Why Is She Being Distant?

Breakup Help no-contact-rule
1

Hi, my name is James.

    My (ex) girlfriend, I'll call her "C", broke up with me 12 days ago. C said we weren't as compatible as she thought, that she had to focus on her health (she had spinal surgery a few weeks ago), her "friends" who were mistreating her, and above all her academics. C said that if she wanted to date anybody right now it would be me and that I was a really great guy (knowing her, she said these things to make me feel better). She even did a variant of the cliché, "It's not you, it's me.", saying "It's not you and it's not me. It's nobodies fault. It's just the wrong circumstances." At one point she even started crying. C told me to tell her a joke so I did, she laughed, felt better, and then we just sat and talked for about 2 more hours before it was time for me to leave. Before I left she thanked me profusely for being so understanding.
    I broke no contact today via text. I made sure it was something casual, so I asked her what her class schedule was (it's the beginning of the school year). C texted me her schedule and then we went back and forth briefly about school stuff. I noticed something differently, though: She was only replying the bare minimum. This is unlike her, as she usually texts in paragraphs or at least really long sentences. Once I noticed this I waited for the proper stopping point and after about 6 or 7 times texting back and forth I stopped, and so did C. The whole time we did this, I got the feeling like she thought of texting me as a chore.
    This really bothers me because after C broke up with me she claimed that she still wanted to be very good friends like before we were dating, and so do I. I'm not trying to get back together with her or anything, but I do want to stay good friends with her. What does this all mean? Why is she being so distant? Does she still want to be friends with me? Any help with my situation would be much appreciated.
2

James,

I know its hard but try to relax. She is confused and has many conflicting thoughts.
She is choosing her texts carefully, it is hard to know what to say. That is what feels like distance to you. You two did break up and that brings a tide of confusion and an emotional mess. Your best bet is to be patient and give her space and time to come around.

Cheers

3 
    Hi. First off, I want to thank you for taking the time to look over my situation and providing some very helpful advice. I still have one more question, though. What do you think would happen if I sent her a hand-written letter, telling her that I've accepted the breakup, and that I would like to still be good friends? Would this do more harm than good? Would this just confuse her? I'm just afraid she might misread my kindness as trying to get back together.
4

Happy to help. I’m in my mid-40s and love is still confusing LOL I am no expert, my friend! I have learned that emotions change and time is our best friend. To answer your question about the letter, no one can say for sure what affect it would have. Maybe ask yourself: are you sending it to be kind, or is your goal to get her back now?

Allowing her a week or longer to process her thoughts, without your input, might be the best way to “be kind” to her. I say this from experience. My ex was very dsitant, possibly even hostile, a month ago but I backed way off and we were able to have a very good talk just last night.

Its hard when there are no definite answers, I realize. I believe a hand written letter is always a good choice. There is great advice on this board. I’ve used it and it has helped communication with my ex and, more importantly, to sort out my own thoughts and plan on how to move forward.

Good luck

5

Hey guys,

What do you put in such a hand-written letter? Should it be short, or lay it all out there?

Thanks,

R