My opinion is that his mind is a mess. He says things but i think he doesnt really know what he wants, who he wants.
I am saying this because i find it difficult to accept that he was making plans to move in together with you just some weeks ago and now everything changed so much?
He says he loves you and i think this is the truth. Its like his heart is with you but his mind is telling him to leave you because of the problems you have had and it made it difficult for him to see a future with you.
Since he really loves you, any other woman he will be dating is just to keep his mind away from you…I dont think he is telling this other girl that he loves her! why did you think he is saying this?
I believe there is still hope where there is love 
However i also think that meeting up with him now and then will just push him away from you and it will even make it easier for him to move on…Guys like to chase and what he has in his hand (you!) will not appeal to him,…Give him sometime to think, let him miss you and think he might lose you…
The feeling of losing someone makes u realise how much you actually love this person…Think of the situation you are in now…may be you wouldnt realise how much you love him if he didnt break up with you…
Okay I think I get where your ex is coming from. He’s going to learn that no matter who he is with that every relationship is work. Hopefully with time away from you, he can overlook all the negative things that caused him to walk away. I honestly think that he knows the kind of relationship that he wants but believes that he can’t have that with you.
The coffee thing would keep the two of you connected but you have a very high chance that he would friend zone you during this time. Being friend zoned after a breakup is one of the most painful things that can happen. It is less painful for him because you are still in his life and he is able to keep that emotional connection to you. It’s better if you disappeared from his life so he has the chance to remember all the great things about your relationship. Regardless if you wanted to play mind games with him, the aftermath of a breakup always involves mind games in one way or another. I’ve been professionally writing about every aspect about relationships for ten years and I have yet to see a breakup where mind games weren’t involved.
After you do NC for some time, you can engage in your coffee plan. But he needs time to miss all the awesome things about you and your relationship with him in order for that type of plan to work. Give him time so he knows what life is really like without you. I’ve seen your kind of plan work several times before but only after a period of NC. At this stage, your ex is not at the point of reconciliation because he’s intent on trying to date other people.
I totally agree about how he knows what he wants and doesn’t think he can have that with me. I think he said something along those lines the other day… I just wanted the opportunity to show him that he can. I mean we really did have so much to go through in our relationship and now things are getting good… I went to my parent’s house and when I came home, I was expecting the house to be empty like always but he’s here asleep in the bed. Part of me is angry that he gets to come and go as he please and the other part is just happy to have him here. I don’t know. I’m weak.
I think I’ll tell him to stop coming here. That way he can miss me like you said and maybe we can have a shot at this next week? I don’t want to do 30 days of NC. That would kill me.
Liz, that’s a great plan. It’s not right that he comes and goes as he pleases to your place. That’s the equivalent of emotional torture because although he’s right there in your bed or in your home, you can’t have the relationship that you want. It’s not fair to you. He’s taking advantage of your kindness. Tell him that you accept the breakup but in order for your heart to heal, you can’t be around him.
He’s the one that wanted the breakup and refused to work on the issues, so he needs to have repercussions to help him wake the hell up. It’s okay that you feel weak-everyone going through a breakup feels that way at some point. You are strong and you will continue to get stronger. I know 30 days NC is brutal but I’d strive for 2 weeks at least. And don’t even think about the future just yet. Take it one day at a time. One minute at a time if need be. A lot of people that break up think that their ex will forget them if they aren’t in contact with them. In actuality, it makes their ex think a lot more about them.
I’m pissed. And confused.
So I came home and he’s sleeping in our bed right? Well I got my laptop and let the dog in and my ex woke up about five minutes after I arrived. Of course I was incredibly short with him and he got dressed and asked me if I wanted him to get the totes out of the attic. I snapped back with “well I only asked about the totes when we were moving into our house together. Now that we’re not, I don’t need them down.” And you could see he was hurt and he said, “If you want me to leave, then tell me to. If you have something else better to do…” And I shrugged and walked out of the room. And he got all pissy and went outside to clean the carport out so the landlord can take pictures of the property.
Well we get outside and he mentioned these trash bags. So we both go to the shed and look and there’s this top part of the shed that the only way things get put up there or taken down is when he puts me on his shoulders. So he grabbed me and threw me on his shoulders and I told him they weren’t up there. Well he runs outside and starts running around the yard and playing with me still on his shoulders like we would’ve done when we were dating. And he’s laughing and I’m laughing so hard and I’m telling him how much I hate him, etc.
So then he puts me down and we start cleaning out the carport. All the while we’re talking and stuff. Not too much crazy stuff. And then he steps back and starts talking about work. Just like he would’ve done when we were dating. I mean talking about how this associate pissed him off and how he found out the assistant manager was screwing three girls from there and just all this shit! And this conversation went on for a good while too. And then we loaded up my car with trash and we both got in the car to go take it to the dump. Dump was closed so we came back home and he took off to get to this mom’s house …
I’m upset because it felt like we were together again. It was the same joking and talking and friendship. It was so painful for me. And I should’ve held my ground. I should’ve told him to fuck off and get out of my life that he so desperately wants to be out of. To go fuck his new girlfriend. I shouldn’t have even gotten that tick out of his hair this morning. I’m so weak to him and he knows it and I’m angry because I just want him back and I thought this was fucking it…
And since the dump is closed today, tomorrow after work we’ll drive up there again to get rid of this stuff.
Sorry this is so long! But I also asked him where the sleeping bags were because I couldn’t find them. This peaked his interest. He asked where I was going and I said I had plans to go to this island but we decided to just stay in the city and got a free room at the plaza (which is actually happening this weekend with rebound #2). And you could see he was so jealous. And my phone went off and he kept looking over at it. You can tell he’s getting interested in this other life I’m living that he doesn’t see.
So its very obvious this guy is still in love with you and is fighting his heart. If he were truly finished with you, he wouldn’t be playfully flirting with you and acting the way he did when he was your man. He would be indifferent. Not angry, sad or jealous. If I were dating a guy and I knew he was acting flirtatious with his ex, I’d be pissed!! It means he still has very deep feelings for her. And these deep feelings for you are going to cause chaos for any other girl he dates thus the chances of anything more than a rebound are quite slim.
When you are around him, don’t be short with him. Act like the way you used to when you first began dating him. You want him to associate you with the fun, flirty you not the opposite. It doesn’t sound like your ex is done with the relationship forever. Speaking from experience, my guess is his heart will lead him back to you eventually.
The length of your posts are fine. It helps to get a clear picture of the situation so I can best help you!
Do not act needy around him. No more talk of wanting a shot with him again. Keep him on his toes. Guys get intrigued and want a woman more when they have no clue whether she wants him or not. He will become more and more curious about what you are up to.
You can do limited contact in this situation. I’ve done that with exes and it works as well. Since your ex isn’t acting cold to you, try LC if you prefer. This means you respond with short txts when he txts you and you don’t initiate contact.
I know your pain 
I think you guys had communication issues and he felt alone. There’s no excuse for cheating but he found what he wanted from other people and felt it was ok. AND ITS NOT. Try finding out where you went wrong and remember it. Try no contact and work on you and your future see if he misses you. If he comes back you’ll be in a better state of mind happy and know how to work on your relationship, be it with him or not. Easier said than done, I’m in the same boat but I have a 2 year old girl. But you have to stay strong for you. I wish the best for you and hope you find happiness like you deserve.
-Danny
I was being short because I thought maybe he’d think I was moving on from him. And I haven’t mentioned a single word about wanting him or the relationship or anything. Just very simple. Mentioned a few things about my day like how he’s missing out on our dog and stuff (which hurts him a bit). And when he left, I didn’t try to hug him like usual. Just said “See you later!”. And the LC is an issue He won’t contact me first. That’s just who he is. When we were dating he didn’t because he never had a reason to, since we live together. And now, there’s still no reason to. His phone was going off (probably his new girl). I’m just worried he’s stringing me along and using me as his comfort. But it was nice. I couldn’t believe when he was running around the yard with me on his shoulders and I was yelling his whole name and telling him “I’ve never hated you more!”. It felt just like when we first started dating. Just carefree and fun… And then the dog got to us and we toppled over onto the ground on top of each other (totally cliche I know).
But it gives me false hope… I know this girl is a rebound to him. But why is he sleeping with her?? Why is he spending so much time and money on her? I feel like he’s only here because she was working and there was nothing better to do. I’m confident we’ll be together again one day. I know with all of my heart and soul that this is the man. He just needed to be reminded of the good times.
Do you think what I’m doing with the whole rebound guy is okay? Like telling my ex that I needed sleeping bags because I was going to go camping with a “friend”. Just kinda stringing him along there and letting him wonder? Or do you think he’ll think I’ve moved on and then really leave me for good? Just don’t know how to play this!
And this morning when he came home to get dressed, he flopped onto the bed next to me and started playing with our dog and said he was so tired. I was a little too clingy after the tick incident and stood there watching him shave for the first time in a week But I feel like he’s treating me like a roommate or just a pal. I don’t want him to use this as a way to move on…
So an hour and a half after he leaves our house, he’s texting me asking if he can come sleep on the couch tonight. Of course. Go see and fuck your girlfriend and then come home here and fall asleep. Ugh. I’m trying not to be angry I’m trying so hard. But I know that’s what he just did. I know I’m just the second fucking person to go to after he fucks his girlfriend. Maybe he should’ve just gone to his mother’s house instead of go see her. Maybe he should manage his time a little better.
I’m so sorry. This is the only place I have to say what I’m feeling. I’m angry.
He’s sleeping/being with this girl because he needs a distraction from the breakup. Since its way too painful to deal with his emotions of losing you its easier for him to find someone to fill the hole in his heart.
No the rebound guy won’t harm your chances. It will increase his jealousy so that works in your favor as well. You are doing exactly as you should be doing. No he won’t leave you for good just because you make him wonder. He still is attached to you. Its good that you are being mysterious and letting him in on minimal details. If he is the one for you and you know it, have faith that things will work the way they are meant to. Yes I know its hard to do.
Never apologize for your feelings!! They are valid whether they are negative or positive. Are you letting him come over? Why can’t he stay with the new girl? He can’t have it both ways because it gives him a green signal to walk all over you. You are better than that.
I just wish I was that girl. I’d give anything to even sleep with my ex again. I need that intimacy too. I wish he could start dating me again. We don’t have to have a relationship. Or live together. Just date me. Go mini golfing with me.
Yeah I can tell how much you miss him. Do not under any circumstances tell him things you would settle for. The reason? Its because in his eyes you will look desperate which will keep him away longer.
I am making him sweat!!! He came over “to sleep on the couch”. Well he logged into this online game we used to play together. So I asked to join him. We have been flirting and all that for over an hour now. And he is getting so frustrated. You can tell he’s having such a hard time with this and I’m just so positive and cheery and damn perfect. His girlfriend has been texting through out the time we’ve been together but so has my guy!! Even more than my ex’s girl. And every time he texts me, my ex sighs. And he even came over and put his hand on my back and looked really upset and won’t tell me whats wrong but I know something is. I don’t know. I’m taking this as a good sign.
Of course I did lame things like help him take off this bandaid he was struggling with (excuse to half cradle his hand). Well he was getting increasingly antsy and sad (I think?). And he laid on the couch. I went to the bedroom and got my laptop and he asked me to stay on the couch. So I asked if he wanted to watch Bruce Almightt. Evidently after two years I didn’t know this is one of his favorite movies (bad girlfriend award). And he cuddled right into my arms and fell asleep. So he’s sleeping on me right now. I’m just enjoying his snoring. I’m trying desperately not to be hopeful at all. I’m sure he’s using me as his doormat and he’ll be gone tomorrow. I don’t know. I don’t know what to think. Obviously he’s conflicted.
And he can’t sleep at his girlfriends because she lives with her parents! And I’m pretty sure this isn’t an official thing. Just a “let me date some chicks” thing. Ah. Guys I don’t know how to play this out.
So after the movie was over he said he was cold. So I told him I’d grab him a blanket after I brush my teeth. Brushed my teeth. Put a blanket on him. And asked him if he wanted the light out. You can tell he is SO upset over something. But I’m not asking what. I’m going to continue the loving, cheerful, happy nature and wait for him. I’m keeping my distance just enough that I’m out of reach. That he know he can’t have me.
I think u have a very good chance of getting him back! It seems he misses you a lot as well, spending time with you, being as how it was before… These are all very good signs
He is also very jealous of this other guy now !!
I wouldnt press this jealousy button too much though…i am not an expert on this but my guy friends tell me it puts them off if they know their ex sleeps with another guy… But of course this depends on the guy…
If i were u i would move out of the house so he can feel the real impact of the break up and realise what his decision really means… At the moment it seems like he feels in control and he knows he can go back to you whenever he wants…
But i can see that u are not emotionally feeling ready to move out…and i can definetly understand but sometimes we should put our foot down and not let others take us for granted
Since you are staying in the house, keep acting cool and look happy (&be happy) all the time !!