My ex and I have had no communication in about 30 days. I reached out because I will be traveling to her city. She still has my laptop and modem. I asked her to set them outside tomorrow morning for my cousin to pick up. She didn’t reply till this morning which means she was with her new guy. She asked for more detail through fb. But then texted me on the phone and asked to speak to me today “can we speak on the phone today. I would like to discuss some things.”
Im venting mainly but I will not be speaking to her. At all. I have 5 months of NC to go.
stay strong @LAbound! i know that must be tough for you. i stand by what I’ve said in earlier threads though…i think if she and her new boyfriend were that serious she would not still like to be speaking on the phone to you. and I’m sure he would not be cool with that! i think she is still definitely feeling confused
I think thats why she doesn’t communicate with me while shes with him. Or she believes it might ruin things. Idk.
I am staying strong.
Lately ive been thinking about how heartless she was during the breakup. How she disappeared on me and just all of it.
I think im at the pount where I dont want her back. Then part of me says we would have to go to therapy if we reconciled. Therws so many things unresolved!
And there’s so many typos. >=\
Wow well thats a huge accomplishment!! I think when you reach that point usually is ironically when they start to question their decisions. but yes i would imagine the new guy would not be ok with her talking to you but she doesnt seem to mind and she wants to do it anyway! i think thats says something about still having feelings for you and not being totally invested in her new relationship. i think the ball will be shifting into your court very soon
I feel like it may take quite some time but me collecting the last of whats mine will cause some emotion in her. As soon as she could, she asked to speak on the phone with me to discuss some things. Theres nothing to discuss! Lol
I think she was keeping my stuff to have an excuse to contact me or she knew id be contacting her about it.
Now there wont be anything.
yes - i agree it will definitely cause emotion in her because its kind of the last thing tying you to her. and true! nothing to discuss while she’s in another relationship and not willing to work on yours.
i think this will be therapeutic for you too to know there is no reason hanging over your head to contact her anymore
Stay strong! I completely understand what you mean by counseling if there is reconciliation. That will be one of the requirements if my ex decides she wants to work things out. It’s a good way to see if they’re serious about a possible relationship or not.
I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum as far as collecting possessions go though. My ex got the majority of her things from my place, but left a closet full of her stuff. She said she’d get it later, but I’m thinking it was a preemptive measure to have some things here if it did not work out at her new place or she wanted to come back. Needless to say, that stuff is no longer here anymore.
Her asking to speak to you sounds like things are moving in the right direction. Did you respond to that?
Hey LAbound,
I think you have hit the nail on the head here. She is keeping those things as she knows once there gone she has no other reason to contact you apart from the things she really wants to say.
It will make her seem ‘needy’ if she talks with you when your stuff has gone as she has no other reason apart from her feeling. In my opinion this is the reason, if she was done she would have mailed your stuff to you. That is what I would have done, unless I wanted a reason to speak with you.
Have you spoken with her? What did she say if so?
Hey all. Thanks so much for the responses. I have not spoken to her on the phone. She did not state specifically what her reasons were for speaking with me. Therefore, I have avoided it. And I think it is probably her attempt to keep me around even after my stuff is gone.
She has been messaging me on FB too so she can get a specific time that I will arrive. I avoided giving her a specific time. I just told her to have my stuff outside before she leaves for work.
I was polite and kept my messages short. I did not respond right away. Which sends a clear message that I am not chasing or doing this for any other reason but to get my things.
My ex does love me. Just weeks ago she told myle i soothe her soul. What “friend” says that to another. But she is in a crisis of sorts and is very selfish. She is determined to find happiness and if she thinks it’s with someone else who has more issues than I ever did and doesnt offer any more than I do…plus her lifestyle is exactly the same only with someone else…then I dont see how she will truly be happy outside of our relationship. Who knows…
All I know is that I am so much stronger now. I still have some ill feelings but im working on complete forgiveness and like I said…if we got back together…we would have to go to therapy. Or it would be a deal breaker for me. Im just going to let her go for now.
Lol as I’m typing this, she asked if she could see me tonight or tomorrow. Dear God. I knew that’s what her end game was.
But you know…she’s not at all into me. Nope. Shes moved on. Has someone new… but keeps my things…tells me intimate things…wants me to spend time with her. What a confused soul. I will stay strong.
I love all of you for your support. We will get through this bullshit together.
Aha, suddenly you are in the position of power! Isn’t that a great feeling? Good luck in handling this situation, I’m sure you’ll make the right decisions. You sound like you’re in a good place. Go make us proud! 
I think your wise not to speak with her on the phone also for not setting a specific time you would be arriving/ leaving. If you had spoken you may have been ambushed into saying things you didn’t want to. So kudos!
She is obviously just letting pride get in her way, your doing the right thing here dude. Keep strong, she’s close to breaking. Get someone to collect your stuff, tell her your doing really well and your not willing to compromise your new found happiness by seeing her. Or something to that effect, your a bright man and you know your her…
It’s only a matter of time mate, chin up. 
x
Oh man. Pride? She is downright stubborn!
She doesn’t know Ill be moving back to her city in a few months for school. I have to do my final over there. (Have to interview a company about their finances.) I am taking online classes at a school based in her city so I dont have to be there and take classes. I dont plan on telling her Im moving back either. If we come across each other, she will be told and I will be in such a better place and a different person that it will hopefully lead us in the right direction.
I have to hold out as long as possible. Not just to become the old me but we fell into this pattern where I lost my balls. We used to have a balance of power. It was a 50-50 relationship with some bit of tilting from time to time. But the last few years…she controlled everything. I lost who I was and let her get away with everything. Id forgive her immediately. So she has it stuck in her mind that no matter what, ill be around.
She’s going to find out soon enough that I wont be there whenever. And I dont and wont take her shit anymore. Together or not.
Baby steps.
Thanks for the positive words!
Take it from someone who knows. She is definitely keeping your stuff as a reason to contact you. You know that I’ve been putting off giving my ex his stuff back for many reasons but that’s one of them.
As for the talking to her. Don’t do it. It’s going to be one of the hardest things to do but don’t. It’ll make you a lot more desirable if you don’t meet her or talk to her. So 100% stay clear of that. Just keep the talk to a minimum and only about what is necessary. And definitely do not tell her that you’re moving to her city. If it’s meant to happen it will happen.
As much as I think that this website is really helpful to people and for some people the advice works. Sometime you just have to leave things to chance and if it’s meant to be it’ll be … And if it isn’t then it wont. No amount of games or talking will change the situation - it’s something which you both have to feel within yourselves and that will happen naturally.
My advice is definitely not going to be as good as yours, but I hope it helps!
Your advice is reassuring and keeps me in tune with the positive. @jean.
It is very much appreciated.
I wouldn’t tell her your moving back, not until your actually there anyways and in a opportune moment. Like maybe when picking up your stuff one time…
Your going to be in a mentally ‘fit’ state when you meet her! Your going to look brilliant because of all the lifts you’ll be doing… And also the healthy eating, regularly (lots of spinach! Trust me I’m a nutritionist) Have plenty of orange juice and top up that vit D!
You my friend are going to be irresistible! You have confronted the things which lead to the break up… You have worked on yourself and now know you do not want to be treat as a doormat, you also know the steps you and your lady need to take to get back to being in a loving relationship… Your going to be great. You need to keep this in mind over the next few weeks when you will be in a situation where it is really easy to contact, then meet with not much effort.
She is a lady at the end of the day (although you know her best and I may be wrong) but she may need to take things slow, for a while. Respect that. I REALLY want you to do well and get her back man! You have shown some really good emotional growth, personally and whilst growing for your lady, you are the man though and should initiate but respect wishes and emotion.
I wish you all the very best and I am eager to hear updates. 
Your on the right track though bro x
Well after the laptop business, I wont have anything else to pick up. But I know where she frequents and in about five months Ill make sure im seen by her.
It’s a tough battle to get to the point where I am at. So hang in there for those that are just starting on this journey.
You have to make time work for you.
I dont know if Ill ever get her back. My focus is on me. Her focus is also on me right now. Which is good. But patience is key and it is not the right time to see or speak to her. I have to wait if I want a real chance.
Will you post your nutrition suggestions in another post? I believe a good diet is imperative to staying mentally and physically fit. It could benefit the ones eating their feelings or not eating at all.
And thank you for the post.
My ex tried to call me. I didnt answer it. Haha. She really wants to see me. But it is not time.
The funny thing is that Ive let go for the most part. Focusing on myself has given me the upper hand. Question is, how long can I keep it? Will she continue to chase me?
I asked myself those questions today.
But I suppose that is directing the focus on her. And I shouldn’t do that. It is all falling into place. Im not saying I’m going to get her back. Instead, I’m saying im getting me back and there will be rewards.