Imma keep this straightforward, and elaborate more when I get a response as i’m not comfortable to get into too much detail yet.
Basically before my gf and I got tgt, for 2 years we had a soul bond tho we were just platonic, but secretly I have had feelings for her since the day we met, and they grew stronger as we shared every single day tgt.
Until one day I discovered she had been hiding something against me, and we almost fell out over it but we managed to talk things out. Then a few days later we began getting intimate (as before the fallout we were starting to have unresolved tension), and we began acting more and more like a couple, and a month later we officially got tgt.
But I always had an anxious attachment (while she’s secure-avoidant), so our dynamic had always been filled with conflicts, but it kinda intensified after we got tgt… Partly because my trust in her had been swayed but same time I didnt wanna lose her. We were right yet wrong at the same time. Gradually as more and more happened and nothing changed she eventually broke up with me (yes its my fault). At first she just told me its only her personal decision and I did nothing wrong, only to blow up at me a week or two later with everything that went wrong in the relationship.
We still tried to be friends after but slowly she began pulling away, getting distant yet still staying close to me. However I decided I didn’t wanna be the old toxic anxious me anymore and distanced from her for 3 months, focusing back on my life and working on myself.
During this period she was extremely hot and cold to me, she’s her sweet old self one minute and toxic and distant the next. After 3 months I finally felt ready to fix things with her, but instead she chose to cut me off, as my past mistakes were too massive. But if she had ald checked out, or at least so she said, why still treat me like she still loves me? Most confusing of all I knew her warm moments were real.. You can’t fake genuine warmth.
Well its been a month since she cut me off. However although she’s gone completely cold now, she’s still avoiding me dramatically, spreading shit abt me to all her friends (talking abt what I did to hurt her is justifiable but abt what I say or do on a daily basis, basically me just living my life is overboard) tracking my movements, acting a little too sociable and loud (She’s ambiverted btw but more to introvert so this is a bit out of character..), clinging more than usual with our mutual close friends ESPECIALLY when I’m around and overall being.. Petty. She used to be the mature one in our dynamic. Oh and we still have to sit beside each other in class btw.
I don’t blame her at all, it is me who made her like this so I’m just keeping to my own life and staying away from her space. But still when cutting me off she said she’ll just treat me as a civil classmate and that she doesn’t hate me, yet she’s now doing anything but that.
They said the opposite of love is indifference, as hate means you still feel something. I still love her more than anything, but I also know that I was bad for her, at least by respecting her space which I never managed to do I can give her the peace and stability she always deserved. I want her to be happy even if I’m not the reason for her smile anymore. But.. She said she doesn’t care abt us anymore and I can do whatever I want with my own life and she’ll do the same with hers, yet…
Idk man. We’re ald over on paper, but are we really truly game over forever? I’m not gonna take this as a sign to break my silence or fix things or whatever but same time… Why do I feel like this isn’t the end of our story when she’s ald cut me off? Or I’m just being delusional…
I really hope to get a reply to this asap, I really dk what to do…