I really don’t know what to do. She hasn’t texted in a while. Did I mess it up?
hey why don’t u just finish NC and see what happens?
you just live across the road, make some positive changes, let her see them,
try to make yourself more attractive, staring at her window won’t solve anything…
It’s just really difficult to be so close. I’m confused as to why she stopped trying to contact me, if she really wanted to she could literally walk right over and knock. I guess I’m just worried 
I don’t just sit staring at her window all day, I have plenty of stuff going on in my life but it’s always on my mind and knowing she’s right there less than thirty feet away and just not at all bothered to contact me makes it a thousand times harder
Ok so this weekend just gone by I went away to see a friend. On the bus back I got a message from her saying ‘‘Is everything ok? I haven’t seen you around in a while x’’. I didn’t reply or even open it so it wouldn’t say I’d seen it. Around an hour later she messaged again, saying ‘Can you just let me know that you’re okay please’'. Again I didn’t reply or open.
I think this is a positive sign, as it’s exactly what she did over the summer. I’ve been told (by female advisors) it’s because she misses me and is worried she may have gone too far and has ruined the option of changing her mind. I’d be surprised if it were that clear cut, but it’s definitely a bit odd she didn’t care at all how I was for weeks and now all of a sudden she’s desperate to know.
I saw her yesterday at the bus stop and in Starbucks. I walked by but didn’t look at her, so I dunno if she saw me.
So everyone, what do you think?
Anybody?
Saw her a few times yesterday and the day before, she tried to catch my eye at the bus stop by staring at me but I just kept walking. Saw her twice yesterday, she sat with her flatmates nearby at breakfast and she walked by me in the main square, but nothing else new.
Can anyone offer any opinions? I’m sorry to keep posting like this but it feels good to get it down someplace
That’s great if she is looking at you. It does sound like she misses you especially if she is sending texts asking how you are. She still cares about you.
Keep playing it cool, how long you been in NC for?
Eh I think maybe since the 24th September? Honestly I’m not really counting cos I don’t intend to start texting after a certain period of time, she’s the kind of person who’ll let me know when she has something new to say (like the texts on Sunday). I don’t think it’s time yet, this is exactly how she was all summer; silent for ages, suddenly desperate, then silent again.
I’m pretty sure about the bus stop, it was pretty clear to my mind she was trying to catch my eye then, but not since. I’m not reading into the breakfast thing as she just followed her flat mates to the table (it was right beside mine). In the square she just walked past, but she was with a male friend, but I was with a female friend so fairs fair. Not even sure if she saw me tbh.
Things seem to be looking up but I’m still cautious.
Thanks for replying man 
Yeah the 30 days never seems long enough. It’s more the time in which they could text you in tbf.
She does seem interested that’s for sure. Like I said stay cool and stuff
Right so even since my last post there’s something and I have no idea what to make of it!
I was sat at my desk doing some work and she came out of the building with her friends. My light wasn’t on so there was nothing to attract her attention at all. She was in conversation but lagged behind her friends to look up at my window. The lights were off so I didn’t think she could see me but she looked straight at me and mouthed ‘hey’ with a sort of smile on her face as she walked by. I didn’t do or say anything but this really threw me and I’m still in a bit of a daze.
Can anyone please tell me what to make of this? Is this a good or bad sign? I know now at least she’s definitely looking at my window but I can’t get into her head!
She could just be being nice but the fact that she has looked at your windows means you are on her mind which is good.
Personally I would just let that slide a bit. She will hopefully make contact with you soon.
Hey guys, so a bit of an update
I’ve been seeing her around a lot this week, couple times at breakfast she sat in sight, and honestly each time I’ve seen her in the morning she looks quite unhappy and stressed. She doesn’t smile, which to me is significant as she’s a tremendously smiley person. I’ve noticed that during the evening a lot of the time she sits in her room on her own while her flatmates go to dinner. She could just be tired and have lots of work all the time, but I still think it’s unusual.
On Wednesday morning she sat beside my flatmates on the bus, not deliberately, but because there were no other seats. She knew who they were and they know all about her. Weirdness all round. She engaged them in conversation nonetheless, and they made small talk for a while.
My flatmate who was sitting next to her said it was as if she was waiting for someone to mention me, and kept asking weird questions that you wouldn’t normally ask a stranger on the bus, like what were their flatmates like, what was the girl/boy ratio in our flat, etc. She also asked this particular flatmate (who is in the room next to mine) if hers was the room with a certain type of poster on the wall, showing she clearly looks in our windows because this person’s curtains are rarely open. When the conversation turned to the formal dinner we have for our hall next week, she mentioned that she knew someone who was going who had brought a few suits to uni and couldn’t wait to wear one (this is me, I told her this on the day we got here). She also mentioned the course I was doing which was irrelevant.
I can’t really decipher this as I wasn’t there but it sounds like she wanted someone to bring me up or to hear some news about me as she hasn’t heard anything from me.
Yesterday (Thursday) I saw her at breakfast and she looked particularly miserable. I then saw her later in the evening going to dinner with her flatmates. She looked at my window out of the corner of her eye as she left, but as she came back she turned her head to look up and we made eye contact, despite her being in conversation. She turned to meet my gaze twice more before going inside, then left her curtain open and her light on for the next few hours.
With all this said, she still hasn’t tried to contact me, so I’m still waiting. However, I’m feeling much more positive, and hoping I’m reading the signs right. I think the ball might be starting to roll though.
She’s looked up at me twice more today, I think she officially does this every time, though it’s more pronounced and dramatic when she’s alone. Also when alone she looks really pissed off and miserable, but when at dinner with the flatmates she seemed more smiley. She walked by me at dinner and half hid behind a flatmate though, so I can’t really get a read on this. Why is she trying to catch deep meaningful gazes at the window then shy away when in public? Confused.
Okay guys sorry about this but there’s been a fairly significant development so I have to triple post
bout an hour ago she came out of the building dressed like a cowgirl on her way to a Halloween party. I was at my desk. As per usual she looked up to see me, but this time she came near, stopped and said ‘I can see you you know! You okay?’. I was completely taken aback, both by the outfit and her trying to talk to me. I panicked and simply moved away from the window, said nothing. I heard her stand there for a while longer before walking away.
I dunno if I should have responded or not. What can I say from a second story window? Yeah I’m fine?
I think the fact she wants to talk is a good thing, but that wasn’t a good situation to do so and I was totally unprepared given she’s walked by my window, deliberately looked at me and made eye contact loads of times and not said anything.
If she came up to me in person and started talking I’d answer, or if she knocked on my door but how can I be expected to respond from a second story window, especially when she’s dressed like that?
I think its a good development but I’m too confused to make head or tail of it and I have no idea how I should have reacted. My female friends think if she didn’t have anything positive to say she wouldn’t be trying to catch my attention, but I want to make sure of her intentions before I start any kind of communication.
Can someone please, please help me?
maybe you should talk to her in person. i think she still likes you. or at least cares. youre in a better situation than most of us. what i would have said from the window is, yeah, i can see you too, im fine thank you how are you? but of course you cant do that now. she sees you all the time and is reminded and likes you enough to talk to you acknowledge you in person.
Hey, thanks a million for replying of course I’ll have a look at your topic and help in any way I can
So I couldn’t sleep last night and stayed up watching movies, this time with the curtains closed. I heard her come back at just past midnight, which is ridiculously early for the event she was going to. Could be it was shit (I doubt it) or she wasn’t in the mood anymore, but I doubt she planned coming home so early as she got fully costumed up and was gone about 2 and a half hours in total.
This morning I woke up to a text from her saying
“I just wanted to say sorry for talking up at your window last night, I should have just walked by. I hope you are okay and enjoying name of the city we are in :)”
I was tempted to reply but I decided against it. I don’t think there’s enough in it for a response, and if I’m going to reply to contact I want it to be in person. Plus the wording is weird, it sounds a bit friend-ey for my liking, although I know she wouldn’t be going through this much trouble if she just wanted to be mates, which I think I’ve made very clear to her is not going to happen.
I’ve started to think that if she wasn’t getting a little desperate she wouldn’t have tried talking in the first place and definitely not tried texting again this morning. I can only assume she was obsessing over it all night like I was. I don’t really get why she’s apologising either, it wasn’t a crime, unless she’s worried she’s pissed me off?
Any thoughts?
well it certainly sounds like she misses you, or having you around at least. she obviously wants to talk to you, the reason behind that is difficult to tell though. like i said, obviously misses you, but in what way? like you said, youve made it clear what you want out of it. its hard when relationships get to this stage. its a very delicate balance. i dont know if this helps or not. but maybe next time she messages you, if you havent told her already, tell her that you need some time to gather yourself. i ont know though. its hard to decide what you want to portray, i think from what shes seen of you (looking out the window and then ignoring her) it would give her some insight into how you feel. it might be wrong, it might be right. i dont know whether its better to let them know whats going on or keep them wondering. them wondering definitely gives you more power however. you just dont want her to give up as well. but i guess if they really love you, they would never give up? or are my ideals of love just wrong?
Yeah, I think she does miss me but I want to be sure it’s for the right reasons, and if she was really desperate I’d know it.
I think that if you were to ask her now what she wanted from me, she wouldn’t be able to tell you. I get the impression however, that subconsciously, or in a part of her she’s too proud to admit to, she doesn’t want the connection between us to end any more than I do, else why would she be prolonging it and making some effort when I’m deliberately doing absolutely nothing? If this is the case, all I can do is give her time and space.
I have been feeling more positive lately now I know I’m on her mind. I still swing back and forth though, it’s hard waiting for the next encounter/piece of contact and replaying everything in my head over and over in the meantime.
If anyone could offer any opinions I’d be really grateful.
I think it’s time you responded back to one of her messages.
Next time she asks how you are doing, tell her along the lines of:
“I’ve been busy with classes, kicking my butt so far.”
Keep it short, and send the ball the right back to her.
“How about you? Are you still doing this and that?”
It should be something from your common memories - for example, her career goal, daily activity etc. but NOT the things you’ve observed her to do over the weeks. Don’t give her the idea that you’ve been stalking her.
The point is to open her up to talking. You won’t get 1-on-1 conversation anytime soon. And if you want this to work out sooner, you can start by opening up the communication route. Be friendly. (as much as you want more) And make yourself less available to start things off, but do respond back eventually. If she asks you why you avoided her, you can say “I think we both needed time and space.”
She misses talking to you. She may or may not have the same feelings she had back then. But you can’t put the relationship right back to Bliss stage. It requires some work. And you should take this work step by step and think yourself first before the relationship begins to flourish.
You’ve come far, mate. I’m personally proud of you for sticking it to plan.
@niyesuh Thanks a lot man, that means a lot I will try some kind of response next time, depending on what she says. May have to wait a while though.
She’s behaving very very oddly towards me and my friends. She has been running into one of my close friends a lot and she tried adding her on Facebook, but the friend asked me first and I asked her to give me some time to think about it before she accepted/declined. I’m still not sure if it’s a good idea (I did tell the friend it is completely their decision but she’s very much on my side and she doesn’t have any interest in being friends with the ex)
Another friend said just yesterday she ran into her five times in one morning, the first time she gave an awkward smile but the following times she just glared at her.
On my end I’ve been trying to avoid her, but obviously this is quite difficult. That said, in addition to looking at my window every single time she comes and goes, she also leaves her curtains open and light on for hours on end, and gets up to look out the window at mine every now and again, then as soon as she sees me she whips the curtains shut.
Just now we went to dinner and were behind her in the queue. We both acted nonchalant but there were a few moments where we caught one another looking. They left before we did and when I got back there was a crack left open in her curtains just by where her desk is. I could see her peeking out it every few minutes, then all of a sudden she closed them.
It’s this type of thing that makes me confused. Why leave your curtains open and light on, while clearly looking over to see if I’m there, then whip them shut soon as she sees anything? It’s all this looking back and forth that has me confused. It’s like a game of Battleship and while I clearly understand my reasons for looking (as the dumpee), I don’t understand hers at all.
Not even my female friends can make any sense of this, when I was explaining the situation to someone the other day they found it hard to believe she dumped me and not the other way around with her acting like this. It makes no sense.
We had a formal dinner for our hall last night and everyone got dressed up as it was a masquerade ball. She was there and my friends and I had to walk past her to get to the bar. I didn’t look myself, but my friends said as I went she was watching me. We later went to have dinner and at first I didn’t know where she was sat, but after a while I saw her and she obviously saw me too as I saw her looking over a few times. I tried very hard not to look but luckily I had my friends beside me and they caught her, every now and again she would stop smiling and chatting and laughing with the people around her and would look over in my direction with a stony expression on her face. We made eye contact a couple more times later that night in the bar and she looked angry/upset. She still did not approach me to try and say anything.
I noticed just now she’s canceled the friend request to me I left pending, and also the one she sent my flatmate. I dunno what to make of this. She could have been frustrated or something and done it on the spur of the moment but it’s weird. As far as I know, friend requests don’t expire until someone either accepts or declines, or the sender cancels it, and I didn’t accept or decline, just ignored it. I have no idea when she did this, I last noticed it about 2 weeks ago but the one to my friend was only sent last Sunday and that’s also gone, so one would assume it was recent.
Please someone help, I do not feel very good or confident right now I know the last few days have seemed better but I’m feeling pretty shitty right now and I don’t know what to do