I think I've lost my husband! any advise

ok so thursday my husband asked me to go to his job to go get the money for “child support” because he couldn’t come to drop it off. so I went to his job. We (the kids and I) went inside his job and I text him saying we were in front of his dept. (he even told me to let him know when I was in my way.ahead of time of course). so this meat cutter comes out and stares at me and I was trying to figure out who he was because he would always talk about the people at his job to me. anyways a few minutes later he comes out. he introduces my youngest to this lady that works there and my oldest already met this lady and says hi. so then the meat cutter that was looking at me my husband goes to him and introduces the kids to him. ( I felt like an outsider because he left me out ect) anyways he starts walking and goes down one isle and we go down the other. when we get to the front of the store my husband goes and starts talking to the store manager and told the kids he’ll meet us outside or something idk. so he stood talking to the manager and the kids went to use the bathroom. he goes out the one door to go get the money and we go out the other door which was closer. so we meet outside and he gives me the money and told me to give a certain amount to his mother for half of one bill. so he was going to start walking the same direction we were but when he notice that he turned around and went the other way. he saw us inside the store but went his way and we went ours. (later that day he called his mother telling her that the meat cutter guy and I were checking eachother out. (which wasnt true at all, well not on my behalf anyways.) my mother in law and oldest child told me he sounded jealous. was he jealous? I couldnt tell. well then on Friday my oldest has been misbehaving like you would believe, so I text him telling him everything. and we even talked on the phone and everything regarding our oldest sounded fine. he sounded stress and mention something to me about our car insurance policy. so then saturday my youngest wanted to go with him. so my youngest called him and talked to him and he said he was gonna go pick them up by 10:30pm. at first he said maybe then he said he had stuff to do. my youngest even started questioning that what is he doing on a Saturday night. so when my youngest called to ask him he didnt answer her but said he was tired and had just gotten there from work ect.so anyways that when he said he’d come by 10:30. so then my youngest called him but he didnt get the phone. so by 11pm i started texting him. he wasnt answering my texts so we called my youngest left him a message. still no answer. so i sent him a text asking if he was still coming. he said he was on his way. I asked how long and 2 questions marks after he didnt reply and he said 30 mins. I said thats late and he tested well then the morning. I said I’ll take them to you. (i know he doesnt want me going to where he lives. idk why) I dont trust him at all because I know he is always up to something. I knew he wouldnt want me to go to where he lives either so that why I told him that. he texted no i’ll be there soon. just leave them in my moms room. (can you believe that?) I said were on our way see you in the apt. he said nope I’ll meet you at so and so. then says he was at the gym and told me the gym ect. so I started talking to him about the gym but he quit texting about it. and that hurt me.oh he told me the gym because I said which one but I meant in which place to meet him at. thats why he told me. ugh. anyways after that convo he calls me asking me if were already on our way and I told him yes but then no and that we were on our way to the car. so we got in the car to meet him where he told me to. so we met at the place. and I asked him if he could check the car window out for me which is messed up. so he went to check it out for me and while hes doing that he gets a phone call which he kept the phone very close to him so I couldnt see who was calling him. so I told him dont worry about it. I said bye and he made the peace sign with his hands. that really annoys me. ugh. anyways he came around to get my youngest from the front seat of my car. he grabs her and gives her a hug and then starts saying bye. and then says be careful or drive safe, idk. and then I took off. as soon as I left he went back on his stupid phone and the kids didnt see him because he was outside the car while they were inside. so then I decided to call. I called and he answered. I said may I please talk to my daughters and he hung up. then I called twice and he didnt pick up. then I called a forth time and he picked up but was talking to the kids and then said hello a few times I stood quiet and didnt say anything so then he hung up. as I was starting to write this he called and I didnt pick up and then he left me a stupid voice mail. he was talking to the kids saying she can call whenever she wants, then starts saying you can call whenever you want to talk to the girls. hasta luego bye (in a weird voice he said that) I didnt call back or anything. then he called another time and I didnt pick up but he didnt leave a voice mail this time. he wasnt wearing gym clothes either. he was clean and had perfume on. so with the above said. can someone give me any insight on how they see this situation, I feel very very hurt and feel that he has already forgotten about me. I feel so hurt. as I was leaving I started crying in my car. he also stated thanks for bringing them. ugh. as when I went to pick up the money he thanked me again. now I dont think I have any chance of getting him back. anyone please I feel very desperate and am at my wits end. how could he move on after 12 years together and 2 kids with so much memories ect. I just dont get it. im not gonna be his door mat anymore if I have even been that. anyone please tell me what you think. please help me. thanks heres a link to my original post:https://www.forum.exbackpermanently.com/boards/topic/my-soon-to-be-ex-husband-says-he-wants-to-be-friends/

btw my oldest told me that when she starts saying something to him I remember when we did so and so. he gets mad and says we never did that with your mom (she nnever mentioned me lol) and she says no you me and my sister. and he stays quiet or doesnt say anything. btw I hope with the text that I didnt mess up my second round of no contact. I dont think I want anything to do with him anymore and was thinking of doing the divorce myself but im still waiting to see how everything works itself out. im still thinking as im very very hurt. should I find male friends to talk to? idk what to do anymore or what to think of all this craziness. ugh anyone? thanks

I understand that you’re really upset and depressed but just take it one day at a time. If your husband is seeing someone else it will be just a rebound and she wont in anu way be able to take your place!!! Stay positive :slight_smile:

Its all okay. I know how you must be feeling. Everyone has ups and down in his/her life. Give him some time. Let him do anything he wants. Try to focus on yourself only.
Getting back together must be his idea not yours.
Time will heal everything. You just need to have patience.

@cassie thanks for replying. :slight_smile: Im really trying to take it one day at a time but its so hard. :frowning: I really hope hes not seeing anyone because if he is it makes me feel like 12 years meant nothing to him. I’m thinking of not having contact with him at all and leaving before he comes to get the kids for now on. I cant take the pain anymore. Im even questioning as to why I should wait for him as hes doing whatever he wants and Im not, ect. idk what to do anymore. this is very hard. ugh…

@divjun thanks for the reply. :slight_smile: I feel horrible. I feel like he doesnt love me anymore and has forgotten about me already and moved on. ugh. I feel like I’ve given him enough time. im trying to better myself but its not helping me. Im thinking of not seeing him at all anymore because its just to painful to see him. I dont think its fair for him to go wild as im here suffering for him all depressed. I cant keep living like this. I feel so hurt. ugh. idk what to do anymore. he called well I think he called this morning. it could have been my kids from his phone but I wouldnt know. but I didnt pick up and there was no voice message or another call so it may have been him. I think im going to go cold turkey on him from now on and am going to start avoiding him and in this time focus even more on me. I dont deserve to be depressed the way im feeling. Im not sure if I should start talking to guys. I have notice Im get confident again as guys have been checking me out. I just wish he was around to see that. lol but hes not. :frowning: lol. im going to continue losing weigh and getting fit and fixing myself up. also doing things for me and seeing what makes me happy. I finally met up with a freind after a while of not seeing her so I had a good time. today im meeting up with another friend I havent seen in a while. im trying but its just that hard for me. :frowning: lets see where this journey takes me. ugh

I feel like him wanting to get back together with me will never happen and dont see it in my future. ugh anyone?

ugh he just called again and hung up quick. I think im going cold turkey on him and am gonna avoid contact with him as much as possible. im to hurt for this crap. im also going to tell my children not to talk to me about him anymore. any advise or tips or anything? do ya think I still have a chance? idk anymore. should I start talking to other guys? ugh im so stressed out. thanks

I think you should be really nice and casual to him when he comes by to get the kids or when he calls you. Don’t show him that you’re depressed and down… If he is seeing someone else it will be a rebound and it won’t be serious at all - you will still be the woman who has his heart! The fact that he still hasnt gone through with the divorce is a really great sign that he isnt ready to give up on you and your relationship.

Yes Cassie is right, so you should just calm down, when it comes to the kids be nice and calm, dont call him or text him or anything, let him come to you and honestly another relationship is just a rebound, men tend to do to that a lot. Just wait a little bit and see how it goes, let us know everything and ask our opinion, focus on yourself and doing well for you and your kids. Go to the gym, do some yoga, read, dance, you will have a lot of fun and that will help you forget him for a while.

omg so he called me yesterday really early I didnt get the phone, then he called me again and hung up quick. then he later on sent me a pic text saying your kids getting tan in the shade lol, then I didnt answer then he called me late last night because my youngest was worried about me then I didnt answer. (i found out about it cause my youngest told me when I got here.) then he called me late lastnight and I didnt get the phone. he sent me a text saying that why am I afraid to get the phone. (this made me laugh) then he text I took the kids to church and I didnt answer. he stopped texting me. now he calls me and leaves me a message asking me for info for insurance, idk. he called a few times and I didnt answer… I feel very nervous. (could he be lying and doing it for the divorce?) ugh I feel nervous and scared) also how should I act and what should I do? hes acting weird and im confused and dont know what to think or anything. I feel like I dont want contact at all with him because I need to heal. help please anyone? thanks

im so confused. why is he calling me to put the kids in the health insurance. ugh this is so stressful. what do ya think? I feel like hes playing games with me or like hes setting a trap for me. I hope its just me being paranoid. yesterday he took the kids to church with his sister and she took them to steak and shake to eat. my oldest showed me the video of him and a pic. :frowning: im very confused. he look very happy. I miss him. idk what to think. ugh anyone?

@cassie and @Laurais13 thanks for answering me. I hope so because idk why im very anxious. ugh why does he want to all of a sudden put them in the health insurance. im so nervous and confused. thanks

You’re doing good! Next time he calls, pick up the phone and ask him about this health insurance. If he asks you why you havent picked up the phone yesterday or answered his texts just tell him you were busy. Be very calm and cool on the phone, but also remember to be nice. Don’t talk about anything other than the kids :slight_smile:

Idk why but I am feeling like he is finding excuse to talk to you. He could have just left a text rather than calling again and again. I would suggest don’t talk to him right now. But don’t ignore him as well.
He will try to find another topic to talk to you.
Good luck. You did great by not answering his calls and texts :slight_smile:

thanks cassie. :slight_smile: Im going to call or text him because he needs info for the insurance. he left me 2 voicemails so Im just gonna get this done with. I hope im doing good. i just wanted to do no contact to better my self. I dont think he misses me at all though. idk im so confused right now for the way hes acting. ugh lol. im going to go walking now and when I come back I’ll write more and any and all info. and reply. thanks :slight_smile:

should I text him the info then?? why dont I feel this way though? I feel like hes not. im just so confused. I dont think hes looking to talk to me. ugh lol thanks for replying divjun. :slight_smile:

Ummm. You should obv text him if he needs it but don’t do it now. Text him after 6-7 hours. Take your time. And if he really wanted to talk, he wouldn’t just tell you that. Guys are pretty good in hiding their feelings and can divert their mind way to easily.
But in the end you know him better. I just feel like he finds excuses to talk to you.
He could have just left a text or could have asked the kids to tell you about the insurance thing or whatever it is.
Idk im confused too lol

hes at his job and called from his jobs phone which is why I know he needed it. I just dont want to talk to him. Im very confused. ugh idk what to do. @cassie what do you think as well? lol

im going to send him a text saying I saw a missed call from you and a voicemail you asking for insurance info. so here it is. and send to him the info he asked for this way I wont have to talk to him. what do ya think? omg im so confused but I dont think hes trying to talk to me or he would probably say it right? ugh anyone? thanks