Lol I don’t know if he is very intelligent. I’m not all up myself but I’m an intelligent attractive woman and he’s just taking advantage of me. Everyone thinks my ex is nuts cause he behaviour makes no sense especially given his age too. It was planned to be a sleepover too which can still go ahead but he’s not getting any sex. So I wouldn’t be surprised if even if the dinner does go ahead he bails cause he’s not getting any in which case that will be a clear indication that he was using me. So I guess now we’ll have to wait and see if the dinner goes ahead tonight.
How did everything go Natty?
I have been on two dates in the last week, with two different women… And it’s not working, I still can’t stop thinking about the ex… It’s not what I want, so… I’m really not giving it a chance… Still, I just can’t do it I don’t know what is wrong with me…
Hey JAM, I think the dinner actually went quite well in the end. I guess we’ll have to wait and see the aftermath though. He came over a brought a bottle of wine and I had snacks ready and then also made dinner and dessert for us. It was cute I had a scented candle as well just to make it a little romantic. He did end up staying the night but I told him that we’re not having sex until he puts in harder work (and by that i pretty much meant a commitment) and he was like oh but i thought sex was leading up to that anyway and I was like lol well you said lets take things slow and sex isn’t slow. But anyway he had a good tease 
I had some lingerie on and it drove him insane haha so we were just kissing and stuff and we were a little tipsy but definitely no sex or forplay really. So hopefully thats a good sign. I did have to contact him yesterday whilst we were at work after he had left my house because he took my phone charger accidentally and I can’t function without my phone lol. So I went and picked it up from him and things again seemed normal, we had a bit of a chat about work and him taking the charger and stuff. Then as I was leaving he gave me a few kisses. Like it was his initiative . Not much I know but I thought I’d leave it to him to see if he did anything like that cause it was just a quick meeting for a phone charger but he leaned forward and gave me a few pecks or puckered his lips for me to give him a kiss lol. But I guess now the real test is to see if he plans any dates or hangouts like he said to lead up to us potentially becoming a thing again. I really hope so.
Yeah I know how you feel its because they’re not the same as your ex so you just start picking what you don’t like about them. Just keep at the dates and maybe even reopen communication with your ex again
It sounds like everything is going well for you Natty… Keep on that path, you are doing great… You are in control, remember that!!
Yeah, ran into the ex lastnight… She was with a girlfriend who saw me and ran to give me a hug, because she hadn’t seen me in awhile… Gave the ex a hug, she told me that she liked my shirt. Then I told her that it would be best if I left… She went back to her table, where there were three guys sitting… Two of which I know have been chasing her…
Unfortunately I know that she went home with them… But I guess that’s allowed, considering we are not together… Still, sucks thinking about it regardless…
Thanks, I hope I haven’t fucked it up though. I said the other night when we were making up just as a joke like hurry up with us moving forward so we can sleep together again and more regularly and stuff. But it was just a joke lol I was just like this lingerie get up is not for just some booty call. I was joking the whole time but I hope he didn’t take it personally. It was in no way a pressure though.
Just cause she has people pursuing her doesn’t mean anything. But it seems like you just can’t avoid her when you’re out and about
That’s it for now…
Are you feeling ok today JAM ?
I was just about to message you as my ex and I just had a little texting convo while he was on his break at work but I’m not sure if its very good.
We exchange niceties like how are you etc then we got to this.
Me: I don’t like this no sex thing do you lol ?
Him: Hahah of course not
Me: haha its the right thing though right?
Him: Yeah it is until we at least figure out what we both want
Me: Haha well I like you thats al i know
Him: haha cute mate.
He didn’t reciprocate back or anything should i be concerned ?
Well JAM, if things weren’t fucked with my ex they are now. I just sent him a joking text message about sex, even though i don’t want everything with us to revolve around sex and this is how the convo went:
Him: Haha you’re a monster, Get youreslf a toy or a fuck buddy (this upset me cause he’s insintuating i should find someone else?)
Me: Lol sorry for the inapprorpriate message, I don’t want everything to revolve around sex.
Him; All good
Me: You don’t have to answer but do you feel sort of the same lol (this is the first time I’ve sort of asked him how he feels cause as you know its been eating away at me and a couple of his comments today have upset me).
Him: To be honest I think we need to try the friends without benefits first before anything else. I’m all confused in what I want and its not fair to be like you said hot and cold to you.
Him: I don’t want to keep upsetting you because I don’t know what I want
Him: But holy crap you looked good the other night
Me: Yeah thats what I want too like having sex brings even more feelings back lol. But I just wanted to let you know where I stood and that I care about you lol. I just don’t wanna say too much or the wrong thing as well.
And he hasn’t responded. Could be because he’s at work but look at that I was right, he’s gotten what he’s wanted. I don’t feel he’s sincere about the stupid friends thing. I have really tried. I gave him time, I’ve tried to show him I value him and I care and that I’m trying to be different and look what happens.
I’m currently in New York down the street from where we used to live… Living here is what caused things to go bad for us… The article above is what the ex had posted on FB…
Today’s my birthday, and I’ll be in a hotel by myself to celebrate of course… Just a really down day/week…
Natty, you probably should take a step back and let things happen naturally. By saying things like you have its probably feeling to him like he has to “commit” or there is nothing… The friends route is best at this point as bad as it sounds and it’s something you really don’t want to hear… You can’t go from zero to everything that quick… Let it happen at its own pace…
Oh I’m sorry it seems a whole lot of negativity surrounding your birthday. But happiest of birthdays from me in Australia.
I am also really down like you. I don’t expect it to move like that but he sort of made it seem as if we were exclusive to each other seeing where things go then he tells me to go find a fuck buddy (even if its a joke its not very funny). I don’t know how long i can go on feeling like this JAM. I have been crying for a lot of today. Love shouldn’t make a person feel like this. I understand that love isn’t easy but it should make you feel so happy and joyful and thats not how I feel at all. I’m in a very negative headspace right now feeling really bad about myself. And its really not a good time to either. I have two final assignments due for the semester and one is a big one and I just can’t concentrate.
I have this guy messaging me, I’ve known him for years and he isn’t interested in a relationship just sex pretty much. I kind of want to as wrong as it is. I just slept with my ex a week ago and already looking at someone else. I don’t know if I should, he did funnily enough tell me to go find a fuck buddy but last year i went on a simple date where his friend saw us and then abused me. So imagine what the fallout will be if i have sex with someone else. I don’t know what to do i just feel so bad about myself
I wouldn’t go as far as that Natty… You probably feel the same as I in the fact that if you did move on to somebody else for just “sex” that it could potentially ruin your chances of reconciling with the ex…
I’ve been on a couple of dates with different women in the last couple of weeks, but it’s not helping much. I also went to dinner lastnight at the restaurant that my ex and I went to for special occasions when we lived out here, not a good idea either…
Natty… You are at a fork in the road currently, you have to choose which direction you head, either way… You have to stick with whichever one you think is best… If you try to bounce back and forth, you’ll just drive yourself crazy…
I want to continue on as its so painful to be without him but I am struggling to continue on when im still getting hurt by him. I’m struggling to go on cause I feel like why should I bother I’ll never get him back and im just setting myself up for a whole
Lot more pain and I don’t know how Much more I can take of it. Do you see any reason as to why I should continue ?
I’m sorry to carry on like this on your birthday and when you’re having such a rough time too. But you’re in NYC I know you used to live there but live it up for me I love it there
I know that the contact you’ve had with him whether it is text, physical or just meeting up with him makes you feel good. The time in between all of this is what is causing the problems… You still are reading into things more than you probably should…
Yes, he has said/done some things that are cause for alarm… Like I have said, you control the pace at which this moves forward… You have the power to do this… I would say that you go NC for a week or two, don’t reply to any of his text’s or his attempts to push you into making poor decisions… If he keeps trying afterwards then you know it’s more for him than just sex… If he disappears, then you know where he stood… This should help to clear things up for you and make your choice either way easier…
My ex wants nothing to do with me, other than posting articles about moving on to FB like I posted here. That’s the only thing I ever see that makes me think that she even cares, or is struggling herself…
But my ex practically confirmed all the thoughts that I was having. And I know its not sex now he told me to go find a fuck buddy even though it might have been a joke and he said he wants to be friends without benefits so i don’t even know what that means. I’m not sure about the whole no contact thing cause it might piss him off so that he just leaves and we never work it out. I just can’t believe this happened again, him playing the same games and even if it doesn’t lead to the same result I don’t care it fucking hurts and he said he wouldn’t do such things again.
Thats attention seeking posts though obviously directed at you. Not sure for what purpose but she’s not just posting them for her friends.
That’s the point Natty… If you are looking for a sign as to if you should move on, this would do that…
If he gets upset and never contacts you again, then you should do the same and move on. If he is still trying to persistently contact you after that though, then maybe it’s just the fact that he says stupid things without thinking about the consequences of his words… Either way, it’s the sign you’re looking for to help you with your decision…
I went to “our” restaurant lastnight for my birthday with a mutual friend and posted it on FB, she liked it, which is par for the course on the confusing scale…
How about limited contact ? I don’t want to cut him off fully. He sent me a snapchat this morning though I think he sent it to all his other friends so nothing special. I’m going to leave the contact and meetups to him though. I also went shopping today and ran into his friend and roommate who actually likes me and we had a good chat. We talked about him doing jury duty and I made some jokes sort of paying myself out (mocking if you don’t understand Australian :P) and then he sort of said before getting distracted with a customer “alright well i’ll see you round home” (well thats what it sort of sounded like, however if thats the case he might not know what went down with my ex yesterday so who knows) and then he also said how my ex had gotten a letter about jury duty and he was like “oh didn’t he tell you that” he didn’t mean it in an awkward way but yeah it made me think a little. But overall meeting the friend was good i think cause we had a good laugh.
Hmmm your ex seems all over the place. But how was your birthday in the end. Did she send you a personal birthday message ? I’m very jealous you’re in NYC I love NYC would be the perfect distraction city for someone like me haha.
Well pretty sure my ex is messaging someone else these days. Have barely heard from him and I can see he’s snap chatting someone else (sending photos) as I can see the tally going up continuously and he’s not sending it to me. Oh well at least I know I am not limited in my options. Which doesn’t provide much console haha.
If you do that, then limited contact should be that you don’t initiate it and if he does, responses should be simple but not rude… NO FLIRTING!! It sends the wrong message to him…
I sent her a pic of our old place, no message… She responded with a sad face and said by the way happy birthday…
That has been it though…
Lol well funnily enough last night i fell asleep accidentally when he sent me a Facebook message. It wasn’t even anything really but he does this send pointless messages then when I respond doesn’t bother to respond again. What type of game is he playing at ? If he’s not careful I’m going to fucking rip his head off lol I’m not the most patient person but I think I’ve been so patient and kind to him and this is what I get. This is why I wonder if I actually stand a chance no matter how nice and patient I am or is he just playing games.
Well thats a bit of a pathetic birthday message from her. Were you disappointed or hurt by it ?
Also my ex has owed me money from the house we rented together and I think i’ve told you I’ve been quite kind and not pushed him to give it back to me. Is there any chance he might have been using me so i would take it easy on him regarding the money he owed me. Its not something I’d think he would do but I’m just not sure now cause he just started paying me back.