Long Distance Relationship

[andi]

Hey

So my girlfriend of 1,5 years broke up with me on the 21st this month.
Today I started NC (30 days) and just began to write a journal about it and I have to say I immediatley felt better.

Now, I really do love her still and I feel how I still have this gruesome feeling in my gut from time to time when I think about not having her in my life anymore.
I did beg and all those bad things that you do after a breakup but since it was just 4 days I think I’ll be kinda fine…maybe? ^^

So as the title says, we had a long distance relationship and i was always fine with that. We managed to see eachother every 2 or 3 weeks for the weekend or even more. The main problem is/was that we are quite different. I am quite introverted and she is just full on extroverted. She loves to go clubbing - I find it “meh” … maybe “ok”. I’m a gamer (PC) and she is a lot into Musical and Opera. And this goes on for a bit but we were always able to get it right and find a happy medium.

Now, 2 Weeks ago she applied for university and didn’t make it. Since then she felt different. She was unhappy with the relationship and then after those 2 weeks she broke up with me. She told me how she felt and i asked her if i could do anything and she always said “no”. So i hoped she menages it and we will be happy again but no… she broke up with me 2 days after our last meeting via skype call.
There were some things in the last few days/weeks which might have influenced her:
She asked me if i wanted to got to london with her for a month or something and i said no (i just had no money for that - but i didn’t tell her that). I think that made her quite upset since she really wanted us both to go there but she didn’t tell me that in the first place. I thought she just wants to go on something like a vacation, nothing special.
She also told me that she just wasn’t in love with my personality anymore but i know for a fact that i can change to a certain extent since I already did so in the past.

I dont know if there is any more necessary information to give. Please ask for more if you need more ^^

So to sum this up. I really want her back atm (obviously) but i’ll check how my gut feels about it after those 30 days on NC. I want to start going to the gym to 1. get in shape and 2. get distracted and find a new hobby i enjoy. I told my friends i want to do some stuff in the next month since it’s spring now and the weather gets nicer.
If i’m over her in 30 days, i might get in contact again and see how things go. Either we get back together again (perfect) or not (then friends or just no contact anymore wich would be fine as well since i’m over her).
If i’m not over her i want to go for another 30 days and then look in my heart again.

one last information.
i was a ugly fucktard (i hope swearing about myself is allowed… ^^) and after a lot of talking into her i managed to get into the relationship and she showed me what clothes to wear and how to get my hairs cut and now i really look… well i’d say good

all the best for you all
-Andi

[andi]

nobody there to help me? :I

[andi]

Bump

[nedim]

Hi Andi!

Similar situation here. I was in a LDR with my girlfriend (uhm, sorry, now I should call her “my ex”). Everything was fine, we managed to see each other twice a month, so distance was not a problem for us, just like for you. You’ve mentioned university, so I think that our age might be similar too.
My break up happened face-to-face. She told me that she is not happy with me, she wants changes in her life, and she is no longer attracted to me. I was totally broken - you know that feeling I think -, and similarly to you, I begged in the first days.
Now, we’are not together since more than a month. I keep “No Contact”, but I must talk to her sometimes because we’re in a group conversation on Facebook, so… It’s complicated, but anyways, I’m fine with NC. / I share these things because I believe it may help you somehow, but sorry if you find my personal story boring or you don’t care/
I think 30 days of no contact will be not enough, because thanks to the LDR, you were used to tolerate the less contact (less than a ‘normal’ relationship). For me, more than 30 days have passed, and unfortunately, I still have this gruesome feeling in my gut when it comes to my mind.

Improving yourself is a great idea, I do the same (not gym but exercising at home).
Go to gym, make yourself a better person. Both physically and mentally. You should try to not thinking about her all the time, even if it’s really hard. And it will be very hard. For me, I still have very bad feelings when it comes to my mind, and when I imagine my future without here, and our plans (interesting, we also planned to go to London).

Actually, you’re doing everything right. I’m not really experienced, but I’m trying to do the same, and in my opinion, all you have to do is to continue what you’ve started, and finish your plans that you’ve described above.
I think you did nothing wrong with begging in the first days. She must have been broken too, and she might have not been sure that whether it was the right decision or not.
If you think you can change in your personality, do it. You have to improve and change yourself both physically and mentally. She’s no longer in love with the guy who you are, so when you will try to get her back, you have to make her fall in love with the "New You’. Change your look If you want to, even if she was the one who has told you how to dress and make your hair. Actually, you’re one stop ahead me, because I had no one to tell me how to dress, and now, I’m trying to figure it out myself. Because of course, I want to get back my ex, and I’m trying to change.

If you have not done it yet, I recommend you to subscribe to Kevin’s daily emails. They’re short, and sometimes contain advertisements, but all of them is totally helpful.
I don’t know what else should I write. Actually I’m in a very similar situation, and I’m just a little bit more experienced because of the time that has passed.

I really hope that I could help you somehow
Good luck, Andi, I wish the bests for you!
(Sorry for poor English, I’m not a native speaker)

P.S. I think the difference between you and your ex is not a problem. Sometimes this kind of difference can be advantageous, but of course, only if it’s not really opposing.

[andi]

@Nedim

Ah thanks for the kind words
Oh and no worries, english isn’t my native language as well

About being used to the little or less contact. We had noticed that if we havn’t seen us for 3-4 weeks we would start to fight verbaly. So we started to see us every 2-3 weeks like i said. So i dont know if it will be necessary but i will definely check my feelings before getting in contact again!

I blocked her at FB (Messenger) and whatsapp … should i keep it that way or should i notice the stuff she wirtes and just not answer? i just dont know about that yet… ^^

atm i’m still really afraid of noticing that she has moved forward within those 30 days of NC … i hope that gets better with the time :I

[andi]

any more ideas?
because i feel kind of … idk… broken
i feel like i have ups and downs at the moment.

[nedim]

Hi there, it’s me again

I’m really afraid as well. I can only hope that my ex won’t move forward quickly. She goes to a lot of events, a lot of places, she has a lot of programs. In that group conversation, which was mentioned above, she always tells how many programs does she have. But I don’t even know where the hell she will go, and what’s more important: with who. She had 2 boyfriends before me (both relationship lasted only for few weeks), so… But I don’t know, as I’ve said, I can only hope. But most people in this website say that exes (is that the correct plural form?) don’t move forward so easily. If they do so, it will be only a short-term “rebound” relationship.

Answering your question: I don’t think that blocking her is a good idea. Only if the break up was very provocative and fierce. Then you should separate yourself from her totally. If it was relatively peaceful, I wouldn’t do it if I were you. Maybe only in the first days. According to my case, my ex becomes very angry and rude if I don’t reply to her. She feels that I’ve hurt her, which is not exactly my aim.
However, No Contact is not really 100% No Contact. When she writes something to you, you can give a short reply - but strictly without any emotion - if you want to and/or it’s necessary. But you must keep as little contact as possible. I’m just saying that if you sometimes react when she has contacted you, that’s not the end of the world.
If she wants to talk more, you can just simply say that 'It would be better not to talk for a while I think, both of us need some free space" (or something like that, but be aware that you are not showing how broken you are). Actually, the last sentence the braces is always true. You shouldn’t show off your emotions to her at any time, only if you’re not showing that how happy you are.
But of course, if you feel better when she’s blocked, you should keep it that way.

[andi]

@Nedim

Yes i know of those “Rebound Realtionships” but still…
You have to know that she was my very first actual GF… and even worse… she was the person I lost my Virginity to… :I
That’s what confuses me… am I really into her because of her or am I because of what she did then when I definetly was? …urgh… mindbending stuff… but I think the NC will help to answer that kind of random stuff - I hope ^^

Alright! Then i’m going to unblock her now. Maybe she wrote something in the meantime… lets have a look.
Uhm… no…nothing. Oh well… but I know from a friend of her that the last time they met my ex was a bit drunk (during daytime o.0 ) and her friend told me that she seemd kinda pissed that I don’t answer. But now I’m not really sure to what I didn’t answer since I didn’t get any messages now…?? I don’t know… ^^
Well I think thats a good sign. Maybe she thinks that I’m fine w/o her and she misses the conversations we had as friends and during the relationship.

Yesterday I actually created a Tinder account to get in contact with new people for talking and well obviously there weren’t any matches yet since I live in a 150k population city but even though I didn’t actually had the contact, I feel better just from seeing them. I think it’s a bit weird to do that and that it works in that way but hey desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing. Now i have 1.5 weeks vacation and I’m looking forward to do a lot with my friends. Haven’t seen some of them in some time.

By the way, if I may ask… how long ago is the your breakup with you ex-gf ?
I’m absolutely willing to help you out aswell if I can and may!

-Andi

[andi]

Also… what am I supposed to do on her Birthday? (11th of April)
Just write a short message or nothing?

[nedim]

My ex had birthday recently as well. I just wrote a simple ‘Happy Birthday’ to her on facebook. I would do it for all of my friends and acquaintances.

About the first girlfriend thing: I thought I had already mentioned it: for me, my ex was my first girlfriend as well. We had very intimate and erotic relationship, however, both of us are still virgin. But we planned exactly how the first time will happen, and swore that we only want to lose our virginity to each other, and things like that, so… Ehmm. I think your case is still worse, because this thing is a strong bound between you two.
Drunk during daytime? Strange. Actually, prepare yourself, because that might not be the last and only one strange thing that will come.
It’s not a problem that she didn’t send any message. Just like you, she needs free space - or she just understands that you need free space. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care at all. She need time for recovery, and maybe she feels better if she doesn’t send messages. It’s something similar to what you’re doing (NC). Don’t forget that she is broken too, and the break up was very hard for her as well, even if she was the one who did it.
My ex talked to me on the first two weeks, but these were very short (4-5 messages long) and awkward conversations. And as I’ve said, once she was happy and playful, once she became rude.
I have Tinder too I have no experiences yet, but I think it’s hard to find there a girl who wants a serious relationship. But of course, it is a very good way to occupy yourself. The population of my city is around 100k, but when I widen the search range to the maximum kilometer limit, it finds girls from the capital, and I’ve learned how to cope with distance, so… there wouldn’t be a problem if I would take it seriously:D

The vacation is good. Take advantage of it as much as it’s possible. You’ll have a lot of time for yourself. (Poor me, I’ll only have 6 days).

My break up happened 1 month and 1 week ago. And we were together for 7 months (I think I haven’t mentioned it). And thank you for trying to help Listening itself is a good way of helping. We’re in a similar situation, and if I can tell personal things from my case, it also helps me.

[andi]

@Nedim

alright, will do so… either via whatsapp or on the FB wall … will see

well i wasn’t her first bf ^^
she was definetly more mature than me but i think i am as well now atleast…

well i just had to gave up the contact with her friend since my ex was a bit angry at her for being in contact with me and i didn’t want her to be betwean two fronts… so … yeah… i told her friend that she please tells me if anything important happens but i’m not talking to her like a friend anymore.

apparently she sent me messages but whatsapp doesn’t send them again if you unblock someone… soooo i have no idea what she wrote :I and she doesnt know that i didn’t get it -.-

tinder is quite fun i have to say and i also got my first match today ^^
lets see how the writing goes obviously i am not open for a serious relationship again (except with my ex -.- ) but writing and well… maybe some… uhm… fun wouldn’t hurt
also i guess it’s just fine since she went clubbing and making out with guys 2 days after the breakup…

yeah… vacation is great went partying today with my friends and it was really fun…now i’m quite drunk but i think and hope that i’m still able to write understandable
…sadly my friends went home since the clubs were soooo full so i didn’t get to talk to other girls but hey… doesn’t matter ^^

and how are you two doing at the moment?
in contact again or still / again NC ?
btw… where are you two from?
me and my ex-gf are from austria and germany ^^

-Andi

[nedim]

If you feel like you were not mature enough, then it’s the perfect time to change if you want to.
Me and my ex have a couple of common friends. Most of them managed to become as neutral and independent as it’s possible. There’s one guy who is not, but he’s on my side.
And there’s a girl (who is also a mutual friend) who helped me the most in the days after the break up. We were close friends already, but she literally saved my life. And I also admire her because of she managed to stay neutral as well. She isn’t crossed with my ex or something.
I can absolutely understand your decision why don’t you want to speak with her. If you have more mutual friends, be aware. Only tell your very close friends how broken and lost you are. Some common friends may talk to your ex about your mood and situation, and it wouldn’t be nice if your ex would know how bad do you feel. She should see exactly the opposite, that you’re happy, confident, you’re improving yourself, living your life.

It’s totally fine that you’re using Tinder It’s a new occupation for you, and it’s not a problem that you’re trying with some kind of dating there. Actually, dating can be good for you. You are free and independent now, you can do whatever you want, so take advantage of it, even if it’s just online dating. What’s more, getting to know new people also helps your process of improving yourself and changing.

Just be aware of drinking! You know, in many films guys often do silly things with their exes if they’re drunk Not a problem that you didn’t talk to girls, it’s far enough if you still had fun.

At the moment, we send daily 1-2 messages to each other in the group conversation, but we haven’t talked in private for 2 weeks. When we used to talk in private (after the break up), we had very short conversations, which ended awkwardly. In every cases, she was the one who wrote on me. But actually, since the first days of the break up, we only talked about everyday topics, nothing deep or serious. And just really short messages.
I still consider it as No Contact. To be honest, I’ve planned a really long NC. I must improve myself in lot of things, and I don’t really have time because of school, competitions and etc. And we were very determined and committed, and the break up happened relatively fast, so… I don’t really know. I just need more space.
She seems to be okay, but of course, I don’t know what she really feels and thinks. She was very strange in the first weeks, now it has been normalized. She doesn’t give any signs, from which I could find out something about her. I wish I could read her mind.
Well, then you’re relatively close to me I’m from Hungary (and my ex too).
(Actually, german is my second language at school, but I’m not so good at it :D)

[andi]

@Nedim

Nice that you wrote again

now… uhm… hm… how shall i explain… well… i unblocked her and asked her if she wrote me anything in the meantime. she said no (although i knew she did) and we just talked a little. i kept my emotions for myself and only answerd very short.
then she was like if we want to stay in contact now or not since it seems like i’m not very interested in it. obviously i wanted to stay in contact but i also felt like i couldn’t tell her about the NC and everything and idk what we wrote but in the end i had to tell her what i was doing (NC). if i hadn’t she would have cut the contact once and for all and i just coudln’t risk it.
I’m still only telling her how great i am doing and all but i told her that i would like to be doing great with her. we had some more talking about what er were doing since the 21st and stuff… and actually right at this moment i’m having a lot of fun with her writing… we laugh and talk about random stuff and we bring up some nice and fun memories we had together even from before we were together
i have no idea if i just threw everything over board and have to start from scratch in a few days or if i am closing in on her either as being a friend or as BF … i have no idea but at the moment it feels good to have a fun time!
i also told her how i changed now and she was like " damn… it’s like always… everytime the thing i want in a person to change, changes too late" so i guess i am now (again) what she want but i have to get her feelings back or i’m just gonna be er friend…

oh my… so much happened in just a few hours… lets hope for the best ^^

i see your problem…
you have to find out what she wants and start with it. and then tell her slowly about it. like my ex wanted someone who was able to “let go” and just do the most silly stuff and have a great time… i tried my best doing that the last few nights with my friend and while going out and now i slowly told her about it like what we did and so on and that’s when she said that what i told you before (with the too late)
well i tried my best just asking her stuff and getting answers this way but obviously i dont know if thats possible in your situation…

yes we are quite close!

bro, i wish you the best of luck! keep me updated and i will too

-Andi

[ly88]

Hey guys! I thought I might add to the conversation. How long were guys with your exes?
You are doing the right thing with no contact. Just let them wonder about you, girls don’t move on quickly.

Did you guys find it hard to be in a ldr? My ex and I were together 5 years and he got a job in Germany and shortly after broke up with me…(I’m still in the usa and we were both living in the same city here) I’m wondering how I can get him back…and convince him it can be done! That’s the only reason we broke up. He thought it would be too stressful… But I’m going up be in Germany in a month …I’m hoping he can meet up with me. I haven’t told him yet

[nedim]

@Andi

I’m glad that you had a great time with your ex It’s nice to hear that you can talk about things like that in a very calm and friendly way. Actually, I haven’t talked about this kind of topics with my ex since we broke up (1 month 1 week ago).
But be careful, because basically, you’ve broken the NC with this. Of course it’s not a problem since it happened only once, but if you really want to get her back, you must keep a strict NC - even if you had a great time and a lot of fun. The aim is to get her back as a lover, not as a friend.
It’s also not a problem that you’ve told her what are you doing. At least she won’t be mad at you if you don’t reply sometimes. But as I’ve said before, I think sometimes you can give short answers if you want to, it doesn’t count as a violation of NC.
Also be aware that she shouldn’t know what is your final aim (getting her back).
But actually, it’s a pretty good sign that you could have a great fun time together
And I’ll keep you updated for sure, also looking forward your updates!

@Ly88

Hi there!
Distance between Germany and USA is pretty much :o It would be hard to cope with it. But I don’t understand why he decided like this after 5 years. It’s a lot of time, you must have been really close to each other.
I think if you’re committed enough, you can keep a good LDR with this huge distance too.
According to my experiences, a LDR has its ups and downs. Sometimes we were proud how well can we cope with distance, but in the other hand, there were times when it was extremely bad that we couldn’t be next to each other. Between me and my ex, there were 5 hours of traveling and 250 kilometers.
And answering your first question, we were together for 7 months.
Best wishes for you as well!

[andi]

@Nedim

Yeah… well… it’s a bit weird because we are talking like there was no breakup and there is nothing bad between us. But obviously we both know there is…
So going back to NC is the right decision? Because actually we were thinking about meeting up around easter to talk and do some stuff together :I
I had to go to the hospital today because of severe chest pain but the docs didn’t find anything… I’m afraid it’s because of her and it’s just phantom pains (correct? ^^)
Well i guess i messed up then because i told her what i was doing (kind of) because she was about to cut the contact since i was so cold and not-interested in her…
Maybe I’m totally wrong but i feel like NC isn’t the right thing to do but maybe I’m just afraid…
We both said that we miss each other but she said that there is just not enough love for me in her for a relationship. Thats why i wanted to meet her for a few days to do the stuff together that we enjoy and have fun doing and have lot of fun and go for an intimate moment to i dont know… hug her from behind at her favorite place at a lake in the sun, tell her how i miss this feeling and ask her how she feels about this right now and what she thinks about what we are going to do in the upcoming days and weeks.
hopeless romantic? maybe…

@Ly88
hey

my ex never wanted to have a ldr so i had to fight REALLY hard but it was only possible since we were able to see each other every 2-3 weeks by traveling 8 hours by train or sometimes we went by plane. If we had such a huge distance between us it wouldn’t have worked out for us but you have the advantage that you were together for 5 years already… we started as a ldr ^^
we enjoyed having the free space in between our “meetings” (?) and also that feeling you get when you haven’t seen your significant Other for a that time… it’s just… wow… every first kiss at the trainstation felt nearly as special as the very first kiss when we got together!
i guess the problems of a ldr are quite obvious and i think we already talked about them above. so i think it’s a bit unnecessary to list them? ^^
I’ll do so if you really want me to but… yeah …

oh and i was together with my ex for 1,5 years. Before that we were long-distance-friends for half a year

[nedim]

“that feeling you get when you haven’t seen your significant Other for a that time… it’s just… wow… every first kiss at the trainstation felt nearly as special as the very first kiss when we got together!”
Oh my god, these two feelings… I can truly feel what you’re speaking about It was so wonderful. And I get so much pain when I start to think about the fact that I won’t feel it again.
Actually, I had my very first kiss with my ex. I can still remember every tiny moment of that day. It was August, last year, there was a meeting with those guys who are in the mentioned group conversation. Her parents forbidden her to go to this meeting (she has very strict parents), so she had to come in secret, and for this, I had to travel to her city and left alone the others for some hours. It was so adventurous. It was like a scene from a romantic film or a book. And when we finally met, the first kiss happened at the bridge of the train station. And after managing to cope with all these difficulties, that was the point when we both knew that we are meant to be together forever… Sigh.
Ahh, I don’t want to forget these memories or recall them with a heartache
(Okay, boring storytelling ends)

Andi, what you’re saying is very strange, it’s a really difficult situation and unfortunately, I have no personal experiences at all in this, but based on what I have learned from this site, NC is the best choice. I think she has a good and fun time with you because she still loves you as a friend. And actually, it’s a pretty good thing - not just in general, but also in the process of getting her back. But you want her as a girlfriend, not just a friend. I haven’t tried it, but I think I could talk with my ex like this (having a good time and have a lot of fun together), I just took the NC too seriously.
I can truly understand that you want to meet with her. If you decide to do this, and nothing will happen - I mean you won’t get her back - you must continue NC. And if you get her back… Well, it would be surprisingly fast, and basically, in that case, you won
“she said that there is just not enough love for me in her for a relationship”
That’s the main problem. And that’s why NC exists. You can’t get back her back if she doesn’t have enough love for you. The aim of NC is to make a perfect plan how to get her back, and to make yourself a better man, who she can love again - and maybe forever.
Remember that she still loves you more than a friend. Not as much as in the relationship, but feelings couldn’t be erased so easily, even if they have faded. Because they have faded a lot for sure - basically, that’s why the break up happened. It’s so hard to explain and express. Both of you are in a very strange and new situation now, right after a break up, and keep in mind that she is broken too!
Well, whatever you’ll decide to do (meet with her or not), good luck!

[andi]

@Nedim

yeah right… man what would i give for one of those right now… the thought of it melts my brain, my heart and the rest of my body aswell… :o

i fucked up the first kiss sooooooooooooo bad
she went to visit me that day and before she went in to the bus to go to her grandparents she was like “you had quite a lot of opportunities but you didn’t kiss me. i guess you just didn’t want to.” so i grabbed her and kissed her but not like the kisses you see in the movies. that must have been the shortest and most awkward kiss ever in human history. probably even the dinosaurs kissed better than me that day :'D
well… in the end i kissed her and that’s what matters … right …right?!
we stayed at a hotel for a few nights together after that evening and well… you know what guys and girls do at night… in a hotel… or everywhere else when they are alone and interested in each other!
and yeah… we got together…

I decided to stop NC since i have good conversations with my ex and she noticed how i changed. She is kinda mad at me because i wasn’t able to do so during the relationship but hey… it was my first one and that’s just something you learn by making mistakes. she told me that she is still not over me and i told her that i am not over her.
i somehow have to light the flame in her heart again by doing something and not by not having contact. and also -as this websites tells- i have to keep her!!
right now i feel like that if i keep doing what i now enjoys and what she also likes in me my chances might be quite good. meeting her will be quite difficult though because i dont want to suprise her out of nowhere since that might make her angry or sad or idk what and we definetly dont want that to happen ^^
so i hope that she’ll have some time to meet up after her birthday and i’ll hope for the best
and since i have birthday on may 17th i hope that i get her back before that day…

but i’m still thinking about what to do on her birthday though… because i dont want to push her to do something so sending roses or something like that would be to much i think but not giving her anything seems a little rude and maybe she thinks that she isn’t worth a lot to me… argh… so many options and so little correct answers ^^

[nedim]

It happened, and that’s the only thing that matters, absolutely true! It must be very good even if it was awkward a little bit.

It is totally easy to understand why you didn’t change during the relationship. Basically, because you didn’t know you should have changed - similarly to my case.
It’s really important - not only at relationships, at the whole life as well - to learn from your mistakes, and not to get to the ground after you’ve made a mistake. Learn from it, improve yourself, become a better and wiser person.
According to my theory, she loved the man who you were, but she lost the attraction. Once she fell in love with you, so why can’t it happen again, but of course, with a “Better You”?
If you decide to talk with her, be aware that you must not be too needy, overly attached or pushy.
Actually, you have good changes of getting her back until your birthday, or get really close to get her back. It would be the best birthday present ever, wouldn’t it?
My birthday will be on 8th April, so I don’t really see a chance to manage to do this
I think you shouldn’t give anything to her at her birthday. You’re just friends. Post “Happy Birthday” to her Facebook, like in the case of any other friend of yours. In my opinion, giving something would be a too obvious sign that you want to get her back. And you don’t want her to know that you want to get her back. You would seem vulnerable in her eyes.
And maybe it’s just my radical ideas, but sometimes you have to be a little bit rude. Or, not exactly rude, but… You have to be appear strong and confident, and not too (I mean not overly) kind.

Yesterday, there was some happening in my case finally.
She texted me on facebook, in private (we haven’t talked in private for more than two weeks before that). We were talking about a writing, and competitions about it (writing is the hobby of both of us). After that, we started to discuss general topics. We did not mention our relationship and the break up. Actually, we haven’t talked about this since it happened (except the first days), and I don’t know if it’s a bad or good thing.
So, we were had a general conversation, except for two things. First thing: she talked about - again - how much programs does she plan, and to how much events and places will she go. This is not a new thing, she talked about it before too, but I’think it’s worth a mention that it occurred again.
However, the second thing is much more strange. She said the following: “If disappointments happen to someone, it’s very s*** enough, even if the friends try to occupy his mind and help him through” It was a reaction to her own sentence, in which she explains that she has became more active in social life, thus having less time for writing.
And actually, I’m very confused concerning its meaning. I don’t know whether she thought about the break up by saying ‘disappointment’, or not. And basically, I was too afraid to ask that. It would have been very awkward if I had asked her, and she hadn’t thought about the break up by saying this.
I’m really confused about this. It’s not a big deal, I know, but every little thing is important in these times. As I’ve mentioned before, I still don’t know anything about her opinion concerning our relationship and the break up. All I know is that in the first days of the break up, she was very insecure and broken, she didn’t know whether it was the right decision or not, and after a week, I heard from one of our mutual friends that she is said to him that “I’m fine, and I think it was totally the right decision”.
So, to sum up, basically, there are no significant changes, just more and more mysteries. And we talked a little. And I have mixed feelings about it. Actually, the atmosphere of the conversation was good, and there were no awkward moments.

[andi]

@Nedim

alright… it’s update time

so… what happened today?
I kept talking with my ex and i told her that i found a shirt that she left at my place. She told me that she was already looking for it and before that we said that we’ll meet up after her birthday. I asked her at first if she wants me to have her at her place directly at her B-day but we decided that it might get awkward and she doesn’t want any kind of stress at ber b-day - wich i totaly understand. so we decided i come to her the weekend after. wich is not perfect but still great!

oh and about that t-shirt… i grew some balls and told her that i felt really lucky to find it because it still has her perfume on it and that i just love the smell. somehow in english the word “smell” is always kinda in context with a “bad smell” but i guess you know what i mean…
then i asked if she still has a shirt of mine and if she “uses” it (i used to leave a shirt at her place so she can also smell “me” when i was gone) and she said yes :))
so i know for a FACT she still misses me a lot!
i did tell her that i miss her and her whole body and smell and literally everything… blah blah blah… long story short, we meet up as i said and i’m even going to stay at her place and not a hotel. We said i’ll stay for one night but… you know… i think i’m not going to buy a return ticket for that day beforehand but will see how things turn out
sadly i put a little to much pressure on her and since she already has quite some pressure on her because of her friends (all of them want to do stuff with her and hang out etc.) she went offline and said that she’ll come back as soon as she’s feeling better again. but she also told me that it wasn’t mainly my fault wich is quite good but still i’m a bit angry at myself that i went a little too far :I oh well i guess that just happens and i have to deal with it.
i think i’ll get her a funny present not a “i-love-you-so-much-pls-be-my-wife-till-eternity-present”

good that there is something happening!
i personally would try to ask her how she feels and thinks about the breakup but if you want to keep NC thats also fine if you think thats the better
are you going to some places (like she does) ?
i think she goes to all those place to get something else in her mind but you! so i guess she also still misses you but maybe i am wrong since i dont know sooo much about her and the relationship :I
try to ask her what she meant with it but not like “did you talk about our breakup?” but like “what did you meant with that? i didn’t quite understand it” so even if she didn’t meant you breakup she won’t be as suspicious
and about the “I’m fine …” from her it might just be her protecting herself from her feelings… but again… i might be wrong :I
i think we sometimes have to bite the bullet to move forward even if it might hurt us! there is just no other way to find out what’s going on i guess…

keep me updated!

…

this talking about smelling the other persons clothes is so weird to talk about in english because it sounds so fucked up… i hope you understand what i mean and not think i’m a retard ^^
alright… i think there is nothing else to tell for now…
gonna grab her shirt now again and feel close to her again like it never changed… </3 …my heart’s melting away along with my brain while doing it… a significant other IS a drug for you and i dont want it to be any different - ever <3