My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. It started with him just wanting to have a talk about our feelings and I ended
up telling him “lets just break up” not expecting to him to actually do it but he did. I begged him to take me back!
For the past 3 weeks he’s told me that he’s in doubt whether or not it was the right decision and we’ve been in contact
basically everyday since then. He’s contacted me and i’ve contacted him. 3 days ago i told him my heart couldnt
take the not knowing anymore, and that it was hurting so he told me that he was still in doubt but that for my sake
I should try to move on and act as though him and i are over.
When this happened he still said that he wasnt sure it was the right decision to break up but again that it was over.
He’s mentioned several times that he hopes that we’ll find each other again, and that we’ll get back together
because we had a really good relationship and a deep love for one another. He did also mention a few days after the break
up that he didnt feel like he could give me a relationship right now, and that he was confused with the situation
and didnt know what to do but that he wanted us to stay in contact.
We have seen each other twice since - i went by him with roses (was invited in so he didnt find it weird) and then we went on a date 5 days later.
(he says that the reason for the break up is because i was giving him doubts because he felt like i was always angry with
him and that I didnt appreciate his family enough and so he’s not sure whether he still loves me the way a boyfriend
should love a girlfriend) Side note - 3 days before we were planning a vacation together…
In our last conversation i told him that in order for me to get over him, i would need us to have no communication and that
I wouldnt contact him before i was over him and felt that we could be just friends.
So today I haven’t spoke with him in 3 days and trying the no contact for 30 days.
We were together for 4 years and we lived together. The day after the break up i moved almost all my things out except
the furniture and kitchen stuff and we havent talked about the items we own together. I just told him I’d let him know when i was ready.
Do you think I have a chance of getting him back? And will no contact for 30 days be enough? 3 days ago when he told me to move on, i had just asked him if he wanted to go on another date but he said he didnt think it was a good idea. Am i fooling myself into thinking there is a chance when there really isnt? Is he giving me hope because he’s scared of hurting me? …
I feel like the only way I can get through my day is if i feel a hope that him and i will get back together even though I know that we probably won’t because when he makes a decision he usually sticks with it.
The ideal would be that he contacts me first but since I told him to leave me alone, I highly doubt that will happen (he’s pretty stubborn). And now that I told him that I wouldnt contact him before I could just be his friend it now feels like i can never contact him because i dont want to be just his friend…
my suggestion would be to follow the no contact rule. then take it slowly like the 5 step plan says. I feel your pain, I was with my husband for 12 years. feel free to read my story if you like. you may have a chance at getting him back, since Im pretty sure he still has feelings for you. good luck and keep us posted.
Thanks for your reply! I feel like the hardest thing to do right now is to take it slowly. There is no doubt in my mind that he has feelings for me, but for him to take me back I need to somehow reignite his love… I feel like such a fool but i’m already planning what to do in 30 days Will for sure keep you updated!
No problem. It is really hard to take it slow, I feel your pain, but I guess it’s better to take it slow and have them back and get to keep them then it happening really fast and not have them for keep. It’s nice to know that he has feelings for you, your already ahead of the game. I understand what you mean and I feel the same way, I just don’t know how to do it or I may have already try to get him back, lol. why do you feel like a fool? That’s good that you already have a plan in action. and yes keep me posted.
Yes, definitely! The wait is just horrible… because it really could go both ways and the thought of never getting him back just kills me.
I feel like a fool because i’m constantly thinking about him, making plans in my head how to get him back, and what if the small hope that i’m clinging on to is just a waste… I don’t want to live my life without him in it and I feel as though I am to blame for him leaving me. I’m afraid that he comes to the conclusion that he’s better off without me… but i really want to make things work… I’d do anything for him…
you sound just like me, lol I feel exactly the same way, so I know how you feel. I wish I could have my husband in my arms right now but I have to be patient and wait unfortunately. I really do hope things do work out for you. I feel stuck between no contact and ending it since I already have limited contact with him and was thinking of ending it since my time was almost up but I’ve rarely done anything for myself and am starting to do it now. I don’t know what to do,how to act or react, to any of what’s going on and to him. I don’t know if I should email him the letter or telling him in person, I don’t even know how to go about writing it if anything. oh my i’m at a lost here. lol well keep us posted. remember think positive and be positive.
Let him be for now! I think that’s the best you can do
I’ll try to keep positive, but damn it’s hard. One minute I feel I can get him back and the next I feel like I’ve lost him forever. I really hope I can go for 30 days without contacting him…
So you mean not to contact him or what? I guess I miss what that suppose to mean. lol yes do, and yes it is very hard, but you can do it. I feel the same way, I was complaining and all,lol you can do it, just do you, you got this.
Nothing happened… I so wish he would contact me and the more days that I dont talk to him the more i miss him and think that my chances with him are done.
I feel the same way as I’m writing this as I’m losing him and just want to tell him that I love him, miss him, and want him back, this is so hard, I wanna cry, lol, but hang in there. I wonder if there’s others here who have felt the same way and can give us input on this. I really hope so. He probably misses you as much as you miss him as well. hang in there and be strong, you can do this. and remember your not alone as we are all going through this. we have each other for support.
Yes, it would be really great if others out there would give their input
Damn i’ve already spent like 3 hours crying today… I hope that he does, i’m scared that he’s keeping so busy that he doesnt have time to think of me
This is the hardest thing i’ve ever had to deal with. The thought of loosing him forever just tears me apart… Oh how i wish he’d just hurry up and tell me he loves me and wants me back lol
yes, at first it’s really, really hard, but as time goes by and passes it starts to get better but it still hurts. which it’s where I’m at now,lol…it’ll get better,you need some support from family and friends which is what I did and hang out. I also went shopping,lol. My husband always keeps busy with work,gym and school so I’m not sure how much time he’s had to miss me besides having time text other females. but he’ll most likely miss you. I know how you feel, lol, you sound just like me. stay strong and stay busy so you wont think about him, and at the same time you’ll be doing something good for yourself. btw when my husband left me he was already talking and texting with other females, my traitor cousin being one of them, he told me he “liked” her but that she was just a “friend”. when I asked her not to talk to him anymore, she stop talking to me, lol.crazy right? it’ll be fine. you can do this.
Ive been there and its completely normal your emotions are all over the place. In my opinion you have to become stronger at the end of NC and be ready to start communicating. I dont want to be harsh, but in my opinion things wont get better after finishing NC. Creating a false friendship when you are still in love is even harder than being in NC.
Currently im in the false friendship phase and want to scream how I feel, but im too scared it will backfire on you. In NC the risk is even bigger and if you start communicating too early you take the risk you will never get close to your ex. Be patient, cry if you like but stick to the plan. Tomorrow you will feel better.
Wow, what a mean cousin! And the fact that your husband did that to you, not nice but i guess we all make mistakes and have regrets! Sometimes it’s best to forgive and forget.
I think he does miss me, but small voices in my head keep coming back and saying “no no, he doesnt miss you… he’s sooo good without you. Now he can do as he pleases”… I really hope that I wont feel like this for next 6 months or however long I need to work to get him back
@Funkylicious: Thanks so much for your input! Is the best tactic always to start a false friendship? I was actually contemplating trying to follow my heart and not try the falsefriendship but rather try and casually date him (without him knowing we’re dating)… And if that doesnt work, give him more NC and then try the falsefriendship out.
How is your falsefriendship going besides the fact that you feel horrible? Is your ex taking the hint that it’s all for show or no?
I agree with you 100%. I feel the same way. Yeah, the messed up part was that she “was trying” to help", and I asked her to stop talking to him and she said she would, then I found out that they were talking behind my back and none told me. Also we grew up together since we were little and for her to do that really hurt, but i’m not concern about her. unfortunately I had a nightmare with her and my husband, that she was trying to use my jealousy against me. lol, thank God it was just a nightmare. funny thing is she had just left her husband of 12 years around the same time as well. but at the end getting my husband back is all that matter to me. not communication with her.
funkylicious how did you start communication with your ex? did you write the letter or text? what did you write in the letter or text and did he respond? did you go out on a date? can you tell us about your whole situation? thanks
Will for sure keep you updated!
It is really hard to take it slow, I feel your pain, but I guess it’s better to take it slow and have them back and get to keep them then it happening really fast and not have them for keep. It’s nice to know that he has feelings for you, your already ahead of the game. 