thanks cassie, your right, but after all the hell I’ve been through cheating would be the least thing on my mind. I just like to know if he asks for me which is why I ask my oldest. I was thinking about 1 week to 2 weeks no contact again especially to cool everything down. what amount of time do you think no contact should be? and your right its not fair to the kids because theyre put in the middle and are feeling it the most. its just that at this point and time i feel so desperate and lonely, i miss him a lot. Im gonna to continue losing weight and getting better. for me of course but to be healthy for my children as well. also im gonna study as well, and maybe come up with some other things to keep busy during this time. then hopefully i can start fake friendship soon after. lets see how this works out. ugh lol, I still have hope believe it or not. 
Hey,
You should start NC and continue it for a month.The only reason you can contact each other is to talk about your kids and you have to keep the conversations short.Stop asking your kids about him.You should try to be a happy confident person without him in your life.Thats the first step.
If you see him,act like you have no special feelings for him.Be confident and talk about nothing personal.
Thanks a.z for your advise, ugh I hate when he calls, of course I dont get the phone, but hes off today and since he hadnt called all day im scared he might show up unexpectedly and I dont want to see him, as I’m doing no contact and hes acting like an a$$ to me. ugh
Aamls! I posted something on my post cause you asked for advice, I haven’t seen you post at all to me 
I totally understand you but doing NC is your best chance.doesn’t matter even if he doesn’t contact you.you should try to be happy.be patient.it takes time but this way,you will increase your chances.
@aaron4 hey I posted a comment above to you, did you see it.
thanks a.z. I appreciate your advise.
to everyone: omg my worse fear happen to today, no one got the phone when he called and so he showed up. and not only did he show up he was being an ass, so this is what happened. apparently he already asked my oldest if she wanted to go live with him, she said no, thank God. but this is what happened today. he showed up and my oldest open the door to him. apparently he brought “food” and he had a new blue tooth, while im phone less atm. I think hes giving me less then half of his pay check because I am living week by week not being able to save anything. but this is another story for another day. anyways he showed up and my oldest open the door and he came upstairs and took her nook and started seeing what she was doing. apparently she was doing stuff she shouldn’t have been doing. at this time I hear him screaming at her but I didnt want to see him. so he went down stairs and my oldest comes and tells me whats going on. so I go downstairs to see whats going on, because no contact I didnt say much or anything cant remember. so he starts going off on me telling me that I’m a bad mother,a bad wife and that hes gonna take my kids away from me. then he left mad. his mother called him later to see how he was and he said he was on his way to the gym and was fine. she said he sounded better, now he was on the phone and I didnt want to talk to him but since it had to do with my oldest I talked to him. he never apologize for his behavior, but I was acting like nothing happen and started talking with him, he said he started talking to my oldest and that he lost his patience when talking to her. so I guess thats how i ended up talking to him on the phone. well we were actually having a decent convo about my oldest, I was surprised, I told him to think of a plan and I’ll think of one and together we can come up with something, he said ok, he told me to let him get my kids I said no,(he may be feeling lonely,idk) he said that they need someone strict and that I offer them to him, I said yeah but no, he said to let him get them some days but I said no. (he left us,what the heck) so I said ok let me put yoour mom on, he said hey wait that if I need anything for the kids and I stood quiet he said hello and I gave the phone to his mother. then he said he was going to give her her money back that she gave me for gas. ugh… what do ya think?
ugh, I feel so depressed right now, I really miss him, idk why when hes probably as happy as can be and im as miserable as can be. I feel like he doesnt love me or miss me anymore by his actions. I hope its just me. I guess I’ve lost him already. man I wish he’d stop this but nothing. he also was saying on the phone to me that it’s problems after problem, Im not sure if i said it or not but I did think it I was like yup, but I wanted to tell him to stop it all, but I dont want to fool myself anymore, ugh
Just keep doing the no contact! You’re doing good right now It was a good conversation you had with him on the phone - and for sure he started to wonder why you were so calm! Keep it up!
are you sure? he didnt apologize on the phone for his behavior, but I already knew he wasnt going to because I know how he is. the way hes acting makes me think he doesnt care about me or miss me. but he’s still his same self, i am how ever slowly but surely learning more about myself and am trying to do for me. I went walking again today after dropping the kids of at school. so im trying to not only be happy but lose the weight for me. im gonna try to study some what now, once again for me, even though I do have depression I’m still trying and dont wanna give up on myself even though its hard. Im going to try to spend more time with my kids to be a better mother, as they need this, its just very hard with everything going on with me and their personalities. so im trying to improve myself in various ways. it hurts me to think that hes talking to other females but im trying to ignore it, but its hard, especially when I see him. any advise on how to handle this? he’s coming over again today,ugh, but he is gonna pay his mom back the money she lent me and most likely bring me another stupid money order. ugh, lets see. I dont want to see him because of the way he acts, and I get nervous and anxious when hes around, like im excited to see him and then im not because he may say something or do something that would hurt me emotionally, other then im doing no contact whit him still. but how should I act when he comes, ect? I prefer to avoid him when possible, ugh, all he cares about is himself and im starting to realize its about me not him and the changes im doing are about becoming a better me no matter if hes back in my life or not,(even though I do prefer him to) but im also learning about how and when he would hurt me and how to deal with those issues, as apparently I’m “not” with him and hes still treating me like crap and his mom is even noticing how he is and was treating me which is a good thing shes notice. im also realizing that I shouldn’t be treated badly as I don’t deserve that, no matter what. he needs anger management for real. but I do love him and miss him a lot. this is so painful, it hurts a lot. what do you think?
isnt a month to long for no contact or is that what we both need?
You definitely need at least a month… But take one day at a time, it’s impossible to plan ahead because things change. Just keep trying to be a better mother for your children, do things that make you happy and feel healthy and then eventually he’ll see that you’re better off and then he’ll come running back!
you actually think he’ll come running back? I honestly cannot see that happening, lol
Eventually! It might take 6 months or 2 years, but he’ll come back. Unless of course he finds someone else in the mean time.
oh btw I made tuna a while ago and had it in the fridge for the purpose of offering him some but i forgot it was there and told myself I wasnt gonna offer him anything since he always said no to me anyways, so I notice that he had some of it, lol, so he sees I do make stuff still and he may even miss my cooking, who knows. but what do you think? also I know he sees the room apartment and my car being cleaner, so he may be noticing a lot of changes in me, and to me his cousin told me that he may just be trying to do something to me to have a reaction from me to make it easier for him to leave me, and if thats true i guess hes notice that im not falling for his crap. what do you think? and how should I act when I see him?
I agree with the cousin… He’s trying to get a reaction from you - dont give it to him! Act nice and polite but not interested.
ok I see, so thats what I’ll do. also it could take him that long to come around, wow thats a long time, and if he doesnt fine a female, thats hurtful, I hope not, I wish he’d still love and miss me, I feel like hes forgetting about me and enjoying himself and I feel its not fair, this sucks. ugh.
*if he does fine a female, it would hurt me really bad.
He’s not forgetting about you - not at all!