There isn’t enough NC in the world to reverse what I’ve done. He’ll never come back. And he’ll never leave her. I don’t know why her and her ex split but my ex was mentioning something about how the girls fiancé had an open relationship? I don’t know. Sounds like weird stuff going on. He didn’t say why they split but it didn’t have to do with my ex.
It’s not the girl I suspected. they’ll more than likely move into our home together… I have so many conflicting feelings right now I can’t even process it.
Do you know how they met? Does he seem like he’s falling for her? I am trying to get an idea of their relationship. You mentioned something about his car-is that the worst of it?
@lizgrim if this new girl doesn’t care about the fact that you slept with your ex while he’s with her then that makes the relationship for them unstable. Especially if she had an open relationship with her last ex.
I would love you and @dragongirl 's opinion on my latest post, I’m very tempted to message my ex and struggling a lot today for some reason.
They met at work. He’s totally falling hard for her and she said “it’s serious for her”. Yeah I was driving behind him and he slammed on the brakes to do a u turn and I followed his car but my brakes aren’t as good and almost hit him… He screamed out the window “nice fucking job.”
And I don’t know why she doesn’t care we slept together. I would e been pissed. Can’t even go one week while dating with out cheating? I’m just pissed and hurt and I can’t believe this. I don’t want them moving into our house together. I know it’s his house but I have done so much more work in regards to it than he has.
Hold on there Liz. Please dont think that its the end of everything. You are saying this because the incident is fresh and u r full of different emotions…
You may not have acted correctly but so did he…he is NOT handling this whole situation correctly at all.
I agree with coolcat. I dont think they will last long if this other girl knows u slept together but doesnt care about it… May be its a rebound relationship for her …
For now please try to calm down a bit. I am sure u are still thinking of what u did but please dont. What happened, happened. You cant change this now…
I agree with dragongirl, you should stay away from him for sometime. You need sometime dear to heal and feel stronger…
And you are not alone ! We are here to support u when u need …
As u can see from this web site, people go through different difficulties in their life and this is just part of life. Trust me there r worst things in life. You have ur health, you have ur family and friends around you…
You will ultimately build a bridge with him again but its just gonna take more time and will require a lot of patience…
Oh man. So… After last night, I told him to change the auto payments on his credit cards (I’ve been paying them for two years now) and that if he’s done with me then he needs to get that done now. I also accused him of stealing 200 dollars from me (I’m still convinced he did). And he got really upset about that. Well this morning he texts me and lets me know that his mom is at our house packing my stuff up!!
So I go over to the house and I confronted her. And as I’ve mentioned before, we are SO close. Like best of friends. So we argued and she yelled back and I broke down crying and told her I didn’t want to do this with her. That I love her and I hate this right now but I’m so hurt and I’m so emotional.
So she and I talked for over an hour. Just about everything. About my ex’s new girl and she’s pissed that he would move this fast with her. She just broke up with her fiancé three or four weeks ago and so she hasn’t moved on and he obviously hasn’t moved on… My ex’s mom was angry he introduced her to the children and all that. It was just such a long talk about everything. It was really nice talking to her and she mentioned that I will move on. She said it hurts like Hell but give it a few months and a few hundred dates.
When I was yelling at her, she called Tom to come over. So before all that nice talking. Tom came over and he was kinda moping a little bit… I started crying a little and he grabbed me up in his arms and he was begging me to not hurt him. He said he couldn’t handle any more hurt in his life. And then he started saying over and over about how he loves me so much and that he’ll never stop loving me. That he’d love me always and that he always told me he would.
So he left to go get his boys and I stayed and talked to his mom for a while. Well my dad was causing shit because he came over and whatever. I got into a HUGE argument with my dad and Tom’s mom asked if I wanted to spend the night at my house (how hilarious) because she’s spending the night. I told her no thank you but I love her and I miss her. She promised we’d never lose touch and she’ll always be here to hang out and talk no matter what’s going on.
So my ex texts me after his mom told him about how awful my dad was being and my ex says “I’m sorry I cannot be there for you now. But if you need to talk let me know.”
I also found out that my ex hacked my iCloud account to see my recent pictures… and he saw one of the guys that I saw and thought it was my favorite rebound (that was blowing my phone up) and went on about how he looks like an asshole and a douchebag. And he also told his mom about the rebound and he was jealous.
I don’t know how to take any of this. His mom does not think their relationship will last due to both not having enough time to move on. She said once the honeymoon period is over, they probably will be. I just don’t know… She could keep this honeymoon period going forever. And his mom also said that the biggest thing that drove my ex away was how negative I was the last few months. As I’ve mentioned before… Having to drive four hours a day and getting no sleep and the depression from losing our baby and legal issues, uh yeah. I got negative. But with our new house and my new job, things were looking up. It was our new chance…
My ex’s mom thinks we need to stay apart from each other for a while and that it’s not okay how he’s been stringing me along. That he cannot have the best of both worlds.
Hey Liz,
It sounds like your ex and this new girl became emotionally attached to each other because they were both having problems with their significant others. Ugh I’ve seen this situation before. So his mom was asking you to stay over at your own place that you shared with him? That’s ridiculous!
You had every right to be negative with all the shit that was happening in your life. You need to set boundaries with your ex. He’s saying all the right words to string you along. If he truly wanted to work on the relationship with you, he’d leave the other girl in a heartbeat. It’s not fair to you for him to be lavishing you with all these I love you’s if his actions don’t back it up. Distance yourself from him is the best thing you can do for yourself Liz. That’s the only way that he’s going to open his eyes and realize what he’s lost.
i think your ex’s mom has summarised the situation well: he can not have best of both of you…
I think its best for you to stay away from him for sometime. What you have gone through in the last fee days is too much to handle. you need a break from this emotional torture.
Take things one at a time. Try not to analyse what happened anymore, this is just making u feel worse. and try not to think what will or may happen. Just think about what u will do on the day. i know its very very hard and it looks like the end of the world. but trust me its not. You HAD a life before he was in your life and you can have one now as well. i am not trying to tell u its over and u will not be together. I am just trying to say you should have some days that you can relax and calm down.
I honestly believe things will brake down with this new girl, they will start having problems…
and by time YOU will be the one that will decide if you want him back or not…
I just don’t know what to do. Just two weeks before they got together, she’s bought her wedding dress!! And she’s talking about how much she loves her fiancé and how great the world is because he’s been hers for five and a half years! And my exes girl and her fiancé just went on a hike the day before my ex got with her.
I don’t understand why she isn’t hurting! How could she move on to my ex so fucking fast? I want my ex back so bad. I don’t want to move out. I don’t want to move on. I want my ex so fucking much…
But I don’t think they’ll break up. They seem so happy together and I don’t understand it. I refuse to let her move into the house my ex and I were supposed to move into. I don’t care what t takes. She needs to go back to her house with her fiancé and finish marrying him.
Liz did you get to talk to with new girl? What other info did you learn from his mom? She isn’t hurting because she was most likely emotionally detaching from her ex long before they broke up. Are you going to move out from that place? I can see how much you miss him and want him back-it sucks you are feeling the way you do.
If only you could force her to go back to her fiancée and marry him. But love doesn’t work that way. Obviously her feelings aren’t strong enough for her ex because she wouldn’t be with your ex. If they are happy together, all you can do is wait until the honeymoon period wears off. But you can’t let your ex walk all over you. And he’s just stringing you along with all his loving words. That’s really cruel to do to you. Has he been in contact with you today?
The only time I talked to the new girl was when I was telling her that my ex and I had sex just the night before. That’s all. She mentioned for her this relationship is “serious”. So… that’s all I know from her side. I found out a lot about her through Facebook stalking. That’s how I knew she just picked a wedding venue two weeks before she got with my ex. I know she was with her ex fiancé for five and a half years. That’s about all I know. She always has a dumb smile on her face. Has TONS of friends. Never negative. Just one of those type people. Incredibly friendly.
And my ex contacted me today asking me to bring his hard drives back. My brother took the hard drives from the computers and my ex said that his kids would want to play my ex and I’s game when they came over today. I ignored my ex. He texted me asking “i mean what is going on?”. I ignored him. He called me. Ignored him. Then he sends me a video of him asking his oldest son what all his son wants to do when they go back to our house and play the online game… Trying to fucking manipulate me!!! Fuck him. he ignored me for four hours one day when he was off fucking his new girl and taking her somewhere I’ve been begging to go for years. Fuck him. I’ll ignore him too.
I’m very angry at the moment. I’m just tired of this shit. He seems like an ENTIRELY different person than the one that I was with. I mean I honestly really don’t see much of the same man in him. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m destroying all hope. The tiny bit of hope left. I’m worried he’ll go home and change the locks tonight since he’s so angry with me or put my things on the street like he threatened to. I’m just infuriated that he always said I manipulated him into doing things… But what is he doing??? He just used his son to manipulate me. And the fact that he’s toying with his child’s emotions as well? How disgusting.
I think u should move out of the house. The longer u stay, the more frustrated and upset u will be…
And if it comes to the moment that he throws ur stuff out of the house, it will be very very upsetting for u … Pls dont allow this to happen. Be a proud woman, keep ur dignity and move out…
Regardless of this new girl is and how happy they look together, they have a deadline for their relationship.!! They are on their good flirty days and it will come to an end !!
u really need to relax and calm down a bit but it seems u cant do it if u stay…
I already moved myself out. My clothes are still there but I haven’t been living there in days. I took my couch and the things that mean anything to me. Just clothes and shoes and baby pictures left. I plan to get those sometime this weekend. It’s just hard moving back in with my parents two years later when all I can think of is the day I move out. I have so many emotions right now.
Hey Liz, how are you doing? Ugh that’s ridiculous the way that he tried to use his son like a pawn to get what he wants. That’s not right and it isn’t fighting fair. It’s good that you are angry-you have every right to be. I’m just wondering how long these two were developing feelings for one another? I have an ex bf with a wife like that. It’s like you want to hate her and yet it seems like everyone loves her because she’s so cheery and positive all the damn time. I still hate her though lol.
It’s good that you moved out before he could toss your stuff out. How are you feeling towards him today?
@dragongirl I’m doing well today. Met a great guy with a 14 month old. He seems pretty amazing. We seem compatible and so we’re seeing each other a bit. I found out my ex is still looking at my tumblr because he mentioned things to his mother that he wouldn’t know otherwise.
I went over and talked to his mom today since she’s living at the house now. His mom was telling me that she had a long talk with my ex yesterday. She told him to stop with this new girl and that he really needs to be single for a while like he originally wanted otherwise he’ll be sucked up into a new cycle of dating and breaking up a few years later. She mentioned that he is still torn between me and this girl and that he misses and cares for me. We talked for hours so I can’t quite remember all that was said right now but she was scared I would never talk to her again. She wants to meet my new guy and his little kid. She wants to have lunch at least twice a month. And while I was there my ex called her.
When she was on the phone she mentioned how great I look today and that I look so much better than yesterday (i was so upset when I saw her yesterday). And then he mentioned I was ignoring him and she told him I had blocked his texts on my phone and he got really upset when he heard that!! He got all quiet and a little pissy. So when I left I texted me ex reminding him to pay child support, rent, and probation today. I also told him I was sorry that my dad took some of his things and I would get them back asap and to let me know if there’s anything else. Then I wished him well. He texted back saying that I seem really excited for my future and he wishes me luck with everything and to let him know if I need anything. I told him I was more nervous than excited and then he replied back with “Again let me know. I cannot express it but you know how much i care. Best of luck”. I plan to ignore him now.
Obviously the not responding to his texts was getting to him a bit. And since he’s reading my tumblr… maybe I can drop some things on there to make him sweat. I don’t know. I feel happy because my new guy seems so amazing and he’s well established and I feel like I could have a good life with him. I still love and miss my ex terribly… But I’m trying not to show it.
“I want you to be happy too. Everything in me knew neither of us could be happy unless we are apart at least for a while to help find ourselves again. I’m sitting in traffic. Trains going by hauling ass. I hope this makes sense. I feel we were dragging way too much baggage with us and it was holding us back. I’m sure you feel somewhat of a relieving feeling with rob without the baggage. I’m still gonna want that cup of coffee sometimes. Talk to you later.”
Ex sent me this out of the blue!!! I’m in love with trains which is why he put that train comment. I don’t know what to say. I’m about to respond. Ughhhhh.
Well we texted a bit about everything.
Him: I want you to be happy too. Everything in me knew neither of us could be happy unless we are apart at least for a while to help find ourselves again. I’m sitting in traffic. Trains going by hauling ass. I hope this makes sense. I feel we were dragging way too much baggage with us and it was holding us back. I’m sure you feel somewhat of a relieving feeling with rob without the baggage. I’m still gonna want that cup of coffee sometimes. Talk to you later.
Me: We needed this. I didn’t realize how far down I’d gotten. How much I was putting my happiness on you. I completely lost myself… I was using you up like you were the answer to happiness but you weren’t. Yes you make me incredibly happy. But I needed to be happy by myself and I wasn’t. We had so much in our relationship to deal with that most people don’t and it certainly took its toll. What we needed was a fresh start. A clean slate. To rebuild and restart you know? Rob doesn’t have the baggage, you’re right. Life with him is stress free. But it’s not like life with you wasn’t worth it. Sorry for the rambling. Just a lot I wanted to say. We will certainly have coffee. Have a great weekend with the boys.
Him: I’m glad you agree. :). I don’t know if we will end up together or not but either way i will always love you and miss you dearly.
Me: I completely feel the same way Tom. I could never stop loving you. And I do truly want your happiness. Whether it’s with me or Amanda or the woman across the street. I just want you to be content with your life and to wake up feeling fulfilled. I’m just taking it one day at a time and praying that God provides whatever he feels is necessary. If we’re meant to be, we will be.
Him: Very well put. This is what I mean when there needs to be a change in you. Keep it up and wonderful things will happen. The longer you keep that attitude up the better it will get. Keeping it up when the storm clouds go away and life feels grande is the secret to always being happy and content in life. Farewell. I wish you a good weekend as well.
Well I went over to our house to give my ex back some of the things my dad and brother took. When I got there I was very cheery and he seemed pretty down. I gave him the stuff and he gave me a hug. He asked if I wanted to eat dinner with him and the boys and I told him no I wasn’t hungry but I wanted to get my tooth brush. And when I came out of the bathroom, he was sitting on the bed crying his eyes out. I came over and hugged him and wiped his tears off his face. I asked him if he wanted to talk and he just said “I’ve been feeling this way for days. I just…” and started crying more. So I hugged him again and then his boys came running in the room and jumped on the bed with him so I used the moment to excuse myself and I left.
@dragongirl I know this is a lot but I’d SO APPRECIATE any help!!!
Hi Liz, Had a busy day at work so hadn’t had much chance to check in on you this evening. How are things going now? I read everything you wrote. It’s very clear to me your ex is choking on his emotions/feelings for you. I think your ex thought it was easier to solve relationship problems by bringing in a third person because like you said the slate is clean. The problem is that those strong feelings can emotionally drown the person trying to suppress them. No matter how much he wants to move on, those feelings for you are there. Have you had a chance to talk to him any more?
No I haven’t. I wasn’t sure how long to stay there with him while he was crying. I feel like maybe I should’ve stayed longer. Ugh… Did I screw it up?? I did text him when I got to my parent’s house telling him that he needs to finalize his vacation days with his kids to his ex-wife since that’s due today and he asked me what days to ask for so I told him. That’s it. We haven’t talked about his feelings or anything.
Do you think there’s anything I can do to open this up? Should I just not text him this weekend and then ask him next Tuesday for coffee?