I broke up with my fiancee. I am 33 and he is 35. We were together for 6 years and the last 2 we were engaged. I was the one that left the house because the last months he was has pressure from his job and also he was telling me that I was putting pressure on him. He didn;t want to talk with me and when I was trying to make conversations he was telling that I was nagging and he was leaving.
The day that I left I was calling him to bring some stuff home.I called him around 3 times and he didn;t pick up the phone and the fourth time that he answered it, when I asked him were are you he started screaming at me, then he came home he broke up my mobile and he continue to scream and telling me now I will see how you are going to call me. He made me really upset and I told him that it is enought and I am leaving. He didn;t do anything and he left from the house. I took some stuff and I left and came to my parent’s house.
That happened on 26th of May. After 5 days he deleted me from fb and put on that he is single. He didn;t try to contact me and I didn;t contact him as well. After 17 days he came at my parent;s garden and he left bags with my clothes and other stuff, and he called my brother to tell him that he left at the garden my stuff.Again he didn’t contact me.
Now after 19 days we haven’t talk to each other and none of us made an effort to contact, I am wondering if he decided that it is over and he doesn’t care, and if he was waiting for me to leave from the house. I cannot undertsand how is possible after so many years that he doesn’t care and he don’t want even to talk with me. Please help me…
Please help I am feeling broken…
I am sorry you are going through this and hurting but right now you need to take your cue for the status of the situation from his behavior towards you and it is appalling. He has treated with you total lack of respect. So what you need to concentrate is on you and trying to build back the pieces of your life with the assumption he is not in it. Of course I am not saying that he might not come back but for your sake you need to work on your life and spending time with family and friends to get the support you need to move on. If he decides to come back then think of it again but I see lots of red flags with his recent behavior I mean shutting you out is not a good thing, also he broke your phone that is extreme reaction to you calling him. He is obviously going through something that he is not willing to share with you and you need to let him work it out by himself but in the meantime you need to put yourself as number one here.
After so many years together you deserved more than what he has given you in the last month or so. Please concentrate on yourself, and making plans for your future. if he wants to be part of it he needs to work on some things first and then show you with actions that he values you and wants you. There is not much you can do to get him talk to you right now if he behaves like this so keep in mind priority is you for now.
I agree with Finntoga.
He’s obviously going through something, and you should let him do his own thing for now.
I don’t get why such an extreme reaction to you calling him, but the fact he broke your phone… suggests he has hit his limit. Were you acting needy? Bitching at him? Asking too many questions when he has already made it clear that pressure from you and outside sources is weighing on him?
I’m not justifying him reacting in such a way. There’s always a level of respect one should show toward someone. However, some people hit their limit.
Give it time and space. Concentrate on yourself, and if I were you, I definitely wouldn’t reach out first. It’s not a punishment game or anything like that, but you need to assert yourself and demand respect by not seeking him out.
In the meantime, like Finntoga said, you should be your only priority. Let things calm down, let him reduce the stress and pressure on his end…
I’ve been where you are. Chasing and being a person that pursues instead of demanding respect (through action…not words) will only make things worse for you.
There’s no way he doesn’t miss you and have love for you still. Hang in there. Sort yourself out and figure out where you have failed; work on those things so whether you are with him or someone else, you can be the best partner/wife possible. 
I don’t feel like he misses me.I feel that he is doing things just to make me feel worst. Since the day that I left I was waiting for him to do something good, to try to resolve this situation but he chose to put my stuff in bags, leave them at my parent’s garden and he didn’t even rang the bell to tell me at least that he brought my stuff. (he nea that I was in the house) He chose to leave and call my brother to inform me for his action… Someone that loves or at least has good felings don;t do it. He throw the 6 years and our engagement like that without to say a word? He was telling me not to call him many times but I told him if you don’t want to call you again and again please pick up the phone… He was telling me that he was pressed about job issues and money and I was telling him talk to me ,I care about what bothers you and we can try together to find solutions… But the last period he had stop the communication with me…
No one spends six years with someone, and then suddenly stops missing/loving them. He’s just in a rut of his own. He can’t worry about you right now. It’s impossible! Let him go off and discover resolution to his own problems.
And if I can be honest… it is not his job to make you feel better about everything. Take care of yourself. He can take care of himself… and then down the line, you two can emotionally support each other without taking on all the weight of both parties.
That’s what has happened. He was carrying his own weight, and instead of you making sure to carry your own weight (not being needy, fixing your own problems, supporting him fully), he was also left feeling the pressure of your weight. As I said, all people have their limits. Love is fickle. It’s easy to fall out of love when you’re too busy dealing with bullshit.
Give it time. Do not reach out to him. Do not make him feel like he is carrying your weight again. Learn to make yourself happy, learn to support yourself in every way!
Then, no matter what, you’ll be prepared to be in a long lasting, healthy relationship.
I should clarify “supporting him fully” isn’t you taking on all of his weight, but maybe letting him know you are there for him…AND you not adding anything to his plate.
Hope that makes sense.
Thank you for your reply… In this relationship we were two.I can understand that he was carrying hiw own weight but when you are with another person in life you don;t want to share it with her? I was carrying my own as well but I was communicating, I was trying to be next to him and support him. If there is no communication in the relationship and if you are trying to communicate that means that you are needy?
Communicating is not needy it is the way you communicate that can cause tension. To be honest calling him over and over again until he answers is bit excessive though his response was too. But he felt for some reason cornered with his problems and unable to share those with you. The thing is it takes too to communicate the right way and you guys did not do that. Sometimes you need to give people space in relationship to let them feel they come to you when they are ready to talk not that you push them to talk when you see something bothers them. Sometimes the best course is just to say I can see something bothers you, I am here for you, I want to help talk to me when you are ready instead of pushing to find out what is wrong. Also if someone does not answer to you immediately why do you keep calling until he does? He knows you called, he will returned it when he can or is ready but you pushed his button with that one so you see it does depend on the ways you go about communication. He is now behaving very angry and childish manner and that is not right but there is nothing you can do about it. Unless you start pushing him some more so really just take this time to concentrate on you and maybe finding a place by yourself to live on etc.
i really feel like I don;t want this to end…All these days I was thinking what I’ve done wrong and that sometimes I was not giving him the space he was needing. But this end is so heartful and I cannot think that our relationship end like this without any words… like never existed…like I am so bad person that he don’t even wants to say anything to me…
Well I get that you dont but right now you cannot make him to change his mind. Best you can do is concentrate on you and let him deal with his anger and things that bother him and cool off. He needs space and you cannot push him for answers that will only drive him away permanently. Right now what he is doing is driven by negative feelings, by giving him the space you give him also chance to see what life without you is really like and what he is missing and if he still have those feelings as he most likely does he will come back on his own to you but pushing will and begging will only work against you so as hard as it is let him be for now. I know you want answers but life and relationship do not work that way and no under any circumstance are you a bad person it takes two people and you two just did not communicate in a right way during the last few months so if there is looking at who is fault it was both of you. You both reacted to situations wrong way and now you know and you learn and he has to do the same. By telling you concentrating on you I am not saying give up right now but to make sure that when you both have had time to evaluate and see things clearly that you are stronger and better prepared to have the right kind of communication and conversation. Giving it the space needed it is hard but it is worth it no matter what happens to your relationship with him.
Ι am wondering if I was not leaving from the house the day that he broke my moblile he will have been ok with me? I mean that I left, he didn;t say to me anything like we are breaking up or leave… So why he is reacting like he was waiting for me to leave and then break up with me?
That is pointless to spend time wondering things that only he can answer. You would not be much better space because of the way he behaved so why think what if’s clearly something was bothering him so you only torment yourself when he is the only one who can answer but not when you need it only when he is ready that is jut the situation where you are now.
Al these days I am emtying the bags and try to put my stuff in my parent;s house and it hurts a lot… memories of 6 years, in bags with no words… I feel soo broken.
Everybody will give there own opinions just use your own mind and take it easy,no pressure,time should heal if not that there is nothing you can do
I have been patiently waiting for my ex g/f from last one year and have done everything but she just don’t want to come back.
Do you think I can do something ? The answer is NO,sometimes people are very stubborn once they decide something they stick to it no matter what are the end results.
But no contact and walking away gracefully is the best solution for any fights in my experience but I might be wrong.
Good Luck.
And I can surely feel your pain,i know it so hurts that the person you loved the most is the one who don’t want to see you or atleast talk to you or even say hi.
Please relax your mind,you will be fine.
24 days after I left the house and a week after he brought my stuff he contacted me for the fisrt time now by a txt in which he was writing next week I will bring you some of your furniture…
I cannot accept that his is behaving to me like I am his enemy ,like I did something so bad to him.
Should I reply to his text? Any ideas please?
I just called him… It is 26 days that I din’t bother him and I just called him today but he din’t pick up the phone. I cnnot understand why he is doing it…He could at least pick up the phone and talk with me…