He says he would like to get back but...

[atea1234]

kaila, its no way to spend your life waiting! i held onto so much hope for so long after my break up so every time i would speak to my ex it was like being broken up with all over again and it was brutal. by saying “i feel like its so over” you truly havent accepted the break up. its been over for 3 months. you need to accept things as they are. you left the ball in his court so there is really nothing else you can do. you should feel free now to just be happy. if he comes back then great but if not, you will be ok.

im glad youre focusing on studying and have some interested guys! some attention is always nice and a great distraction. at this point there is really nothing else you can do. i would just keep improving yourself and aim to keep nc indefinitely until he contacts you. if a few months from now you feel truly at peace with the situation then maybe you can reach out and see how he feels. don’t be so caught up in him meeting anyone - that is truly out of your control. stay focused on what you can control. as my therapist once said to me: if he meets someone else and compares her to you and isn’t as happy then it will help him appreciate you but if he meets someone else who makes him happier than just be happy he’s happy and know you will also move on and be ok and meet someone who makes you happy. i literally wrote “whatever is meant to be will work out” and “everything happens for a reason” on a poster and hung them in my room and i remind myself of this.

as for me, im doing ok! someone on this site once gave me very wise advice which is that at some point you need to just choose to turn a corner. i made the choice. i don’t want to discuss my ex with my friends anymore. i really want to let it all go and move on. if at some point down the road he comes back to me on my own then i will see where im at but there really is no point in dwelling on that because i have genuinely no idea if that will ever happen or when or how i would even feel. I’ve been focusing on my friends and my schoolwork and i have a great job for the summer i am excited to start. it has been such a cold winter and im just enjoying some nice weather from now! i miss my ex but im used to not having him. im sure a part of me will always love him but i don’t think we will ever reconcile. i think its been too long and too much has happened. plus i ask myself all the time if i really want to be with someone who would ever let me go. i see both sides of the coin and i know we met young and most people do need to date around before settling but he’s willingly made the choice to not be in my life and to let me go. if down the road he feels differently then we will see. i constantly go back and forth between wanting him to come back and just wanting to move on and date other people. its definitely not a linear process, but i don’t obsess anymore and i don’t lose sleep at night. the worst has happened. we have already broken up. he has already dated someone. i got through it and im excited about what the future will bring.

i haven’t heard from him even though he told me he had things he wanted to say but to be honest i don’t really want to. im doing better not talking to him. he will never say "goodbye’ to me because he wants to keep the door open to reconcile in the future, so all he could possibly say are things he’s already told me. i also don’t know the girl he is currently dating but i would never want to disrespect her or interfere in their relationship. he deserves to be happy and i wouldnt jeopardize this for him. will it work out between them? i have no idea. but i also don’t intend to be his fallback option. right now he’s probably in the fun getting to know you stage and when it passes and he becomes bored or they start arguing i don’t want to hear from him then. i only want to hear from him if he can genuinely tell me he was never as happy as he was when we were together and thats his choice. i left the lines of communication open and told him the ball was in his court but i was focusing on moving on. whether we go our separate ways for good or we reconcile i need to let go of the past and deal with the resentment i have for him leaving me. im working on forgiving him.

you will be ok. i promise. whatever happens. im over 6 months out and i really am happy and ok. i will always love my ex but you can learn to live with that and not act on it. you can choose to be happy. my birthday is 3 weeks from today and im sure my ex will reach out then so i plan on asking any lingering questions i have then but for right now im at peace with how we left things.

[kaila]

atea did you see the lenghtier response I gave you? Is at the end of page 13

I will be answering to your post later when I have more time I know I will be ok… somehow. And I do accept the break up. Just not that we don’t try again. I am starting to feel ok with most of everything. But I still know that this is something great that we are missing on. This is a potentially great relationship I am missing on. He has great qualities. I don’t want to give up on that.

I am just hoping I won’t have to wait much more than a week for him to tell me “lets meet up and talk”. I mean we were supposed to be together last weekend. Because of a misunderstanding it was canceled and now what? I don’t get what is happening.

I am glad you are back to being yourself. And yes in 3 weeks you have another chance to get a few answers if you need to

[atea1234]

i did see your longer reply. i just think it is hard to go from relationship to relationship quickly. i think its healthy for him to take some time to be single right now. he needs time to process his break up with you and also to process the end of his very long term relationship. don’t dwell on what he said around the 1 month mark. my ex told me at the beginning of january to just give him a couple of more months on his own and he would be back to me. and then he met someone he was interested in and our contact went to zero. he’s told me always to reach out when i want but he never initiates and i don’t want to talk to him anymore. things can change in a moment. you can’t think about what he said 2 months ago. he may have just changed his mind or he may be confused. personally, it doesnt seem to me like the dust has settled yet emotionally for either of you. he needs time and space as difficult as that is. sometimes people just change their minds. i waiver daily so i can’t even imagine how my ex feels. when i saw him 3 weeks ago he told me he thinks of calling to reconcile all the time but he wont let himself because he’s not 1000% positive he’s ready yet. so when i kept pushing him for answers some days he would tell me well get back together and others he would tell me to move on.

your ex doesnt know what he wants right now. so don’t focus on what he said he wanted then. and in the grand scheme of life, 3 months really isn’t a very long time to have been broken up for. don’t get hung up on the numbers. im afraid the more you talk to him when he’s confused the more difficult it will be. thats how it was for me. my ex was sending me mixed messages unintentionally because he didnt know what he wanted. now i basically told him goodbye and good luck with his exploring and if he reaches any conclusions let me know. i know how much waiting sucks but reconciliation will never work unless your ex and you are both 1000% invested in it and right now he isn’t. he’s confused. might he be one day? maybe. he doesnt know right now. i know you want to see him and talk but i don’t think he will give you any clear answers now because he doesnt know. personally i don’t think discussing it or seeing him will change anything and i think it will leave you more confused. but i know we all do it once in a while as a reality check. i met up with my ex at the 1 month mark, the 3 month mark, and the 6 month mark. now i don’t want to anymore. he says the same things all the time because he doesnt know so i can’t force answers out of him. im sorry youre going through this, it sucks. but it gets better in time.

[kd1988]

@atea1234 your words just then made perfect sense to me, and I thank you for that. I know it wasn’t directed at me but there is a lot of truth in what you say and it made me feel better

[thargus]

i feel the same way as atea1234 about this. sorry about the long reply KD1988! definitely having left the ball in his court is the best thing you could have done. him reading as he has done, is a CLEAR sign he is unsure. be very patient and persistent with that now…
and USE this time to focus on you and don’t think about you two. only then will you get a glimpse of realization and after a while if nothing happens then i really believe you should push him just a little… give him the confidence to have a talk with you to be honest about one another. its a difficult one to talk about but @atea1234 has pretty much summed up what i would of said and what i was thinking! and throughout all of this, its obvious to me you are dwelling on this too much. take a deep breath, and take a step back. take a few days off for yourself. give your mind a rest and come back with a clear one. no overthinking. its too stressful. YOU are number 1 here. remember and realize that. keep posting on my other thread to keep me updated. and i will support as much as i can! also i have some BIG news that i am about to post there

[kaila]

Guys I guess I am going to that coffee shop again today. I am so nervous XD omg. xD I am shaking. Will probably bump into him

[kaila]

Ok so I went to the coffee shop. He didn’t show up there.

However his friend that works there did. I guess it was his day off. I was sitting outside with a friend and he appeared at the exact moment we were talking about my ex. I said to my (guy) friend “dont talk about it now” and we shut up. I am sure he noticed it. That we shut up and got awkward. I hope he didn’t heard what I said…

But the other thing that bothers me is I didn’t greet him. It caught my eye he was coming I just look down or whatever quick and yeah… so bad. I look like such a bitch to him… And to my ex as well. Not only I didnt greet his friend, I also didnt greet him (so he thinks). This isnt a good case for me at all. What the hell do I do? Should I greet him on purpose next time, or ever like explain or apologize? (To his friend)

I have always had these weird behaviours in awkward situations not because I dont care about people but maybe because I care too much and Im too insecure and stuff and do these things -.-’

[atea1234]

i would just try to avoid going to places you might run into him. i used to do the same thing. i would purposely pick restaurants or coffee shops or do my errands closer to my ex’s apartment than to my own in (secret) hopes that i would run into him. nothing good will come from it. sometimes we can’t avoid it but if you know his friends works at this particular coffee shop and he hangs out there i think it is best to avoid it.

[kaila]

Hum but should I go just to see if I undo this mess of not greeting his friend and then stop going there to prevent any other awkward situations?

[atea1234]

personally i would just avoid seeing him and his friends. running into your ex and his friends is awkward and its inevitable. it wouldve been nice to just smile and wave and be friendly but its over. no need to over analyze. it wont change anything. its not a mess and it wont make your ex think any different of the situation. but i would really just try to avoid these situations overall. i wouldnt go there at all anymore

[kaila]

im feeling so bad he probably thought im such a bitch, and is gonna tell my ex and he will think too and associate with last time IDK i feel really really bad. it would probably still be awkward if i wasnt talking about my ex but my first thought omg he will hear im talking about my ex. had no time to think im gonna act normal and say hi -.-’

[atea1234]

you are still overthinking way too much! don’t get caught up on the details. if he truly wants to reconcile with you, you not waving to his friend should have no baring on his decision. he is going to be thinking about you and his connection with you and your relationship. you can’t sway things one way or the other by being friendly or not friendly to his friends.

i still talk to my ex’s mom about once a week and she constantly tells me she misses and loves me and hopes we work things out! does that change anything? no. its all about the relationship you had with him and if he sees you in his future. don’t even give this a second stop and seriously stop going to places you might run into him. and if you can’t contain yourself, definitely don’t talk about him in places where his friends hang out!!! just let this go and focus on you and things you can control. you cannot control his thoughts or decisions.

[kaila]

Thank you for your words atea. I just hope it doesn’t make him not want to go out with me as he said we would or delay it further. I can handle anything he throws at me after that.

If I knew I was myself, did my best and he had enough time to see who I was and what I could bring to the table I would be more relaxed. I would be just like you said about accepting he would meet other people. Its scary that I feel the relationship is so distant already. If I feel that, what must he feel?

Also “meant to be” “destiny” and stuff like that, I don’t believe in any of it. I know its being real negative but I totally don’t. Before this I had no opinion. Now I do. Why? Just look at all the bad in the world, and how bad a lot of people have it. If there was meant to be, everyone would find something good (generally speaking not just love) in their lifes someday. But a lot of people never really do. I believe we get what we work for. I believe, truly believe we can be together again. I am just afraid as my last ex had a gf 6 months later and then got married. Lol. But I broke up, I am really happy with my decision, I am just much more dinamic and adventurous than he is. He was afraid to live, and was not ambitious.

I am also trying to look beyond all this. Meeting people and keeping my mind open helps. But I tend to compare. I have always been very selective. No wonder after 3 years and only him being worth it a try from me, now I am panicking about losing him forever and that we won’t have another chance.

As I said before when we broke up I felt positive. That it was a matter of time and faith in the good we had and we would get back. It’s hard with time and with hearing him mad at me. And yes I guess we all need a reality check from time to time. I just want to get a sense how he is feeling. I never even asked to get back directly and I already regreted that long ago and tried not to think about it much.

We must keep positive and believe good things are ahead. I do believe it and I feel more and more stable each day. When something bad happens you know how I get already, like yesterday. Panic, overthink and depressed. But then I get going. There are days I truly feel if I met him I would be rational about it and my attitude would be “ok I am feeling great with my life. I know I dont need you to be happy. But I still believe in my head we can be great together so I still want to try” and I think that’s good.

And yes as you said in the grand scheme of life, 3 months is nothing. 6 months either. Life too me is just way too serious to play around. And that goes from both points of view. The “I don’t want to lose a good thing” and “if this is really the best thing for both of us we will be back”

Anyway I’m rambling way to much! Glad you are doing great and have a nice summer job. I need to find one as well

[kaila]

Went on my date today. It was good. The guy seems nice, caring… Was very sweet to me. He ended up hugging me, holding me and all. We didn’t kiss. He knew my situation and was understanding. I even got to a point I started crying. Not intensely but I did cry. He was worried and stopped and yeah…

I’m worried he will break my heart too. I am too sensitive. Before being with my ex I was alone 3 years. I was independent, would be guarded in a positive way. Not needy, nothing. Now, my ex opened this all up. He made me open up my heart to things, wants, feelings I haven’t had in a long time. Now there is a void I know it wont get easily filled. And I won’t be able to just date someone happily and without thinking too much and want too much. Also I fear he is doing all this to see how far he can go… He has been single for 3+ years and as he said as been having quite a few one night stands. I did say I didn’t want to be one of them he said no, cause its the third time we are meeting

Im happy I still care about my ex even after such a great date with a great cute guy. I want him back i love him. He is such an idiot. I just want to meet him, slap him and then kiss him and say you are mine now shut up and lets go have fun with our lives together x)

But well… I guess there is a possibility we might get back in the near future and who knows I might stop being single forever might as well enjoy it right? Still before meeting and talking with him I don’t want to get too involved… What do you think? Would he not want to get back? Will I something up? My feelings, my discernment?

[atea1234]

im glad you had a nice time and were up front with this guy about your breakup with your ex and how you’ve been feeling. it sounds like you aren’t really ready to date yet. i went on a couple casual dates after my ex and i broke up and had a fling that lasted about 2 months but i was up front with all the guys about how i was feeling in terms of my ex. now I’ve taken a break for a while but im starting to feel ready to date again. im starting to move on! its both scary and exciting.

i know how you feel about wanting to just slap your ex and be with him but sadly it doesnt work that way. i really couldn’t wrap my head around that. i kept asking my ex how he could throw away 7 years for the prospect of “what if” there was someone else who could make him happy. but i had to resect what he needed to do for him and let it go. there are some nice things about being single. i don’t have to answer to anybody about what im doing when or why. I’ve also spent so much time with girlfriends and reconnected and have been having a lot of fun with them. I’ve also really started to focus on school and have been doing very well this semester. of course i miss my ex and this wasn’t my choice but i can’t dwell on the negatives of this situation.

right now i do not believe your ex wants to get back, im sorry. i also think holding onto hope is really helpful in the beginning because its a crutch but eventually it does more harm then good. i held onto so much hope so whenever my ex and i would talk and meet up and he didnt want to reconcile, it was like the breakup was happening all over again. none of us can say (not even him) how he will feel in the future in terms of reconciling but in the now it doesnt seem like he wants to and thats what you should be focusing on. what can you do in the NOW to be happy? i don’t think you should pursue another relationship because you clearly aren’t happy. spend time with girlfriends, reach out to old friends, pamper yourself, shop, read, watch tv, etc. stay busy and distracted!!! when my breakup first happened, i kind of wanted to wallow and think about it and talk about it all the time but i don’t want to anymore. i like being distracted and sometimes when i think of my ex im astounded that its been a few hours that I’ve thought of him less.

in any situation there is truly no way to predict whether an ex will come back or not. moving on is a win-win. if my ex comes back, it will be my choice. if he doesnt, i am healing. i know its not what you want to hear but you can’t really “mess something up”. the ball is in his court entirely. i tried everything i could but i didnt start to feel better until i really cut contact and blocked him on all social media. i don’t hope to hear from him everyday anymore and i don’t want to reach out.

in regards to your post before this one, you need to stop saying you weren’t yourself in the relationship with him. maybe that shows he’s not the right one for you? i know how hung up you are on saying you made all these mistakes but it is what it is and its the past and you truly have to let it go. you can’t change the past and in order to ever have a new relationship with him or someone else you need to let it go. in terms of the relationship feeling distant, that happens in time. i was with my ex for 7 years and i still think of him daily but it honestly feels like a lifetime ago that we were together. its weird how that happens. but if it was true love i don’t think that fades in time. it depends how strong his feelings were to begin with. plus when you get dumped you usually process it right away but for a dumper they are probably feeling happy and relieved at first and it can take time for reality to set in. but each situation is unique.

im not sure i believe in complete “meant to be” or “destiny” either but i believe in fate. listen to how many stories if people who break up only to reconnect or bump into each other years down the road. i think we have the choice in creating our destiny. but i also believe if my ex and i are meant to be then he will come to terms with that on his own and reach out to me and i will still want him. you can’t force someone to be with you and can’t force their feelings.

you can’t panic about losing him forever. the worst is over. you’ve already lost him. don’t let him hurt you anymore. thats why its important to keep NC - for your own sanity. believe me, if a guy wants to be in touch and see you and talk to you, he will. you unfortunately have to leave the ball in his court. you also need to take him off the pedestal. i know he made you happy and you loved him and that is wonderful, but he really is not the only guy in the world. it takes time to heal a broken heart but dont think he is the only guy in the world who can make you happy. thats also too much of a burden for him. you need to make YOU happy. and when you do, you will attract someone amazing - whether it be your ex or someone who makes you even happier. the sad thing about life is sometimes we just don’t get a second chance. we aren’t guaranteed that opportunity. of course there are things about my past relationship i would change if given the second chance, but sometimes we just need to accept the past is the past and move on.

the bottom line is you really can’t change his feelings. you can sit around and obsess and hope and plan and regret but it wont change anything except for drive you absolutely crazy. at this point, there is really not much you can do. im a huge advocate for leaving nothing left unsaid and walking away only when you truly have done everything but he needs to decide internally he wants to be with you. whats helped me make peace with the situation was telling my ex everything i wanted to say to him in a letter. and then saying i was moving on and leaving the ball in his court - that i was open to discussion if he had something he wanted to say but i was done initiating.thats all that can be done. i can’t manipulate his feelings. i can’t force him to reconcile. and in fact, i don’t want to be with someone who came back to me because i schemed to do it. if he goes off and meets other girls and spends time away from me and decides i make him happiest then that will be one thing and i will see how i feel. i know theres something romantic about not giving up on someone you love but at a certain point it feels like banging your head against a wall.

if i were you i would really stick to NC until a point where you feel less anxiety, panic, and depression over this situation. see if he reaches out and if he doesnt then reach out in a few months time. i know you feel you have changed, but honestly think about if you reconciled tomorrow? would all your panic magically go away? no. you would be worried about him leaving again. you need to take time to heal and see you can be happy on your own. take him off that pedestal!

[pineappleblue]

@atea1234 WOW! I just read this post and it actually had a real impact on me. Its all things ive thought or heard before, but the way you’ve written it is just so honest. You’re truly right - we cannot control them, they must come back IF THEY WANT TO. Noone wants a man who felt forced to come back do they?
In terms of ‘fate’ and ‘meant to be’ - i am a big believer in ‘everything happens for a reason’… Now that reason could be that there is someone better out that that makes my ex seem like a schoolgirl crush (a mean feat after 6 years but you never know ) or it could be that we need this time apart to realise how much we actually love and care for each other and learn to appreciate that! I think we all just have to trust in that… No matter what it is, something better will happen, and it’ll make you think, ahhh thats why.

@kaila I know what you mean about being scared of the relationship feeling so distant already. I think we do worry about this too much though! They say dumper/dumpee reactions are complete opposites dont they? Just as we’re starting to feel better, they are starting to feel worse? This may not make him come back but it’s a relief to think he may just be struggling with his emotions.
The fact you’ve been on a date is amazing. I really want to get out on one, but i haven’t met anyone yet where the oppurtunity has come up! I’ll have to crack on… haha!

[kaila]

Thank you both for your words! I am not very talkative today though so I am sorry if this doesn’t come off as a complete response : x

I have actually been feeling more and more ok. Today I studied and focused on other peoples problems. Also it helps I have been texting back and forth with my date ah! We are already talking about the next one. I am probably not ready to have something with someone but I will take this opportunity to learn how to not rely so much on other person, to get my confidence back and learn to just relax and enjoy things without expectaction. I already had thoughts of like “how can i make him want to be with me more”, “how can I make him attach to me”, stuff like that. Feeling I am not enough or interesting enough for him to be actually interested in me. It might be true and he might want only something physical. But that has nothing to do with me but rather with himself. And so as I said I am gonna try to take this as an opportunity to change the way I think it can even help with my ex. Get confidence back and learn to control my insecurities and stresses

But as I said, I haven’t been feeling desperate or as anxious. What happened tuesday was another bump in the road, and it still worries me a little bit cause before that I knew I wasn’t in the wrong at all, my ex was. Now he kind of has something to point out to me but I hope its irrelevant. Also I always worry about the weekends a bit. BUT! I said I was gonna be really nervous if the end of the week came and he hasn’t said anything. But actually I am fine I think another week and another date and I will be most certainly ready to meet him. I am not ready to whatever may come. But to face him with a new air about me yes, and I think he will sense that.

Just hope I really do get that chance to be with him soon.

You know it’s weird I don’t expect a text from him almost ever. I don’t know why and this is a huge difference from last time someone broke up with me. I do feel I am much more centered now and I know he is seeing all of this rationally for the most part. But the feelings of worry and that I might regret not taking more action including not remembering more of the good times will probably never leave me unless we get back. I was thinking of contacting him today but I thought about how I would feel if I said I wanted to talk with someone but not now and they pressured me so soon and I wouldnt like it.

Gonna be with a friend today, she is really sad and is breaking up with her boyfriend. Tomorrow I got tutoring then maybe a night out. Sunday more tutoring and got myself a new gym partner which happens to be a guy too x) will be fun to get back to the gym and I know my study sessions will be even more productive we need to get ourselves out there. But I do feel like thinking long and hard about things and doing ANYTHING to get an ex back is important. And when I say anything I mean even give them time and doing nothing when its the time to just dont do anything about it. I did go thru a really hard process of being depressed like i have never been in my life. But I am so much better now. This is really dark but one day I was passing thru a bridge crying i looked down i was miserable and just kept walking. The other I passed it again, smilling feeling great and strong and proud of the long way I came already. There is no shame in making mistakes. There is no shame in loving, and doing everything you can to get someone back. I know I love him for real and I will never apologize for that. I have made mistakes, but I am NOT guilty anymore. I am not guilty things didn’t go well anymore. HE IS. I have been here all the time. LOVING him to DEATH. I want to make him happy SO much. It’s not my fault anymore. I am getting rid of the guilt slowly but surely. And it’s now on his shoulders. After him thinking I would be one to turn my back on him and just bail on our meet up like that… I don’t know what he is thinking. But he is playing with fate now.
And also… you said that sometimes people break up to bump into each other later. I feel this was fate too. We met years and years ago. He went to my school to visit his gf. The same one he dated for years. I noticed he was from my city here and because I went to a farther school as to not deal with people from here I didn’t like his presence x) after that we would bump into each other a couple of times on the street and look down on each other. I commented this with a friend. A few weeks later he was like guess who I am with. It was HIM I was like HOW do you know its him? WHY did you get to talk about it?! Like what? ah? wtf? I still have no idea! Out of ALL people they met, and out of ANY thing they could talk about they talked about THAT I mean wtf lol. He gave him my number, he CALLED me! Lol. He lived really close 5 min by foot and still does. Invited me over and played guitar for me. I even met his dad! Lol. And like 7 years later we date. What?! And he has all these things that fit perfectly with each other and I am sure no one, NO ONE, apreciates him like I do. His gf was dumb enough to dump him. So clearly I am THE person that really apreciates his unique mix of qualities and characteristics. Cause I am PICKY xD and if I am picky and thing he is unique, well ahah And I said this with a smile on my face

Sorry for all the ramble.

I do believe everything happens for a reason. Of course it does. There were many reasons this happened. Oh and about me making mistakes because it was him, no, I would make most of those mistakes with anyone I believe. After everything I was just afraid and I do have other issues. I am still trying to get psychological help. 3 months later. Bah

[kaila]

Oh and it is very exciting dating again! I can’t believe I feel like this. A month ago I would never think I would feel like this any time soon. It’s kind of good having yourself back. I am just always afraid that the simple fact I am not 100% committed in trying to get back anymore, or that I feel attracted to other guys will change something but I guess it won’t right. If anything it might help.

Oh I don’t find its true that if they want to get in touch they will. A lot of times they want to and even want to get back but wont do it

[kaila]

I feel really down today. I thought too much about it yesterday. Today I just got thinking how hard its gonna be to find someone that will take care and treat me like he did. He would take me to class on lunch break and everything. He was super caring and sweet to me.

And then just now I found out the singer we used to listen a lot and have romantic moments listening to it, is coming to our city in a month :‘( I want to go with him so bad. It would be so so good. I am afraid he is gonna go with some other girl. Why do I have to go thru this? I love him so much, he left me so soon :’( I feel letting more time pass is a mistake and each day that passes it gets worse

[atea1234]

Sorry to hear you’re having a bad day. You just to remind yourself that “letting more time pass” is not a mistake because it isn’t your decision. Of course you don’t want more time to pass! No one on this site wants to spend anymore time away from their ex. But it’s not your choice - it’s his and so there really is nothing you can do.

Also stop obsessing about who else he might meet. It’s truly out of your control. You need to focus your energy on things you can control. I know it’s hard but you have to adjust your thinking. When I would obsess about my ex and the girl he’s seeing I would literally say to myself “stop. It has nothing to do with your life and there is nothing you can do to control the situation”. And then I would read a book or watch tv to divert my thoughts.

The best thing to do when you’re having a bad day is be good to yourself. Text a girlfriend and ask her to get coffee or a drink or lunch or dinner. Treat yourself to a haircut or manicure or go shopping and buy yourself some new clothes. Give yourself a half hour to cry and obsess and then force yourself to do something else. When I feel sad I remind myself that this is what he wanted and if he didn’t want this anymore he knows how to reach me. It makes me feel better because I wouldn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t giving me 100% and wasn’t 100% sure about the relationship.