my "evil" plan....more like: what I did in NC and what I'll do to have him back

I anticipated in another topic that I’ll write down my plan to get back my ex, so that all of you could read it and give some advice o ideas.
to do that I need to do write down my story…in a flash:

Been together 4 years, we are now 22, broke up on 22 June.
Acted desperate only on the first day of a pause that he wanted(a week before tbe break up).
After the break up I began the NC without knowing what it was, I just knew that it was too soon to do anything.
The relationship was great, never cheated or had big big fights (we usually made peace after some hours, never days). All of our friends are mutual and now they go out in group with him…of course, but I still have a great relationship with all of them. I still have 2 friends who stayed with me from the break up and I look up to them.

reason of break up : we had live two bad months, filled with stress from work and school and he really doesn’t manage stress well.
Plus I started to be needy, I wanted attention both physical and sentimentical, and that added more stress on him.
So when he broke up with me he said (he had teary eyes, wich is very rare apart when he talks about his father who died some months before we dated):

I love you but is not like it was in the past anymore(love you but not in love with you anymore) ,I deeply care about you and I know that I’m hurting you a lot, but I’m not happy, and if I’m not happy I can’t make you happy, and things can’t go on like this.
Then he said that I needed to be strong and live my life because he is not my world and I neede to wake up.
He mention the “remain friends” but that needed time.

from that day I’ve seen him two times at friends brithday ( we knew that we were gonna see eachother),everything went great and I acted friendly, funny and happy.

THINGS THAT I’VE LEARNT:
During NC I’ve improved myself, lost weight, wearing contacts, becme more active ( hate running but he always told me that would made me feel better), changed hair. Some friends who I’ve seen told me that I looked more beautiful that before.
I know who and how I was before life smack me in the face XD, I was a happy, funny, a bit goofy, sunny girl who liked to go out more than anything and have fun. THATS THE GIRL WHO HE FELL IN LOVE WITH!!

My negative traits: I was bullied for my weight almost till graduation, so when I’ve met him I still was concerned because I was shy, I didn’t like being at the centre of attention ecc…
after dating him those things almost vanished.
Now I’m more confident about my body, I feel better I’m better …just look at me now …damn =D.

HIM: he is very stubbourn and thick about people feelings, but he is kind, funny, easy going, determinate, strong willed and when he remember he can be so sweet and passionate. But he values friendship a great deal, never touch his friends! And he doesn’t want to put me above them neither them above me, we were equal.
His dream was to be a militar, but in italy it’s very difficult due to too much request, I’ve always knew about that and I always was so proud of him and he knows that I would love seen his dream come true.
He is a very active person, he goes to gym every day he likes sports, softair, paintball and combact( a week before breaking up he made me sign up to his course…). He loves free camping too
He love his new motorbike like a daugther (he still have to wait mid august to use it, and we made so many plans with it days before the break up)

THE PLAN
finally…
so tomorrow(sunday) l’ll be back from my vacation and I plan of ending the NC (he didn’t contact me, but I’m not surprised, I knew it. He just liked some post on my facebook,he doesn’t like leading on a person just to hurt her).
My plan for that day is to ask my friend or him directly, I’m not sure yet, to go out all together to drink and stuff, nothing too busy.
If I succed that night I’ll ask them all to go to an amusment park that they’ve never been, wich I know they’ll love. This is to let him see that I have ideas to just hang out and have fun.

there is a part of the plan that I don’t know yet if to do or not…I actually wanna ask him to talked privatly.
What I wanna say to him is :
I’m sorry if I’ve vanished like that but I needed time for myself to heal. Now I 'm fine really and I wanna say that I’ve accepted your decision, I mean we weren’t happy anymore, right? Also I want to apologize for how I took the break up, I wasn’t thinking straight and I just freak out.
Now that I’ve understand that I think that is possible for us to be friends, we actually respect eachother, we like the same things and we have the same friends, so I think it’s natural that we should still hang out all together. I’m not asking for your permission because I don’t need it, those are my friends too and as a group we are great. I just want to enjoy the rest of the summer with my friends and have fun, I think we are grow up enough to do that, what do you think?

this is my plan for sunday, if everything goes well I’ll going out again with everyone and that will give me the opportunities to let him see how much I’ve changed and how I’m stillthe girl he fell in love with. I’ll seduce him with the new me, new tonic and active body, a person who he wants to hang out because she is funny and easy going.

ok that was long I’m sorry, it was the result of my NCP working on myself, so take your timeto read it and if you have any advice or ideas that I didn’t see please let me know. There are other people wich maybe are in the same position as me, so I hope that this topic will give you ideas with your situation.
I don’t know if I missed something, in that case let me know or I’ll write it when It’ll cross my mind

thanks for listening

Oh god another small thing:
My facebook didn’t change to depressed and sad girl, in fact I keep it happy and funny, I used it to let the world see I’m happy and that I’m doing stuff (picture of my morning jogging, selfies where I smile and I actually look really good ecc…)

I think that’s a very positive thing! keep it up!maybe you should try text him casually and see how he reacts before moving to meeting him.I beleive you’ll succeed…Congrats on changing,it’s difficult i know! And i’d like very much if you read my story too!

I think its great,start with one of the text versions.

Yeah I think I should send a message to him first instead of his friend…that’s actually the biggest thing to do, I’m so scared to do that…I don’t want to fail that step because is the most important one to do.
I’m not sure about the text versions that I’ve read, I mean I don’t know how to apply them to my case.
Does anyone have some ideas?
his interest are:
-he likes to do sports and he often offer to be my trainer sometimes ( run together, do some exercise like abs or pushups…). I often asked him to give me some advice about what kind of exercise to do.

-soon he’ll be able to use his new motorbike, which is a thing that we both looked forward to (we actually went to see it together some days before the break up). We have made so many plans , like go on vacation with it, or just spent the day out with it

-he likes to go out and have fun, and for that I actually thought about that amusment park, or the acquatic park

uhm I at loss for that message, I know that the rest will come natural (I have no problem to be all smile, fun and attractive , I know what he likes)…it is just the first step…

some example?

sakura: thanks for the kind words, I’ll read your story for sure, not sure if I’ll be able to help you because I don’t feel at all an expert in the case, but I’ll try!

You need to find out what to send!I suggest something like ‘‘I saw this and i remebered you…so how are you doing’’ stuff… I did that anyway and I beleive it’s safe enough to start a conversation!

uhm…I’m trying to think of something that would not made me seem desperate or weird.

  1. what if I ask him how is doing about the motorbike?..I know from his mother that he’ll be able to use it in mid august, so the date is actually near enough for me to ask him about it? Maybe something like:
    -Hey, this is a bit random,but on vacation I saw a lot of people with the same model of motorbike as the one that we went to see (or the one that he bought, I’m not sure if I should remember him that we went to see it together).
    Just wondering if everything is alright with it, when will you be able to use it?

I think that’s the best shot I can give…I mean is the most realistic thing that I can ask him about.
There is the element of GSI(his love for the motorbike)and my interest of that, and there is the Bliss reminder.
If I succed to start a little conversation maybe I can ask what his and our friends are doing tonight and suggest a meet up all together since is a lot of time that I don’t see them.

what do you think? is this good? suggestions?

We used to meet up with everyone on 9.30 pm, now in italy are 6:15 pm…I’m running out of time!!
I really wanna go out with everyone tonight especially because is a lot of time that I don’t see them, but to do so I need to contact him and then ask him about tonight.
I don’t want to be annoying especially because there are people in worse situation than me who maybe needs more attention, but I really need a push here.
Is that message ok?

ps: we didn’t fought or anything, and I didn’t stalk him so he is not in any way angry at me,and he doesn’t seems to have anyone right now.

UPDATE

I’ve send it.
And he aswered right away.

him: Ehy,the motorbike should arrive wednesday. At least I really hope!:smiley:
me: this wednesday?!
him: yes that’s right!!! :smiley:
me: ahahah tha’s really good! the agony is finally over! So how are you doing? everything’s alright? :slight_smile:
him: I hope it is! because if there are any problems I’ll have to wait again. I’m doing fine by the way,you?
me: No come on,there will be no problems you’ll see, so that you can finally enjoy it for the rest of the summer! XD
I’m great,just came back from vacation. Btw I wanted to ask if you and the others are doing anything tonight,because I have something to propose to you all
him: oh I’m sorry but for tonight we have already spent, how about another time? I’ll let you know,ok?
me: that’s alright don’t worry, let me know ^_-. Have a good night!=D

I thik it went well…?
So I already knew from his mother, that he was out with his friends (probably dinner)so I suspected that probably they wouldn’t go out after, so I was not surprised.

uhm now what?..I wait? or I “attack” again tomorrow (maybe too soon) or I let a couple of days pass?

Hey,
Wait at least a couple of days.i recommend you to wait for him to contact you.
Don’t let him think that you are too interested in contacting him.
Be cool and positive.you are on the right track.

hey!.. yeah you are right, after sleeping over,I’ve realised that if I’ll contact him right away I’ll appear needy and desperate XD.
I think I was a bit eager because I’ve just return from vacation and I’m all tan and I’ve lost more weight and I wanted him to see me like this ahahahah.
Yeah I’ll wait for him to contact me,I just hope that he’ll not wait like weeks and weeks, I don’t think he will but one doesn’t know right?.

I’ll keep you updated if anything change :slight_smile:

I think it was good. wait a couple of days and try to be more in control of the conversation (a.k.a let him do the most talking if you you can). If he doeasn’t say anything about hanging out don’t mention it again for a while…just talk and win his confidense!
I started a new thread so if you’d read it I’d be glad! best of luck!

yes I think I should wait, but just for let you guys know, he never was a person that liked to write messages, in fact he’s always out of money because he calls people, he doesn’t like texting that much.
I’m actually sorprise tha he wrote so much …and plus he was out with the boys wich could be a distracting factor, so I actually optimistic.

I don’t expect great “talking” trough texts, that’s why I need to actually talk to him face to face,because we’ve never texted much even in the past,we prefered to talk about thing face to face or calling.
But for the first step I didn’t have any choice but to tex him.

UPDATE!

so…we’ve seen eachother.

Today my father told me that he needed the crutches for my uncle who was at the hospital, but we actually lend them to my ex when he was hurt,so he still had them.

I first called his mum because I didn’t know if he was at home,but she told me that she was at work and to call him.
So I called him.
I explained everything and I say to him if it was ok that I would come and get them and he told me that he was out but he would be leaving right then so he could be home in time,and in the meanwhile he says to come,that there were no problem.

So I went to his house, he came out and gave me the crutches. After that we started talking in a really normal way ( it was the first time talking alone),I asked him about the motorbike (he told me that today was the day where he could have it return) and he said that he was wainting for the call and all,then he asked how I was doing and news about my uncle. When I sensed that continuing the conversation might seems a bit forced we greet eachother and then I went home.

Uhm how do you guys think it went?..
Things didn’t went as I planned for our first meet up alone…but life is life right?

Did I do wrong by not talking about us go out as friends and everything I wanted to say (wich is explained in other messages above)?

I mean it didn’t cross my mind in that moment but I though about it once at home…I don’t know,maybe it wasn’t the right moment?

I didn’t want him to think that maybe I just wanted to talk to him about us , using the crutches as an excuse ( wich is not by the way)

You did the best thing and you did great.
Its really even better that you didn’t say anything about going out.now he doesn’t think if you are needy at all.well done.
He will contact you soon.and you will go out with him.i’m sure.

ahahah thank you a.z!

I had doubts, but I actually think I did well and your reply made me much more confident.

Yes I think that how I acted was not needy at all, in fact I was friendly and supportive about his damn motorbike ( I swear after he was robbed of his former motorbike a few years ago, to buy a new one was like his major thought he had in mind).
So tonight I’ll probably ask him if he heard any news about it and that’s it, if he’ll ask me to hang out with everyone I’ll go , but I’ll not ask him that.

Tomorrow night is when I’m really sure that they’ll go out all togheter.
In that case I’m not sure what to do…if he’ll not say a single thing about it, should I call him and say:
Hi are you guys doing anything tonight? I’ve missed everyone and I would like to hang out. How about going a place where we always hang out,wich is a bit like home for everyone?

I suggest you to wait for him to ask you out.and i’m sure he will.
Text him and ask about the motor bike tonight,thats a good idea and if your saying that the motor bike is something he really cares about,so show your support and be excited when you talk about it.
Wait a little while like 1 week and let him feel comfortable when he is talking to you.like friends.and when he sees no signs of neediness or interest in getting back in you,he will definitely ask you out.even you can ask him out after this week.just let him make sure that you are cool and there is no negative point in you.

yeah sound logical.
I’ll send the text late this evening. Just one question, do you think I should let the cominucation go between text or to actually try to talk to him on the phone,so he can hear my voice being excited and friendly? because I know he don’t really like to text he always prefered to call people, but don’t know maybe I should just text…
sorry a little confused because I’m happy that I’ve see him and talked to him alone so I’m a bit excited, and I don’t want to make mistakes

You have already opened the lines of communication.in your situation,actually phone call is really a better option.i thought you weren’t comfortable otherwise i would have suggested it.only do it if you can control your act totally like friends.he doesn’t have to get any vibe of stress or anything.

yourself*.