He canceled. So I’m done forever. I put myself out there when he asked to hangout… this makes me realize he isnt changing.
Im gonna paste this here, so Laura can see it and give feed back as well…
I asked him to go bowling tonight to make it fun. and He said he’d “Love to, but hes headed (4 hours away) to look at an apt, and it was the only time that fit in his schedule for 2 weeks” than he said he made the decision last night and was gonna ask to hang last night, but he didnt get done with this paper until 11pm. He also said hes been wanting to do something like that for a while now. He wont be back until sunday… and I move Saturday. So… We had a nice texting convo after that. And he said hed keep in touch, but he probably wouldn’t come down to my city until he drives through on the 4th of july and he moves to my city july 15th. I guess I just hope he keeps in contact like he said he would.
Hey Ann,
I feel a little confused - not sure what to believe. What’s your take on this?
I reckon he knew this was the only chance for you to meet before mid-July, yet he had other commitments, that too short notice.
On the one hand, you can give him the benefit of doubt, stay positive and see what happens in July.
On the other hand, I find it hard to understand his last minute cancellation (I read that this only happened once you had initiated the bowling thing - ). Could it be that he got cold feet? Or he basically just wants to be friends with you and after all, he did not really care about the effect this rushed cancellation might have on you?
Any thoughts?
I was looking forward to more positive updates from you so it’s a bit disappointing. You must be hurting a lot but I think you have the strength to get over this and move forward.
Im not sure what to make of it either. Im really hurt he backed out. On one side, he seems really positive with his conversation and when I saw him the other day it went great. I was thinking… maybe he just didn’t wanna disappoint me again.
But on another side, why didn’t he tell me last night when he made the decision.He basically waited till I initiated contact about tonight to say anything. He said he made the decision so soon and that its been a hectic week that he didn’t have time to tell me.
But he did think about hanging out last night if it wasn’t so late for him… Im very conflicted right now.
I know ill get through it, because Monday I start a new full time job for the summer so it will keep me very occupied.
That’s right - a few things are conflicting in his story. Time will show, I guess.
The full time job is good news and a great distraction. If I were you, I would even consider dating other people and have some fun over the summer.
Thanks, I probably wont seek out other people, but who knows… I wouldnt turn down a date if the opportunity arises.
Our convo ended over two hours ago and he just texted me just now complaining about the traffic. Interesting.
Leogirl,
What is the update?
I had the misfortune of passing my ex driving home another girl over the weekend. At first I acted cool about it. The reality is that one night stands don’t necessarily mean anything… Except for, you know, the disrespect when you’ve purposefully kept an ex on the hook. So eventually I got upset with him because I know I will be unable to move past this and now we have no chance of working it out. He then got mad at me for getting upset and told me I left him feeling broken…In my opinion, HE left himself Needless to say, we haven’t talked all week.
There is definitely something to be said for knowing that you tried everything on your end (makes it easier to be fully done instead of wondering what if) but man does it sting when you start to see someone’s true colors come out.
I don’t want to be harsh with you because that doesn’t help anyone, but I don’t want you to hold out for this guy that doesn’t seem to be prioritizing you in the way you need or would have prioritized him. Unless he shows signs of a STRONG effort (not bread crumbs) I would stick with NC or LC
Palm,
Thanks for the support, I dont have much to update as of today. Everything thats written here is whats happened. I will for sure update when I can… but for now Im gonna stay NC until he reaches out and gives more effort into me. Im not gonna wait around for someone who only puts n 50% i know exactly what your going though, and it sucks so much. But I know you can be strong any make it through it. If you need support we are here for you!
Laura,
Any new updates on your story?
Hey Ann
No, not much - I have not initiated any contact for the past three weeks and it’s been incredibly hard on me; I cannot focus on work or anything else. My mind feels pretty blank. Actually, I caught a glimpse of him on the street today and my heart skipped a beat. Oh well -
From what he told me (when we still talked), next week he is due to travel abroad to visit his family and he will be away for 3-4 weeks. Him being physically away from me may help me cope better. I also hope he will use this time away to reflect on things - so all I’ve got is hope 
how are things with you? Any news? Are you still in NC? How is that going?
3 weeks? Thats amazing! Sorry he hasmt contacted you. I know how hard it is. I hope that the time abroud will help him see that he misses you. And the distance thing does help. I moved this past week and at first I cried about him for a couple night’s but it got better now.
And no new news, after the random text he sent, he also snapchatted me a few days ago. Than as the convo was going asked a question, somwthing random and never replied back to me. Oh well. Im waiting it out until he contacts me again. We havent talked in 2 days now.
Oh ok - I take it that you are no longer doing NC? Is your ex still seeing the other girl? How is his communication with you? Just be careful - at times I get the feeling he is pulling off some mind games here (initiating chat but then not responding, the waiting game, etc)… I have read somewhere that you should mirror the guy’s behaviour in cases like this - if he takes 5 days to get back to you, you wait for 5 to reply, and so on…
I am not worried about the 3 weeks of no contact in my situation- this guy has been living alone for the past 8 years since his divorce. He is someone who needs his space and above all, he is a workaholic. In these 8 years he has only dated one other woman (no sex) for nearly a year and that’s it. When I met him, he had been alone for about 2 years - so we are not talking the “typical male” here…LOL …He has not been dating anyone else for 1.5 years (since we first met)… What worries me more is that after such a long time of living alone, he may not see the benefit of entering a serious relationship and it bothers me because I am so crazy about him…
Im keeping up the NC. And I definitely beleive in the whole mimicing his behavior, Ive been doing that. Actually everytime he’s been initiating. And im trying not to respond fast everytime. But we’re not the type to ignore each other, so I don’t wanna be a b*tch and ignore him completely. I dont wanna get my hopes up for anything. I dont know of hes still with anyone. Probably, but I’d rather not think or know about it. The less I know the better kind of thing.
It sounds good to me - and I know that we should not keep hopes too high. Btw, how do you manage to distract yourself from thinking of him? Any tips?
I wish I knew. I think about him all the time but I just try to keep busy. With my new job its getting better.
But everything seems to remind me of him. Literally everything, and if something cool happens… all I wanna do is tell him about it.
Ive just been watch tv if im not working. So I wish I knew how to get him out of my head.
He graduates tomorrow from grad school and im really depressed about it. I was looking forward to meeting his extended family and to celebrate with him. And all I’ll get is silence.
I have a feeling he will reach out to you. This is a big deal and he probably pictured you being there. That said, I wish you could do more to distract yourself. Sometimes I just walk around and listen to books on tape or hike with my dog or even meditate. Honestly, I’m the skeptic who would always brush off meditation but I now realize the practice of mindfulness is helpful in pretty much every area of your life.
The common thing in every article, “program”, or advice column is just to make yourself a better person. If this attracts him, great. If not, you reap all the benefits. I’d be lying if I said I weren’t still hopeful, I totally am. But I’m just doing my best to be more self-centered (in a positive way) it has been helpful on many levels.
Lets hope so. I do keep myself busy I work all the time and than when Im not im just trying to relax.
Hey Ann
It’s Friday evening - my favourite time to start feeling low and depressed about pretty everything so here it goes…
At times this whole thing (NC, trying to get an ex back, etc) feels so pointless; today I am haunted by many negative thoughts and visions. My situation is a funny one - I know he will not initiate contact because that’s him - he just does not. It does not mean he does not want to meet or hang out. I guess, he is a deeply insecure man with a pathological fear of rejection. So all he does is sit on his a$$ and wait. This NC for nearly 4 weeks now has made me think more about my situation and ask myself some key questions - is this the relationship I really want for myself - where I make all the moves and then it’s just me to blame for everything that fails? Is this really worth it? Should I mentally start to move on from him? At this point, I just cannot be bothered about any further interaction with this man- in fact, I have been avoiding all venues where he might be these days because I still feel so hurt and mad at him that I cannot even consider saying hello. Not now. And not sure this will change any time soon.