*what for me seems like a lot of time, for him might not be enough, that is. thought it might be confusing
I think it’s important to know deep down it might not happen and to prepare yourself for that…but only recognise it deep down somewhere and don’t dwell on it or think about it too much but yes I do think you need to be positive as much as possible! So stay strong girl!! You can do this. 
well I texted my ex saying that I think we are making a mistake and said a couple other things (non desperate sounding or needy) more logical and then asked him out for a drink…I probably shouldn’t have done that and it goes against what everyone on here says to do so sometimes I think you need to go with your gut…only you know what your ex will respond to. Before that I had mentioned I hoped we could be friends one day…which I probably shouldn’t havr said but I guess that’s ny way of saying I am ok with your decision and I am ok right now. Maybe made him think I don’t NEED him in my life. I defo think do the NC and try to act not needy then the rest really you should base on what you think he will respond to.
Well I actually told him I don’t NEED anyone in my life. I don’t remember what I said next because I was like omg maybe I sounded too harsh? xD but I know it was along the lines of I just really believe in us and that we could really work out. I didn’t want him to think I was affraid of being alone or something.
Well, yeah… You did say you were making a mistake so he will be expecting you to talk about it. You know, be relaxed, genuine, happy… and just see where it goes. If you feel like talking, do so. I really felt like talking about it at the time, and I don’t think it was wrong 100%. Just maybe I scared him with how I reacted. Well doesn’t matter anymore. And yeah deep down I know but I don’t care. I don’t wanna think about this anymore. I won’t be taking any action unless something really happens (he contacts or I don’t know what else) so I am just here applying for jobs online, listening to music, talking with you girls and other people on the boards 
I really wish we could have a little group to talk
Okay Kaila. I am almost certain that I have found the problem within your relationship. You are the alpha male. You are the one who controlled the relationship. And this isn't entirely your fault. You were in a relationship with a man who put his entire heart into a previous relationship, which failed. I don't blame him for not having hope for the current relationship between you two. He is still trying to fill a hole in his heart and he possibly may be comparing you to his previous ex.
There is a solution for this, but you must understand the outcome is a result of time, patience, and care. I would strongly suggest: giving him a lot of space to find himself, changing your controlling ways, allow him to reach out to you, and destroying your insecurities.
You must understand that you initiated a relationship with a cautious man. He does not want to risk making another mistake. Therefor you must let him come to you. Have faith and work on yourself. Control what you have control of.
I would greatly appreciate it if you guys read my story and and commented on what you feel the problem and resolution is. All comments are welcome. Say what you truly feel please. Thank you!
@TJ he did say he regrets staying for so long in that relationship. they were together more out of comfort than anything at the end. and that makes me feel good in a sense that I know with me a lot of things were different, in a good way. I think I made him regret staying for so long in that previous one.
They didn’t do much together. She didn’t do things with him, things he enjoys doing. His friends didn’t like her at all. One of his friends came up to us and said that I was amazing, and his ex was crap. She didn’t care about anyone, and didn’t try to be friends with anyone. Also I gave him a lot more attention, was more caring and sweet to him.
So yeah I do think he compared us. On the good and the bad. The good I already said. The bad: They rarely fought. But let’s be realistic. If you are together for so long you are just used to each other, why would you fight? Also he didn’t do as much effort for her. He even said he did things for me he never did for anyone. He changed himself and didn’t feel comfortable and 100% himself with me. So that is of course bad. And I did tell him I wanted him to be himself if we ever get back. It’s the only way we can know if we are right or not.
But about the rest, you are totally right
I will definitely check your post @TJ. Thank you
By the way Kaila…as someone who teaches English as a foreign language I think your english is excellent!!! Apart from the odd spelling error I could never tell you aren’t english.
Plus you’re applying for jobs and trying to better that part of your life! That’s what matters. If you were lying in bed all day not bothering to look for jobs then that’s not attractive!! So don’t be too hard on yourself. I am late twenties and I still live with my parents. I have a crappy job and don’t have car because my crappy job can’t pay for it. I’m teaching English as a foreign language to better my career prospects -so don’t worry I’m hardly settled with a house, stable career or anything of the sort and I am late twenties!! There’s no rush. You have a lifetime.
@Jen8720 you are such a good kind spirit. You have no idea how much your support has been making me feel so much better. Being on here has really made my days so much easier. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and I hope I get to help you as much as you help me.
The fact that he is a few months younger, has a stable well paying job, drives a company’s car, paid gas, is such a great worker, everybody loves him and he even goes to the gym, is studying to go to college and even is my type when it comes to physical appearance… I have known him for 7 years and I always had an eye on him a bit. I know it’s so dangerous… I shouldn’t put him up on a pedestal. I really need to step up my game and love me more, and have as much admiration for me as I have for anybody else.
I really hope that guy is good for you. Now I am honestly getting a bit worried because you seem such a nice person that I get sad at his attitute towards you…
Ahh that’s so nice of you to say. But it’s all true
Yes you need to start loving yourself because if you don’t why should anyone else if you don’t love yourself?? I went to school, college and university. I further studies to become a teacher and now I am studying to teach English as a foreign language. I work in a shop doing paperwork!!! My career hasn’t worked out the way I hoped but I’m trying. Sounds like you are too. Education is a great thing to have but it hasn’t really got me very far! So don’t give up hope and definitely don’t think you aren’t worthy of someone because you don’t have the things he does. I’m sure he has many down falls. I am sure he isn’t perfect!!! Even though you might think he is…he won’t be. No one is! Sometimes I panic about life and think I should have a house, a car, a man, kids by now. We all panic about it sometimes. But you just got to take life as it comes and yes it might not go to plan but that’s just the way it is. It’s what you do about it that is the main thing. And I can see you’re trying-and that’s enough for now.
I still don’t know what I want to do in life so the fact you do it’s a good thing because at least you know where you want to be heading. I am still indecisive. I would like to go for business management, but I have never been good at math… Marketing has less math but not that much less. Recently I found out about this degree in business creativity and inovation. It seems so interesting but it isn’t active at the moment and also I am not sure about what it would bring me in the future. But I think having a varied education in the areas of marketing, management, photography, digital marketing and social media is the direction I would like to go for. Here where I live fortunately we have been having more and more jobs and companies in the tech industry and all so in a few years it might be a good bet.
I really want to settle where I live, but maybe for you it would be a great opportunity to travel if you would like to do so. Don’t give up and really go on the direction you envisioned yourself. My interview today was for a mall store. So not really a life making job. But you got to start somewhere. And I am so much farther from where I was just two years ago. I know I can get somewhere. I might get there late, but if I start now, and with the will and ambition I have right now, I know I can, and so do you. We can do it
I didn’t know what I wanted to do in life until about a month ago!! You might as well take the time out to work that out first than just do anything for the sake of it and in a few years time think this isn’t what I want to do. The business idea sounds great. You sound like you know which direction you want to go in…this is a start!!!
Also don’t think that he doesn’t care because he doesn’t contact you. My ex has never contacted me in the time we have broke up and we are meeting this weekend. It means nothing! Guys tend to go quiet when things are too much girls on the other hand tend to be more vocal! I initiated contact on all occasions with my ex and sometimes he didn’t reply to my texts. So don’t think that!
@Jen8720: Ya I do think it is best if u dont bring up the relationship u had, and ya also if he will start to talk about it, then i think you should have short, and clear answers abut it, not in a negative way but a positive outlook and such… I think you will do great ! honestly the first meet up is prbably going to be a bit weird and such but the first minutes are always like that. And you need to look ur best ! and feel confident urself. if u shine out confidet and sexy energy he will be amazed probably =)
i wanted to ask him on friday if he wants to hang out or do smthn together… for fun and such… but he has plans with friends, but i still want to try to see if he does care enough to spend some time with me somewhere else than my room and his car…
well we broke up in december on our anniversary, and well it was cause i didnt behave better when i was mad(i didnt yell AT HIM, but i was annoyed whole day or i was like oh this shit and this fuck and bla bla all day…). and also I was putting him throught stressful relationship and … i think he was at his limit and couldnt take that anymore…and everyone knew (especially me and him) we loved each other a great great deal, but he is a person that is better off alone than with peopl, he is a loner and he needed his alone time and i didnt gave it to him 
also our biggest problem was drugs. we did drugs together and everytime we did there was something wrong for 2-3 days cause we were brainwashed of 3days doing cocaine and speed and such… and no sleep… so ya now we both r clean. i think if it werent for drugs we’d still be together cause we had one fight sober. the other things were just his assumptions while high…
@kaila: oh well my ex also was thinking more the bad stuff than good. so ya it is really esential for you to get balanced ad centered! I had to do that too. i suggest every morning 10 minutes of medtiation , cause it makes u positiver and more balaced throught the whole day. and when u reach out to him be improved and changed for the better. be urself but improved yourself. Hmm and be positive at all cost
Oh wow tami420 the drugs would definitely not have helped you both!! Well done for being clean though…I think you needed to get drugs out your lives as they can cloud everything!
Yeh I plan to look great! Haha I have a knew hair cut and haircolour so hopefully this will work! I’m a little scared things will feel too weird but I guess that is normal. Feel like we are strangers now…bit sad but hopefully I can get things back in track and if not then it’s time to move on I think. I can’t chase someone forever!
I think he will probably be so happy to see you and will see how changed you are and be interested on what you have been up to
Also my ultimate dream would be to have a few of my own businesses, that would be healthy, good for the environment and animals. In the beauty area and healthy food but I love so many things, I have always been passionate about decor for example and I want to take some course one day. Maybe it could be a second career I lack no ideas or interests to have many careers. But I only have one short life and can’t do it all. Also financially it’s difficult. How much do you pay for a year at a college there? Maybe we should create a thread just to chit chat?
It seems our guys pushed us to go forward with our life. At the end we are winning also
I was just skyping with a friend and he questioned me about doing no contact for a month. If I think it would really be a good idea, that he doesn’t want me to regret it. I did regret doing no contact for two weeks before. But it was at the time after our really good “date”. Now it’s a different time, but I am nervous now 
It makes me really happy that he wore the t-shirt for the whole weekend. And I know he wore it because it’s about his motorcycle, but I also hope he wore it so that a bit of me was with him there and because he likes me…
Tami, I have seen a few shows about this. And please if you guys get back nd you get back to drugs, just break up… it’s not worth it. Other than that, yes, meet at a place outside and have a date like meet up, you don’t want it to start being about sex.
Why when I am feeling good about things there is always someone that has to turn the few positive things about this situation into something bad and be cold and harsh with me? I was feeling good but there had to be someone coming up to me to ask me about the situation and just because I said I was happy he wore the shirt so much and hoped it made him remember me the whole time and all they think it’s a good idea to say “it’s just a shirt!” -.-’ oh thanks! just what I needed to hear! very f****** useful
Well she doesn’t sound very nice to be honest so I wouldn’t care what she thinks!! It’s a good thing when someone wears something you bought them-it makes you feel like you’ve done good! I would avoid chatting to this person in future. She doesn’t really understand does she? Don’t get worked up over it though or let it get you down!
She was one of the most positive people in the beginning. She used to say that we love each other, that we will get back for sure. But then she stopped smoking and at around that time I had really bad days and she said I was starting to get obsessed. From that point on she never encouraged me as much or anything. And she never used to talk to me like that.
Have you seen my previous post? I am asking because I asked how much you pay for a year of college there so maybe you haven’t seen it : x
How are you today?
Ahh it just sounds like maybe she is a bit tired of hearing you talk about him. We all obsess a bit but talking about it helps I think so we tend to talk and talk and tLk about it. I talked to my sister loads about my ex and in the end I could see was getting tired of talking about it. Which I can understand! Haha well It depends what you are studying really. If you decide to study at university for an overseas student you will probs pay about £6,000 a year!! That would be if you were doing a degree. For college course these will be far less!
I am ok today. Seriously stressed with work etc but ok. How did the job hunting go?
You really do need to do NC for a solid month. Your relationship wasn’t long but if you let him think about what hes lost maybe he will reconsider. Don’t be available to him at all. Maybe he should be the one reaching out. Just focus on yourself and forget him for now.