Need Help,Should i keep trying or move on,its been more than yr now.

I have decided not to do anything till her bday and see if she starts any contacts till than,i very much doubt.

I will not take any expensive gifts and will just email her on her bday and see the response and decide on things for future.

But right now I am just invisible till Nov her bday.

Thanks guys @

Good luck kalicooldude, pleased you have a plan - that’s half the battle. I see that you mention she treated you badly. While you are in NC, it is worth thinking about whether a reconciliation is the right choice for you. But I don’t want to be one of the ones that just say move on - everyone says that and its not easy to do when its not really what you want to do. I think a good stint of NC and then one more aim at reconnecting is a good plan for you. But maybe say to yourself, this is the last stint, one last go. Hopefully it will work :slight_smile: But if not, you don’t want to end up going on for years and years - life is too valuable and there are other opportunities for love. Be strong, thoughts are with you

Hi Anthurium : Thanks for the response,i appreciate it.Yes she treated me badly when I pushed her to limits,or was crying and esp when I did talked with her sister & best friend about our relationship and how she doesn’t want to come back.

Not sure she was overall very negative towards life and me,she had back pain which she claimed is because of my stress and pain I have given her all the time.

She is stubborn girl and just uses her own mind,pure scorpio and doesn’t tell anyone whats in her mind.

I am very confident that I want her to be my life partner.It was like she was behind me for 2 years to get married and did anything possible so I say yes to her for marriage,and it shifted right after she decided to break up after a fight and I did everything possible in this world to get her back.

In my scenario she never talked with me,or met me or showed any interest,so it became just 100 % effort from my side to convince her to get married right after I felt that now I have lost her.

Lets see I will wait till her bday,after that I will give up.In the meantime if I find someone nice and loving I will go with her and start fresh life.

Not sure she looks happy now on facebook and one week she has depressing quotes and one week nice smiling,nice make up picture with her g/f.She does that on cover and profile pictures,her friends and timeline is hidden.

3 days back her sister called me to check how I am doing and texted me,which I didn’t responded as I don’t want her sister also to know whats happening in my life.

let me know if If you have more thoughts ? I am very tired of this but Its just all worth the pain if she comes back but if she doesn’t atleast she would realize in some point that I did loved her from bottom of my heart

It sounds like you are thinking rationally and calmly - believe in your plan, have hope. I hope you find happiness whether with her or with someone else. Good luck

Hi Anthuirum and Elanna :

Quick Question :

My ex changes her profile and cover picture on facebook with different depressing quotes about love and sometimes a picture with her g/f
Her friends and timeline is hidden,i have deleted my facebook few weeks ago and but I do have 1/2 fake id where I keep checking her cover/profile photos.

What does that means ?

Like her profile or cover pictures get changed over the weekend,like her new profile(background picture) quote is :-
" loving the wrong person doesn’t mean you are stupid,it was stupid of that person not to appreciate your love "

I mean last week she had quote of don’t love too much don’t trust too much because that too much will hurt you so much.

I am more than willing to work with her on each and everything and ready to settle,so why she is putting all this quotes for or may be there is someone else involved and I am just keep thinking about it.

Please advise.Thanks in advance @

Its really hard to say - we don’t know what she has been up to this past year and whether she has been hurt by someone else. It is possible that she is referring to the hurt she felt in and after your relationship but neither we nor you can know this. I would suggest to delete your fake facebook profiles - its not good to keep checking up on her on facebook as it doesn’t give you the space and calm that you need. And try as much as you can not to over-analyse things she says or does on social media - I know, its easier said than done. But try to heal yourself over the next few weeks, focus on your own life. It will show if / when you do meet up.

I know anthurium.Thanks for advice as always.If you were local I should have took you to dinner or show you san Francisco around…:))

She is putting new love hurt quotes every week on her profile and cover pictures,and you need to remember now I am on invisible mode I am not on facebook,whatsapp and moreover I don’t talk to her sister also.

So if she is putting quotes either she got hurt with any other guy she fall in love into or may be it is for me.In both cases I do think I have win win situation,if it was for someone else she is broken now or if it is for me she have started missing me and strict NC is working.

I am taking it easy and relaxing till her bday,same time I am open for another relationship as it is been 1/5 years.

Thank you for the invite :slight_smile: You are being so strong, I’m really pleased for you. It is intriguing whats behind these comments she puts on Facebook but your view on it is right, although no-one wishes her to feel sad - it probably means she isn’t in a happy relationship right now. It is good for you. Your timing in November could be good. It looks like she needs to heal from whatever is causing her to put up these comments and hopefully you will both be in a good place in late November and both able to consider a new relationship. It is good also you are open to a new relationship with someone else, if that opportunity arises - I think you have a chance with your ex but we don’t know how she feels inside and whether she would want to reconcile. Stay strong kalicooldude!

Ok Thanks Anthurium for your advise all the time,i guess I now left it on time,it will heal…I don’t think I have chance and its fine,i will not regret as I really tried very hard to have her back…like they say if it is not in destiny no matter what you do,you will not get it.

Keeping my invisible mode till her bday on 21st Nov…that’s it for now.Doing less stalking to her facebook now and literally I can only see her cover page and profile picture only,so It doesn’t give me much details anyways.

Kali,

Looks like you and I are in the same boat.

How about coming out to NYC and we can wingman for each other?

Well done kalicooldude :slight_smile:

I am doing fine anthurium,thanks for wishes.I do miss her but I guess it is ok she is happy without me,so in my mind I want to see her happy.

Its been 4 months I saw her and almost 70 days before I talked on an email which I sent her and she replied with one line response.(that she is ok and I should not worry about her)

Its all good.Hope you are well and please focus on your life and well being.

Thank you. I really hope for you. But whatever happens with our exes, I am sure we will find a new happiness soon :slight_smile:

Again,what could be the reasons that my ex changes her cover and profile pictures in every week or so.Mostly love or hurt quotes.

I stalk less but I see she is been active on facebook with hidden timeline.

She was not a facebook person and had no facebook or less friends for a while.

What is she trying to achieve by changing cover and profile pictures,keeping in mind that those pictures are visible to everyone even you are not friend.

Does she puts it for me or for some other reason or may be new b/f,I am not sure and very very confused on this action.

fyi :- I haven’t seen her for 4 months and spoke in one line email approx. 70 days back.So I am not NC and its been 1/5 years…I am waiting for her.

Hi Elana :

Do you still come here,i think you are 100 % right on your posts,i have questions I am working very hard as guided by you as being friend first and than girlfriend and than wife.

Also I have accepted that I am getting punished but it is been 1/6 months already and things are just pretty much the same where she contacts me once or may be twice in 2 months timeline.She talks normal stuff and same talks about life work health etc.But she is not willing to come back into relationship or give me time to meet up for coffee or atleast 10 min of her time.But she have called me and met me in person twice this month but both of the times she came in and her available times and surely I welcomed her.

Also she became permanent at her job,where I went to her house with gift card for her a flower and gifts which she happily accepted and also I met her father.

Very confused what is in her mind and why she is taking soo much of time,i am very tired but not giving up as everytime she comes in I get HOPE.

Do you think I am doing the right thing ?

Can we talk I want to see if I am on right track ?

I am very glad to hear that you are not giving up. It is normal to feel tired. It takes so long time because you need to rebuild trust but you should feel also happy that she actually lets you do it.
Being a man you are in a very good position. Men can chase and that’s acceptable and desirable. Unfortunately it is not the same the other way around.
Do what your heart tells you and your love will win. You can pass this test. Make your own luck!

Thanks Elanna,i hope you are doing well.Appreciate it very much.
Here is the current situation :-

21st Nov
I wished her happy bday on email but she never responded to it. Keeeping in mind i sent small gifts thru her sister, which she took and put it in her closet.

24th Nov
Called me after 3 days and asked what I am doing and said ok she is coming by and brought some food.Spent 30/45 min at my house and spent time with my daughter,looked at all small things like my hair,bedroom,shoes etc etc,keep in mind there are changes and whatever was not done I took care of it next day for example my hair.

Then there is a silence.

13th Dec
Wished me happy bday on 13th at 8pm(email) by just saying happy birthday(that’s it)I responded thanks of course.

18th Dec
She became permanent at her job,called me was very happy and we talked for 10 min and I said I will stop by at your house,which she insisted but later after requests she said OK.
I took one rose,$100 gift card,sweets,lot of food for family.She invited me to her house and I met brother,mother which I know from before and than father came in,i met him the very first time and everything went fine,later after spending 30/45 min I asked her permission to leave and she said ok.

At night she emails me (thanks for everything) and I replied that you deserve the best.

Again silence.
I asked her yest in email that if she wants to come by and I can cook pasta but with no response.

So not sure that there is activity all of sudden with her schedule and than huge silence.
What is her mind and that is been going on back and forth from long long time now.Everytime I think of giving up she comes and give me hope to continue.

Very confused and tired but I just love this girl,my friends say me I need to move on and give up on her as its not worth my time and I am getting old,she doesn’t seems to be serious and not respecting time.

But this was the girl who was desperately wanted to get married and bugged me every sec to get married and now she is just running away and showing no interest to settle or atleast go for coffee date.

Please advise and thanks again ELANA,hope you are holidays are going well.

Do you think she is seeing someone else and I am just back up for her ?

She is very stubborn and very mysterious girl(scorpio).She don’t listens to her sister and mom at all,makes her own decisions and standby at them with full confidence and few times told her sister that you don’t know ME have given her very hard time for soo long and she cried every day and I use to fight for small small things like shoes she is wearing and so forth so on.

But,now I am changed myself very much and put lot of serious efforts.

I think that you are doing great. You are very patient which shows your consistency too. You should realise that the outcome is mainly in your hands. It is up to you to decide what steps you will take because you know her best. I think that you should not stay in the friends zone for too long time but become more assertive, and at the same time gentle and delicate since you don’t want to scare her off. Don’t let her think that you keep in touch just because you want her friendship.
You shouldn’t be bothered if there is someone else in her life. She’s had strong feelings for you and these feelings can’t just disappear. You need to show her that she can trust you and she will open her heart again.
If you find out that there is someone else, keep calm and maintain your confidence. Do not show any jealousy because it will ruin everything. Ignore any thoughts about someone else. In order to succeed you must believe in her love to you too.
You shouldn’t stop believing in the happy end.

Hi Kalicooldude
Great to hear from you - does it sound strange to say that I was wondering if she contacted you on your birthday (given we have never met)?!!! I think this is a really positive sign that she is open to more contact with you. I get how difficult it is though with things taking so long, I have had some contact with my ex the past few weeks but he seems so distant, so I have given up. Maybe I have given up too easily, in reading your story! I do think for you, the recent contact is a big positive sign - if you really don’t want someone in your life you wouldn’t have this kind of contact (some of it has been initiated by her - that’s the major plus). I think you should keep doing what you are doing - steadily rebuild the trust. Fingers crossed for you and Merry Christmas!
Anth