepted the breakup it felt devastating at first, but it felt better with each new day. I think you can find some peace of mind and open yourself up to many new and wonderful things in the process. Who knows, maybe once you have moved on and you are living a happy life, she may come back to you, and you will have to decide if you even want her at that point.
@knitterz I’m sorry you are feeling lonely and sad. Do you find that you feel more like that on weekends? I do. It’ll pass soon, it’s just tough in the meantime, I know. Lately, I’ve been really embracing the positive aspects of being alone. I’ve been trying to maximize the whole doing whatever I want to thing, and it’s quite nice. I was in such a ltr and often went along with whatever my ex wanted, so to have freedom to make my own choices is a joy. In particular I’ve been listening to a lot of music and got back into reading, both of which fell to the wayside when I was with my ex.
It does seem like the new girl has him on a short leash, I was thinking the same thing. He has to be feeling confused if he was upset and didn’t want you out of his life and then this new girl comes along and essentially blocks almost all contact with you. I imagine that could cause some resentment on his part towards her sooner or later.
I think it’s awesome that you’ve made such great progress with your therapy and putting those changes into practice. I can see how that would be frustrating not being able to show him your changes, but you should feel really great knowing that whether you end up back with him or with someone new in the future, you will be able to do better and put everything you learned into action when the time comes.
Thank you. 
I definitely feel like I’m more moody and emotional when my sleep is messed up. When they say to take care of yourself after a breakup, I think we all should really take it more seriously. It makes such a huge difference getting enough rest, exercise, and eating right. I hope you feel better tomorrow and less hopeless. I think it’s good that you will be busy, definitely less time to think and dwell. Hopefully you can find some ways to keep your mind off your ex during your downtime.
@Nell I feel like that at nights. I have never liked sleeping alone, ever, and so it was like a dream come true living with my ex. He would hold me all night in our bed and would tell me I would never have to sleep alone again etc. Pretty much every night I have the thought go through my head that I am sleeping alone yet again in this big empty apartment by myself and who knows if I will ever get to feel as safe as I did with my ex again. It sucks and there isn’t much to do but tell myself it will pass. I embraced being alone for the first month or so after the breakup, eating the foods he didn’t like and watching the shows I never did with him and stuff like that, but that feeling passed for me a long time ago. I know he will eventually resent this girl, but he has in the past had a hard time breaking up with his girlfriends after he stops wanting to be with them, so I have literally no idea how long it is going to take him to break up with her. His ex from before me, he was ready to break up right around the one year mark and they actually were together for 3 years in total. He only broke up with his rebound after me because I came back into his life and made him talk to me in person about something.
I don’t know what would be better in this situation, to just completely leave him be and let him be with her and forget me, or to give him reminders sometimes. His birthday is going to be right around 40 days of NC, so should I mail him a birthday gift or a card? Or should I send him a quick email the day of and just wish him happy birthday? Or should I say nothing at all? What has been tripping me up is that the true reason we broke up was he didn’t think I treated him right and didn’t spend enough time trying to make him happy. So does that mean that now I should do little things for him here and there to remind him I care or just walk away? It’s really confusing.
I’m glad you are rediscovering your passions. That is always good. What have you been reading lately? I have started reading the first Outlander book and it is really really good. You could try and read a few chapters of a good book before bed to help you sleep better? Or even if it doesn’t help you sleep you may end up having dreams about the book instead of your ex. Maybe we could have a heartbroken book club haha. Anyways, I hope you are feeling better and have been getting more rest the past few days!
@knitterz
I feel for you. I’m trying to look at your situation from my point of view of being a male… I’m thinking since “most” guys like to chase (although I hate it lol) you’d know best if your ex is like that? If so, you could drop him a happy bday text “happy bday! Hope all is well” make it sound like it’s coming from a place of happiness and you just happened to remember it’s his bday.
If he responds back with a “thank you” just don’t reply. Make him want to chase you since you’ve essentially opened up the lines of communications. See what happens. Give it a week I bet he texts again. If not I wouldn’t worry.
Honestly it’s up to you if you want your ex back, lots of people say go NC forever. But I don’t know if it works for EVERY situation. For example, mine. I know going NC wouldn’t benefit me. My ex thinks I used her (somehow) and that I didn’t appreciate her. So if I did NC it’d just continue to support her beliefs.
What I did was I made contact after three weeks which turned ugly she flipped out on me, pent up emotions. I then wait a little over a week and sent an apology email which diffused the situation. Look up “clean slate apology” I used that in the email.
Since then I’ve been slowly trying to establish contact via texts and treating her as a new prospect minus flirting, trying to build comfort up but even when she responds it’s never much I can work with so I know she has walls up. But honestly I feel more confident about texting every now and then and testing the waters. Who knows what will happen though.