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I’d like to get some advice. I’m trying to control myself not to do something stupid that will ruin the peace of mind I had for couple of months. But it’s hard…
My ex-girlfriend and I were broken up for 4 months and since the last contact 85~ days had passed. I had no intention to try it again but to clear a misunderstanding related to some other issue, I sent her an e-mail beginning of this month. About 2 days later she sent me a text saying she deleted the mail by mistake (which I call bullshit) and asked me what it is about, and I summarized the whole thing. That conversation was OK.
Then, I asked her how her life is going on and she mentioned bits and pieces. And I told her that I was hella busy these last couple of months with my work. Throughout texting she referred to some valuable/funny memories we had shared and I did the same. It was fun overall. Apparently she got sick at some point and had stress related issues and I tried to comfort her on that.
Since then 8 days passed, and her activity level on social media which was stagnant for last 2 months is now off the chart. She constantly updates her profile picture, writes some weird quotes, and 2 days ago she sent me series of messages in the middle of the night saying she’s really sad, feels pathetic and don’t know what to do eventhough she said she’d been happy. I asked her to talk more so that she would feel better but she ended the convo there and said goodnight.
This morning, again, she sent 8 messages saying she created an Instagram account and everybody is liking and commenting on her pics and she feels really happy about it. She shared the account name so that I can add her.
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If I knew she was sincere about coming back, I’d try harder. She’s weird in our text exchanges ever since that first conversation. She is trying to show off her so called happiness and new life, and I’m keeping my cool and complimenting her on her life. But it seems so fake. I can see it from miles away. She wants attention. Perhaps she wants to make me jealous, but I ain’t gonna take any of that ish. Enough drama. I did enough chasing back in the day and right now I feel much better but this thing kind of ruined my psych. It makes me want to puke, if I am honest. I don’t want this girl in front of me. I expected her to get mature, and learn from her mistakes but trying to show off to attract me again, I ain’t gonna take that nor I will chase. It falls into the “Being competitive” from Kevin’s guidelines I believe.
What to do in such situations? How do you cope with it? I’m trying my best being nice, and so as not to look like chasing I haven’t even mentioned meeting up. She may or may not have feelings. I really don’t care about that right now. If she is sincere, I want her to express it fully because she broke my heart and made me a doormat for her in past. My attention shouldn’t come that easy.
Peeps,
I’m back to acknowledge that I’ve read your posts here! LOL
Steve,
Stay strong buddy! Good days are coming! I think my feeling about her is diminishing! A couple of days ago, I saw her at gym again running on treadmill upstairs. It’s funny because whenever I see her I get a feeling of “I should flirt with someone or get a number”. I started talking to a girl who was working out beside me and this girl was flirting with me at some point! I was like, “if you get a chance, would you date this girl or your ex” and my answer to my question was this girl. LOL
Rihanna,
I enjoyed reading your last post! It made me smile! I will be glad to hear updates from you! I’ve hear great things about Sydney! It’s a good place to live if one has a job! Once my ex ex (2 ex) girlfriend had a trip to Sydney to see her sis and she said she had to spend $400 on a dress to comply with Sydney standards in dressings! No country life there! LOL
Ghost,
I like your name–ghost! I think after 4 months you are in good place! Stay calm! Mask on your poker face! It really takes long time to recover your psych! Bad mental state is leads to self-destruction!
Guys,
I’m doing good! I feel happy and confident!
Cheers to us!
Hey everyone!! I’ve been busy lately with uni, reunited with old friends, ive been back again to my music hobby (my ex never really supported me!) thats why I never typed something here again. But I miss you guys sooo here I am. Haha. 9 weeks passed after broke up. I still dreamt about him few days ago. Dammit. But there were so many days I felt alright. Sometimes even didnt think about him at all. There were days that I didnt even need to distract my mind so hard because it happened naturally.
How was Sydney, Rihanna? I agree with Robot, Sydney is one of the expensive cities!! Haha. But it is beautiful one. I am happy that you and your ex smart enough to not let physical things ruin everything again. Id like to hear more dear.
Steve and Robot, there will be time when you dont even need to compare your ex again with new ones. Bcs that special one will catch your heart with her own way. Just open your heart.
I hope everyone is doing great!! xx
Well, tomorrow I will go to airport to pick my aunt up from New York.
It’s always hard to go to airport since I broke up with my ex. I usually would pick him up everytime he visited me.
After 9 weeks I thought I would feel much better. But knowing tomorrow I should go to airport makes me feeling blue. It reminds me of him, which is annoying. He never reached me out again since dec 14th (exactly after 30 days of NC) He appreciates what I asked. Not to contact me ever again and I cant be in false friendship after two years of toxic relationship. I dont know what is he up to, where or how or anything about him anymore. I blocked him on facebook, whatsapp, skype since month ago.I actually was feeling completely fine these past weeks. But this airport thing hits me. Dammit. Ive been busy with uni, fam and friends, also hobbies etc. Expand social circles. Etc. I have no problem. But idk why today seems so blue. Thats why I ended up here again typing this thread. Oh well..
Miss you guys xoxo
Loreley, 9 weeks isn’t really that long if you were together for 2 years. I have read on other sites that it normally takes you half the amount of time of the relationship to fully recover. So if you had a 2 year relationship expect it take a year to fully get over him. Hopefully that doesn’t sound too discouraging for you.
Infact, 9 weeks since the breakup you sound like overall you are doing well. Most of the people who post in this thread were people who went through their breakup around May 2014. If you look at what we were posting in July/August (roundabout 9 weeks after breakup for us) You would be surprised at the amount of tears and misery that was going around. We were truly a sad and depress group of people grieving in our own special way. SO you are doing fine. To have the odd down moment is not a bad thing and perfectly normal. I still get bad moments, but they are getting less and less. Infact since my last post 8 days ago I have had 2 bad nights and 6 good nights. I’m very happy with that as for months I didn’t even know what it felt like too smile, let alone laugh. Chin up girl you are doing fine
Loreley,
You know, we go through the process of getting okay and stable. So we are prepared for things like encountering thing or places that reminds us of our ex. Its tough and hard but its like the final test. It will make you feel hurt again. But this is where you will knownif you ave truly moved on. Face the airport honey, i knownyou are neevous and all sorts of memories are in your mind as of now but trust me if you overcome this mit will feel great from the inside. Knowing that you have overcome it. Its more like of fear as of now. Good luck!Hi Everyone, How is everyone going??
@ Loreley: Yeah, I agree with Daniel and Steve. There would be places that you dread of as they would remind you of the times you had with your ex. Images of my ex still comes across my mind daily and its been more than 4.5 months since our last contact. No doubt I miss her a lot and wondering how she is doing, yet this would get easier over time. Once you brave up and overcome that pain, you will be a much stronger person. There are times when I fear going to those places that we frequent too as I have mixed feelings about encountering her on the streets, yet when you can overcome them, you will feel empowered. And with regards to your timeline of how you are doing, I believe you are doing just fine. It takes time to heal, and you’ll get there one day. Just be patient and have faith.
Folks,
Since the new year I did not have any bad feelings that would have come up because of my last relationship except last night and a night before that. In fact,I felt like I am confident enough that I can get out of comfort zone and talk about my ex if the topic comes up. It happened when buddy and I drank. In fact, it pissed me off because my friend kept insisting the she has cute innocent looks and she is so polite that he cannot accept that I did not do anything wrong. It turned into a 2 night long debate in which I tried to defend myself but it did not happen.
Anyway, I know that she was not a good girl and don’t give any f**k to others who can’t understand that good looks and polite behavior has nothing to do with kindness. It also proved that arguing with a “stupid” proves that you are another.
Peace,
Robot 3Guys,
How much you know about Sigmund Freud–the father of modern psychology?! I always wondered why I had so strong emotional connections with this girl! It did not make any sense! I found it and to me Freud appeared to be the god lived on earth again! Hats off! Today, I accidentally listened to the music theme of a serial that I liked when I was a kid! It was like blow on my forehead! The music that I had listened to when I was like 6 reminded me my ex! Heck! The main girl in it looked like my ex! Problem solved! Kudos to the man of science–Freud!
In short, Freud believed that per say “90%” of your future is a result of your childhood experience! The superego part of brain gets packed by the age of 6. Superego can be defined as the part that causes “sting of conscience”. This is why Freud believed that for boys they look for someone resembling their mom since they made strong emotional connections as toddler and for girls, they look for men resembling their dad. Also, I have to say that I had the same job as her dad does. Once my ex told me that she wished to marry two and only two people on earth–me and the guy before me! The surprise was that we both were mechanical engineers just like her dad! The fact that she did not have good connections with her dad probably triggered her in finding “him” around! Yes! This is another general prediction made by Freud!
A good news is that psychologists believe that when you solve an emotional problem, it will not bother you anymore–you will move on easily. I hope I did it correctly!
GUYS! Something changed in me!! I was browsing my desktop then i found a folderr named “Zbgheer” it was weird so i opened it. To my surprise it was pictures of my ex and me. I totally forgot about this folder. The funny and good thing i suppose is that i think im seeing her on a different light. I dont think she is that beautiful anymore. Idk why but this is how i see her and how i feel. Its a good sign i guess. I miss our days together but im not i happily accepted the fact that its over and its just memories now. GUYS I’M FINE!!! I MADE IT!!!! Hahahaha! Thank you everyone. 🙂
That’s an interesting thought there Robot. Got me thinking about my situation. I got on extremely well with my Ex’s father and it was surprising how much we had in common and had similar interests. Her Dad was someone I could take out to the pub and happily have a beer with and talk for a couple of hours about stuff that didn’t involve his daughter because we got on so well. Maybe that was what my Ex saw. The similar things between her Dad and myself.
However, when I think about my Ex and my Mother there is not much in common. They did get on well together the times that they met. But very different people. But still an interesting concept
Great news Daniel, good to hear you have 100% moved on. Time to find a new girl now 🙂
Daniel,
That is a good place to be! Honestly, my feelings are random with respect to pictures! If I don’t abuse looking at them too much I am fine! I am even fine with running into her at gym especially lately that I am talking to new cute girls–just talking because this time I should seriously take it slow!
Steve,
Her face structure is very different from my moms even there is a pronounced height difference but for some reasons I had found it comforting and even pleasing to ask her tell me stories before I slept. Many a time after the dinner, I would lay on her laps and ask her tell me stories–I had never asked this from anyone else before. LOL Then she would get mad at me because I would fall asleep before hes story was in the middle. In fact, there maybe some similarities that subconscious part of your brain has noticed like similar smile (oh definitely not this one), similar economical attitude (maybe this for my mom and ex), similar sense of humor or anything simply remind my subconscious brain of cozy carefree childhood home.
Anyway, it’s a beautiful day and I hope you all will have a great day ahead!
Cheers!
Funny things happened since the last time I’ve written here.
Since the instagram thing, my ex was showing signs of hot/cold behavior and on Sunday I messaged her asking how she is doing. She said she was meeting a friend and ended the convo there.
Since then, there has been no contact from either side.
Funny thing, I was suspicious of her being involved with someone else and last night she posted a picture of her and a guy on instant messaging app, and some time after deleted it. Today I checked if she also created a facebook account and there it was. Same day created, and first post is “In a relationship” dated on Sunday.
This is the girl who was hiding her relationship from her family because they may think it would hinder her job seeking, and she was dead against using sns. Either I didn’t know her, or she has changed drastically. Either way, I’m not gonna analyze her behavior now.
Every cell in my body screams to forget her once and for all, and cut contact while a part of me who went through this whole process and gained lots of experience say this is a rebound relationship that developed after her seeing I didn’t give her the attenion she sought.
In any case, I’m gonna enjoy my holiday.
Hello my dears, Hello EVERYBODY!
So I’m back to the country and EVERYTHING feels different… in a good way I hope 🙂
Sydney was fantastic! My ‘ex’ who is now a really good friend of mine met me at the airport and stayed with me for the most part of my trip. He was so caring and loving like the old times but I felt bit different towards him. Perhaps cos he disappointed me or hurt me in the past or that things became much clearer in my head after a long time of separation. But anyway, we still hold deep feelings of love, the pure kind of love … he carried me , kissed me, we laughed and spent an entire night in the city together… we travelled and swam together, we shared a bed together, we got really wet and slept me with minimum clothing and he completely naked (cos we got really wet on a cold night and we didn’t have change of clothes hahah)… we slept next to each other but NO SEX NO INTIMACY… I’m not like that and he knows that I never sleep with a guy without commitment…
He is still suffering from shoulder pains etc… but although I care lots and would do anything to help him i don’t feel like it’s a problem for me anymore. I feel free of responsibilities apart from myself and for the first time I don’t feel lonely, I don’t look at other couples like the days I did at city mall… I feel FREE to work in order choose where i want to live and plan my next trip without the responsibility of a partner, it’s liberating!
While on my trip I was told “you’re beautiful” by men all the time, I was offered three business cards and a guy chased me in the beautiful Botanic gardens of Sydney and offered me a flower and kissed my hand hahaha… I was with my ex so i felt safe allowing him to approach me… I placed the small flower in my bag and was stopped at the airport because of “plant substances” (how pathetic!) only for the security guy to also offer me his business card for me to call him… AS IF! lol… All that attention and I’m thanking god that I’m single and free to just enjoy life the way I want from this moment on and keep him (my ex) as a soulful friend whose love will never perish… but who knows what tomorrow may bring!
Robot – From all i read I really hope you could find the peace that I did during this trip and really let things flow in life, let her go completely … Take a spiritual journey somewhere and I have a feeling your perception towards everything including your ex will change for the better…
Ghost – It’s easy for everyone to scream to forget her but these are your feelings, own them and start healing slowly… it’s best not to involve family and friends cos they’re no help this is why we all come here to share and pour our hearts out… we understand you because we either have gone or still going through a breakup… enjoy your holiday and take things one day at a time…
All my love for you all xx
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