You can call and see if you can take her out. You never know if you don’t try. If she says yes then make sure to make it casual and fun. If she says no then just respect it. Wish her a Happy birthday the day of and go on. After that take some time away from her. You’re not really giving her a chance to miss you by trying to text everyday. You know she’s stressed right now and yeah her ex that she used to love is texting her so it’s probably not helping a whole lot. You’ve kinda come back into her life. Right now she doesn’t want that. That’s why she’s not texting you. She’s just not ready for it. She’s probably still trying to convince herself that she doesn’t feel anything for you anymore. She’s lying to herself. It makes it easier to move on at first but eventually she’ll start really missing you. It might take a month or longer but she’ll start feeling the same way you are. But right now you can’t make this a huge deal. She’s not texting back, so what? She already said she’s not really ready for it. But what I see is her at least being nice about it. She kinda knows you might want to try again. Maybe you not texting for a while will make her really start to question that. Which will make her think of you more. You’ve just gotta keep your head and not let all this make you miserable.
I’ve had my moments still. It’s like there two sides of me now. The side that does still love and miss her and is doing okay. I know there’s other opportunities in the world and I’m just waiting for fate to decide if her and I were meant to be. Yeah it makes me feel sad that it’s over but one day the sadness will be gone and I can just be myself again. Then there’s this side filled with a lot of anger. I’m mad at myself and her. It makes me wish I never met her. Makes me hurt deep down inside. I feel like I can’t trust anyone like that again. I let her into my heart and she just didn’t care in the end. I feel like I no longer mean anything to her. She hasn’t talked to me at all. She just left me and that was that. Like it all meant so little to her. It makes me hate her. My blood boils in my veins and I just want to break her new fuckboys legs. Almost makes me feel like i was never truly loved and that it was all a lie. I don’t usually let the second side come out as much. I try to stay positive and keep moving forward with myself. I’m getting better but at an excruciatingly slow pace. And sometimes I just can’t help but to feel angry at the world for all this. For bringing her and I together just for it all to end like this. Life really sucks sometimes 
I guess you can’t spell life without an L…
If you stop talking to her you’re not going to just automatically lose any progress youve made. Ik you feel like it would but it won’t. She’s still going through the whole breakup process too. She’s just making it harder on herself. You can tell because she can barely text you. It’s too much for her. So she obviously still has feelings. She’s just denying them. She’s doing anything and everything to convince herself that she doesn’t. But one day she’ll realize that she still does. Just continue to be nice and have that open door policy for her. If she needs anything you’ll be there. Just remember to be cool and patient with her. She’s kinda fragile emotionally right now. So respect her space. Just start focusing on yourself again. You have to be happy. Have a happy life and she’ll see that. Right now you’re letting all these emotions really get to you. You can’t do that. You’ll make poor decisions and she’ll start seeing through you. So be happy again. You need to live your life. Ik it’s hard but there’s seriously so much more than just her. She’s almost nothing compared to what is going to happen to you. Life is so much bigger than just one person. Learn to love yourself before you love anyone else.
I’m sorry things aren’t going great. But you’ve gotta stay tough. It’s hard getting thriugh all this but I know you can. I hope this helps.
Don’t apologize for anything.
#1 that brings up the relationship.
#2 why apologize? She hasn’t really caused you of anything lately. Saying sorry for something in the past now won’t really matter to her.
#3 it makes you look like you’re trying to maybe please her in some way. Like saying sorry will makes something better. So it’s best not to.
Don’t apologize until it’s the right time. Right now it’s a little out of place. One day it’ll come up between you two. It’ll have a lot more meaning on that day. So just wait till the right moment.
Hi Carey,
I think I am going to call her and ask if she wants to do something for her birthday. I’m really nervous though, I don’t think she’ll say yes. I don’t understand why she is saying she’s not sure when she’d want to be friends. It’s really confusing to me, I suppose what I am doing is a bit confusing to her.
I don’t really want to force her to feel like she has to do this, I just think it might be fun. I feel like we should try to do something special for her birthday if she isn’t doing anything. I think it might be a good time. But it is her birthday so you can do what you want. I was just thinking it might be something fun.
Do you think I should throw in the idea about her bringing other people? Do you think I should ask for the 1 on 1 first and then suggest inviting others if she isn’t really into the 1 on 1 idea? Do you think this is a bad idea? I don’t know how she’ll react if I ask her about that.
Its good you think she’ll eventually start missing me, maybe. I hope she already is but I hate that I dont understand where she’s at. I feel like asking her to coffee scared her off a bit. I think maybe she’s trying to put her defenses up until she’s okay with seeing this other guy. I just want to wiggle back in before that happens, but that seems really scary and hard to do.
Do you think she might already know that I am trying to get back with her and she just might not be ready for that or something? I’m just really confused. I suppose I shouldn’t try to think about it too much, maybe that will make it easier, but I feel like the longer I take the easier it is to get over me.
I do need to respect her space and be more emotionally strong than her. I think that will really help me get her back.
I’m sorry you get angry at some points. I know what it feels like my friend. Sometimes I get so angry I don’t know why I even bother, at least I feel I have a bit more hope given my situation so I try to turn my anger into hope. I need to continue to work on myself while this is happening.
I don’t think I’m going to apologize for a bit, I think it makes me look a little desperate. Maybe if we meet in person I will but I’ve just been feeling really damn guilty lately. I just wish she’d talk to me more again.
Also her birthday is on Wednesday this week, do you think j should call her today or wait to call her tomorrow? Idk which one would be better
It’s up to you when to call her. You can suggest doing something but if she sounds unsure you can add that she can bring whoever she wants. And if she says no then it’s not a big deal. It doesn’t really mean she’s over you or doesn’t like you. She’s just in a rough spot in her life. Be friendly and understand where she’s coming from. It’ll make you look good.
In all honesty I think if she wants to be with that other guy she’s going to be with him. It’ll be her rebound. From how things sound she’d def not over you. She doesn’t exactly know where she is emotionally. This guy does sound bad for her. So if she does end up going for him then don’t panic. She’ll figure out he’s not right and she’ll look back at all thsi and see how cool you were about everything. You were also there for her and a good friend. Keep that up no matter what happens. It’ll make you look better in the end. People are like shapes. We’ve all got places in our life where certain things fit perfectly. Everything has its shape too. But everyone has a unique shape. Once that person’s gone, nothing can ever fit that old space. No one is alike. She may try to cover that spot up with a different shape, but she’ll never replace it. Nothing will ever fit perfectly there. When we do find someone new, and it’s the right time for us emotionally, then we give them a new space. We’ll always have that small empty space where that person impacted our lives. Right now she’s trying to find ways to fill that spot. In the end she’ll figure out nothing will ever fit. You’re the same way. You might find someone new, but you’ll have that spot where you’ll always remember her. Later on in your life you might have that spot filled again or you might not. Either way you’ll be happy.
She might suspect your intentions but she can never confirm that unless you tell her straight up. You don’t make it obvious cause you’re just being friendly. But at least she knows that the door is open. You’re familiar to her.
Just keep being patient. Try not to make up different scenarios that haven’t even happened. You’ll drive yourself crazy. Hope things start looking up for you.
Hi Carey,
I think I’m going to call her tomorrow. I really don’t want to call her today, not in the best of sorts right now because of some personal stuff with my Grandma. I’m not really sure what the best plan of attack is, I really hope she just says yes straight up. But I don’t think she will after she turned be down for coffee last week. Ughh. I just wish I could get inside her head. I just want to get her re attracted to me before she goes after this other guy. I don’t know if I can deal with everything if she goes for him instead. I hope I can get her back before that happens. I don’t know if that’s possible. I feel like I’ve already lost to somebody who doesn’t deserve her. I’m not sure how you deal with that feeling Carey.
I thought about her a lot today. I don’t think she thinks about me at all. I just wish I could get her to talk to me more. Based on what she said earlier this week I don’t think she’s ready to have an in person conversation. Does this mean I should try to text her some more? I mean I’m going to call her tomorrow and ask her to dinner but I don’t know if she’s going to say yes. In fact I think she’ll say no. I just want to have a casually fun night with her. Maybe her birthday will be enough to convince her to say yes. I hope it is, if not I’ll try to sell her on the friends thing, if that doesn’t work, well then its her birthday and I want to make it special but it should also be something that she wants to do.
I can’t do anything right I feel like. I went from talking to her 24/7 to just nothign and now she’s probably talking to him all the time instead of me.
Why do you think she’s def not over me? I do think I need to play things cool if they get together but I’ll probably be dying on the inside. I don’t know if I can deal with it. I just hope she says yes to the birtday thing and somehow everything will go well I don’t know. I don’t really know what to do after this if this doesn’t work. This was always the thing I was looking forward to for a while.
I know you say she’s in a rough spot in her life and I think thats true but thats what she wanted. I don’t want to see her like that. I want to help her. I still care for her a lot. I just don’t understand why she is doing this to herself.
Why do you think she knows the door is open?
Any updates on your end?
What if I’ve taken too long to do this and she is just gone from me? Maybe if I would have done things differently and more quickly she might be back with me. Maybe if I didn’t do no contact for a while and just kept trying to help her maybe she’d want me back I don’t know. Ughh, why is this so hard sometimes.
Well today is the day. I’m pretty nervous I really hopes this goes well. Quick question, what if she is busy tomorrow night with other plans, would it be weird to be like “well we can celebrate your birthday some other day if you are busy”. And then see if she wants to do stuff on Thursday or Friday or something. Is that a bad idea or should I just go for it?
You can ask what if questions all day. You’ll never get the answers. You just have to stick with the now. Where you are now is where you stay. Can’t really change the past. Yeah it sucks but thats how it goes.
She knows the door is always open as in if she needs anything or if things are just too much for her, she can always count on you to be there. You provide her with that feeling.
I have no idea what she thinks or why she’s doing what shes doing. No one ever will. Why did my ex leave me for some guy she met in just a month and start having sex and getting high with some deadbeat who has no career path? Those kind of questions won’t ever be answered. And you can wish to know all you want. It’s just best to stop asking why.
Let’s say she does start dating some other guy. You can’t let that ruin you. You’ve just got to go on with your life. It’ll be rough. Like really really rough. But it’s almost like life forces it on you so you can’t help it. It’s up to you on how you handle it. You can do your best to get over it and not dwell, or you can stay stuck with it. Things get easier. But they get harder before they do. Getting her back could take you months honestly. You’ve gotta be ready for all the emotional burdens you’ll face. Patience is a virtue right now. You kinda just have to stop caring about things so much. It makes it easier.
She’s not over you because you can’t just love someone and the next month be done with them. That feeling stays for a long time. Years even. Plus her behavior is a giveaway. She’s going through a breakup too.
I know things are hard and I understand it’s stressful. But you’ve gotta keep going and stay strong through it. You’re not making this better by being sad or getting upset when she does or doesn’t do something. You can’t dwell on that sort of thing. It makes things harder in the end.
Yeah it’s be fine to ask to celebrate it another day. We celebrated my older brothers birthdays yesterday and it was over a month ago. It doesn’t really matter when. It’s for the same thing even if it’s on a different day. Just as long as she’s not too busy I doubt it’d be a problem.
Hi Carey,
I’m a bit doubting calling her today after talking with my therapist. My therapist said that she’s being pretty clear about her boundaries and me calling her and asking her might cause me to disrespect her boundaries and that isn’t really good. I still kinda want to call her today so I don’t know what to do. What do you think?
I’m thinking about maybe talking to her about if I can help her bring down some of her boundaries sometime tonight before I call her and then if that conversation goes well then maybe I’d call her tonight or tomorrow but I don’t know what my best course of action is. I suppose maybe I shouldn’t self doubt myself. Maybe that’s a bad practice but j don’t know what to do.
I think maybe if I preface that expectation with the fact that it’s super casual and it’s okay because it’s her birthday and she can decide what she wants to do.
It’s up to you. You know the situation best. I think it wouldn’t be a bad thing if you’re just cool and keep the pressure off. No matter what she says just be cool with it. It is her day after all. Either way it’s not a huge deal. You can always keep it simple with a happy birthday the day of. But in the end it’s your choice. I bet you feel conflicted with it. Just keep calm and make the choices that seems right to you. Hope no matter what things go well.
Things didn’t go too well Carey 
I’m rather sad now
She said no Carey, I’m sad and I don’t know what to do now. Why do I even bother with this she never wants to talk to me anymore and doesn’t care about me. Why did I get into this in the first place
I got ahold of her on work chat but I think I made myself look like even more of an idiot and she didn’t really respond super well, she just seems completely closed off and uninterested in me now.
I went through some of our old conversations on Facebook when I was actually helping her get through the accident thing and she would actually talk to me then. Reading through that was nice. But now I just hurt. I feel useless. I don’t know what to do now or what to look forward to. Should I ask her how her birthday was tomorrow.
After I asked her if she wanted to get dinner with me and she said no, somebody asked if she was doing anything fun on work chat and she said she didn’t have anything planned, which made me really sad. It’s like “hey I friggin asked if you wanted to do something”. I feel worthless. I just want to be with her. All this I did for her and now she wants none of it. I don’t know what to do. What do I do now? Should I just give up and let her go after this other guy?
I think I sounded pretty cool and calm and collected when I called her. I just wanted to present her with the idea of this whole thing. I think I sounded confident. She didn’t have any plans so I just went for it. She said “no, but thanks for the offer” or something like that. I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know why I’m even bothering in the first place. She doesn’t seem to cAre about me, I don’t think she wants me anymore. I don’t know what to do.
I think I pushed her further away from me and she’s probably put up her defenses again
I think you should step away from it all and start moving on. Ik that’s hard to hear and I highly doubt it’s what you want to do but it’s what you need to do. I’m sorry it all didn’t work out for you. It still might, you never know. But right now it’s best to just move forward in your life. Focus on yourself and try to forget about her. In time you’ll begin to feel better. I’m sure right now everything just hurts and you feel like shit. I’ve been there. You’ve taken some hard hits. You have to pick yourself off the ground and start moving forward again.
I’ll try my best to be on here as much as possible to talk when you need it. The next two weeks for me are finals so I’m trying to manage that right now. Just cramming as much studying as possible. I’ll check in when I get some breaks to see how you’re doing.
Right now there really isn’t much you can do that’s going to change anything. Just better yourself as a person so that if you do meet someone new someday or if your ex starts talking to you again, you’ll be ready physically and mentally.
I talked to that girl finally. She’s seeing someone… she was so damn cute too. Ugh it’s upsetting! Other than that there’s nothing new on my end. Still no contact with my ex at all. She’s still with that other guy. Prob be with him a long time. I don’t even care now. I just want to be myself again. So I’m moving on. It’s really getting easier. Yeah I still have those moments where I think of her. It’ll be a few months before I stop having those moments. Maybe one day I’ll find someone new. Honestly I’m just waiting till I graduate. I’ll be able to move away and start my aviation career. After that idk. I dont even know what’s going to happen to me now. I’m just letting life guide me along. Hopefully I can stop taking L’s… and I think I’ll grow a beard. I’ve always wanted to.
I know things don’t seem good anymore. But you’ve gotta be strong. Get through the tough days and you’ll begin to see the happy ones again. It gets easier. I’m here if you need me.
Hi Carey,
Had a pretty terrible day yesterday honestly. It was her birthday and she didn’t want to be with me on it, I didn’t talk to her yesterday. I thought about it but maybe it’s best to leave her alone.
I might try to get something out of her tonight, she did tell me that she wasn’t ready to be friends with me yet. And wasn’t ready to have an in person conversation but she did appreciate me asking her to dinner. My therapist told me on Monday to try to ask her why she is putting up these barriers for me and if there is anything I can do to ease them up for now. She seems really hesitant to talk to me about anything right now and that could be for many reasons honestly. I think it might be wise to try to get something out of her. It might go well it might not.
I understand you think I should try to move on , but she did say she really wanted to be friends with me just not right now. Maybe I can figure out why she is thinking like that and then continue to move forward with that. She has to trust me as a friend I think before we can be more than friends. I’m a bit scared she might try to friend zone me if I go this way but I don’t see any other option.
Good luck on your finals my friend.