Thought you wouldn’t be back here! I cant believe he wrote back!
Be careful though, don’t let him get back into your head. It’s happened to me.
As for me, Well the day after I wrote that message above, he text me first (lots of messages) wishing me happy birthday and we’ve been talking regularly every day or so. I don’t know what to do, I’d love to tell you I’m feeling strong but I’m not.
He’s being consistently flirty and mentions sex and meeting up. I play hard to get, move off those kind of subjects but tease him, control the conversation as much as I can. No suggestions are actually materialising into anything. He hasn’t picked up the phone to actually talk to me in 5 months and he isn’t just coming out and asking me to meet up on particular date, its like he’s either testing the waters or just testing me!
What should I do - I’ve initiated conversation for the last four conversations. Maybe I should just ask him to meet again (not for sex btw!) and see what happens.
Another thing, he seems to get angry at me sometimes.
I was talking about being being friends and not flirting and he got so pissy with me. He messaged me saying I wind him up so its only fair he winds me up too.
Hi Pixie25 it’s nice to hear from you though I’m very sorry that your situation is so difficult and toxic, to use your word. I so wish I could help. The only thing i can say is that - without knowing your ex at all - it does sound like he is interested, or at least thinking anbout it, and confused in his mind about what he wants. It is an encouraging sign that he texts you, and flirts with you. But I dont know him at all. It would be terrible if he were just doing that to play with you, or to feel better about himself. I really hope for your sake that that’s not the case. If it is, then he is NOT worth it, girl, he really isn’t. It’s a terrible thing to do to someone, to give them false hope when you know they care for you. But, if it’s actually true that he is confused and unsure of his feelings - and I hope that is the case - then I think it would be best for you to step back, and stop texting, and not initiate anything for now. Let him know that you’d like to meet when he’s ready, and leave it at that. NO MORE texts. Then, when you actually meet - and I hope that will be soon - follow Kevin’s plan. Check back in here for support and encouragement!
And be strong, and don’t reach out to him again. Maybe this is all a good sign!
Maybe you will be able to get him back/ Or maybe, even better, through all this pain and ups and downs, you will come to the conclusion, on your own, that he’s not worth it/amnd you will walk away from him, not because that’s the way to “get him back”, but because you really want to. No one can predict that. But for now, stay true to your instincts, and step away.
As for me, no updates since I last wrote: I replied to him, and we exchanged two emails (each), and he hasn’t responded to mine. But I don’t want him back. I love him dearly, and I think about him all the time, but I will not let myself run after him again. But in my case, in many ways, it is so impossible anyway: he lives half way across the world. So , even if he wanted to, and I know he doesn’t, there is no hope, I don’t think, for us.
Keep writing here Picie25 if it helps you and I’ll be thinking of you and hoping for the best of all possible outcomes for you!
One question: when you were together, did he communicate via taxt, or was he more regularly calling you? It might just be that he prefers texts to actual calls? In which case I wouldn’t read too much (negative) into the fact that he’s only texting and not calling.
It’s great that he remembered your birthday and wished you for that - I’m wishing you too! - and I hope that made you feel a bit happy?
Hi SM,
No we used to text and call most days. However interestingly he phoned me yesterday.
To be honest I think he’s playing with me but at least I am seeing the signs.
We’ve talked non stop for 3/4 days in a row. Yesterday he phoned me for the first time in months and we talked for an hour and a half.
Then today I was telling him a story/gossip over text and it was loooooong so lots of texts. But he seemed really distant today like he’s now bored and hasn’t responded so I’ve just left it and turned off my phone. Just feel stupid and embarrassed again now because I went fully into texting him and to get no response was a bit shitty. Feel like i’ve done the thing Kevin tells you not to, to not bombard with texts! - but after yesterday I thought he was interested!
Hi Pixie25, wow, did he really phone you for the first time in months? This MUST mean that he is genuinely missing you. Why would he do that? You know him better than any of us: do you really think he would be cruel enough to just do that to play with you? I hope, for your sake, that he’s not, and if he is, I hope that that realization might help you finally get him out of your life. But if it’s the former case - ie that he genuinely misses you - then I’d suggest you keep doing what you’ve been doing; do respond to him when he initiates contact (but don’t initiate yourself), and keep your conversations and exchanges light and fun. DONT bring up anything emotional, don’t talk about the breakup, and see if you can, following Kevin’s advice, get him to see you?
I think the fact that he’s calling and texting is really a positive sign; you didn NC for as long as I did - 50+ days - and he didn’t reach out to you even once then. The fact that he’s doing so now must mean something. I don’t want to give you false hope, I know how dangerous that can be, so I’ll repeat here that only you can judge the sincerity of his actions, because you know him.
One last thing: If he doesnt respond, don’t worry too much about it, maybe he’s busy at work?
Maybe he’ll call you again today! Maybe… I hope… that he’ll agree to meet you soon. I’m excited for you, and will keep my fingers crossed for good news. Keep us posted!
And if he doesn’t, and if after phoning and texting he just disappears again, give it a few more days, and then really see if your heart can take this constant “up and down” for much longer…
Either way, I’m here for you, and will be checking in frequently…
Thanks for being kind and helping us all out still
Yes he phoned me. we’ve been talking since the start of November, gradually and now regularly. We’ve been having a few texting arguments over the last few days. He keeps trying to draw me out on comments i.e. asking me do I miss him. I keep trying to avoid saying anything to feed his ego so get off the subject or stay aloof/make a joke but it’s really hard.
Anyway during one of the arguments I said you haven’t even phoned me in months and the next day he randomly phoned me mid texting.
Then last night he texted me at 3am randomly in response to a message the night before.
He keeps indicating meetings up but will never just come out and say do you wanna meet up next week - It’s like hes teasing me and waiting for me to come out and ask. I said to him that he never just comes out and asks to meet but he hasn’t acted on this.
Like you say, I’ll leave it a few days see what happens but today he has seemed really busy with work again. It’s funny every time I rant on here about something, five minutes later I’ll see a text or something on my phone saying im sorry i seem uninterested just busy. Its so up and down with him
I’m good thanks. Hope you had a good xmas and got lots of nice gifts.
Things have developed somewhat my side. We’ve been talking/flirting consistently and we’ve agreed to meet up mid January (we’re long distance). I’m staying over but I’ve told him that sex is probably not on the cards. Have I said the right thing?
That’s really good news Pixie25 and I’m so happy for you. Things seem to have progressed quite a bit since we last exchanged updates on this board. Good for you, and I’ll keep my fingers crossed for your meeting in Jan. Play it cool; try not to get your hopes up too much; and try just to enjoy spending time with him. DONT bring up the breakup or anything from the past unless he specifically wants to discuss it. GOOD LUCK. And, as for sex, I think your instinct is absolutely right. But if it ends up happening and you enjoy it then, well, why not?
Let us know how it goes! I’m rooting for you…!
As for me, no news at all from my ex; not even the briefest of greetings for christmas/new years. I’ve decided not to write either, unless he writes first. We exchanged emails in Nov and that was it. He doesn’t want me, that’s absolutely clear. I really hope 2015 will be a better year for me. I’ve spent so much time crying about this guy… god…
Hope 2015 will be a better year for you too!
Hi,
Feeling kinda low today, I don’t know why, I guess things aren’t happening quick enough and I’m getting impatient.
Starting to wonder if the whole meeting up thing is just a string he’s keeping me on.
One positive is that I haven’t initiated contact in a while, he’s done all the initiating, at least 5 conversations over the past two weeks.
We spoke yesterday and the phrase “if we meet up” came into the mix.
Well I was under the impression we WERE meeting up mid December, the date was discussed and he was getting back to me. Is he backtracking?
Any suggestions on how I can speed something along?
I can’t believe I forgot to mention this but he also sent me a Christmas present in the post.
Was a very random.
When I think about it there seems to be positive signs but I can’t help but feel negative, it’s like I’m trying to protect myself from getting hurt again
I think it’s great that he’s been initiating contact, and that he sent you a christmas present out of the blue! What a huge improvement from last year! I think your instinct is right about the meet up: don’t press him about it; act cool and above-it-all. I hope it happens, but you should not press him about it. Let him set it up, if he really wants to, and if he doesn’t, then just wait and be patient. The key here is to signal to him that you don’t care…which is not true, of course! Good luck, and keep us posted! I hope that by now you’ve already met him and it went well!
