No Contact Annoymous - Share your struggles with keeping NC

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861

@Martin

There’s been a noticeable change in my ex too, both in attitude and appearance (for the worse, imo). I’ve been trying to read her actions recently and I can’t tell if she’s really as happy as she’s making out to be (with her new guy) or if at least some of it is just for show (she still follows/is followed by most of my family on facebook, instagram & snapchat). On christmas morning, like literally first thing, she send my mother a private message on facebook wishing us all a happy christmas. Not much to read into I guess, but the fact that she reached out to my mum at least shows that I/we are still in her thoughts.

All I can suggest is we just keep going. We may grow to dislike the change(s) in our ex over time and simply start not caring, but either way we ourselves just need to play it cool. Early January will mark the end of my second attempt at NC, but I plan to go much longer than that!

862

Hey all,

It has been six days since I last contacted my ex. I approached her with the idea (after seven months of being broken up) of dating and getting to know each other again. For those that havent read my story, my ex would spend nights on the phone with me, text me like crazy, say she lives me as more than a friend etc. The last great convo we had lasted for four hrs. she had been seeing someone for a little less than a month and expressed some concern over her relationship hopping but said overall she wants to see where this new relationship goes. She likes this new guy but doesnt have hardcore feelings like butterflies or anything like that. She became emotional over some things we talked about and I thought I made some progress with her. A friend told me to ask her to date me before she became exclusive with this new guy. So I did. It didnt go well. Mostly she said “idk. Im pursuing Eric. You know that. Idk. I dont want that relationship. Etc etc etc” she became somewhat hostile and stressed out. I knew I made a mistake. It was too soon for her. She said she doesnt have a negative perception of me but it was extremely apparent she does and of our past relationship. It was like even though im only asking to date, shes only heard RELLATIONSHIP. So I told her that I cant be her friend and that Im choosing to move on. I also put slight blame on her for not trying to fix anything. Then I said good luck. It was through a facebook message. She sent a thumbs up emoji back. Lol I think I pissed her off. She texted me later saying she was bothered by what i said.

Here’s my struggle: In past conversations she would become agitated and stressed out if we talked about what she contributed to the downfall of the relationship. She would alsobsay a lot that ill be better without her and that she isnt good for me. She’s said that so many times, I couldn’t begin to count them.

I am trying to provoke her missing me through NC because just after two weeks of NC she would be dying to talk to me and has had the fear I will disappear from her life. My last resort is indefinite NC. I just hope my last ‘moving on’ message didnt reinforce her thinking that we shouldn’t be together. But I cant write or text her (especially after her not sending me a merry xmas text) because I want her to know what it’s like without me. To know that I wont just sit back and let her say and do things that show she still very much loves me but yet dates others to explore life outside of me.

Im sorry if this is all over the place. Im struggling a bit today. I havent been positive at all. Im working on being positive and thankful to receive great things back. (Universal Laws type thing).

Idk. Just playing the same old record. Again. Im sad. And yet numb.

863

@LAbound I have kept up to date with your story and you are in a very similar place to whete I am.

My Ex told me about a rebound relationship that she was in during October. She ended that relationship during the NC period that I had with her in November.

I believe that this was the 2nd rebound relationship that my Ex had been in since I dumped her 6 months ago now. I currently fear that she could be looking at getting in to a 3rd rebound, as it seems like she is afraid of giving it a real go at patching things up properly with me (ie: arranging to spend some quality time with me) yet she also comes across as being unable to cope on her own.

She tells me that she really, really wants me to stay in her life, that I have a great connection with her and her daughter, that I meant everything to her, that I still manage to sweet talk her etc. She has also asked recently if I say some of the things that I do because it’s what she wants to hear?

All very confusing when they tell you all of this stuff. Approach you before anyone else when something is bothering them yet seem unable or unwilling to take the next step by allowing you to spend some time with them.

I have even been told “hopefully we can share that cuddle sometime in the New Year” by my Ex and she has hinted at meeting up in the future more than once.

In October I gave her a choice between us simply deciding on being friends and no more. I asked her if she would be upset if she never saw me again but I became like a modern day pen pal and stayed in touch by messaging her every so often. She replied that she would be gutted if that happened. At the same time she seemed unable to let me know if or when we might be able to arrange to spend some time with eachother again. Her rathet unbelievable response was something along the lines of “I’m not admitting anything but you mean too much - of course I’d be upset. We talk nearly every day and I miss you a lot.”

I am sure from what you say @LAbound that your Ex is missing you tremendously already. It’s a tough call to make. I myself feel like another long period of NC is best for me, but after a recent conversation with my Ex I am not so sure it would be the best thing for my relationship with her or her daughter. Therefore, perhaps I just need to remain strong and carry on with normal.contact or LC? I just hope I can handle it and I am not making the wrong call again though.

For your info @LAbound my Ex recently told me that what upsets her most about is that I just assume things and get things wrong. That I have assumed the worst of her since I dumped her and that I am often not right. She also told me that it upset her that we had been unable to continue speaking to eachother for longer than a few weeks without having another bust up since I split us up. I can therefore understand why she is afraid and why she might be testing me to see if I get angry or intolerant again.

Anyway, hope some of this helps and continue to update me on how it is all going for you.

864

@sparky

I feel you. The last couple of days I haven’t beem too sad, amd yoday I seem to be going through a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions. Ive been numb…trying not to concentrate on anything to do with my ex. Ive been through anger…not understanding why I am not worth the fight when she has told me, even after the breakup, that I am amazing amd she lovese like crazy. And Ive told myself a few times tonight that my ex is not worth it. That she doesn’t really love me and if she ever came back… how could I ever trust her with my heart again. Then, Ive been through acceptance in between. Lol im a mess today. I just looked at my ex’s facebook. A friend tagged her in a pic that was taken about 30 min ago. I cried. She’s so beautiful and I just sat there thinking “I should be by her side”. Ive decided that I am staying off of social media and all that. It doesn’t help.

I need to fill my time up. I have too much time to sit and think. Ive also decided that I am getting a whole new look. Ive let myself become a bit plain.

NC. Day 7. I want love again. I want to be sharing my life again. She’s fine without me it seems. Good for her.

865

@LAbound, i have been following your story closely and i really thick you made the right decision, no matter how hard it is. i don’t think you need to think of it as NC indefinitely (i think anywhere from 3-6 months you can maybe reach out to check in), but for now she needs to sort out her feelings with this new guy and figure out what she wants. if i remember correctly she has said maybe in the future a reconciliation could occur but she isn’t ready yet. she knows how you feel that you still love her and want to reconcile, but i think she is respecting your decision for space and that is the most mature way to handle this situation. she might be back and she might not, but unfortunately only time will tell. this will probably be one of the most painful things to go through but i really do think it will help your chances in the long run. try to think of it was as win-win situation: either after some time she will really miss you and realize she wants to resume the relationship and she will be back, or you will move on and find someone who appreciates and loves you. good luck :slight_smile:

866

@atea,

Thank you. That uplifted my spirits a bit.

I think what you said is what I need to do.

Hows your situation going?

867

so i actually broke NC yesterday - needed to text my ex for a password for a website we both shared. i was very upbeat and friendly - didn’t bring up the relationship at all. he asked me a lot of questions about how id been, how finals went, and how my weekend away visiting friends was last weekend (he must have seen photos on Facebook). i answered very positively and asked how he’s been to which he said he’s been good working a lot and this week on vacation with his family. there was no talk of the past relationship or of meeting up but i was happy to see him making an effort to keep the conversation going and being very friendly. the conversation ended with us talking about a tv show we both love in which we said we should discuss when it starts in a few weeks. i don’t plan on breaking NC again right now but i think the friendly, light and breezy conversation might encourage him to reach out to me in the future. I’m trying to take a day by day approach - if i have something to discuss with him, i will, but i won’t reach out for no reason and i have promised myself that i will not bring up the relationship or discuss his thoughts on it until at least the end of march - any convo before then i will just keep light and upbeat. my birthday is end of april also so i know i can count on contact from him then if i haven’t had some before so if we haven’t re-evaluated or met up by then, i will ask him to meet up. however, i will not ask him to meet up until at least march and see how i feel then. one day at a time. i am not over it by any means but starting to feel more back to myself and let things unfold naturally and be patient (something very hard for me!). I’ve had the realization that i don’t really think it matters so much my approach for getting him back - the lines of communication are open between us and he will come back when he’s ready. as long as i don’t beg or ask i don’t think texting him occasionally and being friendly would push him away. just hoping he’s ready sooner rather than later but realizing now he must come to this conclusion on his own without my help

868

@atea

You seem to have it all figured out. :slight_smile: good for you.

I am bouncing back n forth between wanting my ex and yet not wanting her. When I really think about things, I dont see how she could say she loves me. Other times, I try to understand that ppl go through things and she’s confused. Not just about me but even about who she is.

Can I really blame her?

869

i feel the same way as you @labound. i have resentment over the way things ended and sometimes i feel like i should want to be with someone who has no doubts and who doesnt let me go to “explore”. but on the other hand, i really do think we have a very special connection and we did meet very young and i understand some people really do feel the need to look around before settling down. especially in my situation. he doesnt want another relationship, but wants time to be single and just look around to confirm if I’m the right choice. part of me can’t blame him and i know if we do come back from this our relationship will be stronger. people go do through things. for me, i think it will depend how long it takes. if he comes back in less than a year i think i will forgive him but longer than that i think it will be too far long gone.

870

I feel the same.as both of you @LAbound and @atea1234

I really don’t know what to do for the best and more NC really does seem like the easy option, but is it the right one for me do you think?

She has specifically pointed out that what has upset her about me most is that since I dumped her I have made assumptions and been unable to continue speaking to her for longer than 5 or 6 weeks before we have an argument and find it difficult to speak to eachother for a while.

We have been speaking again since I ended NC on the 30th November and yet again I am finding it difficult to continue talking to her. I get the impression that she is perhaps testing me to see if I will start mistrusting her again but everything points to a lacķ of commitment from her and that she is looking to see somebody new again at the minute. I feel like she just wants me on standby until she finally fully wakes up to herself and I can only see more heartache.

I don’t want to jump to any more conclusions though.

I don’t know which way to turn.

871

Day 17… This is not getting easier… I still see him everytime I close my eyes… Not knowing anything is a terrible torture… My mind goes into bad places… I see him loving another girl… I see him happy with her… That should make me happy? But why do I feel that stabbing pain in my chest? I miss him so much I can’t breathe… And he’s planning a separate future from mine… Liar… A friggin liar… “we’ll be together forever” my butt
Why do I want him back so much…? God I need a time machine :cry:

872

Hi guys,

Coming up for 15 days into NC (half way through) and it is going fairly well. I will wait to see if this gets any replies before explaining my situation entirely but for the moment I thought I would ask when does an ex normally start contacting you? I am starting to get a little worried that she has made absolutely no attempt at contacting me (even a Facebook like for example) despite us ending relatively well and her claiming she wants us to remain close with the possibility of trying again in the future. Any opinions are appreciated!

873

Mine contacted me after 18 days although part of me is now left feeling that I wish she hadnt have bothered.

874

Why is that @Sparky?

875

@Rinitan I just feel lost. I don’t know whether it is worth me pursuing or not. We haven’t spoken in the last 48hrs again and I am left wondering if what she has said means anything.

See my previous posts for my full story.

I’m totally lost. I love her to bits and have no idea what to do for the best anymore. I feel paralysed!

876

@Sparky I hear you man, 18 days for me would January 1st so I do not think I will hear from her then as it would be to significant a date. Is it safe to assume that if your 30 days are up and your ex does not contact you, then there is no chance?

877

After 30 days, are you not supposed to create a false friendship? Texting how they are, what are they up too…building it up slowly until they have trust. If no response then leave it another 30 days.
It depends how much you want to chase it and what kind of relationship you had and for how long. The shorter the relationship then the less history you have between you to keep you together.

878

@Belle I guess so. I will be straight with you, we were together for only 3 months but it was one of those times where we became intimate literally the moment we met. She literally phoned me up one Sunday morning saying we needed to meet, where she was almost crying saying that she did not want lose our relationship which to her seemed perfect to her if it was a year ago or year in the future but right now she had to focus on her studies. I totally understood (still do) and let her go.

A couple of days later I had a crisis that was nothing to do with her, however I went to her naturally (stupid I know) seeing how close we had become. She was lovely and I got a bit carried away in the moment so asked her if there was a chance we would try again in the future to which she said maybe. She seemed so casual and not bothered despite how she was at the break up only a few days before. The weirdest part is that was 15 days ago, and despite her saying how she wanted us to stay close has made no attempt at contacting me. Any thoughts?

879

Day 18 of NC

I’ve decided that I don’t want my ex back. I’m still coming here for support though, as I don’t feel in the right place to communicate with him yet. I’m still dealing with conflicting emotions. I may even try to go for 60 days of NC, we’ll see.

He messaged me a week ago (this was the 2nd time,he messages every 7-8 days) and I told him (again) to give me time and space. He keeps pushing me to talk to him and it’s frustrating that he isn’t respecting my boundaries.

It’s also a constant struggle dealing with all the outsiders. Anyone else have that problem? I’ve about had it with people (family, friends, etc.) trying to give unsolicited advice about what they think I should do right now.

880

Marcus1

Sometimes when relationship happen too quickly you don’t see things properly. It’s lust. It can burn out pretty quick but the attraction is probably still there.
Because it happened quickly she might be unsure of her feelings towRds you now.

Give it some time and drop her a text to maybe keep a friendship going and see where it goes.

Learn by the experience and if things don’t work out with her, next girl that comes along take it slow to build up solid foundations.

Nell
Can’t help I’m afraid. I wish my ex would contact me! As for family and friends, they will soon enough keep quiet!