I have had a LDR from August 2012 to April 2014. In April he went weird on me, he wasn’t as attentive as before, started ignoring me and blocked me when we had an argument. I went NC for 30 days and texted him in June 2014. At first he was cold but he warmed up and we would speak regularly until early September 2014. During this time he went away on holiday and text me as soon as he got back but other times blowing hot and cold. He would say contradicting things like “I had love for you”, “Have I got you back?” “I dont want a friendship to ruin our relationship” “Everytime my phone would beep I thought it was you but you took so long to contact me” - He seemed to want me to text him but didnt want to reach out himself?
Embarrassed to say there were days we would be flirting like mad but thinking back he never gave me a phonecall like he used to, strictly texting.
So anyway, I then went away on holiday mid-September and he hasn’t spoke to me since - Been NC again now for 46 days.
Is now the time to give up? Is he waiting for me to contact?
I miss him and it sucks
I think I dont have enough confidence! I dont even know how to send the first text (again)
Last time I did no contact for 30 days, contacted first, followed advice to.the.book! - got a meet up, talked for months now nothing again
Not sure if he was trying to make me jealous but he said he was going on holiday with his ex-partner without the kids later this year - So he’s either romantically linked with her now or lying to try to make me jealous
it’s hard but im thinking I should stick this out to 90 days - which is Christmas and past my birthday. If he doesnt reach out hes simply not interested…your thoughts?
Pixie, I replied to you in my original post but I’d just reiterate here what I said there: if you can stand it, keep NC on for at least another 60 days. It hurts too much to not get a response after such a long break - this is my situation - and he knows how to contact you if he wants. Maybe you can write on Christmas/ but if he doesnt reach out on your birthday, don’t let it destroy you. Be strong. Write a casual and cheerful email at Christmas/New Years wishing him well, and see how it goes. Good luck, and keep us posted. BE STRONG.
Thanks for the response – I know it’s what I need to do but I’ve hit a bit of a brick wall today, had a bad night.
I suddenly feel so angry that he’s given so many mixed messages since June – Sounds stupid but stuff like he told me he’d get me a birthday present, that I deserve a nice birthday present and said he’d sort something out to come down and see me – It’s like he was teasing me to keep me interested or something and now just not talking like I don’t exist.
I’m angry and upset and it’s taking me all my willpower not to blow up his phone to ask why he said all of this s***!!!
Cant help but analyse everything he’s said now!!
I feel like I’ve kinda pushed everything to the side trying to be all positive, working on myself, working out everyday without actually dealing with the breakup and that he’s simply not interested now.
He used to pursue me to the death.
A few weeks before we stopped talking in mid September, he said that I was the best he’d had and he “didn’t know how” he was “going to get over it”.
Was he just trying to make me feel better?
He said I had been needy the last two weeks of the relationship and that I broke HIS heart!!!
Dont do it Pixie25 - don;t write to him!!! I completely understand all the anger you’re feeling. He should not have given you mixed messages. You are right to feel angry, but dont give him any power over you by writing angrily to him now. Keep up your NC, and if and when you do break it, keep it light and casual, like Kevin says we should. If you want to get him back I feel that is the only way (though, in my case, sadly, I followed Kevin’s advice to a T and it didn’t work; I never heard from my ex - after 53 days of NC - and I wrote a light and casual email after all that time, and he still didn’t respond. So I really must give up now). It’s funny, I feel that our situations are so similar: my ex chased me for several months, almost a year, till he got me. He was so keen and so ardent that I gave in, and fell quickly hard and fast in love with me. I think all he really wanted from me was the chase; he didn’t want a true and lasting grown up love; he just was like a child after a christmas present. The moment he got it, he didn’t value it any more. Well, not the moment; we had some happy months, but I have no other explanation for the break up, as we had no fights or disagreements - we were not together long enough for that - he just lost interest. And it is so hard to realise. Anyway, sorry for going on and on about my situation. I hope you can be strong, and whatever anger and hurt you’re feeling, don’t express it to him. Keep up the NC! I’m rooting for you!
Yes does sound similar to your situation - He chased me for about 6 months till I gave in. He said he fell for me hard but I didn’t believe him. Lets just say he’s had experience and a bit of a ladies man in the past.
Did you get mixed messages? How did you deal with them? I feel like I fell for everything he said without thinking and that’s why he lost interest yet again. Want to build up that chase again but don’t know how.
At one stage a few months ago I felt I had him back interested, he initiated contact three times in a week. He kept reminiscing about things we’d enjoyed or things I had said he was the best at (at the time) i.e. some intimate stuff - A few times I called him out on it to put him in his place a bit e.g. he assumed I still thought he was the best etc. so I’d make the point of saying he shouldn’t assume things. It seemed to affect him and he’d apologise for being egotistical and assuming things and would blow up my phone with responses like he was losing control.
Thank you for your support - I wont contact him - I’ll hold out but honestly i am desperate to type a little something to him right now! lol I think if I did contact him he would reply but probably for ego purposes so you’re probably in the best situation you can be in right now.
That message wasn’t very clear sorry
Its difficult to explain things in text
We met up again a few months back and he said that he was upset on the drive home and things were good, followed up with a text saying it was good to see me again - said he wanted to kiss me and that it felt like how it used used to be - SO WHY MONTHS LATER ARE WE IN NO CONTACT
today has all been about thinking about all the mixed messages and how stupid I was not to see it at the time
You have to understand that its hard for them too. They go through the same things we do. That’s why the mixed signals come up. BUT, at the end of the day, they are still CHOOSING to be without us so that’s all I try to think about. I don’t think about or give importance to “I still care for you” bullshit, because they are only trying to make themselves feel better by trying to make it easy for you. They think they are helping my letting us know it’s hard for them, but it doesn’t help at all because they are still our exes.
Don’t contact him until you get to a point where you don’t care anymore.
Do you think he has gone through the hard part now then and that’s why he’s not contacting? Basically he’s moved on
Its been 7 weeks/49 days NC and 6 months since the breakup
I think he’s doing what he thinks is best for him right now. Talking to you possibly makes him have guilt or he’s confused, or he really is trying to or has moved on. We don’t know what’s on his mind. But there’s no point in knowing or analyzing that because if he wanted you back, he would contact you right? It doesn’t matter whether he’s moved on or not, but you should. The future will work itself out, whether he’s in it or not.
How many days have you been no contact and how many NC cycles have you done?
I was so tempted last night, seeing as I was past the 30 days, to text him that I hoped he was okay, managed to stop myself but all the guides say after 30 days you can reach out, xmas seems so long away another 55 days
We broke up, I immediately started nc. On 12th day he called me, I didn’t answer. On 13th day he texted to wish me happy birthday, I didn’t reply. On the 14th day I texted him back and broke nc. We texted a little the next couple of days, then he stopped for ten days. I then broke nc and asked him to send my things back. Than we texted some more, talked once. Five days after that I called him and broke down in tears and told him how I had been pretending to be strong and happy and made a fool of myself. But through this talk, I got some closure and it’s been 6 days since that talk. I no longer have the urge to text/call. There’s no point and I don’t want to lose any more dignity than I already have. I know he’ll communicate with me if I reach out, but I don’t want to anymore. Talking to them opens the flood gates of emotions that you can’t control. Trust me on this. Once I started talking, I told him EVERYTHING and I shouldn’t have because I made him realize how weak I was to him and how he had this control over me. You don’t want to go down that road if you aren’t ready.
Kevin says it’s ok to contact after 30 days but only if you are completely ok with the fact that you may never get back with your ex. Get to that point first. And you’ll know when you are ready because you won’t care anymore what happens afterwards.
Good girl! I’m going to go running in a bit as well!
I cried everyday for over a month. Yesterday was the first day I didn’t and it’s been 6 weeks since the breakup. I still have moments of sadness but less and less everyday!
Weekend was OK - Was tempted to send him a text - The only thing stopping me is not knowing what to say so should be grateful for that I guess. Helps to type on here instead.
The thing that I’m struggling with is that I don’t understand how our last conversation felt so good for me but obviously didn’t for him as haven’t spoke since. We talked all day and flirted to the max, he replied immediately all day, finishing with goodnight - now nothing.
Last time we were in no contact, he deleted my number in a rage and when we were talking again said he regretted it straight away. I cant help but think that - like last time - he wants to text but can’t and maybe waiting for me to make the move.
Hi Pixie, Just wanted to say, take a deeeeeep breath before you break NC. Maybe keep my situation - which you already know of - in mind before you write to your ex? I too, kept NC for 53 days, then wrote him a casual, fun, short email - following Kevin’s instructions as closely as I could - and it’s been 13 days and NO response from him. It might not be the same for you, of course, but just keep it in mind that he might not respond, and that might plunge you back into the deepest despair. Whereas now you’re better and stronger than before. So think about it. I’m not saying don’t write - you should do whatever feels best and right - but do take a deep breath before you make the move! Maybe a text rather than an email? Kevin actually suggests that. Either way, GOOD LUCK, and I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you. Let us know how it goes, if you do break your NC.
Can you remind me what was your situation like before you went NC.
What was the last conversation like before the 53 day break.
the reason why I am so confused about whether to break no contact or not is because of his mixed messages and mad flirting and initiating contact during the last conversation.
Then hesitancy afterwards waiting for the next contact.
Just not clear what he’s feeling or whether he’s being stubborn again
Hi Pixie25, very similar to your situation: the last conversation I had with him before the 53 day break was actually a meeting, over coffee, where we met to say bye (because I was leaving town/country). I followed Kevin;s instructions then too: looked my best, kept the conversation very light, did not mention relationship/break up at all, and made sure I was the first to leave. He hugged me goodbye and I kept it a very brief, friendly hug. I could have sworn he wanted to hug me closer, and maybe even kiss me. He looked deep into my eyes, but I just waved and walked away and didn’t look back. I was SOOOOO proud of myself for that. He’d said that day that he would write to me. He didn’t, and hasn’t. I’d left him a handwritten note and a book as a present (for his birthday, which was coming up) in his office, which he would have found pretty soon after our coffee . He never wrote to acknowledge the gift; he never wrote to ask how I’m doing in this new life; he never wrote, period. For 53 days. Then I wrote - two weeks ago - to mention casually that I’ll be back in his city/country for a week in end Nov, and it would be fun to meet up with some other friends. No response. It is baffling. I don’t know what to do. But I’m not contacting him again.
Good luck to you, whatever you do. Just don’t let it destroy you, if he doesn’t respond if you send him an email. Maybe a text would be better? (I didn’t sent him a text, as he wouldn’t know my new number - as I;m in a new country now - and I thought email would be better.) I’ve no idea what;s going on in his mind. It’s been many months since our actual break up (April). Maybe he just doesn’t care about me at all. That is the likeliest scenario, if I’m being perfectly honest with myself. I have no hope any more. And I’m resolved not to ever contact him again unless he reaches out to me.
I’m OK with that, and I have accepted that we’re never getting back together. I’m in pain, but I’ve accepted the reality.
Hope it helps you a bit to hear my sob story! But I hope yours will have a much happier ending than mine.
and how stupid I was not to see it at the time
(I’m gonna get to day 60 then i’ll decide whether texting him is worth it)