He told me it was over, that he checked out and then contacted me after8 days while I made no contact. He told me he was genuinely thinking if me and contacted me to see how I was doing.
We chatted by text all night then he asked me to come over and I refused.
I told him we weren’t together and I couldn’t.
He contacted me the next day and same thing he begged for me up come over and I said no we aren’t together. I was not going to give in to sex. The following morning I went on Tinder to see if he was on and he was that very day. I told him the only reason he is on tinder is to find someone and I wouldn’t be waiting on the sidelines. I asked him not to contact me again and he said ok.
Do you think it’s over for good?
I know he loves me so I believe in my heart he will be back…
Thank you az…since my post I am even more confused!
I refrained from contacting him further and then Saturday morning I get a text…“withdrawl”…“I was thinking and on a day like today, we would be spending it together”… Then we started texting all day. I went over last night and we talked… He wanted me to stay and hang out…I told him I had to go but if he wanted me to come back, I couldn’t do it as friends…he told me not to push him and I told him I’m not trying to or want to convince anyone of anything, but I couldn’t just hang out. He agreed to try again… We had a great night. Today I asked him if he was happy that we are trying again and he said he is on the fence… He doesn’t think I understand how he thinks. My last reply to him was in order for this to work you have to wAnt it. And we don’t have to do this if he doesn’t want to. He hadn’t read my text yet. I just don’t know what to do anymore…
Wait for him to contact you,if he says anything that shows he is confused or he is not sure,then tell him that you really respect his decision and you think both of you need some space and wish him the best.
start NC immediately and don’t break it for 1 -45 days.
Thanks again…that is really good advice. He ignored my last text and said good night. I will wait and see how he is the next few days and if he mentions again how we think differently and how he’s not convinced I understand how he thinks. I know he loves me but he acts as though we will never work without making the effort to try. I told him we are 2 different people and we need to respect our differences and focus on the love between us. It’s like he doesn’t want us but he can’t function without us. I think the break up made him think but maybe the NC wasn’t long enough. Can we resolve this without breaking up again?
If he is really ok with starting everything again and he wants to continue that yes.
Try to create good times and memories,have fun,always be cool and positive.
Don’t push him to do anything.he doesn’t have to feel any pressure at all.
Avoid negative talks,avoid negative memories and don’t say anything about breaking up.
Don’t ever judge or evaluate him.if you see something that you don’t like,just say what you are seeing,how it makes you feel and what you need and then you should say your request not your demand. just try to have a good conversation.
During the day or week… ,give him some time for his personal life.encourage him about his goals in his life and also show that you care about your goals in your personal life.
Don’t ever act needy and don’t show obsession over anything.be cool and positive.
Best of luck
So looks like he is not totally ok with it…not at all… Today he tells me he doesn’t think we can work. It’s like he doesn’t want to say it’s completely done but at the same time says he doesn’t think it will work at all. We talked in the phone and I asked him if he wants me to come by and see him. He said yes but doesn’t want to talk about us. I told him I was coming by to spend tine with him and not for any other reason. He said to come by… I seriously don’t know what to do.
Do I cancel tonight and tell him that I’m sorry he is confused and we need time and space apart to figure it out? Or do I go see him and just keep it light and are how it goes? If you think I should apply the no contact rule, how long should I stick to that? I know if probably hear from him in a few weeks…is that time enough?
Be cool and don’t worry about anything.go see him tonight and act like nothing is wrong,try to have a good time with him,be sweet and positive and say nothing about the relationship. he expect you to be worried and be talking about the relationship or the break up or at least be sad about it so you should do the opposite thing.
Continue doing what i suggested this morning for 2 weeks and never say something negative during that time.and always be happy,cool,confident and supportive.don’t be too available all the time during this period.
After this time,see his behavior and if you still think he is not ok,then meet him,be calm and positive and say:
e.g when i see you don’t talk about our relationship after 2,3 weeks,it makes me feel annoyed.i really want this relationship to improve so both of us will feel more happy.i want us to communicate better.
Then see how he’ll respond.if he is responding well,then everything is fine.
If he’ll still say he doesn’t want to talk or anything negative,then tell him ;
I really wanted this to work and this relationship meant a lot to me,i thought you feel the same way but if you don’t i really respect your choice.
Then leave and wait for him to contact you (give it a couple of days).let him chase you a few times and then reward him and be nice to him.
If he contacts you after a long time,then don’t answer it and continue NC for a month-45 days.
Great advice yet again. Thank you so much!! I went over tonight and played the cool girl, didn’t initiate any conversations and showed my calm cool feminine side. The effect was him being more drawn to me. Although in his mind things remain unresolved, I feel this is a baby step in the right direction. Thanks again… I will take your advice and see how it goes…
So a week later after he said he would try and although we shared a few good days together, he started not initiating contact (since Wednesday) and I was feeling really unsettled by it all. I contacted him today and asked him why he was being so distant: he brushed it off and basically said he doesn’t need me questioning him. I told him that i felt hurt by his actions and that I was doing the initiating after not hearing from him all day. I told him I wasn’t looking for scraps from him and he said we were trying and not to have any expectations. I told him I was not happy and that I was done and not to contact me anymore. I told him I’m looking for a best friend, a partner and a lover and not a casual relationship. I felt hurt every day from being in such an unstable situation that I felt I had no other choice. I don’t know if I will hear from him again. I love him but either want him completely or not at all. I won’t compromise myself. Did I do the right thing?
I think you will hear from him again.you said how he made you feel the right way and no matter what he responded he heard it and he knows your expectations.he can’t have a relationship with you and ask you not to expect anything.you did the right thing.you are more important than him.
You can text him and say that the relationship meant a lot to you and you wanted to make it work and you thought he feels the same about it but if he doesn’t then its ok and you respect his choice and you are sure that there are lots of opportunities out there for both of you to find happiness and wish him the best.
Then start NC and continue it until he contacts you then talk to him and avoid arguing with him.
I think at this point, I’m done communicating with him. He knows I love him but I know my worth. Any further communication I initiate WL not make me feel good and will make him doubt that I wAs serious about how I felt. If he really wants to make things right, he will contact me. I just hope I didn’t completely push him away?? I want him to come back whole heartedly or not at all and it has to come from within him. I just don’t know of he will at this point and how to handle it if he does…
For some reason I had a week moment and broke. I texted him Sunday and said “how can you do this to us? Our relationship meant a lot to me and I hate that this has happened to us” he responded " I understand but I can’t change how I feel or think about things" and I replied " you said you would try and I wasn’t seeing it. I love you" (I know pretty bad right?) then I asked if we can get together and talk tonight and he agreed. I know I’ve made some mistakes here…it was at a point of weakness which I’m usually pretty strong. I feel like I get mixed messages from him. How do I handle tonight? I know he’s gonna say I don’t see us working and if I ask him to try he might agree but not give it his all. He will give me resistance either way. I don’t want to sound needy although yesterday was probably not a good day. I want to appear strong but soft and want him to agree to try in a committed relationship. I really need advice which I know I must start to listen to… Nothing else is working!
