I do know he has notice me making changes and all but that was never sufficient for him to want me back. not even him missing me is sufficient. I sometimes feeling like screaming at him and telling him to f’n finish filing the papers because I cant do this anymore, which has made me think of getting some and doing it myself, the pain is just to much to deal with and someone told me that the pain will start to heal after its over with and no matter what I do nothing seems to be helping me at all. ugh.idk what to do anymore and I feel like putting a restraining order on him just so I can have my time to heal. what im going through is not fair. what do you think? and one more thing, one part of me wants no contact to start healing but the other part wants to make false friendship in hopes of trying to win him back, but then I start thinking who am I fooling. I cant keep fooling myself. this sucks. advise please…
so Im not sure if I should or if it would back fire but should I 1. call him to apologize for my behavior 2. leave him a note on his car stating im sorry i wasnt feeling well 3.going in his job with coffee and breakfast and apologizing for my behavior and thanking him for bring the food and putting my ac up or 4. not doing any of the above. also please advise on the above, thanks btw the reason /i said 4 was because I was thinking would it make a difference. hes still getting the divorce anyways, but I can be nice and start a false friendship with him and see how it goes, maybe asking him to help me with exercising and studying, idk something, maybe?
As I’ve said before, the only way you’ll be getting him back is if you start being nice to him. No matter what he says to you, just be nice to him and act as though you dont care. You can go ahead and start a false friendship with him if that’s what you feel like, but honestly, I don’t think you’re ready. I don’t think that ou are at the point where you can control your emotions in front of him. Everytime you see each other, you get mad at him or he gets mad at you. You need to stop giving him reasons to get mad at you. Don’t ask him to help you with exercising and studying… That’s all WAYYYYY too early! Dont do option nr 2 - dont tell him you’re not feeling well - that will not attract him! Option nr 1 - if you can control yourself and your emotions on the phone then go ahead. If you cant, then dont call him! Option 3 - Nice gesture but you may feel like a fool afterwards. If you can deal with the fact that you may get rejected and still not show him your emotions then do it.
But as I’ve said before - you need to act your best self around him.
what excuse could I use for my behavior then? should I leave it alone or should I just him a note on his car saying sorry about yesterday, thanks for bringing food and putting up the ac, I appreciate it. 
does that sound ok? and do I even stand a chance at getting him back?
i just found out that he has mentioned a couple times at random times that we can only be “friends”. ugh what is that suppose to mean and what am I supposed to do and act.
I know hes hurt but that much.ugh.im so confused.
Dont worry about what he says - he’s upset, hurt, mad and probably also confused - so he’s likely saying a lot of things that he hasnt thought through. I believe you still have a chance but only if you change how you act when you’re around him. You dont need to make an excuse for your behavior - there really is no good excuse. You can write the note But dont expect him to do anything in return or to call or txt you saying thanks. Only leave the note if it makes you feel better
what did you end up doing today?
he called today, probably to see why my youngest didnt go to school. I didnt pick up as much as I wanted to. I feel like starting a false friendship with him but dont know how to. also I never wrote the note because I never went by his job but went to go and run some errands I had to run. I was thinking of being nice to him any time I see him, but acting like hes just another person. idk what too do anymore. do you really think I have a chance at all? he seems really convinced that hes done.
why do you think I have a chance at getting him back?
I feel depressed and helpless. I wish there was a way to convince him other wise but see no way to do it as I feel I ran out of options. Im gonna try to ignore his rants but dont know how to react to when it comes back to proof for his stupid divorce. what do you think?
hey, my advice would be concentrate on you, you and your children, do things that make you happy, being happy is the key, my situation was totally different, but i made some changes ( i now play football, i run, spend a lot of time with friends ).
once you get that happy feeling back you will feel great, its hard, it takes time, but it will happen :).
@adam23 thanks, do you think I should do no contact or how should I act when Im around him? and talk on the phone? is this plan made to work on yourself and move on or is it really about getting your ex back? also do you think he’ll come back around and would want to be with me or do you think I have a lost case? I do know for sure that he loves me and misses me because of what he says to our children. but with that said has his head put on divorce. thanks
The no contact i think is a plan made to work on yourself. It seems like no one here comes back after no contact with their ex wanting them back.
I think you have a chance with him because he still loves you and you are the mother of his children. But as i’ve saif before, I think you need to work on yourself also. If you need space from him to heal, take space.
thanks cassie for explaining this no contact thing. it’s true everyone is a mess after a break up and no matter what you do need this time to work on yourself and figure yourself out and or time to heal from those wounds. So by being nice to him and not being harsh would have an impact on him? I feel at a lost here, actually I saw he called again but my mother in law sleeps in the day so she didnt get the phone. I felt so bad like calling him when I was feeling really sick with a panic attack. I havent had them at all that often anymore, and felt I needed him because he would always be there when I really needed him, it was so hard to not call him, but I may find myself calling him one day out of desperation. I hope not, but don’t want to look at him in that way because I cant get my hopes up, I really wish he would change his mine,but I dont know what to do then what you already mention. this is horrible what I feel and am going through. ugh, thanks cassie
what do I do if he comes over, if I see him, or if he calls? how should I act or speak to him?
cassie he just called again and I gave the phone to my oldest. he asked how they were and said my youngest has to go to school. he didnt talk long either and he didnt ask about me. ugh now what. I cant deal with this anymore. I wonder whats the real trick in getting back with your ex. on the article it says its easy to get them back the hard part is keeping them. well I think I know what I need to do to keep him if I get him back, now my question is, how do you get them back? lol im going crazy here,lol, ugh, im gonna give him space. then see what happens, but even then how do I get him back after he keeps wanting divorce. I wish someone could answer this for me.
The first kind of confidence is false confidence.
I recall in my relationship being so angry, like your ex in your first post, that I would get mad at her calling me during a fight. In that moment all I wanted was space. It sounds like that is what he wants. I don’t know why he left, but if it was after constant fighting and arguments, you may need to let that dissipate. He may find that he does care for and is better off with you and the kids than apart. He may have fantasies or ideas that the other side = single life is better- you know the grass is always greener expression.
@Aaron4 thanks, I dont ask him questions and have been giving him space. your right since I gave him that letter I think he may know I care about him ect. So I’ll act like I dont care about the marriage then. so when Im around him just treat him like a friend? so you think by him seeing me with other guys would make him jealous? could it back fire? but I agree, I do need a night for myself.
@bguarino thanks, yes he probably thinking single life seems fun atm but then he’ll turn around and change his mind most likely. im trying to give him space but seems like its not working very well, so what should I do in the mean time? what do you think I should do to get him back. this is stressful.
You should be calm and nice, not emotional and not all lovey dovey. You really need to not be dependent on him now. You need time for yourself, you need to work on yourself and you need to figure out if this is what you really want! If you get him back and you dont work on yourself, then you’ll be having the same isssues in your relationship, you’ll cheat again and in 6 months you’ll be right here again. I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s the honest truth. I think you have a chance of getting him back, but with the way you are now you are confusing both him, yourself and your children. You can do the no contact, but dont communicate through your oldest child. It’s not fair on them. Be the adult and speak to him if you have issues to discuss - but dont discuss anything besides the children. I dont think you at this point are able to establish a fake friendship with him which is why you need to do the no contact to get yourself back together. When you get to a point, where you can control your feelings in front of him and also when you’re alone, then its time to do the fake friendship! I believe you can do this - a little bit of willpower goes a long way. And just keep hoping that everything works out - hope can move mountains!