Overall your letter looks good, and your story definitely sounds like a struggle, but it sounds like you’ve handled it well. The letter is sent and it sounds like all you can do now is sit back and wait to see how she reacts. I know that its SO obnoxious to give away that power, but the best thing to do is distract yourself and be prepared for anything - I don’t mean that in a negative way, but know that she could respond in a multitude of ways. From what you’ve said it sounds like she really does love you but is not in a good place herself (kind of the same situation I’m in) but hopefully with enough time she’ll figure it out and come back. As my friend said to me “if (he - in this case she haha) is really your forever, once he takes some time and figures (him)self out, (he’ll) come back to you”
it’s true, not having control is awful, but all you can do is throw it out into the universe and see what sticks. Let us know what happens though!
I don’t think theres any real time frame for it, it kind of depends on their personal process and such. I wouldn’t worry though, its also very likely that she has other stuff going on and hasn’t had time yet. I’d give it at least through the weekend before starting to get a little concerned.
Well, with respect to the process she’s going through, and after almost nine months since the breakup she knows I have nothing but respect for her, there’s still some sort of time frame. I mean, if she’s not ready yet, it’s sad but understandable, but the decent thing to do would be to at least let me know that right?
Though I’m not stressed about it as much as I would’ve been a few months back. I guess she’s thinking about it all, it’s a lot to chew on after all…
Forgot to mention it-
When I went to hand her the letter, I asked if she wants to sit and talk a bit, and she did! We talked for about 20 mins, then I told her I had to go (cuz I did…) and we wrapped it up nicely, just as she got out of the car I figured I could walk her to her door, so I got out and told her to wait up.
She kinda rushed back to me and handed me the letter back, and told me I told her what I wanted to, I told her that’s not it and that I want her to have the letter; that I put time and thought into it and I want her to have it, that she doesn’t have to read it if she doesn’t want to.
But let’s be honest here…what are the chances she didn’t right? But still, no response on her part…
So, it’s the evening of the 4th day, still no life signs from her.
We both don’t go to university tomorrow, so I thought of texting her if it’s possible to meet up today, and since it’s evening already, I’d really appreciate your advice here
sorry I thought that I had clicked to see responses but I guess I didn’t. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Honestly, I think the best thing is not to contact her. Kind of like the advice you gave me, its up to her now to come to you. You’ve spoken and given her the letter, I’m not sure what else could be done that wouldn’t send you around and around in circles. Give her time to digest the letter, and if you do NC during this time, and wait for her to come to you, I think you will be much better off in the end. If you text her/ask her to meet up now, it could come off as a little desperate, and kind of like repeatedly running into a wall, hoping it’ll move.
Give her time and let her come to you. If she doesn’t (which I highly doubt) then she obviously doesn’t respect your feelings enough anyways and isn’t worth your effort. But I do think that she cares about you, she just probably needs time to think. Just like with my situation, as much as it sucks, you have to respect yourself, and them enough to step away and give them that breathing room. You can’t miss something that’s right in front of your face
Haha, well, you’re absolutely right and I guess I needed hearing it. It’s just frustrating as hell that she doesn’t realize or care that behind that letter, behind those words, there’s a person who waits for her response, but I can’t and won’t judge her, I’m sure she’s got her reasons, even if they’re not especially good ones.
But again, you’re right, no point in contacting her; I’ve laid the cards on the table, it’s really not up to me to pick them up.
I just noticed I’m really not good at listening to the advice I give other people lol, so I thank you for your support and for that bump on the head I needed. It goes a long way, so really, thank you
Haha of course, I think that we’re all like that a little bit. I yell at my friends for being idiots, and then I turn around and do the exact same thing myself haha.
Just give it time, theres nothing else you can do, and honestly, pushing too hard might just make it worse. I’m here if you need anything, like another slap upside the head haha.
So, it’s been a week to the day since I handed her the letter, and at this point, I’m sure she won’t answer it.
I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that; last week, when I texted her that I wrote her something that I wanna give her, she was the one who called me over, KNOWING the point of it is to get the letter, so not answering seems just unfair.
It’s just pure disappointment- when we met it was great, she called it “an escape from reality”, told me she missed me and now this…don’t know what’s going on at her side, but as much as I care for her, this seems a little too bitter to swallow.
So, a slap on the head or just an opinion, take your pick lol
I’m so sorry to hear that. For right now I don’t think there’s anything else you can do, and continuing to press the issue might make things worse. Unfortunately there’s no “time stamp” or “due date” on these things, and often times, more time is better. Counterintuitive and frustrating, but true. Just keep doing you, you’ve done super well so far, focus on you. The more you try to control or force things, the less control you’ll have, if that makes sense.
It does, and I’m not trying to control it, not for the past few months (though I did back when it was all fresh…doesn’t work); I just expected her to be decent and respond, even if it’s to say she doesn’t want anything to do with me. It’s called common decency. If you didn’t want to know what I had to say, don’t call me over, don’t take my letter, but you can’t do both these things and then just ignore the whole thing.
But what’s done is done. I thought of calling her, of telling her that I understand she doesn’t wanna get back though she could’ve responded in any number of ways, and that as of right now, I’ll appreciate if she wouldn’t contact me for whatever reason; but what’s the point? At this point, the only thing I can do is let it go, and maybe she’ll come around, maybe she won’t, and maybe my door won’t be open when she does (and it pains me to realize that’s entirely possible).
Anyway, the worst feeling is the disappointment with her; we always enjoyed talking to each other, even when we met to give her the letter, I thought she had to courage to say she’s not there anymore, but I guess she didn’t.
No I get where you’re coming from. And just cause it’s been a week doesn’t mean that she won’t reply at some point, but right now she’s being pretty selfish. I don’t know her so I can’t say for sure but this is mean of her and she doesn’t seem to care.
You’re absolutely right, about pretty much her entire act. I didn’t see it coming, but it’s been 9 months so I’m not in any way a wreck, just disappointed, which sucks but is manageable.
Maybe she’ll respond, maybe she won’t, but I suspect she will. And when that happens, I hope she’ll be a little bit more mature than she is right now…that’s all I can hope for right now
So, I called my ex yesterday since the whole no-response shit started to really bother me.
We had a great conversation, and she told me how she has just started seeing someone new, and that she’d like to give it a chance. It was a great conversation because there was no anger, no resentment, just her understanding that she doesn’t think it could work between us right now, and that’s perfectly ok.
I told her I wish her well, that I hope he’s worthy of her and that he makes her happy, and I do, though some part of me wants it not to work, for her to realize what we had was good, but that’s being selfish. She told me she saw me at the university and dreamt about me that night, that she missed me but doesn’t see us working, so I hope that guy’s worth it.
We ended the conversation with me telling her not to contact me whatsoever unless it’s to try and give us a chance, and that I hope that by the time she does that, that door will still be open.
Obviously last night I cried a lot, because while I can finally let go, it feels like these last 8 months have kind of been for nothing. But I’m free now, ready to start something new, and as much as I wanted it to be with her, it’ll have to be with someone else, and that’s okay too.
I’m really sorry to hear that! But at least now you know. You know, I honestly truly believe that if something is meant to be, it will be, and that everything happens for a reason. I know it sounds corny, but I know relationships that have broken up, dated other people, and then realized years later that they were meant to be with the first person and they get back together. I myself have another ex who dumped me for his ex (lolz), they moved in together, seemed perfect, and then broke up and he came crawling back to me. If the two of you are meant to be together then it’ll work out - just believe in that. But, don’t sit around and wait for her. I know how much this sucks, but its time to let what happened go and move on with your life (easier said than done). If shes supposed to be your forever, she’ll be back.
Nothing to be sorry about, honestly, I AM happy for her, and while I do believe it was meant to be, it’s time to go look for something new.
I won’t lie, I think of her kissing him and worse and it wrenches my gut, brings tears to my eyes, the whole shebang, but if we can’t be together, it doesn’t mean she should be alone.
And yeah, who knows what tomorrow will bring? or the far future for that matter? Hell, maybe in a few dates she’ll realize he’s not for her, maybe not, but it’s time I let her go.
I knew when I wrote the letter that this was a possible outcome, and that’s what makes it okay; it’s not the end of the world, but for, it’s just so very sad
Well, this week was rough. I think after about 8 months of trying, 3 months of on/off NC, I’ve finally realized that this break up is for real, more so because she’s started seeing someone.
They knew each other before and she says that right now it’s “nice” and she wants to give it a chance. According to what she told me, they’ve been going out for like 2 weeks, he introduced her to his friends and such, so I kinda lost hope.
I don’t want to be back with her right now, but she wrote me something, the day we talked about missing me, about how she saw me at the university and wanted to send me a message to check if I saw her too. There are clearly still feelings involved, but she wants to give this guy a chance, some I’m gonna step aside.
I’m ready to move on, I am, but still, it saddens me quite a lot that she gave it up, kept me on a hook til some guy came around then let it all drop.
