Hey all, I’ve started reading the blog and this board yesterday and its been a help. Let me summarize my situation
- We started dating 2.5 yrs ago - I’m 3 yrs younger. March 2012
- 6 months in I broke up with her to deal with my some depression I was enduring. We didnt speak for 2 weeks - August 2012
- We get back together… NO problems , smooth sailing. Sept 2012
- Months later she tells me she has health problems and may not be able to conceive children down the line and she’s ready for us to build a family. We start speaking of marriage, I instantly start saving for a ring. July 2013
- My mom begins having financial problems, I help. Mom asks me not to tell GF. Savings emptied, no more ring. Sept 2013
- GF becomes frustrated because of lack of ring, no relationship movement, lack of communication. Especially since " I know her situation" Dec 2013
- I start having major health problems. Feb 2014
- Mom’s financial situation turns for the worse, I begin to temp support her - April 2014
- MY moms situation and my health push me into depression, my ex notices - April 2014
- I finally tell her about my mom, she feels betrayed “I lied and kept secrets” - May 2014
- My Doctor tells me my health is deteriorating and I need to get it in check. I dont tell my ex - May 2014
- My depression reaches all time high, it begins to cause my ex pain - May 2014
- I cant stand to see her in pain… I decide to (what i thought was a good idea) break up with her instead of letting her help me. Deal with my problems alone - June 2014
- We dont talk… I live a hermit depressed life (health, mom’s situation and me missing my ex brings me down), she becomes outgoing and parties it up. I see on her FB. June - Sept 2014
- Mom’s situation finally ends, my health gets better… Still depressed - Late, Sept 2014
- I decide to email ex - Oct 2014
- I eventually beg her to talk via gchat, so we talk, twice. Heated discussions, her being cold and me practically begging to see her and try again. In the end she tells me I kept secrets from her, I wasted her time, she regrets getting back with me in August 2012, I messed up her chances of having a family and I have to live with my decisions and to leave her alone. She blocks me on gchat but not any other social media - Oct 2014 aka yesterday
- This morning I found this site
I broke up with her in June because I loved her so much that I didnt want to see her burdened with my problems. During the 4 months of not speaking, I stayed home, pushed away my friends, didnt go outside except to go to work and gym and was in poor mental health. According to her fb, she was out and about almost a week later. After reading this site, I realized, me emailing her was the beginning of me going into panic mode. All my other problems were subsiding, so I believed getting back with her would help me be whole again.
Obviously, I was wrong.
After sitting on my couch yesterday for about 5 hrs just staring at the ceiling, I came to the conclusion I need to get out this funk and be happy on my own merit. I’ve decided to just work on me for at least the next 30 days (do something that makes me happy everyday, reconnect with friends, go on some trips, become a mentor again, gym and do the things I enjoy doing but stopped doing). I’m going to brunch with a friend who’s been reaching out for the longest today and then a chill session with college buddies who just happened to be in town this weekend. If I didn’t find this site, I probably would be on my couch all day and not talk to anyone.
I miss her and she’s the only one I’ve considered marrying and having a child with. Before her I was a commitment phobe, but now my light switch is on and I want to build a future with her and NOT waste her time. I don’t know what do except for starting NC. Today, will be day 1 and I’m scared and a lil nervous. Even tho I’ve dated many women, she’s my first true love. This sucks.
I’ll be updating this post as NC continues.
Any advice?