One month ago my boyfriend asked for us to take a break so that he could think about things. At the end of that break he decided to end it, saying that he just didn’t feel the same anymore and he was very cold about it. I called later that day as being so cold is very unlike him and it hurt to think that he didn’t care about me or ending things. On the phone he cried and said that this was all very hard for him but he thinks he is making the right choice.
Unfortunately we work in the same building and every time we pass I try and smile but he wont meet my eye, he won’t smile back, he is completely cold and uncaring and it’s as though he has had a complete personality change.
Since the break up I am doing No Contact and am trying to improve myself and get in a good place, but I am really struggling to do that when every day at work I am getting that response from him. It is setting me back because I cannot understand what is going on. Why would you be so nasty to a person you claim to care for?
Can anyone shed some light on this behaviour? I am beginning to dread going to work because it hurts so much to be treated that way, I have even considered leaving as it is causing me so much distress.
Thanks for your help.
He is going through a breakup. He’s not being cold, just dealing with things in his own way. I read you last post. You can’t let this breakup interfere with your work. Give him time. He needs to deal with breakup in his own way. Continue to be friendly. It will only make you look better in the end. Be a friend, no an ex. But as far as him being cold, its not towards you in particular. Its just him trying to work through some things. He still cares for you. He’s just not ready yet. You yourself need to learn to work on yourself and not worry what he is thinking or doing. Focus on your work. Go for a run some days, work out, be active with friends. It will make you not only look better but feel better.
Hey rhiannon,
I am sorry to hear about your situation, I hope it will turn out for the best.
Can a person that claims or claimed to love you be so nasty? The answer is yes.
Why? Because that’s his way of coping. It’s a defensive mechanism; your ex is acting codly and he keeps his distance thinking it will be easier for him to ease the pain. He’s protecting himself from more hurt. It’s actually a very common reaction in many people rhiannon, I know the change of personality is scary and is hard to believe.
Don’t let this affect you, don’t respond with same behavior, be polite as usual and yes try not to be around him that much for now. Good luck and keep us posted.
Thanks, it’s good to hear that it is normal behaviour. I will continue to be friendly towards him, the difficulty will be knowing when he is ready for me to reach out to him and how to begin making contact.