Meeting up with his mum..

So last week my exes mum text me and asked if I wanted to go for tea (2 we were always very close), I agreed and were meeting tomorrow! How do you think I should play it? Should I tell her I’m not giving up or should I make it look like iv moved on and am over it?
She told me last time I saw her that she knows he will realise but she doesn’t know when and that he will always compare and so will the whole family…
So I just wondered what you all thought about what I let on and what I keep close to my chest?

Anybody any advice? We’re meeting in 8 hours.

Colleagues at work this morning have told me i shouldn’t even be going, that it should be a clean break and i should leave it… but they don’t know my secret battle to win him back!

So confused!

Ooh this is hard! You could go with acting like you’ve moved on and are totally over him… That might kinda get to him a little bit if his mum tells him that you looked happy and confident and over him… But is that what you want?

It sounds like a good opportunity to see what his mum thinks he’s feeling though… You never know what she might tell you :slight_smile:

I think I’m gonna be strong and act fine (I am really), but she will know I miss him, were close so she will be able to tell!
To be honest im not sure he’ll have opened up to her much as he finds she tried to control his life… But I am hoping she’ll have something new for me! Who knows! I’m say waiting now so I will keep you updated x

Good luck!

Thanks @annakis

So it went okay! I got a little upset as his cousin was there who is 6 and she gave me flowers and a kiss and hug and it made me cry! Just a little overwhelming…

His mum said I look really good, that it was the first thing she noticed! :slight_smile: always a positive!

hes kept his cards very close to his chest with her too so she said she couldn’t give me any indication how he’s feeling but that she thinks I should text him to open the communication again… She said she just doesn’t have a clue what will happen either but that I am doing all the right things… As positive as it could be I guess?

Mm, yes, definitely seems like a positive rather than a negative… I don’t tell my parents anything either so I imagine it’d be much the same if it was me.

How long have you been doing NC now?

I’ll be 30 days tomorrow! :S I can’t work out if I’m ready or not… I think I am but im nervous! How ridiculous is that?
He’s always been quite reserved with his emotions anyway! Which was why I was suprised that he cried when he said his goodbyes, I’d only seen it once before in the whole 6 years and it was when he told me he loved me for the first time (he’d had a few drinks too). So I don’t even know what that means?

Oh wow… Hrm I’m in the same place kind of, really considering whether or not to write my ex a letter… Something like the ‘magic letter’ but a little more heartfelt perhaps…

But like you I’m not sure if I’m ready! My head tells me to wait until I’m moved on a bit before I send it, wait until i’m more stable… But my heart is telling me SEND IT NOW!

I thought about the letter a lot! But i’m not sure how he’d take it…

Yes im nervous but getting antsy about texting him, i think i need to do it, but i do worry for my feelings haha!

Hrm yeah I know how you feel…

I just wrote my ex an apology letter… It’s mostly just me trying to take responsibility for what I did wrong and telling her that I’m sorry. I mentioned a little bit about how I’m trying to grow as a person too…

Really nervous about sending it, but I want her back in my life. Perhaps sending this will help, I dunno…

How far into NC are you? Sorry if you’ve already told me, I lose track…

I definitely think if it’s been enough time then a letter won’t harm… Just make sure it’s not obviously trying to get you back together :slight_smile: im sure you know that already…

You’ll have to let me know when you send it and what happens! I can’t decide whether to text mine tomorrow before I sort his stuff out on Saturday or on Monday after iv sorted it! I know he has plans with friends this weekend so don’t want to do it then! Do you think I should do Monday or tomorrow?

Ooh hrm! Well if it were me I’d want to wait until monday simply because it’d give me time to get my head together, you know what I mean? Decide what I really want to say… But if you feel ready now, go for it :stuck_out_tongue:

No I think your right… I’ll wait until Monday!
I was literally just going to say that i have his stuff and give him the option of him getting it from me and meeting up to see each other or that I will give it to his mum! That way if he wants to see me he can but if he doesn’t or he’s not ready he doesn’t feel im pushing it. I was also going to say I hope he enjoyed his weekend as I know what he has planned and he’s been looking forward to it! Or do you think that looks too stalkerish? How familiar should I be when we haven’t spoken in what will be 5 weeks?

Hrm well personally I think it’d be fine to ask if he enjoyed his weekend as long as you keep it all light hearted and fun :slight_smile: Sounds like you’ve got a pretty good plan together.

I feel like it too! Doesn’t mean it’ll work though eh? Only time will tell!

@pineappleblue how you getting on? Have you decided about your letter?

I think what’s helping me is giving up the idea that I can control things and giving up expectations… Instead of thinking oh I’ll send this letter and then she should contact me I’m thinking I’ll send this letter and see what happens. That way instead of thinking oh what if this happens or what if she does this I’m thinking that no matter what happens, even if she tells me she hates me and never even wants to talk again, I will deal with it…

So basically I’m trying to give up the idea that I need to be in control, you know? It’s up to her how she reacts, not me, all I can do is try my honest best to connect with her…

@annakis I think thats definitely the right way to look at it! Because its true, no matter how hard we try, if they dont want to come back, they wont. And lets be honest, if they didnt want to, would we want them to?

All everyone ever asks is the best of us. If that’s not enough then our efforts deserve to be reciprocated elsewhere. Hard to hear, but true.

@KD1988 No progress yet. Its day 31 today but i haven’t reached out yet. I thought long and hard about writing the letter but everyone, including his mum, told me i have nothing to apologise for and it was completely natural to want the things i wanted after 6 years. So so far i haven’t written anything…
I’m emptying out a storage unit tomorrow which has some of this things in, so i will send him a message to say i have it, and see what he comes back with. All i can do it go from there. How are you getting on?

@pineappleblue

that sounds good. If there is no apology to be made then definitely don’t go making one!! You sound very strong and clear, which is brilliant. Yes go from there, it’s hard to predict things or know what to do, when you don’t know what outcome you might get from things, best to just go with the flow isn’t it.
Yes not bad thank you. Have felt a lot stronger these past couple of days. I know what went wrong in my relationship, and it was out of my control. I have worked really hard at sorting myself out, I know deep down he has feelings, he can’t meet me because of it, but I am just carrying on doing what I’m doing, and when we do eventually meet, he will see how much I have sorted myself out!