Good Morning. I ended up getting a little sleep. Still very tired.
I woke up with my ex on my mind. I woke up numb to her. I didn’t feel anything toward her. I got on facebook and there was a post of hers that a friend shared. It said: “The mark of true maturity is when someone hurts you, you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back.” lol
I don’t know if this was because I refused to see her when I went north, or what. She needs to heed that inspirational advice.
You are doing the right thing by not pressuring him. Someone posted on here last week or something and their post included info about something called reactance. It’s where if you threaten someone’s freedom of choice or action, they will do whatever they need to in order to prove they have control over their life and have freedom. And it causes the opposite action of what the person “threatening” actually wants.
…I truly feel that my ex went through that.
When I sit down and really think about the details and all the mixed messages…and her dating others instead of coming back to me… it causes me to question how much of a chance can there be of us living out the rest of our lives happily in love.
But that’s where I hinder those chances. If I’m concentrating on the future, I am not present in the now. Do I still think about the future? Yeah. However, I don’t linger in thoughts about it and I definitely don’t get stuck on it.
I snap out of it, I concentrate on what I am doing in the now. For example, I was doing homework last night. I couldn’t get my ex out of my head. I had seen a post from a friend showing her happy and at our favorite bar. I then got lost in thoughts of her…and then I realized that I wasn’t getting anything done. My homework wasn’t anywhere near finished and in that moment I wasn’t getting me back. So I snapped out of it, and I didn’t have any trouble the rest of the night. And that’s what you have to do… you have to concentrate on the positive things in the now. Homework sucks, but it will get me to where I need to be. (Positive thinking!)
As for patience, I think a lot of it has to do with how you are naturally… but you can work on visualizing the big picture. Don’t get caught up on the details. Keep the focus on you and stay in the moment.
thanks for the advice definitely something I’m trying to do is live more in the present moment. I’m currently in graduate school and planning to really immerse myself in my work this semester as its a great distraction and as you said is beneficial to my future. my workload hasn’t really picked up yet but in the next few weeks it will so I’m actually kind of look forward to that. I’m also doing my best to work on the big picture and when i really do think that way, i think taking the time off now makes sense. it also definitely sounds like your ex’s Facebook status was about you. its funny, to me, it seems you have moved on more than she has even though she’s in the new relationship! you’ve handled it the right way and are moving forward and she jumped from guy to guy and now is facing the consequences and just starting to confront the idea of possibly losing you permanently. also as for looking happy in pictures, everyone looks happy in pictures! if felt the same way initially when i saw photos of my ex out and smiling but my friends reminded me i too looked happy in my pictures being out at bars with friends, but inside i was really miserable! social media is so dangerous for this reason
I keep hitting submit when I am not ready. sheesh.
I’m pretty much going to drown myself in everything that benefits me and my future. My relationship did hold me back a bit, but ultimately I am in charge of me. Now that I am single… and nothing holding me back… I am on a fast track to great things.
You make a great point to think about…
I have moved on in a way she hasn’t yet. It’s true. I knew right away that I didn’t want to jump right in with another person. It’s understandable why people do that, but I knew it wasn’t the right choice for me. Not just because I was the dumpee and wanted my ex back. Even now…it’s all about healing.
I’m watching it right now. I used to watch football a lot, but it was yet another part of my interests that got lost. I’m watching tonight though, and I plan on joining a football team this summer.
i got drunk last night and texted him and asked him if he was scared that i am the one and we met too early on and he’s scared to commit at such a young age or scared that I’m not so he doesnt want to waste anymore time. he answered me saying that he thinks its a tough question to answer because its really all about timing and he feels a bit of both. he said he never feels any time spent together was wasted and it was incredible always being together but he felt he needed to break up because he needs to see if its possible with anyone else because if we stayed together all throughout and got married he would’ve always wondered what could have happened. i responded and said i understood but I’ve just felt very confused because i was kind of under the impression he just wanted a couple of months off from the relationship and not to seriously date anyone else and his response was that its tough to predict the future and put a time frame on things and that he could find himself in a relationship with someone else and hate it and realize how special ours was and that we need to base things on how we feel and not put any time constraints. i don’t know why but i feel like for some reason we just took 10 steps backwards
No. You are in the same position as before. What pretty much happened is that you were reminded, in detail that he is taking a step back to determine the ‘what ifs’.
initially he told me he just wanted some time to be single with his friends but this made it seem like he really wants another serious relationship? maybe i read too much into it. I’m not sure. i did 30 days nc from the beginning of december until the beginning of january. they i reached out to say happy new year and to catch up on everything. he was very friendly and seemed happy to hear from me. then he texted me a week later to discuss some dumb celebrity gossip and again we texted and caught up. and then on monday night i texted him about our favorite tv show and we texted back and forth about it for the full two hours.
so it was nc for 30 days and its been lc since. i really need to stop initiating because when i do i end up getting more and more confused
I think he wants to date other people. And he is saying that if nothing serious comes out of it, then it will solidify the relationship and bond that you two have.
I thought you knew he wanted to date others. If I were you, you’ve done the NC…then LC. Follow the other steps in relationship rewind. Using the Bliss Bomb and what not. Maybe it’s time for a new approach.
i think maybe its best to try extended nc? every time we talk i feel like i go back to square one and i feel like he clearly isn’t read and needs more time. i think i should really try my best to hold nc indefinitely until he reaches out at one point
i think he is open to the idea of a false friendship - but its me who can’t handle it! i think i would need to stay in the false friendship for months because he definitely needs this time away and isn’t ready yet. ultimately i think i would end up resenting him for treating me like a friend for so long and talking to me while he’s dating other people. so for now I’m going to do my best to let go and move on. its the only option right now. if i somehow convinced him to come back, he would leave again. he needs this time away from me to confirm his feelings. i actually felt better in my first 30 days nc. my plan now is to go nc indefinitely and do my best to move on. I’m going to use loa and just try to focus on being happy. my birthday is 95 days away so at least i feel like thats a point ill get to hear from him and maybe ill get the chance to see if he’s feeling any differently then. but for now, its best to let go and move on. i need to stay in nc indefinitely as whenever i talk to him my emotions are all over the place. I’m not even sure why i was so impacted by his text yesterday - it didn’t really say anything he hasn’t already told me - that he wants to date around to see if our relationship really is the best thing. the only way to have a possible future is for him to do that now. if its meant to be, hell be bad when he’s ready but for now loa and moving forward and nc will help me with that. how are you doing?
I agree that you should focus on being happy, and at least waiting it out until your birthday to communicate with him. I wish you the best.
I am okay. Yesterday, for some reason I missed my ex like crazy. The feelings were so random. I didn’t reach out to her or anything. I am adamant on not communicating with her for many months to come. I want to get back to her city and set up my life before attempting. Plus, if I tried to meet up with her before that…I’m afraid resentment will come to the surface.
I’ve had a few days (spread out) where I was angry at her again. Thinking about how she treated me like shit because of her infatuation for someone else. She explained that she was harsh because she would prefer me hate her than be as sad as I was. I don’t know if I accept that “reason”, she has apologized and said she sees where I was coming from and she’s sorry for certain choices she made.
I still have forgiveness to work on, but it’s kind of hard because she seems so ignorant to the extent of the damage she has caused. For example, when I went to her city for my belongings and for school, I refused to meet up with her. Her response was, “It shouldn’t be like that!” I wanted to verbally thrash her so bad. It just shows me she is still her selfish self.
Even if I gave in to friendship, it wouldn’t be a fruitful one without therapy. I think therapy is the only way I can forgive her 100%.
Otherwise… I am pretty good. I haven’t yet started the LOA work again. I was able to get into school this semester so I have been busy with that and working out a lot. By the time I finish with those two things, I am sleepy!
I plan to get a better routine in the upcoming weeks. I am still looking for a job, but where I am at…the jobs are scarce. If I don’t get a job soon, my whole plan to move back to my ex’s city won’t happen until September, instead of May like I planned. I’ve been a bit stressed about it. I don’t want to stay at my cousins that long. I really, ideally, would be out of here by mid April. Even that is too long for me to be here. Starting completely over is so rough.
This seems to be going well! It sounds like she really does want you back. Good for you not giving in so quickly, I don’t know if I could do that! Your story makes me feel better. I think of my ex every day and often wonder if he does the same.
I tried to look through your old posts, and I apologize for asking again but how long have you been broken up and how long was your NC? You seem to be doing all the right things and setting a great example for us on here.
definitely something I’m trying to do is live more in the present moment. I’m currently in graduate school and planning to really immerse myself in my work this semester as its a great distraction and as you said is beneficial to my future. my workload hasn’t really picked up yet but in the next few weeks it will so I’m actually kind of look forward to that. I’m also doing my best to work on the big picture and when i really do think that way, i think taking the time off now makes sense. it also definitely sounds like your ex’s Facebook status was about you. its funny, to me, it seems you have moved on more than she has even though she’s in the new relationship! you’ve handled it the right way and are moving forward and she jumped from guy to guy and now is facing the consequences and just starting to confront the idea of possibly losing you permanently. also as for looking happy in pictures, everyone looks happy in pictures! if felt the same way initially when i saw photos of my ex out and smiling but my friends reminded me i too looked happy in my pictures being out at bars with friends, but inside i was really miserable! social media is so dangerous for this reason