Hi Carey,
I think I might go for the birthday idea. I like the idea of having her bring some friends, but idk how I would like present that to her. Also, I feel like she might bring this other guy if I ask if she wants to bring friends and idk how well that would go. I was thinking about asking some of her closer friends but they are all out of state. Also if I bring it up to any of her close friends I feel like I like the idea I just don’t know how I would pull it off. Does that make any sense?
I mean dinner is a pretty serious step and I don’t want to ruin her birthday by making it about me. It should be something fun, but I don’t know how best to set that up.I have to think about that and come up with a plan. I wonder if I could somehow set up a surprise party. Problem is I don’t really know who I’d invite. Maybe thats a terrible idea because I’d be talking to a lot of people who are close to her. I feel like if I ask her to dinner just with me I don’t really know if she’d say yes honestly. I think she’d probably say no given how things have been going with me talking to her lately.
I haven’t talked to her in like 3 or 4 days. I think I might send her a text or two tonight just asking how her thanksgiving went. I don’t know how well that will go, but it has been a few days. Hopefully she is doing a little bit better or feeling a little bit better about me. I don’t really understand where she is at. I just feel really confused, and I think maybe she is too. Maybe she just hasn’t told me that she is over me, but then idk why she would say yes to coffee.
I don’t think I have all the information and I feel really hopeless about this whole thing, and I don’t really understand why. The fact she said yes to coffee is a good thing, but the fact that she doesn’t reply to texts is confusing. Hopefully she responds well tonight.
My friend suggested that since coffee went well last week that maybe I should ask her to coffee again sometime this week, or before her birthday, since it will continue to be casual meetings. I’m not sure how I feel about that.I think its a good idea I’m honestly just scared she’ll turn me down. Maybe we’ll see how texting goes the next few days. My friend said that we could have coffee and I could basically explain all the things that I am doing to self improve and how I’m trying to work on things, which I think could work in my favor.
Congrats on the new car my friend. That’s really cool.
I want to say thanks as well. You have no idea how much your messages have helped me get through some rough days. I’m hoping the rough days will go away soon. Maybe they will, maybe they wont. I don’t know. You have been a great person to talk to as well. Really really helpful. More than you know. I don’t think I would have made it this far without you. Thank you so much for that. I really hope my ex somehow wants to get back with me someday, hopefully soon. I think your ex will realize she messed up sometime as well. Idk when it will be, but I believe it to be the case.
Hi Carey,
So I really like your bring friends idea. Honestly, I’m thinking about maybe setting up a surprise party for her. Problem is she doesn’t have too many friends up here and I don’t have too many ways to contact them.
Is a surprise party a terrible idea? The problem is I’d have to convince her to come to dinner with me by what she thinks is herself, also idk if she has any sort of plans.
Honestly I think a surprise party is so crazy it just might work. Problem is I have no clue how I’d get to the point of talking to them without them telling her directly. Too complicated? Too much? Is this a terrible idea?
The party with friends idea is good. A surprise party would be complicated right now I feel. Like you said it’d be hard to get in contact with all these people to set it up. Then there’s always that Jackass who would go to her and say, “I thought you broke up with him, why is he throwing you a surprise birthday party?” Then the plan is kinda ruined. But a birthday dinner with her and some friends would be great. Just try to get in touch with some people who maybe live close or who might want to make a drive to see all their friends. Make sure you can get a good amount of people before you tell her it’s what you want to do. With people already going she’s kinda stuck saying yes. Yeah might be a rude trap in a way but oh well. I think with you thinking up all thsi and getting everyone together for her birthday, she’ll see it as a really good gesture on your part.
Of course there’s the whole complicated part about calling or texting all these people. But I feel like you working hard to make it happen will show. Plus you have some time to start setting it up. Once things start falling into place, send her a text or call her up or even meet her for coffee and say you’ve had an idea for her birthday and that your friends would love it if you did it. Everyone would have a good time. And you’ll have a chance to talk to her and be a good friend to her. Not to mention you can catch up with everyone else there. It’d be a little rough putting it all together but it’d be worth it.
That hopeless feeling is one I know all too well. One step forward and a thousand steps back. Seems like just when you think you gain ground it kinda falls apart again. You just have to think positive and about other things. Let the past relationship die. Your goal is a new one. You can’t think of it as getting someone you lost. She’s a new person now. Life changes people. It’s changed you in the past 2 months dramatically. Same for her. You’re two entirely new people. So think of things as you’re just crushing hard on this girl who seems to be out of your reach. It’s up to you to get her to notice you again.
Hope the party idea works out. If not than its okay. Not the end of the world. You’ll still have other opportunities in the future.
Carey I need help I sent her a text a few hours ago and she hasn’t responded I don’t know what to do. I went to go see a movie with my friends. I thought that would distract me for a while but she still hasn’t responded. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t reply. She is sitting on our work chat right now I don’t know what to do. Why does she ignore me? What is wrong with me? What did I do wrong?
Hi Carey,
Well I sent her a text last night and she still hasn’t responded. I don’t know what she is doing or what I did wrong. I’ve been trying to take this slow but I feel like she just doesn’t want to talk to me. What do I do? I still want to ask her to coffee maybe. And I’m still thinking about setting something up for her birthday but jdk how I’d do it.
My therapist was the one who suggested I reach out to her and ask her for coffee before I ask her to dinner. She said it would be a good thing to get casual again before something more like dinner. she basically suggested I tell her I have some stuff I still have to say and explain what sort of changes I have been doing and how I have improved. then I’d give her a few days to think about what I’ve said. My problem is I don’t think she’d say yes to coffee with me again so maybe j should just wait until her birthday but I don’t know what I’d do for that.
What do you think I should do? I’m really not doing to well since she didn’t respond to my text yesterday. Am I freaking out about one text too much or is she trying to just tell me to leave her alone?
Her not responding to your text isn’t really a big deal. It does seem like maybe she’s just not responding to anything. Maybe she’s busy, maybe she doesn’t want to talk, maybe she’s really ignoring you. That doesnt matter honestly. It doesn’t really seem that she’ll accept another coffee invite. It just doesn’t look like she’s ready to start being friends again. Ik that’s hard to digest but its something you might have to accept for a while. If she’s not ready, anything you attempt will only make her put her defenses back up. I know you’ve taken things slow but maybe you should just step away entirely. Only for a while. Try to be happy without her. It’s possible. I understand you love her and care about her. But for now you just need to let it all go. The only thing all this has brought is a lot of stress and heartbreak. It’s not fair that you should be stuck like that waiting for someone to come around. She’s just in a different place right now. You should maybe go the next month or so on your own. Distance yourself from it all. If you need to talk I’m here. You’ve also got your friends and family. I’m not telling you to move on. I’m just saying take a break to relax and take thing easy for a while.
As far as her birthday goes. You can still try to get a party going or take her to dinner. But if that doesn’t work out, do something super simple. A happy birthday text, a card with maybe a candy bar. No big gifts.
I know things are hard. I bet you feel stuck right now. I do. Lately I’ve been either really missing my ex or just really angry at her. She just had no dedication in the end. All the promises she made were all lies. It just leaves me feeling empty and so alone. But I try my best to get through it all. I still workout everyday and focus on college. I hang out with friends. That girl I guess stopped working out at my gym so I missed that opportunity. 
I just take things day by day now. I’m doing okay. I don’t think my ex even cares about me anymore. Sad to think about but I know I deserve better. Used to think I couldn’t do any better than her. She was my world. Now she’s just an ex who left me with nothing but bittersweet memories and a heavy blow to my self esteem. I just kinda have to stop and look at the things I have in my life that I’m thankful for. It gets easier eventually. For now we just have to continue pushing forward.
I’m sorry things aren’t going well. Just keep your head up. It gets easier.
Hi Carey,
So uhh interesting thing happened late last night. I went on work chat and was going to sent her a quick friendly message pretty much just asking if she was there. There was a weird glitch that was happening with the app on my phone so I wanted to ask her about it. I said “hey you here?” just to start things off because I had a legit question for her. Before I could type the question out she said something like “hey, sorry for not replying to your texts, I was going to reply to them in a while, I want to be friends with you, I’m just not in a good place mentally right now.”
I’m not really sure what she means by that, but honestly I think its a good thing. Is it a good thing? I think it might mean she is confused about where she is at with me. Anyways we talked for a bit about some simple stuff. I asked if she wanted to talk to me about some of the mental things that were bothering her, but I said I understood that she might not want to talk to me about that stuff. I asked if she wanted to talk about it, she said she didn’t want to get into it. I can understand that honestly but it still makes me confused about where she is at. Now, do I continue and try to push my advantage even though it might make her uncomfortable? I feel like this could help, but I don’t really know what she is thinking.
Anyways I made a joke to her after talking for a bit. It was a real big inside joke that we had between the two of us. After I made that joke, she like didn’t respond for like 10 minutes. I kinda got scared I upset her. I almost called her. She came back a bit later and was like “sorry I can’t really handle inside jokes right now”. She said I didn’t upset her though. So I didn’t really know what to do after that so I just said I was going to head to bed. Did I make a mistake? What does it mean when she says she can’t handle inside jokes? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I think since she explained that she is a bit emotional right now maybe I should press my advantage. But she has set up a boundary so maybe I should wait for a bit before I come on too strong. My therapist suggested that I ask her to go try to get coffee with her again and basically explain what I’ve been doing to self improve. She even suggested that I maybe tell her that I still want to be with her. I dont know if that’s something that she would want to hear right now considering everything. Do you think I should tell her I have feelings for her or just continue to try to play it cool?
I think based on what she said yesterday I might be disrespecting her boundaries she has established right now by setting up a surprise party. I think maybe based on how coffee this week goes I can move forward with setting that up. We will see. Maybe I can ask her if there is anything I can do to get her to want to be friends with me again, since she doesn’t feel she is ready for it right now. There could be a million reasons why that would be the case.
What do you think I should do? Also sorry that hot girl maybe switched gyms. Thats a shame, I’m sure you’ll see her again someday :). Hope all is well my friend.
Well that’s a pretty quick turn of events. From what she says, she really is going through a lot. It is a good thing for you. Maybe not her. But you can tell she wanted to text you back. She had that small need to. Definitely continue to be cool and be a good friend. If you try to push her or tell her your intentions, she’ll just end up putting her defenses up. She’s definitely not in the right place right now for that. But she needs some friends. That means you should be somewhat distant yet helpful to her. Just keep having small conversions with her. Try avoiding making any jokes or references to the past. The inside joke reminded her of your past relationship. That’s why she closed up to it. Try talking about a few new things. Have conversations that have nothing to do with the past or her stressful situations. Try to take her mind off of it. When she’s ready she’ll open up to you. It may take a while, but it’ll happen. Just be cool and take it slow. Don’t push too hard. She’s just not ready.
I think you should just do something simple for her birthday. A card or some candy. It doesn’t sound like she’s really ready for a social gathering. Just keep it simple to show you remembered it was her birthday. She’ll really notice that later on.
Again don’t push your limits. It’s good that she did msg you on there telling you she wanted to reply to your msgs. But she’s just not really sure what she needs. Like i said she’s going through the same thing you are. You know she cares about you because your relationship wouldn’t hage lasted that long if she didn’t. So she still feels something for you deep down. Right now it’s just clouded behind a lot of problems that she needs to figure out herself. You being pushy won’t help her at all it’ll only stress her out even more. So just be a cool friend in all the stress. She may not appropriate it now, but later on when she starts to feel better she’ll see that you were understanding and respected her. It’ll make you look good in the long run. Just be patient. And try not to put all your focus into this. Be proactive with yourself. Keep cooking and working out. Find things to do to improve your own look. If you focus too much on this you’ll end up getting impatient and making a mistake. Then you’ll be close to square one again.
That girl came in today! I was so happy. Ran like two miles just cause I had to motivation to. After that I did some planks and burbees while she actually worked out next to me. Idk if she might want to talk to me or thinks I’m just a creep who somehow ends up working out close to her… either way I’ll attempt to start a conversation next time I see her. Hopefully it goes well. Also found some new music. About 40 new songs. Some of it really stricks home with how I feel sometimes. Others are just songs I’ll enjoy listening to for a while. Music really helps me get through those tough moments. Hopefully I’ll continue to find more. I hope things keep going well on your end. Try not to over think things.
Hi Carey,
I’m not sure what sort of music you are into but if you are looking for some music you can relate to, I highly recommend Painkillers, an album by Brian Fallon. He wrote most of the album pretty shortly after he got divorced from his wife from what I understand. Red Lights, Rosemary, and Honey Magnolia from that album are particularly good. They all strike a particular chord with me :). Helps me get through the day. Honestly all the songs on that album are good though. Also, he is the lead singer of a band called The Gaslight Anthem, whose most recent album Get Hurt also has a few songs written about that. Get Hurt, Underneath the Ground, and Halloween are all great off that album :). Not sure if it is really your style but I like me a bit of punk-ish folky rock.
You should try to talk to that girl the next time you see her. Maybe she went back to that gym to see you, you never know 
I appreciate the advice. I really do think I need to take things slow. My concern is that I feel like she might just want to be friends with me and go after this other guy in a bit instead. I don’t really know why she is in a rough space mentally. There could be a million different reasons. At the same time she is basically saying that she isn’t ready to be friends with me yet. I don’t really know what to do about that yet.
In your opinion, do you think I should ask her to coffee again? I’m not sure she’d be ready for that yet, but it might be worth a try. I think it could really help. I’d basically tell her that I have some things I want to update her on that I didn’t get a chance to tell her on our first coffee date. I’d go “hey this is what I have been working on”. I want to try to do something for her birthday I think depending on how coffee would go. Maybe she isn’t ready for that yet, but it might also be a good time to push an advantage while I have it. idk, what are your thoughts on that.
Also I found out that her favorite anime is getting a new season. I wanted to send her something saying that I learned about this and thought she might want to know. Maybe I should wait on that a bit though? I wanted to send her this thing tonight real fast and just see how she responds. Maybe thats a bad idea.
Sorry I took so long to respond. Usually I’ll check this while on lunch or after I get home from the gym. Today was my good friends birthday. I’ve known him over 11 years now. Since the 5th grade… pretty crazy. But he just turned 21 today so I went over to his house and ate some great dinner and made weekend plans while watching dallas beat Minnesota. So a pretty good day in my books.
About her. Let’s say you never found this site. You’d probably be in a pretty rough state. Now you know she hasn’t really had help like this site gives us. Kevin knows what it’s all about and his advice really helps people collect themselves and control their emotions in these situations. Without this how do you think you’d be doing mentally? I feel like she’s talking about the breakup when she says this. That’s why she doesn’t talk about what’s bothering her with you. She talked about the other guy a couple of times when you went to coffee. So that might not be the biggest thing bothering her right now. Right now I think you’re beginning to be on her mind more and more. Now she also might still be talking to this other guy. Might even want to try a relationship with him. But his accident ruined that from happening. And now you start texting her and you see her and now she’s just conflicted. So I feel like she’s just kinda all over the place with all this and is unsure on what to do. That’s why you need to be careful.
Going out to coffee might be a good thing. You just have to make it casual. No calling it a date or bringing up anything from the past. No jokes or stories that would remind her of your old relationship. Just talk about some new things with you. And let her talk as much as she wants. Don’t push her for any information. If she wants to talk about it she will. You can ask a few questions about what shes talking about of course. But don’t try to dig too deep into her thoughts. It’ll cause her to maybe feel uncomfortable and close up. Just make it casual and you’ve got a good time.
For her birthday I’d keep it casual still. You’re still not really sure where she is in terms of wanting something like that. Ik you’ve got some ideas about what you could do but in the end it might just be good to play it safe. A simple card or candy always does the trick. You might have a small advantage but it sounds fragile. She just doesn’t seem ready to have you around that much yet. It could cause her to panic and close up to you again.
Kinda playing a small mind game with my ex. So my friends mom, the one whose birthday was today, posted a picture on Instagram that I liked and I saw that my ex liked it, which means she’s following her. Now tonight my friends mom took a picture of us cause him and I have been friends for what seems like forever and uploaded it to Instagram. I’ll admit, I look good in the pic. Just shaved my beard off after November so I have that fresh look. My hair’s a little long but honestly my ex liked it that way. So ik my ex will see the picture. And I look good in it… So it may even make her start thinking about me more. Maybe not. Either way it’s all good for me no matter what. Other than that I’m just continuing to move forward in case all this doesn’t work out.
For music I have an open mind. My favorite genre however is heavy metal. I love it. The new songs I’ve found aren’t that heavy though. The artist I Prevail is the one that’s really hit home with their songs. The songs Alone and Worst Part of Me have hit those spots for me. Then the song Pittsburgh by The Amity Affliction is also really good. Also found a few by I See Stars and Asking Alexandria. I’ll definitely check out those songs you suggested. So thanks for that. I’m always open to new music! And yeah first chance I get I’m talking to that girl.
Hope everything is going good on your end.
Hi Carey,
Ughh had a pretty big setback yesterday I feel. I really feel like a mess right now. I am sad and angry and confused. I called her and asked if she’d want to get coffee after work tomorrow so I could talk to her about some things. I don’t think I sounded all that confident. I was pretty nervous because I didn’t think she’d say yes to coffee because I don’t think she’s ready for that for some reason. I don’t really understand why she feels this way. Maybe she is confused. I suppose there’s about a million different reasons for her feeling a bit mentally unwell. It could be because of this other guy or it could be because of me or something in between idk. Anyways I called her, said I understood she wasn’t doing that well mentally but I asked if she wanted to get coffee anyways so I could talk about some things. After a bit she said “some other time”. I got a bit flustered after that if I’m honest. I don’t think I sounded all that confident even though I tried to be. After she said that I stuttered for a bit and said I was there if she needed somebody to talk to. I think I might have completely ruined everything. I don’t know what to do. I tried to sound confident but for some reason I got nervous when she said no, even though I was pretty sure she would.
Ughh I just feel so sad and angry with her today. Why did I even bother with being in a relationship in the first place. I should just be alone. I’ve been trying so hard especially lately and it just results in disappointment. There’s a chance she might have cheated on me emotionally and just left me for this other guy. I feel like I should be furious with her about that. But I’m not because I still want to be with her. What is wrong with me? We moved in together and then 2 months later we moved out. I should be furious with her about that. Why am I the one who has to fix these things? She should be trying to get back with me. Why do I even bother? Whats the point? Both girls that I have dated have left me for other guys. I don’t know if she has officially yet, but that’s what it feels like. Is it because of me?
I don’t know what to do now. I feel like I’ve ruined everything because she turned me down.
Thats great you had a good time with your friend. I bet your ex did see that pic probably then. That might help you out in a good way :). Might be good to try to continue to do that subtly. I never really posted on social media so I feel weird for starting to play those games on my end. I kinda wish I could but its a bit simpler and easier for me to do things this way. I don’t really like playing games with the other person. I’d rather just talk things through with her but she doesn’t seem to want to do that or even care about me right now. I’m very sad about that whole thing. I don’t know what to do.
I’ve never gotten super into heavy metal to be honest. I like me a bit of Disturbed and Avenged Sevenfold and Metallica but nothing really past that. I’ll have to check some of that stuff out though.
Hope all is well, and if you see the girl at the gym, tell her I said hi 
I don’t really think you’ve ruined your chances or anything. She’s just not really ready for anything yet. And yeah she could be stressed out by a number of things. But to be honest. They’re not your problems. She brought it all on herself. She created all the stress shes feeling and now I think she deserves to be stressed out about everything. God knows you’ve gone through enough with her actions. And I feel your anger towards her is totally justified. I understand your anger and where you’re coming from. My ex told me she wanted a break just so she could cheat on me with some new guy that I met… She broke every promise she ever made to me within a month. And still after all this hasn’t talked to me or even showed her face. She’s a coward. I hate her for that. It almost makes me feel like I don’t want anything to do with her. All this would just cause so many problems if we got back together. I loved the person she once was. Not who she’s become.
I’m just kinda letting fate take control. I’ll keep living my life with the emotional burden. Maybe some day she’ll realize her mistakes and come back. I might take her back or I might not. Depends on the person I’ve become. I just don’t really want to deal with her bullshit anymore. I kept every promise to her. Made a few mistakes along the way. But my intentions were always good. Worked my ass off, spent so much of my time and money on her. Then she tells me she “didn’t feel enough nourishment from me” and that “I wasn’t there enough.” Just makes me look at her differently. I still care about her yet I don’t. It’s just a mess. Im sure someday I’ll feel like myself again.
On your end, I just think she’s not really ready and just all around confused. She did say some other time for coffee. Which leaves the door open to it, just another time. So you still have plenty of opportunity. No real setbacks that I see though. Just a little nervousness. I say just keep your head up. All this will make your emotions all over the place. Remember to take some time to really think about if you want to do this. Think about the future relationship with her. Would it be good? Would all this be worth it? I’ve come to the point where ive stopped trying to get my ex back. I’m just waiting to see what happens. I’m just letting things happen. And I’m okay with it. Helps me move on.
Keep that head up. Things get easier in the end.
Hi Carey,
I understand that she needs to take the time to figure things out but I guess I feel like it doesn’t really help me. I feel like she could just be waiting to try to go after this guy when he recovers. Especially when she could just be talking to him quite a bit instead of me. I feel like she’s just taking time to grow feelings for him. Maybe that’s true, maybe it isn’t. Probably best not to think about. I can only change what I do for now. I would love to be able to positively influence her to be attracted to me again. Maybe I already have, maybe I will be able to someday again. I just hate waiting. I thought that I would have waited long enough. I guess I just have to keep taking time to self improve. I think this weekend is going to be a little rough though, since most of my friends around here are busy this weekend. Not really looking forward to that.
At least she did say not right now instead of shutting me down entirely. I just don’t know what I am supposed to do about it. I just have to sit here and work on myself but I might not ever get the chance to tell her or show her because she’ll just be with this other guy, even though I feel that I am a better choice for her. But that’s a choice she has to make on her own. I just don’t really think she’ll pick me, especially if I am not there to talk to her :/. I feel like she’s just replaced him with all the stuff that we used to do together. How do I cope with that for now?
Man I’ve been really reminiscent of everything we used to do together today. Its making me really sad. I don’t think I’ll ever get back with her. I feel really hopeless. I don’t know what to do. Do you think I can get her back still?
As far as her birthday goes, its coming up in a few days. I think I might call her on Monday and ask to see if she wants to go somewhere for dinner, just for fun. If she does say yes, which I don’t think she will, I will keep things casual, as it is her birthday and I don’t want to make things difficult for her. I am still tossing around the idea of trying to get some of her friends together but I don’t know if that’s the best idea. I really don’t know what to do for that. Maybe I should just keep things simple but I also kinda want to go for the “date” thing because I think if it works it could work really well. I don’t know what to do when it comes to that.
I think its pretty good you’ve gotten to the point where you might not take her back or you might take her back. I really wish you the best man, you deserve it my friend. You’ll find her or somebody else someday, I really think you will. I’m sorry that she said you weren’t there enough. That was probably hard to hear.
I’m glad you don’t think this has set me back too far, I feel like mentally it kind of has. Maybe it just means I need to wait a few more days idk. I hope this works. I understand we might not ever get back together but I hope we do. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend in the world and I don’t know how to cope with it. We spent almost all of the last two years together and now its just done. I hope we can get back to that some day. I hope she’s thinking about me more.
I bet your ex is thinking about you after that pic yesterday :). Any updates for you right now?
Anything your ex does won’t help you unless it’s immediately getting back together with you which wont really happen. You just kinda have to block out the negative stuff. I mean… my ex is having g sex with the guy she left me for. I’m not really sure how I got over that so quickly. Guess I just grew immune to it. I dont k ow anything about her right now. I want to keep it that way. Best not to dwell.
Sometimes I do just stop and think about things. I’ll think of scenarios that could never possibly happen now. I think of what I’d say to her or what she might say to me if we talked again. It’s pretty depressing to be honest. I just don’t like how it all happened. I don’t even know if I can call it cheating because technically we were broken up when she started kissing him. But she was talking to him before her she ended things. I just don’t see how it all ended so quickly. After two years of her promising me it’d never happen. I was always afraid it would. I guess my paranoia got in the way. I just loved her… More than she could possibly know. Sometimes I want to stop and lay down somewhere and never move again. The weight of all this is too much for me sometimes. I’m not sure what I can do now. I’m just stuck. I’m going forward yet I’m not. I don’t want to live without her. It’s so hard to let her go. But I don’t have a choice. So… I’m stuck. I feel like it’s going to be years before I get over her. It’s just hard.
I feel like your chances are better than mine. My ex won’t even contact me right now. You’ve atleast started contact with your ex and have a good possibility of seeing her again. And yeah I didn’t expect thsi to take so long either. But it’s just how it is. Nothing we can do about it. Youll just have to continue to be patient with her. Keep the small conversions going but other than that you’ll have to wait till she’s ready.
You can def call her and ask to take her out for her birthday. Just the fact you ask will make you look good. You remember her birthday. So even if she says no, she’ll be thinking of that.
Before I met my ex, I was a very closed person. I had my friends but I never had anyone to talk about my problems to. She became that person. She knows all my secrets. She knows everything about me. She was a better friend than the two guys ive known for 11 years… I don’t think she understood that. I’ve never let myself get so close to anyone before. It makes me want to break down and cry because I’ve lost her. And I don’t feel like I could ever find anyone like her. I just don’t know anymore. Some days I’m fine but others are so hard to get through. Never knew one person could make me feel like this…
Not really much advice this time. Just me kinda ranting… in all just continue to be patient. And start accepting the fact that if she’s going to see this new guy, it’s okay. It’s not the end of anything. If it happens then I’ll be here to help get you through it. It may not even happen at all. One day she’ll be ready to let you back I to her life. Just not today. I’m sorry things are getting hard. Just hang in there. I’ll keep in touch.
Hi carey,
Well she sent me a text at like 3 today asking what I wanted to talk about at coffee. She said she didn’t know when she’d be ready to have an in person conversation and she was sorry for that. Does this mean I could tell her these things over text? Can I have conversations with her via text still? I feel it’s a lot easier to tell her in person though I think. Also idk how much she’ll actually read if I send her stuff via text.
Anyways I sent her a thing back, she sent something back and then hasn’t replied to my next message and it’s been like 6 hours. I’m so sad and confused why she’s doing this and then she won’t even talk to me about it. I wish I could help her, I wish I could talk to her. But that’s not what she wants to do right now and I don’t understand why.
I go over lots of scenarios in my head, I keep thinking that she’ll send me a text and be like hey let’s talk or she’ll stop. By my house and want to make up with me. I don’t think that’s going to happen. I’ve left my phone alone for most of the day today but each time I look at it now I just hope that she’s sent me something. I don’t know why I keep thinking that because it’s not going to happen.
I know what you mean about the weight being too much for you sometimes, I am in the same boat. I don’t want to get up in the morning. I don’t want to think about her but at the same time I do because it makes me feel happy for a bit and then I get sad.
I think I am going to call and ask to take her out on her birthday. I don’t know if I want to try to bring friends or just go one on one. I want to assure her that regardless of if I bring people or not I won’t talk about anything serious. It is her birthday and I want it to be special. I don’t want it to be filled with silly things about us. Just go out and have a good time. Maybe that will be easier if I tell her I’ll set up some friends to come with. What are your thoughts on that?
I know what you mean about being closed to people, most of my friends are people I met in like 2nd grade. I don’t really trust anyone outside of my small group of friends, and I’m pretty okay with that honestly. Then she comes along and we are Bffs for a long time. I still know so many things about her and she knows so many things about me. I just feel like we were always really connected. Now I’m going to have a hard time trusting anyone else after all this because of what’s happened. I don’t even know why I should bother.
Do you think I should leave her alone for a few days or try to talk to her about simple stuff? Idk what she’s really going though so idk what my best option is? I want to try to build up a rapport with her and attraction to me but idk what to do.
Hi Carey, she hasn’t responded to a text I sent last night. I kinda want to try to talk to her. Although I don’t know if she’d reply to it. Do you think I should wait to send her something or try to talk to her tonight? I’m not having a super day and am really missing her
I feel completely terrible Carey, my ex and I had something great and I ruined it because I was jealous and insecure and it’s all my fault and now she’s just going to go be happy somewhere else while I am lonely and sad. I can’t do this anymore
I don’t think you ruined anything. It was her who turned you into that. She gave you no reason to trust her by texting some other guy. So you can’t blame yourself in this situation. She’s kinda the one who ruined the relationship. It doesn’t really seem like she cares a whole lot either.
I say just wait on texting her. She might text back she might not. If she doesn’t just go on with your life. Try to do things that’ll keep you busy. You’ll think about her. You just have to be mentally tough right now. You can’t let things get to you. You’ll just make it worse. So work out, play a game, cook, or go see a movie. Just keep yourself busy. It’ll be easier to cope with the pain.
I still think about my ex a lot. It’s really rough sometimes. I still miss her. The sad thing is I know I’m to blame for the breakup. I made mistakes for a few months and it lead to her becoming distant. And now that I realize this, she’s gone. But I’m not dwelling on it. I’m just moving forward now. I know one day I’ll have a chance again. Weather it be with her or someone new. I know you feel alone now. But you need to let things work themselves out. In time you’ll begin to feel better. Don’t let this control your life. Maybe for a week or so take it easy. I know her birthday is coming up and you want to do something for it but it might be best to just keep it simple. She doesn’t sound like she’s ready to text or see you yet. It’s just stressing her out and confusing her. It’ll cause her to put her defenses up again.
I’m sorry I haven’t responded in a while. I was pretty busy with friends and family. I’m sorry things aren’t going so good on your end. Keep your head up though. Only you can make you feel better.
Hi Carey,
I haven’t been doing too well lately. I don’t know if I should call her and ask her to dinner tomorrow, I haven’t talked to her in like 2 days tho so idk what she’ll say. Maybe I should just set up some of her friends with a party or if I should just go for a 1 on 1 casual let’s have some fun day. What would you suggest?
I’m really confused about how to proceed. I just wish she’d reach out to me more often, makes me feel like I mean nothing to her so I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should try to talk to her a bit tonight.
I still feel like the entire breakup was caused by me. If I wasn’t so stupid we might be together, I don’t know why she did this to me. I just want her to be with me :(. I don’t think it’s ever going to happen. I just feel hopeless. I want to be confident and improved for her but she doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me which makes me very sad.
Maybe I should try to talk to her idk. Is the fact that I’m talking to her stressing her and confusing her a good thing or no? I don’t want her to put up her defenses again but I feel like I have to try to keep talking to her a bit idk. This is one of the hardest things I have ever done
Should I apologize to her and say I was insecure and jealous via text or wait to say that in person or something?