Yes it was a long distance relationship and since it was Germany-Ireland we didn’t see each other that often, between 3/4 weeks until 3/4 months inbetween sometimes. We wrote on FB a lot which I really didn’t like, I would have preferred to skype more often like every second day but somehow that was too much for my ex at some point. So he preferred the writing but for me that caused a lot of misunderstandings because first of all English isn’t my native language and then you don’t see if someone means things sarcastically or not when you don’t see the face… We usually skyped twice a week, sometimes more. After summer we started phone calls since it wasn’t so expensive for him to call to a different country which I thought improved things but oh well.
How far away would you move? Will you start college so? I’m sorry if you mentioned it on the other pages and I read over some things.
So I can just tell you from my experience:
My ex broke up and from one day to the other he said he didn’t love me anymore and also said mean things like that he had pretended to love me all the time etc. It was really hurtful. Long story short, I was meant to go over two weeks afterwards since I already had flights booked, in the end I went and it was good that we talked in person. He admitted that he lied to get more space since it was easier to say he didn’t love me so I’d move on rather than keep annoying him…
Did your ex said I love you recently before the break up? I don’t think feelings can change so quickly and if she has ever had deep feelings towards you, they are still there and can be refreshed after NC I believe.
The thing is that I don’t know how serious she was about you guys, were you the one taking things more mature than her? Because as it sounds she is not really ready for a serious relationship (18, wants to try out different things, …) but I could be wrong so don’t take my words too serious now! You will see once you finish NC how she reacts. Maybe continue NC for a little bit longer so it wasn’t only two weeks but 3 or 4 after you contacted her for your birthday? Or do you want to contact her before you are moving?
Hey Grayson, when do you ever get the chance to focus on your school work? I’m sure it’s therapeutic to vent here and Anni’s given you some good advice, but I bet your parents would prefer you to spend more time concentrating on school stuff. You say you don’t want what you had to end, but it did end. Your goal is to someday have a better relationship, one where you don’t beg for more of her time when she’s busy and you’re not needy like you were before… You’re doing fine so far:)
Jesus Patricia I was reading other peoples posts and you literally reply to like… everyone.
Oh, and I usually only post in my free time, I do my work pretty quickly. I have lots of spare time on my hands because most of my time before was devoted to Maddie and videogames. Now I have almost no desire for games so I do my work then post on here
Oh and I also like posting alot because it not only relieves stress but I have gotten lots of messages from people saying they are in the same situation, I like how other people can relate to me, it makes them feel better
Write those memories down! Then they get out of your mind and you can even show your ex at some point how nice your relationship was once you start meeting up again.
And I don’t think it’s too much you write on here, in the end we are or were all in the same position and for my part it’s really helpful to read through other stories, get or give advices. It gives you a different point of view especially in the beginning of NC. I agree with Patricia though that in the end of NC you shouldn’t have a needy, desperate behaviour anymore (ideally). And if you feel like you still feel that way maybe wait a bit longer to contact her.
I have a question, like I mean I know I should distract myself and stuff and I’m currently working in uni a lot because I’m doing my final project which is a great project but like at the moment it’s either snowing or raining a lot and there are moments in which not only sadness hits me but also a lot of disappointment and anger. And in those moments I really have to hold back to not write my ex and ask him why he treated me the way he treated me, why he had to pull me down with him so my anxiety grows. I know it’s not rational thinking and I know he knows he has treated me badly and probably (hopefully) regrets it. But do you have moments like that as well? And what do you do in them? I really try to distract myself with uni stuff but sometimes it just doesn’t work and I get so frustrated with everything
Lol, I go through the exact same emotions you do. Usually in those moments I listen to music or talk to someone, it’s hard for me to focus on anything let alone school work when I am going through a grieving process.
Btw… I do write these memories down lol, one of my favourite memories was our first kiss lol. She is my first real girlfriend and the first girl I kissed so… what happened was, she came over we hung out for a couple hours. She was lying on my bed and I was leaning over her, I had my arms beside her, I noticed she was studying my face so… I started studying her face. I then thought to myself “wait… people do this when they kiss”, after that I just closed my eyes and went for it lol. The kiss was great, after we kissed I looked at her and said “That was so weird… can we do it again.” We both died laughing and continued to kiss lol.
That is one of my favourite memories, I look back on it and it makes me cry lol
But do you also get the feeling, your friends are already sick of hearing those things? For me I hold back a lot because I usually don’t want to bother anyone.
It’s good that you are writing them down, continue that those are nice memories that you deserve to keep in mind as positive experiences in your life.
Hey… my two week no contact period is half over. If she doesn’t contact me, which I don’t think she will, what should I say in the text? I done want to sound generic or needy… so what should I say?
hmmm good question. Do you want to send her a handwritten letter or a text?
I’d say write her something like that you’d love to hear how she’s doing and apologize for the neediness and the mistakes you made and tell her how you saw the break up as a great opportunity to work on yourself. And make wanting to know more about what’s going on in your life atm (good news you have about moving for example) but say you want to tell her in person at some point.
I think that’s propably a good start and way to see if she is still being cold and needs more time! If she still acts cold I would stay calm and give her another 2 weeks of NC probably cause it means she needs more space to get back her positive feelings towards you.
Oh fuck… throughout the relationship she has been bisexual, she told me when we first started dating, she said she likes guys more tho.
I just looked on her profile… she cut her hair soo short. I understand it’s her hair and she can do whatever with it and it may mean nothing but… God I hope she still likes men.
Sorry if any of this came off as rude lol wansent my intention.
Okay so first of all: Short/long hair on a girl or guy doesn’t have anything to do with being hetero-, bi- or homosexual! That’s very sexist to say. I get your worries, but don’t act like this about a normal haircut. she wanted to do it for a while now, so what? She obviously wants a change in her life and let her have her space and do those things if she feels better in her body afterwards.
You should concentrate on yourself! As mean as this might sound now: I don’t think you are ready to contact her next week. You are still obsessing about her and what she is doing in her life like it’s the first week of NC. I know it’s hard but really it’s only an advice that I really think you should follow: expand NC for another one or two weeks, don’t use social media so you don’t get tempted to obsess over her and do things for yourself! I only try to open your eyes here so you have the best shot to get her back once you contact her again.
Not really obsessing, her hair caught me by surprise because she has always had super long hair.
I also said how I didn’t mean to sound sexist, she has always been open about her sexual preferences. It’s not really obsessing as much as shock lol plus I already made a different post saying why I think she changed her hair
I’m not going to do no contact for two more weekso because that would totally screw up my schedule lol I’m moving by that time so I’ll be busy plus all my school projects are due then.
Sorry if I seemed like I’m obsessing lol I’m not, I just write everything on this website to let you guys know and also for future documentation
Sorry if I offended you in any way Anni that wasn’t my intention
But look at your post, it really sounds rude and like you are obsessing I get you don’t mean it that way. Just let her do whatever she is doing to make herself happy Don’t overthink! And do the same for yourself, maybe even go get a new haircut too or get new cool clothes for when you meet her the first time again. But until then, try harder to not overthink things, you only have one week left if you really want to contact her then, try to work even harder on you in this week and try not to think of her I know it’s hard but you can always write about other stuff in this forum too that keeps you distracted.
Don’t worry, I’m not offended! Hope you aren’t either by my advice
I know it would mess up your schedule so as I said, just keep working and concentrating on yourself. You came so far already and are making good progress!
I know it’s hard but really it’s only an advice that I really think you should follow: expand NC for another one or two weeks, don’t use social media so you don’t get tempted to obsess over her and do things for yourself! I only try to open your eyes here so you have the best shot to get her back once you contact her again.
I get you don’t mean it that way. Just let her do whatever she is doing to make herself happy