@Cwilson, I replied to your other post "Is there hope?june.
It’s now been 9 weeks since my breakup and im on day 27 of NC. As ive said before the first week of breakup we had contact and then 2 weeks NC then I text him for a couple of weeks and he then told me not to contact him and since then I’ve been NC.
I wish I had done NC from the start because I made all of the usual mistakes of trying to talk him out of breaking up with me. And telling him how I feel etc. Thankfully during that time I was very nice and wasn’t angry at all.
I think that NC is such a good thing because when a breakup happens emotions are all over the place probably for both people.
Although I’m on day 27 I know that I still could not contact him, firstly because im not even sure I want to and secondly there’s no way I’m ready. My feelings still keep changing.
I’m feeling so much happier now, I realised that I wasn’t happy for a while with him and I’d really changed and felt negative and miserable. I felt that my self esteem and confidence had gone.
Since the breakup my confidence has come back, im really busy and motivated with work (im self employed), I’ve arranged a holiday for next year and im socialising a lot more.
I still think about him every day, sometimes it’s good things and sometimes not. I didn’t expect the range of emotions I feel. I also wonder if he ever thinks of me. How long does it take to heal from a long relationship? Despite the positive changes, I still feel sadness and loss.
Also I noticed yesterday that he put a status on his whatsapp, all it said was…Going for a 5.30am nun (think he meant to write run!)
In the 4 years we were together not once did he EVER write a status. Do you think this means that he’s met someone and is trying to impress her.
It’s day 29 of NC, maybe it’s time to delete his number.
So glad to hear you’ve regained your self-confidence and that you’re socializing more too:) Keeping busy with your work helps divert your sad thoughts, but usually it’s only temporary. Since you were together for 4 years, it will probably take several more months to rid yourself of the feeling of loss. After all, you were used to being a duo, and now you’re a solo (so to speak). It might be that overtime you will even feel a great sense of relief from the distress of being in a relationship with your ex. Or you might keep hoping to reconcile. You would both need to change the way you interact with each other in order to make a possible future union happier than it was before. But if he’s not interested in reconciling or being friends, there’s not much you can do. Posting a status on Whatsapp is just confusing you and makes you wonder so try not to guess what it means. You’re close to the end of NC, so maybe contact him with a brief note to ask how he’s doing. If he replies with a warm message, maybe ask to meet for lunch. If he apologizes for his part that caused unhappiness during the time you were together, you could apologize too and take it from there.
Good luck…
Yes , you are right. I’m sure it will take several months for my emotions to stabilise completely.
4 years is a long time and I guess for both of us we will both feel loss as sadness regardless of who ended the relationship. Maybe now I’ve made no contact for so long he may feel the loss too.
I’m definitely not ready to contact him as im not sure if I want to, so im going to continue NC and keep moving forward and keep gaining confidence.
41 days of NC! Do you think that the whatapp status change that I said about could have been ‘breadcrumbs’ from my ex? And he may have been prompting me to say something? As I also said never in 4 years has he ever had a status.
Still not sure if I will ever contact him. My friend and her husband saw him in the local pub a couple of weeks ago and he went over and spoke to them but he didn’t even ask after me. Would you say this is normal, could he still be getting over the breakup? It’s been nearly 11 weeks since it ended.
I don’t know if the Whatsapp thing means anything, probably nothing. It’s strange he didn’t ask about you when he saw your friends at the pub. Don’t know if he’s over the break up, but why not send a short friendly note to ask how he is…
I agree its strange not to ask after me as we were together a long time and he spent time with these friends. Maybe he didn’t ask because he knows they would tell me they had seen him. And he may think even a how is she will lead me to think he’s interested.
I’m not sure I want to text him because if I ask how he is it may set me back
It’s been over a month. If you write, he might not reply quickly. You might get a pleasant surprise or you might receive a final answer and get closure.
I don’t feel ready to message him. When we last had contact 6 weeks ago he said not to contact him again and the fact that he didn’t even ask after me to my friends speaks volumes really. He’s either still angry and resentful or just indifferent.