Needing help please

reconciliation
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I posted this yesterday but my post is still waiting moderation and would like some input on the matter. Will be as details as possible.

My ex and me dated for 4 1/2 yrs. We had up and downs but we always manage to make it trough. I been there for her thick and thin and she has been there for me as well.

Around end of November things started getting a bit colder from her end. So early December i tried to spark the fire again. I got her something that i knew she would like and

with it i told that i wanted things to work out for us, that we had up and downs but i cared and love her and i wanted us to try. Along the way i tried setting dates and moments for us to enjoy together, few did worked out but not many. As December kept rolling by and January came i started to notice things getting colder. Despite my continued effort she barely reacted to it. I noticed that she was more attached to her phone and caring little for the relationship.

Late January came when she told we should stop dating and give each other some time to get ourselves together and go from there. I didn’t want to be selfish so i agreed to give her the time she needed. As the days and weeks when by we still spoke to each other, still hanged out and even kissed at times.

First weekend on February came along. Superbowl day. I noticed that throughout the whole game she was texting 2 guys. One more constant than the other. I didnt bother at the

moment with it as we were not “together” and we were rather friendly all along cuddling with each other and kissing often. That same night i asked her about it and she said that it was an old friend but it wasn’t nothing related to talking to another guy in hopes of dating.

A week later she goes out to visit a friend in another city (Saturday). The day before she left we had planned out a night out which she cancel on me. We texted all Saturday morning and all of the sudden the texts stop after noon, nothing on Sunday either and nothing until Monday, when she text me we were over, done and this was it. As usual, i did the begging, crying and that usual routine on this kind of scenarios. It was hard for me to the point that i ended in the hospital.

As the days when by i stared to recover and she called me the next day as she found out i was in the ER. She was still determined to end things regardless. The days when by and i

meet her on Saturday to help out with few things and we when out Sunday. I tried to give her distance and towards the end when i attempted to hold her hand. She avoid it doing so thus i left it as that.

Throughout the weeks we still text although not much, we didn’t spoke on the phone and we would still hand out on the weekends a bit. Towards the end of February she when out to

visit her friend again. That same weekend i found she was seeing another guy on another city. I confronted her about it and all she said it wasnt like what i thought, that they been only talking for 3 weeks. Once more i left it as that.

Recently (last weekend, March 14) she had mention she was going to go and spend time with her dad for a few days as she was stress out. The day before we out for a few mins, i filled up her gas tank and spoke to her for a bit. We kissed before she departed and i saw her for a few mins that same night to say goodbye.

Some how i felt something was wrong. I know this girl for almost 5 years and i wasn’t convinced that she was going to do go see her dad. Sunday (March 15) i started digging around and what i found wasn’t pleasant. I spoke with her dad to get confirmation and i kept digging I found out she has been dating this guy for months and been talking since December maybe November. The 2 times she when to see her friend she when to see this guy and the first time she when out see him, they got very intimated. Long before that, while we still dated she was already seeing him and meeting with him in places far from out area so none one will see them or recognized. They even got rather friendly and touchy on those days in January.

Im very sure they been talking since Nov/Dec and officially became a couple on January. When i found out all this. i felt disappointed, betray, extremely hurt and so much more.

I confronted her with the fact that they sex to which she constantly denied it. My desperation grew to the point that spoke with her new guy. And i present the proof to him as i saw it, that while we dated she was dating him and while she was away from him we still hanged out, and even kissed. It felt like we both got played but i got the worst of it.

Most likely that was my biggest mistake. As i grew more desperate i came to the point of reaching out to her brother via in order to talk to him. He ignored all day and it got to a point were she called and when at with me. Telling me to keep away from her family and her.I really love and cared for this girl and i been very hurt with how she handle everything an how she did everything. I know that i mess up in many aspect regarding my reaction but i never expect this from her. I knew she care for me and love me thus all this was unexpected.

I still care for her and deeply love her. I’m willing to forgive despite what she did. I just feeling a bit lost. Any advice will be greatly welcome. Sorry the long wall of text but figure may as well give all the details. Any question feel free to ask

Thanks All

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bump

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I am saying this to be completely honest, you need to go NC and do it fast. From what you said, yes she played you and yes that is a very hurtful thing to do. However, you are not giving her any space and are actually going far enough to be borderline stalking. You basically are using any mutual contacts to spy on her every action and are trying to use her family as informants. I cannot speak for them or your relationship with her family, maybe they want you two back together. But the problem isn’t in what they feel it is what she feels. And if you are doing all of these things what she is feeling is “My needy ex will not leave me and my family alone and I am resenting him for it”.

So go NC for a while, over a month probably, and use that time to get over some of these feelings of needing her. I know I sound harsh and I appologize, but you are killing any chance of reconciliation and all good feelings she has for you by acting like this. Let her do her own thing and you live your own life and when you are ready, then you can get to trying to win her back. But until then, put some space between you two since you both need it.

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Thanks for the advice. I know i when a bit over the top in the way i reacted. So far i’m on day 7 of the NC.

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Also there is a chance i could run into her this Friday, should i just say hi and continue or does anyone suggest anything else?

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bump

sorry for the constant bother. just seeking advice

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I think you should say hi if you both see each other, ignoring her seems childish if she knows you saw her. But don’t talk to her, just say hi and continue

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And she saw me from the distance and took off… i just left the place after that incident.

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Why do you still hang out with your ex? You do know you are just making it easier on this new guy right?

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If you stick around trying to be “friends” with your ex, the rebound person has a much easier time of it. The rebound person doesn’t have to be that emotionally supportive, because someone else is taking up the slack for him. A person who knows the dumper far better then him (you). This goes back and forth until the rebound learns enough to take over from you and that’s when you are pushed out.

So to all of you who has an ex with a new guy: get the hell out of there. Get as far away from them as possible!

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Well no im not sticking around. I haven’t spoken with her or seen her or text her in 9 days and i plan to stick to the NC. Yesterday was just a public event in town that there was a chances i could have run into her. We both have always taken part on it. She saw me from the distance at one point and just took off. In the event that we actually say face to face i was just gonna say hi and continue.

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Good. As long as you are aware of what it could mean when you stick around as a friend. Dont mind what she is doing. At this point everything is about YOU! You are going to become a better and more awesome person. If you do it well, she will regret it every day that she broke up with you.

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Thanks for the advice. I’m not planning to stick around as a friend, as mention i havent made any contact with her in several days and will keep as such for a while more. Maybe i’ll try reaching out mid/late May. Im determine to keep to the NC and better myself.

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She keep changing her profile pic on instagram to pics of her and him together. Is she trying to make jealous or hurt me or just showing that she is happy and such?

Also i do not have her as a friend on Insta, we just have mutual friends there and i run into her liking or commenting on some posts. I haven’t liked or commented on anything since i started the NC, just updated my profile pic on Saturday, that’s all i done so far…

I still cant understand how someone who said who care and love me so much and i care and love so deeply for could do this.

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No matter what the reason is, your strategy should be the same. 100% silence. Trust me, it will drive her crazy! :slight_smile:

You make the loudest voice, when you dont say anything! Remember that

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Thanks for the input. I will continue as i have so far. NC will continue for zero contact from my end, radio silence still in effect :slight_smile:

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She is planning another trip to now take her brother and others friends to meet the new guy. Every passing day this becomes more and more hurtful, she is being so public about it that is hard to not find out no matter how much i avoid it.

This is becoming kinda of hopeless, they been dating since December (we dated till later January) and i didnt find out till early March, they seem to be going more steady each passing day.

It really hurts since this girl meant so much to me and she play me really dirty, despite all i still lover her :frowning:

Im afraid this trip may bring them closer and it feels like she is trying to seek the approval on the new guys by those around her.

So far im on day 14 of the NC

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**

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Also should i be putting up pics and such in instagram, sharing what i been up to and such? or just regular quotes i stuff. i used to before but i stop in order to limit what she knows about me. we are not friends in instagram so she cant see my stuff but she may get wind of it via mutual friends.

Sorry for the constant bother… this past few days have been the hardest so far and its only been 2 weeks of NC. im still trying to understand why she did the things she did when she claimed she loved and i meant so much to her.

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I understand it is tuff right now.
What are your thoughts on this guy? Be honest now…
Is he a better guy for her then you are? You know what she is looking for in a man and what she values. In what areas do you think he wins, and in what areas do you think you win?

Let her date around with this guy. An “affair” like this normally dies after 6 months on avarage. So you have plenty of time to work on yourself and improve.
Right now she is in the honeymoon stage. Everything is just so wonderfull and in her mind he is the most wonderfull thing that ever happend. You know how it is in the beginning :slight_smile:
Right now she wont give you any thoughts what so ever.
At some point she might start to reach out. Just a classic “how are you doing” text. These texts will only be send to you out of guilt and to keep you around just in case this new guy doesnt work out.
But remeber: it takes a long time.
14 days NC is noting in this case. 3 months is nothing.
When an ex rebounds it takes longer for the feeling of “missing you” hits them.
You shouldnt expect anything to happend these next 6 months.