Wow… A lot happened last night.
So I left him on the couch to go to sleep. Well he was crying for thirty minutes so I eventually went in there and as soon as I sat down next to him, he scooped me up in his arms. He was cradling me forever it seemed. He said he didn’t know why he was crying and he didn’t know what to do. That he’s afraid of missing a possible chance but he’s also afraid of missing me.
He said he misses that vibrant energy I’ve been giving off today. He said he misses just holding me and kissing me. And he said “I’m afraid if I kiss you I might regret it.” And after a while of our foreheads touching each other and the “almost kissing” thing, he said “I’m seeing someone else.” and I replied with “I know.” And then after some more anticipation, we kissed. And we started just making out. And we’d take a break and we’d laugh or talk or whatever and then we’d kiss some more. I know I wasn’t supposed to let it happen… but we eventually had sex. And then we fell asleep in the same bed cuddled up together for the first time in a week and a half.
But like he feared, he seemed off this morning. I didn’t try to be too pushy or around too much. Just made him his lunch. Asked some half hearted questions, which we did engage in some conversation about my father’s log house and how he’s going to deal with issues at work today. Before he left to go to work he was standing in the kitchen and so was I (acting busy) and he was walking away but then stopped and said, “um… give me a hug at least.” And so we hugged (both arms around me!). And he was off…
I’m trying not to be too hopeful. It’s obvious he’s conflicted between what he knows, and what he thinks could happen. He said he’s afraid that if he came back to me that he’d get “trapped” and possibly miss a good opportunity with this other girl. He thinks the other girl might be pretty good for him but he doesn’t know for sure. I told him it didn’t matter. Just have coffee with me. And he got the cutest smile and grabbed me up real hard. Now what should I be doing? Should I lay off? Press a little more? I honestly don’t want to just jump right into a relationship, but take it slow and date him again. But I’m worried the more time he spends with her, the more he’ll want her or something. I feel like I’m skating on thin ice here 
Any advice would be great.
Hey Liz,
First of all you did so awesome overall last night being cheerful and perfect. The fact that he was sighing when you had incoming txts from rebound guy shows that he doesn’t like that you are dating new guys no matter how much he makes you think otherwise. If it didn’t bother him, he wouldn’t be sighing and expressing dislike to texts.
Wow he was crying at your place? That’s a big indicator that deep down inside he knows that he made a mistake leaving you. He sounds very torn in what step he should take next. Even if he is dating the other girl, he sounds way too in love with you by his actions for anything serious to happen with her even if he is spending more time with her. The deep love he has for you doesn’t die that quickly. It’s pretty obvious you still have his heart in a tight grasp. No don’t press a little more. Keep acting like the vibrant cheerful you. He will begin to want you more and more. And soon enough, the other girl won’t be able to compare to you in his eyes. Like he said, he missed the vibrant energy in your relationship and when the negative outweighs the positive-guys leave. But now that you have changed, he is realizing everything he is letting go and it’s hurting him like hell. His mind has to figure out that he should be with you. See if you had been negative and pissy, he would just use that as confirmation that he did the right thing breaking up with you. But since you are being really awesome around him, he’s realizing all the good things about you that he is missing out on. And those are the emotions that he’s choking on and doesn’t know how to express.
Like I said I’m trying so hard not to get too excited or hopeful… I want to be happy about this but I’m so worried he’ll come home and say “I’m determined not to come back. I want this other girl. Bye.” Like I said I feel like I’m on thin ice Like the smallest thing is going to crush this. We’ll spend a bit of time together today again since we haven’t finished the carport and we still need to take the trash to the dump.
I just have this heavy feeling in my stomach like this isn’t going to go as I hope… I don’t think he realizes that I don’t want to jump back into us. I don’t think he knows that I just want to date him and to rebuild from the start. He mentioned last night he wishes he just had a fresh start and I told him he COULD have that. It hurt to hear him say “I like this girl a lot” but he did keep saying over and over how much he loves me. How beautiful I was. How he loved my crazy hair and how he loved to hold me. He also said “I’m really enjoying loving on you right now but I don’t know if things will change right now.”
That’s another thing that worries me… I can tell he’s conflicted but I fear the other girl is weighing me out. I tried my hardest with the sex to make it the best he’s had in a while. I mean cramped up back seat car sex has nothing on an actual bed where you get to be with someone like we were last night. I just don’t know if this will be enough. I’m not sure when I’ll ask him to coffee. Maybe today after we’re done with the stuff at the house? Or maybe I could wait til Friday? Wednesday he has his kids and Thursday I want him to go to his son’s baseball game… I’m just worried since Friday is his day off that he’ll probably spend it with his girl doing something…
And again, how he mentions that he thinks he could have something with this girl but he’s afraid that if it doesn’t work out, that he’ll have missed out on me and our life together. I’m hoping that over two years as dating and almost three years as friends, will outweigh his one week of dating her… I mean we have so much history. I know things about him that nobody knows. We truly are best friends and can trust each other so deeply. So I’m hoping that works out to my advantage
wow, really a lot happened …
I really think you will win him back. He repeatedly told you how much he loves you ! and i am sure he means it! I think you should have faith in yourself.
I think you really need to be patient here without sacrificing too much from yourself…
May be you could try to have few more happy days with him and then openly speak to ask for another chance for the relationship. You can give him sometime to think …
May be not now but at some point he needs to know he can not go back and forth between you and the other girl…
He will need to make a decision …
Your history with your ex increases your chances of getting him back because you have a bond with him created by time that new girl doesn’t have. The fear that new girl has a better chance of keeping him is your breakup anxiety talking. I’d wait until Friday to get coffee if things are still going the way they have been. Remember anytime you are around him, be the fun carefree vibrant you.
Addressing Jasminka’s comment about asking him for another chance. No absolutely do not tell him that you want another chance for a relationship. That will push him farther away. He has to come to you with that request. He knows that you still want him. Knowing that you are there waiting for him gives him all the time in the world to try out dating other women. He needs to come to that conclusion that the two of you should date and create new memories on his own. Guys are strange that way. They need for it to be their idea or they stubbornly stay with their rebound.
ok, interesting point dragongirl.
I must admit its much better if he is the one who will say lets get back together in time. But what if he just doesnt say this since he has both of the women in his hand now and Liz showed him that she will be there for him even though she knows he is dating other woman. I was just worried he will take her for granted and not make any further step. I would really like to hear your view on that. Thank you.
Oh I definitely agree @dragongirl… The majority of this stemmed from the fact that he felt like he never gets to make his own choices and when I was whining and begging for him to come back a week ago, he felt like once again, I was trying to make his decisions for him. So I definitely like the idea of this being all his. I do also worry though like jasminka said… That what if he doesn’t decide? What if he just keeps both of us around?
And I know I have history with him so I shouldn’t be so worried… But I am. I am so terrified that he’ll go out with her tonight or tomorrow or whenever and think that she’s the greatest person on the planet. He said he liked her a lot… I just worry that he’ll find things in her that are so beyond perfect and won’t want me. I’ve been trying to hold my anxiety off all day about it but it keeps coming at me.
We’ll spend probably an hour together today though still getting things cleaned up and ready for the landlord… So maybe I can do some more flirting and of course my vibrant happy self. I’m so happy he said he noticed the change in me. Last night was just so great. Being in his arms and he’s kissing me and telling me how beautiful I am. I just hope he didn’t get scared by it and now he’ll keep his distance or something. He said he was so determined to not come back and I’m worried his stubbornness will help him to stay away from me.
I’ll keep trying though.
I just wish I knew if he was going to choose her or get back with me.
Hi Jasminka,
If a guy is truly in love and a girl has his heart, he will step up and say something about getting back together. He really won’t have a choice. He will be unhappy dating any other girl and every relationship will fail because he’s not with the girl he’s in love with. Liz should wait until he speaks up and says something. It’s not like he’s clueless about her feelings right? I know she’s said a few times that she tried to tell him that she just wanted a shot with him. He will miss her terribly if she’s the one for him. And it looks like he’s already missing her by his behavior. If she goes LC with him, she has a great chance of getting him back. So that does mean that she doesn’t sleep with him anymore so like you said, he won’t take her for granted.
Liz, the not knowing is the worst part of any breakup! I understand how you are feeling. Try to channel your anxiety into anything that you like doing so it doesn’t take over. Yes continue to flirt with him. You thinking that she’s the most perfect girl for him is just fear that you have lost him forever. Try to distract yourself. She may annoy him or have other negative effects on him. You have no way of knowing.
As difficult as it is, do not pressure him about making a choice. This is your chance to show him you really changed. That you are capable of letting him make his own decisions and that you consider his needs.
Go LC-Don’t be so available to him after you finish all the things you are doing with the place. If he loves you, he will return.
It’s hard… But I know after today I’ll have to find some excuse to not be at the house when he gets off of work. I hate it because he’ll just go see her and spend six hours with her until he goes to his mom’s. But hopefully it’ll make him miss me. I just hate hearing that he thinks they’re more “compatible”. Like… We’re best friends. Okay so we have our differences but that’s what makes us so great for each other. Is the fact that we share things together and we don’t share things together. Why would you want someone who is 100% like you?
I just hope the fact that I know my ex and that we have a history, will help me to come out on top. Like yesterday he was really upset because his ex-wife gave him like one strand of christmas lights. And my ex explained how it felt like a slap in the face to the thousands of strands he’s bought in the past. And the new girl wouldn’t understand that. She didn’t see him come to class every day miserable because of the ex wife. She didn’t see all the pain and shit his ex wife put him through. I feel like that’s something nobody but me will ever fully be able to understand. I saw the break up happen. I saw the divorce happen. I was actually there and that’s a HUGE part of my ex’s life.
I know that seems stupid but to me it makes sense. I miss his kids terribly too… I was reminiscing about them a bit last night. Telling my ex funny things that the oldest had said before. I wish he would think of them as well… They’ve loved me for two years now. They’ve trusted me with things and they both know me as their “other mommy” (The oldest’s words, not mine). The whole thing just sucks.
But anyway. I’ll try not to be so available (totally gonna kill me). And I think I’ll ask him to coffee on Friday. Possibly Thursday since his boy’s game isn’t until almost four hours after he gets off work. I just hope today goes well and I hope that he can come to a decision soon.
Liz, my dear, his heart is with you…
everything will be fine. Just stay extra strong for sometime.
Sooner than you think you will be writing us a big paragraph describing how you got back together 
and i will be more than happy to read it
So he came home. He’s acting pretty distant. Not really offering too much up. We talked about his work like always and then that was kinda it. Now he’s sleeping and I think when he wakes up I’m taking him to the store… So I don’t know.
He asked me to come to the bedroom to help him write a good review of our real estate agent… And while I was there his girl sent him two texts. I feel like all they do is text all day long! I feel like I’m losing him to her
I put on a movie and am laying next to him in bed. She kept texting him. All I saw was one of her texts saying “where are you at?” No idea what he replied to her. I feel awful. I really don’t think he’s going to come back to me… I mean he’s still actively with her. He’s going to keep growing feelings for her day by day and I don’t know what to do. @dragongirl I could so use your input right now
It’s over for good. I went to his son’s baseball game and there she was… The girl he’s been seeing. I talked to my ex about it and he started getting short and whatever and smiling and so happy she’s there. And so I told her we had sex last night. Of course she doesn’t care. She’ll stay with him. Long story short, I went ballistic and my ex will never see me again. Guess I’m done with this forum.
Sorry to hear! I was busy helping my boyfriend after work so I haven’t been around for a few hours. We are in the process of creating a large spring garden together since we bought a new house. Okay back to you. Why did you go to his son’s baseball game? That’s trying much too hard. You don’t need to go to events like that unless you are back to being a couple. Remember that for next time if you ever have a situation like that arise with any guy.
What exactly did you say to your ex? How ballistic did you go? Its common for one or both exes to go ballistic. Did she get to see this outburst between the two of you?
Sorry to hear! I was busy helping my boyfriend after work so I haven’t been around for a few hours. We are in the process of creating a large spring garden together since we bought a new house. Okay back to you. Why did you go to his son’s baseball game? That’s trying much too hard. You don’t need to go to events like that unless you are back to being a couple. Remember that for next time if you ever have a situation like that arise with any guy.
What exactly did you say to your ex? How ballistic did you go? Its common for one or both exes to go ballistic. Did she get to see this outburst between the two of you? And wtf did she say when you told her you were sleeping with him? I know what you were trying to do with that info bbut she will keep him just to be smug and gloat a that she has him and you don’t. Ugh sry you are dealing with this hell-hang in there.
Damn it-my cat jumped on my iPad while I was writing this. Sry for the typos but I hope you understood what I’m trying to say. If you need someone to vent, feel free to share.
Well I almost wrecked his car. She didn’t see anything. He asked her to leave. And it’s hilarious because she was with her fiancé for five years. They just got engaged in November and were planning the wedding. They just broke up and now she’s with my ex? What the hell ever. Hope they have a great life together.
Part of me is so angry… I could get him fired and send him to prison for fifteen years if I wanted to. In a fucking heartbeat. I’m just so devastated and so angry. That he would come to our house last night and do that shit to me.
It really is over for good though. All I did was shove them closer to each other. He’ll never forgive me for this and I doubt either one will ever leave the other.
Can’t even imagine the pain you must be feeling. So did she say anything to you? Is it the girl you suspected? I wonder what ended her last relationship-did it have anything to do with your ex? I think its going to take alot of time for your ex to move past this incident. You have to do full NC to reverse the damage done.