The amount of times Kaila I got into my head I was going to do something like contact him, have it out with him, write s letter, at times I got desperate too…but I wrote out what I would say in a letter. I wrote out many texts having it out then I sat on it for a day…when I re-read or had a time to think I changed my mind!! Don’t act when desperate…when you final contact him you need to be confident and you need to feel in control. Don’t worry we have all felt so desperate at times its normal-but don’t let desperation lead you to do something drastic. I don’t think you should put all focus into what your friend has to say…,maybe she did t get anything out of him so feels theres nothing to report. Don’t read into anything just take a breath and take some time out…keep yourself busy. Then in a few weeks send him a nostalgic text. Everyone on here is giving you the advice to take time out. It’s what we have all done…and we are seeing the benefits now…it’s not easy but it’s worth it.
Yes my dear I will take time out for sure. That isn’t even in question. But this is killing me. Me and my friend were supposed to go to the gym this morning. Even if she fell asleep once she wakes up she would call. She came on facebook saw my message on there and didn’t say anything. I know it can be anything, something might have happened, she has classes in 30 minutes etc. But I am here kind of hanging waiting… I feel better now. I broke down for a bit, but I am back to just being scared and anxious
Tell me about your day my dear. How is it going? May I ask where exactly are you from? The city
Ahhh Kaila you’re torturing yourself by asking your friend to chat to him!! You’ll be worrying about what the outcome was etc… I can see it’s stressing you out!
I live in England not sure if you do too? So not sure whether you will even know of the city I live in!
You spoke to your friend yet?
I won’t ask again for sure. This is too stressful and right now I just want to leave all this alone, focus on myself, do no contact and see where we stand in a month or so. I live in Portugal and I am thinking maybe if nothing turns out the way I want ^^(job/studies etc) I would like to go to London to work for the summer.
And no my friend didn«t say anything. She has classes until 8pm. And I got a call for a job interview tomorrow so I need to be in the right mind
Ahh amazing! Yes do it!!! Are you from Portugal then?
Yeh defo focus on you. You’ll start to feel better about yourself and then when you’re top of your game you will contact him and he will be like woah I like this new happy Kaila! : )
Yes Well I am doing some research for tomorrow’s interview let’s see how it goes x)
Last week I had an interview and I thought he was gonna ask me how it went and nah. But he was really happy for me
I thought my ex would wish me good luck when I taught my first class last week or even ask me how it went…he didn’t…he knows how much it meant to me… I realised I don’t need his praise though!!! I’m happy doing my own thing -he can please himself. Ahh cool. Let me know how it goes!
Oh cool! What classes do yo teach? I fell asleep and just woke up. I hate when I wake up desperate like I haven’t dealt with the issue all this time -.-
My friend talked with me already but only to say that she couldn’t really go to the gym in the morning. Nothing else. And she seems cold I don’t know really
I talked with my friend already. She said he basically said the same he told me. He thanked her for talking to him and giving him her perspective on things n(that I really am making an effort to change) but that it doesn’t change that he doesn’t feel ready. That yes we might get back together but not now (I hate the might)
Also he wore the t-shirt I gave him the entire weekend eheheh I am really happy about that. But of course I knew he would love it x) he is a total addict when it comes to his motorcycle eheh
So now I guess I really have to focus on myself and make as much positive changes and really start being happy with myself, my life and all that. I will try to make the most of it all. But it’s really nerve wrecking thinking that we might not get back. That he might just enjoy his life without me and never miss me again. It’s been almost two months and a half… I havent gone more than 2 weeks without contacting… And I also fear that he will meet someone and due to the stress I put him thru he won’t think twice I really wish he remembered the good stuff…
I could have talked about the good stuff twice already. Try to make him remember the good things and I didn’t… Any opinion on that?
She also said he was really really happy because there was so many people there to celebrate his birthday. And yeah I am happy for him but a bit sad that maybe he didn’t even miss me and that I didn’t go too and it’s all mostly my fault.
If I dealt well with everything we could be together now… We would have celebrated 7 months already and maybe we would have a bright future together… we even talked about kids. Lol… oh well…
@Jen8720: yeeeey ya:D i am happy honestly, but on the other hand i still want him to love me and commit to me. but okay… today when he came firt with our friends, i saw him always looking towards me and i saw by his face when i came out he was thinking:“omg shes beautful today” i saw his eyes shined the moment he saw me. also he poked my cheek and said “cuutie tamarca” while he was resting in my bed and i was sitting on my bed and searching on computer. i felt him looking at me and such…i think he feels for me again but he will try hard not to fall for me i think…oh well … im confused and i think he is too.
I was wondering tho, about ur situation i dont have much time cause work and school to read the posts and such. could u tell me how ur situation is right now ?
@kaila: ohh well, there is a MIGHT be together again, better than a 100% sure of not anting to reconcile ! but now, focus on urself and learn to be happy without him. Or at least being okay without him. me personally i was not happy without him i still am not and wot be, but i am okay without him. there is a difference if u ask me. and being okay without him is better than being devasted without him, so i think its good.
Yes tami, I still need to feel ok without him. I don’t feel bad. I do just when I think what if we don’t get back. I was feeling really desperate before like I can’t take it anymore. I miss him too much. The first month I was ok. It wasn’t that hard to be without him, I knew we needed time. Now after that “date” where it felt we were together again almost, then it all changed and he got colder… It really put me down a lot. It’s like we were almost there… I could already see it in my head… and then it seemed so far away or even impossible… Now after their talk I feel a breathe of fresh air again. And that I still need to work on myself so I will be more positive and wish for the best
Hey tami420 I am pretty much where you are now. Had a silly argument with my ex he got mad and ended it. Did NC for a month then I text him.he responded positively we had a jokey chat and then eventually a couple days ago I asked if he wanted to meet for a coffee or a beer to which he said yes! So I am meeting him this weekend to have a chat as I said I think we were making a mistake. So that’s where I am at…watch this space! Ahh yes your ex definitely seems to be coming around?? Maybe just play it cool and see what happeneds?
Kaila that is positive news though? He wants to reconcile but is obviously waiting for some things to change first. He could have said no I don’t think we will get back together ever!! That would be worse? At least he’s willing to give it a go when he feels he is ready…maybe this is the time to really put the time into you…I wouldn’t worry about how long it’s been. These things you cant really rush. If you still have feelings for him after this time then he will definitely still for you…they don’t just disappear! I know you’ll feel like he will go elsewhere or meet someone else but I think that is doubtful. Show him you are putting your efforts into you now and trying to make some positive changes in your life!
Jen how are you today? A few more days and you will see him so good isn’t it?
Thank you for your positivity and support. Honestly I think he was affraid to lose me and when he saw I really wanted to get back now he wants to be left alone for some time. I don’t really know… I think it wasn’t good either that he saw me so stressed out the other time. I just hope things do come around and start going better from now on. Still tomorrow or something maybe my friend will tell me in more detail how it went cause we were on the phone on a rush…
I just don’t know what the next step is… and I know… no excuses, nothing… but it’s so hard x) bah. I am like “but I talked about us going for a ride…maybe I should text him” xD it’s hard letting things just go, and take their time
@Jen8720: Oh well done for NC one month and reaching out after NC ! However I am glad u two will meet this weekend!! are u excited? =)) But I do think you should not talk about ur previous relatinship! I think you should talk more about what u two have been doing this month and idk try to have fun together and all. you need to make it a positive experience for him and you …and not try to talk him into being together again. also him seeing you okay and positive and all it will be really better Just be the good old you he loved before and in some time after u two will meet up more, hopefully he will also see you have improved , if you had. and it will be all okay. But this is just my oppinion and advice…
yes he seems to be coming around , but idk it feels like he doesnt want things to be like they were betwen us no matter how he feels. yep, I am playing it cool and it confuses him. but god idk… i dont want him to realize i love him as much as before neither i want he thinks i totally dont care. it was so cute today we were like before laying on my bed, talking… …i felt his eyes on me all the time and then i looked and i said “whats up…why u look at me like that?” and he responded “ah…nothing” and smiled. i think he wanted to say something like “you’re pretty” or smthn like that but he remembered he should not, so he didnt. But I love the fact he just had to pinch my cheek (do something cute)… he used to call me tamarca when we were together… its a cuter way of saying tamara(my name) and only he called me like that and his twin brother, cause he got it from him lol.
@kaila: well I think you are thinking the right thing and yes more positivity will be good, also for ur improvement. Also this thing with ur friend, in a way u need to reeber that u two might never reconcile but that doesnt mean u cant hope and wish for it to happen! you never know! And another 2weeks of NC and then u can write him for the ride. I understand ya, there are so much reasons why you could text him. but the one reason why not to is more important than the other ones, but u already know that i just remind you =)
God yeh it’s so so hard. I texted my ex everyday pretty much all day since the day we met. So to go from that to absolutely nothing is sooo hard. But you must resist the urge to text him. You can still go for that ride…just in a few weeks time? Just try to forget about him for now (easier said than done I know) but that’s the mentality you need to adopt in order to get through a few weeks of no contact!
Ahh tami420 I’m glad you said what you have as I wasn’t quite sure how to play it when I see him. Do we talk about it do we not? Do I just act normal? I will take your advice and just act normal and if he brings it up I will respond but will try to just keep it positive! I am excited but rather nervous. Ahhhh yes this is a good sign for you I think?? Maybe he was going to say something about the relationship but then didn’t dare?! Defo keep playing it cool I think soon enough he is going to bring something up about you both not being together! Then maybe you can have ‘that chat’. What was the reason for your split if you don’t mind me asking?
Honestly I know that we might not, but I don’t want to remember we might not. I don’t want to think of that possibility, no. I want to think we have a good chance on it. Because if I try to remember myself it might not happen, it won’t help me. It will just make me think of things much more and make me feel desperate. So I want to think that now I need my time for me. And I need to start to be happy on my own, more centered, and confident of myself. Work on my studies, on eating more (I want to gain weight and it’s so hard for me), get a job. And think that we had a good bond. We valued the same things. We talked about the future a few times like kids, that he wanted to name one of them his name, that we would like a house in a really nice quiet place but not that far from the city. That we loved riding together and do stuff together. That his friends and family actually liked me, unlike his ex. With time these things seem less and less relevant. Maybe it’s my insecurity coming up. And maybe the fact that last time he said he remembered the bad too much… thinking of the negative and the non-possibilities is not gonna help. I need to think positively
And yes Jen keep it cool and positive don’t be like me that decided to talk about things -.-’ we might have gotten back together by now already
It offends me a bit that he just isn’t (or doesn’t seem) concerned to get back… but I have to remember that he was in a really long relationship. That they broke up once or twice and got back again so he already has some experience in this. So maybe that is why he jsut wants to let things roll on their own and see what happens. Also he has been with someone most of his life so what for me seems like a lot, for him might just not be enough.
And yes I will find some excuse and then talk about the ride Thank you dear. I will go two or three more weeks of NC
Well I am doing some research for tomorrow’s interview let’s see how it goes x)
eheheh I am really happy about that. But of course I knew he would love it x) he is a total addict when it comes to his motorcycle eheh
I really wish he remembered the good stuff…
Ahhhh yes this is a good sign for you I think?? Maybe he was going to say something about the relationship but then didn’t dare?! Defo keep playing it cool I think soon enough he is going to bring something up about you both not being together! Then maybe you can have ‘that chat’. What was the reason for your split if you don’t mind me asking?