Is feeling like you should give up normal?

[sunshineflower]

Wow such a tough situation! I read some of your story because you have alot of posts. Do you actually think you and your ex are compatible? He smokes weed and it seems like you hated it. I think this fact alone had a major negative impact on your relationship. Guys have such sensitive and huge egos even if they don’t admit it-All of them do. It crumbles as soon as their girl tells them that they don’t like something about them. Does his new woman smoke weed?

If so and she accepts him for who he is as a person, then that’s one of the reasons he would say they ‘just clicked’. I hate to say it but rebounds can be very strong relationships. Rebounds aren’t always short-like my sister and 2 of my friends married their rebound lol. Mainly because the new relationship gives them whatever things the last relationship didn’t have. That’s one of the reasons rebounds work.

As for the whole New Year’s thing, I can tell you that he wasn’t serious about it. A lot of guys say that to their exes-“we can talk in the future and see where things are then”…it’s a common line so they don’t feel like such assholes after breaking up with their girl. And since it gives the girl hope, it means the guy has to deal with less drama because the girl isn’t freaking out so much about the breakup.

[moonbunny]

Aww @scatteredtracks Now I seriously feel that your ex is a jerk who just choose to avoid everything just because he don’t want to deal with emotions. I know, guys hate that. My ex once admit that before to me, that he hated when we quarrel even about small stuffs. What sunshineflower said is somehow true But also, if they really ‘clicked’ at the moment it may be possible that it’s just an ‘at the moment’ relationship. I’m saying this based on my personal experience. You see I was talking to a guy after the break up ( about a little more than a month ago) I aim nothing more then just someone to chat, because I was feeling lonely. I wanted to get to know someone else. But then we just ‘clicked’. We like the same music, and we always talk about it, we chatted the whole day, he tell me his work schedule and places he’s going , treating me like his gf, we even planned of hanging out and even planned of cuddling when we meet and created our ‘cuddle playlist’. We even planned to go gym together and he wanted to be my coach! LOL. I was even starting to forget about my ex… To me it kinda feel right too at the moment. I was even thinking about that guy throughout my day! ‘___’ We were flirting… he said he would love to play me a song with his guitar and cook me spagetti… al right I’ll stop this nonsense TMI haha!

Then all of a sudden something come up in my mind and then I was thinking : ’ Wait, this doesn’t feel right. No, this isn’t right at all! ’ Then I started to ignore his texts, giving him neglecting replies. Then we stopped talking, because I guess he could feel it, that I don’t want to have any connection with him any more. As I think back I realised I was actually just distracting myself from the thought of my ex. I really miss my ex after all, and I was depending on this other guy and treat him as a ‘substitution’'. Although I admit I have some good feelings for him but yeah, nothing more than that. Of course we did ‘click’ or else we wouldn’t even continue to chat, but the thing is, this kind of feelings are come and go just like a freaking tornado. It may feel so right when it hit you, but it won’t last forever, the tornado will pass and that’s when you realise the rain is still falling above you.

So I’m saying that your ex may be feeling like what I was feeling back then. I mean there is possibilities that he is feeling this way. Luckily for me I picked myself up in time… because I don’t want to end up hurting another person and hurting myself at the same time. I’m a person who will give a lot in love. That’s why this cut is so deep. So don’t worry too much babe, focus on finding yourself again and the Sun will start shining again , brighter than ever. He may be just so blinded by everything that’s why his telling you things like ‘you should go date other people’ so to make himself feel better.

But life moves on and we shouldn’t linger or wait for someone who just walk away on us. It’s not that we give up everything. But we must move on and leave the past behind and focus on the future. Strive for ourselves. 'What will be will be. ’ Such a common quote but has meaning deeper than the ocean. So for now keep moving forward babe, you deserve that beautiful smile on your face love <3

As for me, I’m missing him all of the sudden now. During midnight. As I was watching videos in Youtube I heard something feel on the floor : It was the note he left at my room 2 years ago. It made me think back to that moment… We were supposed to go to an event together. It was a social event at a state quite far away from ours. There were prom nights and we were so excited as it’s the first time we’re gonna attend a prom together. And we share the same group of friends so we thought everything would be so awesome. Turns out he can’t go at the last minute, so does all his guy friends. ( It’s a club event , we were both joining the same club but under different admin ) He was devastated that when we meet up before I leave, he cried in front of me, saying he’ll miss me so much. I know it sounded childish, but I know he was just dissapointed, that we weren’t able to do all the things we’ve planned to do when we go there. I was just as devastated…

So as the event falls on my birthday, he was even sadder as he can’t celebrate it with me. Then there comes that day when I leave our state and go to that event for 3 days 2 nights. He was so emotional those days. He even simply just wish me a ‘Happy Birthday baby’ when the clock strikes 12 that night. I called him but he didn’t even want to pick up his phone. I was so sad that I become moody the entire trip. He was still texting me all along and say things like : 'I hope not many guys will look at you, I would be so jealous. ’ As it was practically, a rave-like prom night. I was jumping so hard with my high heels I even sprained my ankle lol…

Okay so the event ended and me and my friends sat the bus that took hours to reach home. And when I open my room door , tears came running down my cheeks : It was full of colourful notes decorated all around my room. And on my bed, was a blouse he personally picked for me :') With a card and couple phone pluggies he picked for us … I was so touched I cried in front of my dad >.< Because he weren’t close with my family yet at that time so he took the courage to text my dad and asked if he can do a surprise for me in my room. It must have took him a lot of courage lol

From the notes he was sharing with me his inner feelings since I left, to random ‘I Love Yous’ and ‘I Miss Yous’. He said in his notes that he doesn’t want to pick up his phone when I called is because he was crying. He was missing me so bad because he wanted to be the first person to wish me in person… He was shedding tears as a man… for me Ahh…sorry for this long story! I was just reminiscing all our times together. At this late hour, I just know that he really did love me. Maybe he still does deep down… But life got into the way I guess… we had so many good times together. There were no bad times except towards the end. They were nothing compared to the good

I really miss us :') I’m sure he did too. After our break up, I don’t want to look too much into the signs that he’s still interested or not and things like that. because I don’t want to get hopes and hurt myself again. I’m still focusing on the future still! You should do the same alrighty. Thank you for reading my long long post <3 I bet you both was really in love before too. We just have to leave it to fate in the end and move on . It’s the best mindset we can adapt for now I’m sure

For me, maybe I’ll initiate chat with him after my exam if he didn’t. Maybe ask him out and catch up and tell him things I want him to know. I’m know I’m not hoping at all that we’ll be getting back together this soon though. But I wanted him to know that I want he to strive for his dreams too. we should strive for our dreams together. If we’re meant to be, then we’re meant to be. Simple as that.

How are you doing today babe? I hope your day goes well <3 And I’ll try adding sri again in the morning! My eyes are closing .

[scatteredtracks]

Hi @sunshineflower I think everything that you’re saying is right. My ex /changed/ who he was when we were together. And I don’t know why. I didn’t ask him to do anything of this. But he stopped smoking weed because he thought it would make me happy. Because of other factors I still wasn’t as happy as he expected so after about a year and a half after giving up he started doing it all the time. (At the beginning of the relationship I think he smoked a little bit for about eight months before he gave up for me). He also acted like a completely different person. He was always pretty selfish and sometimes he could be a bit rude but I never realized that he could be downright cruel. After all, it SERIOUSLY wasn’t my fault that he had changed so much about himself. I never asked him to do that and to lie at the world. He really hurt me when I spoke to him the other day because he said something like: ‘You don’t like my friends, well your friends are queer and all I ever wanted to do was smoke.’ I don’t know why he pretended like it was fine. I honestly thought that he was happy spending time with me and doing fun things together. Know I feel awful because it was like I was making him live a lie. He said we could still be good mates, but honestly I don’t want to do anymore. I’m not even sure if I can be friends with this side of me. I know the most healthy thing to do would be to accept that he is not good for me and move on. But because I love him so much, at least the him that I knew, I still might contact him in a few years. Because this might just be something he has to get out of his system and one day he might realize that he was happy as the person that I was with? It’s like there’s two sides to him. My mum and I were discussing it the other day and we think he’s confused about who he really is as well. Maybe he just needs some time figuring this out.
I have no idea what his new girlfriend is like. I looked at her facebook profile just to see what she looked like (kind of shallow of me i guess) and then I blocked her because I didn’t want to keep checking it. I know it’s easy enough to just unblock her but at least this way if I go and unblock her it’ll give me more to think about whether I really want to look or not. The truth is, maybe she is completely different to me. She might be a better girlfriend that what I ever was. I’m not going to pretend like I was perfect. I was always so worried about things so my guess is that she is a pretty calm individual. I know deep down that it might last a really long time and they may be together forever. But I can’t help but hope that it truly is just a silly rebound and that it won’t work out. I know that’s very selfish of me, but I think that this is just his way of dealing with things. The only things I know about her is that they met through a mutual friend and ‘clicked’, but I presume she smokes weed because those are the only kind of people he has been hanging round with at the moment.
When I asked him about New Year’s he just said that he meant it at the time but things change. I’m so annoyed. And I asked him if I should give up on him at that time as well, and he said to just chill (which I took as don’t give up on me???) But really if he had this other girl in his sights I would’ve preferred to be told to give up on him completely even though that’s harsh. Although I do think a lot of his behaviour towards me and the things he has said have been to justify what he is doing to himself, and to me. He was trying to make me hate him so it’d be easier to get over him. But I am never going to hate him and he knows that.

Moonbunny - I would like to think that it’s just an ‘at the moment’ thing, but I don’t really know. I do feel like my ex is definitely running away from the emotions but she might ACTUALLY heal his heart and then I’ll be even more upset. So the only option I have for now is to accept the fact that they’re together and pretend that they’re the best couple in the world and that nothing will rip them apart.
Even though it’s probably silly and desperate and I’m realizing more and more that he’s not for me, I still want to talk to my ex in years to come. Maybe even just hang out as friends, I’m not sure. Although I can tell when I told him that I didn’t want to be friends that he was hurt and confused - he is used to be friends with everyone that he comes across. He is quite good friends with his other exs that he only went out for a couple of months (although that is quite different as we were together for ages). But I really hope that it did sting him when I said that I didn’t want to be friends. I guess it won’t really hurt unless he is truly alone at night and thinking about everything that has happened in his life and that may not be for a while as atm he is preoccupied with the new things going on in his life. But one day he might think about it and he will realize that I truly rejected him because I said that I didn’t want to be friends. (Although the truth is I probably do want to be friends some time when I’m over all this hurt and anger). I had a dream last night that I was meeting up with him and his friend Robert. And we were just being friends and there were a couple of other people there. The whole time I was talking to him the song ‘The way I love you’ was playing in my head and I knew that I was going to cry. (I presume in the dream it was a couple of years in the future but I don’t really know). So it just depends what happens I guess. If things can change so much in 2 months that things can REALLY change in 2 years. Hopefully I won’t even want to speak to him. I really do want to just move on and never speak to him again but I’m just not strong enough to do that. I always want him to be a part of my life :/// To top this all off, a guy that I kinda had a crush on and thought about going to the movies with has got a girlfriend as well! I mean, that’s a lot less devastating but it just seems like all the good guys around here are taken!! (which is why my ex was snapped up so quickly - he is a JERK but he is a nice person and can probably trick unsuspecting ppl).
Wow! What your ex did for you sounds soooo sweet. He was so sad that he couldn’t say happy birthday to you first. That is so cute!!! I can tell that he really loved you. And I know that my ex really loved me too. I just don’t understand how he can forget about that so easily. Hopefully your ex hasn’t forgotten how much you meant to him <3 My ex and I had so many good times as well, and I feel like he doesn’t even remember. All he remembers is the stupid fight that we had about a light switch when he decided he would break up with me ;_; the most heartbreaking part about that is that I slept on his couch that night, then in the morning I went into his bed and we cuddled and I thought everything was fine. When it turns out that he had stopped feeling things for me and even THAT was a lie. He then got angry again out of nowhere and he told me to go home because he didn’t really feel like being together that day. I said okay because I just thought it was to do with the argument and he needed space to cool off. Then he came round to my house later on with some money to give my mum (we brought him something the day before). He then told me he was going into the city with his friend that was in my dream. And he kissed me on the forehead ;; it was so sweet and it kills me to think that he was just doing it out of habit and didn’t really mean it.Then he didn’t speak to me on the phone or anything over the whole weekend but I STILL was a fool and thought everything was okay because he was just hanging out with his friend and having a good time. Then I noticed that normally I would’ve heard SOMETHING so I asked him if he hated me (probably a bad idea?) and all he said was ‘No’. So I was like ??? It really seems like it but okay. Then I left it for then. The whole Monday I didn’t hear from him either. So I texted him at his 3pm break at work and asked what was going on. He said not much or soemthing like that??? And I was like why aren’t you speaking to me? he said ‘Just don’t have much to say.’ I was really confused. That night I rang him and asked what was going on because he was really confusing and upsetting me. He said that everything was ‘fine’ and would come and see me on Tuesday. For a moment I thought it was okay and that he was still having space because of the argument and everything. Then when I was at work on Tuesday I got the idea that he might be going to break up with me :,( I told my mum my fears and another of my friends. It turns out that I was right and we broke up I wanted to go running after him out the door but I knew that would just make things worse. He was gone from that moment. Actually, from the moment that we had the argument about the light switch. I don’t know why I’m sharing that whole story, I guess it just feels better to get it out of my system and stop thinking about it. If only I could rewind time and never argue about the stupid light switch!!! obviously that wasn’t the only thing going on and he wasn’t happy but honestly
I hope that talking to your ex goes well for you my dear. I’m sure that it will be okay <3 <3 But like you said, we can’t read too much into things unless we totally know the truth. In the end, I think that True Love lasts. So even if my ex is not my true love (something I’m starting to think is unlikely) then I will find someone 1000% better.
Sorry for my long ramble about my breakup in the middle. I just feel like that was something that I had to get out in the air. I do actually have to mention that my ex accidentally hurt my thumb during this argument. Sometimes I think that is the reason he thought it was such a bad argument. Because he had hurt me physically, even though it wasn’t on purpose. I could tell he felt really bad about it. I told him it wasn’t a big deal, but maybe it weighed on his mind a bit during that weekend?
Anyway, I hope your day is going well too! I haven’t been doing much with my days at the moment because I’ve just been having to grieve. I’ve been watching a lot of Gilmore Girls which I loooove. I think I’m living vicariously through Lorelai and Luke because I love them so much! <3

[tropica]

Hello,

I have read all of your stories and i am in the same situation. Everyday i get up i feel like the world is empty. i have got nothing to do without him. I don’t wanna go out without him and only thinking about him wishing around sitting next to me hugging me as the days before. We broke up just 10 days ago and i am going to do the NC. I dont know how it works but i am trying anyway. I only want to send him text every second to remind him i am alive and i exist.

Your share and thoughts really made me cry because it truly says what i am feeling and thinking as well as going through. This Xmas we should have a plan together but its now going to nowhere as we broke up.

I only wish to have him back. I am very bad giving advise but i wish and hope your exes will change their mine and come back to the girls who love them more than theirselves. I wish my ex too.

[scatteredtracks]

I don’t think that being blocked on facebook is very good either. That gives me the idea that he never wants to speak to me again
Maybe he will unblock me one day but I’m not going to count on it.

[lrdocherty]

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way scatteredtracks. I feel like giving up today too. The last time I saw him he told me he doesn’t want to lose me from his life, he loves me, and he’s not going to disappear. And he asked me not to disappear. He also told me he doesn’t want to be separate from me, he just doesn’t know what to do right now.

But he’s not here. He’s not called to see if I’m okay. I don’t know what’s happening in his life anymore, and I wake up crying. I’m wondering if maybe I should just learn to accept that it’s over and that I’ll probably never have him in my life again.

[moonbunny]

Hey scatteredtracks Yes I believe only true love lasts in the end. We may not know for sure if they are really the one, but for me I guess the best things to do is move on with my life too, I’m no longer at all thinking of wanting to get back with him. I mean of course I still love him, a lot a lot. I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone this much again. If I can turn back time too there’s a lot of things I wished I’d do also thingss that I wished I didn’t do. Sadly life doesn’t work this way so… we gotta learn this hard way . I just… never regret of loving him, because I must admit, time spent together with him are still the best times of my life. I never regret fighting for us to work. And a part of me will always wait for him. I got a feeling that he will too.

I’m not sure what is your ex thinking babe… It may be a rebound or even GIGS. (Grass is Greener Syndrome) Because nothing beats the bonds that you both build together for so long. You may have differences but true love conquers all. My heart is partially moved on now. I didn’t give up or stopped trying , but I no longer cry so much and over think things. I just want to focus on what I should be focusing now - my studies.
Our break ups suck because we really loved them with all our heart. Simple as that.

And OMG my ex texted me! He asked : your exam coming up? On thurs but I didn’t received any noti … Then on Friday he sent an emoji ( kinda like a sad face) but still I didn’t receive any noti until now! ( Saturday) Why… it’s so weird that I only received the noti now He must be thinking I was ignoring him >< Do you think it’s a good sign? Haha I replied him back and he haven’t replied back yet. Not hoping anything much more though, but I’m glad he remembers :')

[scatteredtracks]

Hiya, sorry I haven’t replied for a couple of days. I’ve been thinking about everything.
I’m still thinking that my ex is probably in a rebound relationship. But even if he is, it’s time for me to move on. I need to start living my life and doing fun things that I’ve always wanted to do. I’m going to start saving up money to pay off my student loan and then hopefully I’ll be able to save and go travelling.
It’s really hard to get up every morning as I always remember what has happened. Although, sometimes it still doesn’t really feel real. I think I’m in denial or something.
I really want to go on a date or something, probably nothing further. But there’s no one around here that I’m really interested in. As I live in a small town and know everyone already. Hopefully I’ll be able to meet some new people some how. My ex did say ‘You wouldn’t believe how many new people I’ve met in the last few months’ - I just wish I was the same.
@tropica I think you need to focus on yourself now. I know it is so so so hard without your ex and you will feel really empty without them. But the thing is, if you don’t start doing things to make yourself happy and move on then they will see that you are miserable. I had to admit to my ex that why he was out having fun and meeting new people, I had been lying in my bed crying and thinking about him for two months. The only way we can get through all this pain is to find things that we enjoy and distract ourselves. At the moment, even if I’m not busy I’ve been watching TV shows that I really love and I’ve been listening to music. Sometimes the music reminds me of my ex and I cry for a little bit, but I think that’s okay and very natural as you have to truly feel things.
I really hope your ex changes your mind. Good luck with your NC my dear. It’ll be a very hard time but the most important thing is that you focus on yourself and not him. Now is the time where it’s okay to be a little bit selfish.
@moonbunny I just want to thank you so much for always being here <3 I really hope that you can add Sri on Facbeook and then she can send me your name and I’ll add you. I don’t know what I would have done without your support for the last few weeks. It really does help just to express everything that I’m feeling and have someone that understands and really listens.
But I think your plan is a really good one. We have to go on living our lives wether our exes are there or not. My heart has moved on as well, as I don’t have any other option. There is no way I can force my ex to love me again. So for now, I have to move on. I still feel as though I will talk to him in a couple of years but maybe when the time has passed I will no longer feel like doing that anymore. I’m not feeling as hurt as I was when I first found out. Because I understand that people do different things to get past the hurt and the emotions and I can’t hold that against him. I can’t be bitter because ultimately it’s his life. It is really sad that he doesn’t really care what I’m thinking of him or what I’m doing anymore. But there’s no way I will be out of his thoughts completely and I think that in a few years he will probably wonder how I’m doing.
I’m sooooo excited that your ex texted you!!! Although we probably shouldn’t get our hopes up just in case. It’s really strange how you didn’t receive it for a while!! Maybe he will just think that you’ve been super duper busy, which can’t be a bad thing. I really hope that you can reconnect with him my dear, let me know if he replied to your reply!! :')

[moonbunny]

Aww yeah I wished we could chatbin fb too! I’ve searched for sri with her email add and nothing came out so I searched for just her name but there’s so many people with the same name Can you tell me which characteristics does hwr profile picture has?

I’m really glad I have you with me here too. I can’t imagine how miserable I would be without chatting here with you and have someone and understand me so much too. Thanks babe <3 Ahhh I’m feeling the same! But I don’t really wanna date yet I just want to make new friends at the moment. Because although I seem like an extrovert person but really, I don’t have much trustable friends and it suc. Aww good luck on your travel plan! Maybe we even get to travel together someday haha I’m saving up money too because I really want to go to my favorite band’s concert in Japan in November! It seems like a big dream but I hope it can happen haha. I hope I don’t get too distracted too as my exam is just around the corner :S

Ohh btw my ex dod reply me. After he asked me about my exam, he sent me an emoji the day after because I didn’t reply him, which means that well, he actually cared for my reply Anyway we chatted back and forth a little, he asked me about my exact exam date and I asked h about his classes and just some random things nothing much. I ended the conver after I have out of things to say. I down care anymore but I have a plan to maybe ask him out after my exam. not that I miss US so much but I really do want to care for him still. I don’t know ill see how it goes.

Anyway let’s continue living our lives and striving our dreams! We don’t need them at all. And is meant to be is meant to be. Let’s havw faith and keep moving forward . Life is too short to be wandering around peeple who doesn’t deserve us at all. Love you babe! Have a nice day!

[sri]

Moonbunny search for me now

[lrdocherty]

Today has been awful. I wanted to contact him so bad but I haven’t. I can’t believe he hasn’t text me to see how I am, or wanted to talk to me. I feel like he just doesn’t care about me at all. I don’t know how much longer I can carry on like this.

[sri]

Moonbunny
I am feeling very upset
Because i feel attracting him now is very hard for me
because after doing nc
I had asked him about y our relationship ended
Few weeks ago
And i feel he has build up his wall against my emotions!!
I seriously dont know what to do now.
Do you think i should move on??

[scatteredtracks]

Sri’s facebook profile is a picture of her and her friend Hopefully you will be able to find her now?
It’s really great that we have each other to talk to. I’m not just saying that it means a lot, it really, really does. For some reason I can’t sleep tonight so I’ve just been trying to give people advice on these boards I really hope that things work out for the best for everyone. I know what you mean!! I don’t really have anyone that I can think of that I could become friends with. A guy that I was sort of interested in going on a date with (nothing more really) now has a girlfriend so that was pretty disappointing. My biggest social event of the year (my friend’s birthday - he always has a big party) will be coming up in December so hopefully by then I will be really confident and happy and may be able to meet someone or at least make some new friends. Maybe we could travel together one day! That would be very cool :') At the moment I’m not sure who I could travel with. I had planned to go on a tour some where with my ex… but I never got the chance to ask him! D: We hardly ever went on holidays together. I wish we had while we had the chance… But we need to live life with no regrets anymore. Going to Japan sounds sooooo exciting! My sister’s boyfriend has been there before and he really loves it, so they’re probably going to go back at some stage. I’d really love to go there with them!
I’m so happy that your ex asked about your exam and that he replied as well! It’s so cute that he was sad when you didn’t reply to him straight away (not because I want him to be sad - just that he was thinking of you and when you would reply!). I think asking him out after your exam could be a good way to go. You could start on rebuilding an attraction. But it just depends. You never know what will happen in a few weeks. I know what you mean about not missing ‘US’ anymore. I missed the ‘US’ between me and my ex for a very long time. In fact, it’s only in the last couple of days that I’ve been able to see things clearer and not miss that so much. I still miss HIM but not the relationship that we had. I know see that is in the past. And even if we have another chance some time in the future (which I’m starting to think is less and less likely) it won’t be the same relationship. It will be a completely new one. A different US. I know that he doesn’t miss being with me. He told me he was heart broken because he had to break my heart, but not because we’re not together. When he said this, it really stung me. But now I can see where he was coming from. It still hurts some times and I feel like crying a bit occasionally, but I think I’ve finally managed to accept the fact that he’s not in my life anymore and won’t be anytime soon.
So I’m still not going to contact him for a few years. His brother’s birthday is in November so I will contact his brother then. If I ever hear that his relationship has broken up, I will not say anything. I feel like it is not my place and that it will just seem like I am bragging or trying to steal him back. At the moment, I’m not comfortable with talking to him - mostly because it seems like he doesn’t want to speak to me… But also because of his new girlfriend. It’s not fair to try to get him back from her. I know that I would be really upset if my new boyfriend’s ex was hassling him. But maybe after my couple of years NC we will have grown and I will see him just as a friend. Maybe I will still love him more than ever. We won’t know until all that time passes. I think so much could happen between now and then. We never really know. And true love will always find a way! Love you too Moonbunny. I hope you have a great day!! I’ve had a really good day today and now I can’t sleep at all zzzzzz.

PS: I hope you’re okay Sri and Bangers <3
It’s so hard knowing that they’re out there living their lives and just not contacting us!! I’m starting to feel like maybe I’m a wee bit lucky because I know for sure that I have to give up on my ex for now. You guys are still not so sure whether you should give up or not, and I think that is the hardest part about break-ups and NC and loving someone with all your heart. But you are both strong and you will be able to get through this.

[scatteredtracks]

Sorry!! I’ve just noticed that your username is Hangers, not Bangers. That little H really looks like a B

[sunshineflower]

Scatteredtracks-All’s fair in love and war, so if there was any sign that he wanted you back, it’s okay to try to take him from her. Even though I realize that a lot of people are going to say take the high road and let their relationship play out. But he was yours first so you have every right to take him back. Tough if the new girl doesn’t like it. The whole idea that you are going to do NC for years and then see where you guys are at…the fact is most likely one of you will have kids, moved away or have settled down. And if one of you had a better relationship that left a lasting impact, this relationship will not be memorable even though it seems like it now. The intensity of the relationship fade away depending on the next person you both have a serious relationship with.

[sri]

Sunshine can u help me?
I dont really know how to attract my ex
I feel so helpless sometimes
I dont know how to do it

[sunshineflower]

Hi Sri I don’t know your story. Post a link and I will try to help you. I work for matchmaking companies to help singles find a great relationship so I know a lot about guys/girls!

[scatteredtracks]

Thanks sunshineflower. I know that you’re right deep down. But at the moment there is no way that my ex wants me back. I’m not expecting to hear from him in years either. Although I would still love to reconnect I know that it’s not the right time for us at the moment. We still need to do some healing and growing up.
I know that everything could change in the blink of an eye, so in two years absolutely everything will be different. But at the moment, this is the only way I can think to deal with everything that has been happening. I think, if my ex were to actually contact me, then I would reply to him. But I know that’s unlikely, so I’m just saying that I’m not going to contact him for ___ amount of time. Idk if my feelings for him will change in that time… they probably will but that may be a good thing. If he is really the one for me, then I will still feel the urge to re connect with him so far in the future. He may find someone perfect for him, and if he does I will be happy for him, and I won’t burden him with having to talk to me and relive his past or anything.
Maybe one day soon I will change my mind and feel like speaking to him again. I just don’t want to push him away any more than I already have. It feels as though he hates me, and doesn’t even want to talk to me in a few years. I made a fool of myself and asked him for a hug. Although he didn’t flat out say no, he just made a ehhhh sort of sound like ‘Would that really be right?’ But I still felt really pathetic that I actually asked and I was crying.
If everything changes then there’s nothing that I can do. Hopefully if he has kids or settles down with someone else, that will be enough time for me to heal and get over him completely. But I believe that if he is really the one for me, then we will be able to reconnect when we are both ready. I don’t know if he will have kids, or get married because that’s not really what he wants and he is still really young. But idk.
I do agree with what you said, but at the moment this just seems like my easiest way of dealing with it. I say that I’m not going to talk to him for years but the truth is I will probably say happy birthday to him & everything. May even try to reconnect with him then. We will see!! But I think for now, I am okay with not being together. I’m becoming more happy with myself and my life is very exciting at the moment. For now, my No Contact is for a few years but I may reduce that and contact him when I feel ready. If we both have relationships that make more of an impact than that one, then I think that’s just life and it will mean that we were clearly not meant to be. I don’t think that my ex would ever just forget about me… We had so much time together and it was really strong. Those feelings will definitely fade in a few years, but that’s kind of what I want because I don’t want to feel so emotionally connected to him when I try to re-establish a relationship with him (whether it’s a romantic or platonic one).
Deep down I still hope that he will contact me and be feeling down or something and need my support. But I can’t focus on things like that or wish for them - because they may not happen. At the moment, the healthiest option for me is to move on with me life and try not to worry about what he is doing. If he comes back, then that will be great. And if not, then hopefully I will okay with that too.
But I really appreciate your advice and it has definitely given me something to think about. I don’t think that I won’t contact him for YEARS that’s a bit of an overstatement on my part. I’m just going to leave it the longest possible time so that I don’t push him further away. Hopefully he will miss me eventually and will try to reconnect with me. I hope that makes sense?

[moonbunny]

ahh I’m so sorry @scatteredtracks! It’s been so long since I’ve been here How have you been doing babe? I’m missing him a bit today Although I don’t hope as much anymore but I guess I’m kinda moving in the right direction? Not 100% sure but for sure it’s not 100% the wrong direction either. Yeah I also got a feeling that maybe after a few years only will me and him really reconnect with each other. We just won’t know the future right? And how we truly fell for them in that time.

I guess the best think we can do now is move on with our lives. I’m glad that you’re finally living your life for yourself too babe <3 And I really hope that we could travel together someday maybe when I can afford it! But I am living at the other part of the world from you probably! I live in Asia D: But we can still plan hehe I still cannot find sri btw I don’t know why… TT

Somehow I just know one thing, if I have the choice, I would choose to fight for us one more time. Because that way I can move on knowing I’ve tried my best. But then it seems like it’s best to leave it like this too. At least me and my ex are somehow still in talking terms? I just don’t want to linger around hurting myself anymore anyway! Even if we love them wholeheartedly and would be willing to fight for us everytime, it doesn’t mean tat they would do the same. Somehow, I hope someday we’ll find someone with the same heart as us. Who won’t give up. it may be them after a few years or even someone else that proves to us why they didn’t work out. I believe it we stay positive, better things will be coming our way <3 I’m gonna come here less now but I’m still always happy yo talk to you babe <3

Sri - Aww girl. I feel the best thing you can do now is not focus on him but yourself. Focus on being the better you, focus on being an independent who don’t need a man. If you’re feeling that you really NEED him in your life, that means it’s not a healthy relationship. As least it’s not gonna be in the long term. We need to be WHOLE first to be with someone else. You may feel like he’s your ‘other half’ but in reality we humans, are alone afterall. And another human being won’t make us COMPLETE but they will definitely make our lives better and inspire us for a better future. But if you’'re feeling like you’re so empty without him then you definitely need to learn to pick yourself up first BABE. Sorry for being honestly but this will help you in the LONG RUN. We need to learn to be okay alone. That’s when they will come back, it they’re all true loves. Stop focusing on trying to attract him because love don’t work that way… when you’re feeling better inside, you’ll know what I mean. Stay strong girl! I’m here for you!

[sri]

Moonbunny did u see my email id properly??
Check for spelling mistakes !1
And i will not try to attract him anymore!!
He will never love me again!!
Its ok
But i will find someone else someday who will be compatible and crazy like me!!