Why did she change so drastically after the breakup

Hi there. I won’t talk much about our relationship and the breakup itself because I have already created one topic about it (I would really appreciate it if you looked it up).

The reason why I decided to create another topic is that I want to understand what is going on with her. I would really love to hear someone’s opinion about it. So basically during those 3 years of us being together she was very calm and sweet. We needed no one else, we always chose to be together instead of going out with friends. What’s weird is the fact that we didn’t really have mutual friends. Of course we knew each other’s friends but we didn’t really hang out together that often. I’ve lost many friends because I totally forgot about anything that was beyond our relationship. She was like that too. She didn’t want to meet any guys because she didn’t want to make me jelous or sad even though I encouraged her to do so because I was friends with many girls and occasionally went out with them for a coffee or something (although I knew I wouldn’t feel comfortable about her seeing other guys but, hey, who am I to stop her when I allow myself to see other girls). She had 4-5 bfs she would always be with when I was not around (I moved to another city to study but kept coming back every weekend just to see her). She would choose to stay at home and watch a movie on friday evening instead of going out if I wasn’t home yet). She didn’t go to clubs, didn’t go to parties that much. Even when she did she would text me that it was boring without me.

She is stunningly gorgeous. She looks so sweet and cute but she’s very sexy at the same time. And I loved it that way. She seemed so calm and cute around other people but she could become so damn sexy and naughty when we were alone. She was my dream girl. And she was that cute, caring and affectionate girl who would choose to stay at home instead of going out right until the breakup, even though I started being cold towards her during our final months together (read more about it on the previous topic).

And now I can’t recognize her. She hangs out with people she barely knows, gets home 4-6am in the morning (as her facebook activity suggests) {while I know for sure that her mom cannot fall asleep until her daughter gets back home, it was like that when we were together}, tags on her instagram photos would make you think she knows those people for at least a few years when in reality she met them 2-3 weeks ago. On social networks it seems like she is having the best time of her life. She brags about going to clubs and parties, hanging around with new people and so on (last time I contacted her was 3 weeks ago). Now she is really having a good time, because lately I haven’t shown her much attention for some dumb reasons, also I had to study like crazy for my exams so I was emotionally drained too. So those new ‘friends’ have really brought her some new experiences.

She is turning 19 this week, we started dating when she was 16. I’m 21 if you want to know. People try to convince me that she is not the same girl I fell in love with. That she has changed over these years and I was the last thing to change in her life. But I am having a hard time believing in that. Over the past few months she had so many opportunities to tell me about splitting up because I was provoking it. But she did the opposite of that showering me with affection. Right until the last second she tried to hang in there for me. (I wrote about the breakup on another topic, but to make things clear <if you are not willing to read about it> I found out that she talked to an old friend she hadn’t seen for a long time how eventually she would have to tell me <something>. I freaked out, got to her place and started bombarding her with questions about what she had to tell me, if she was leaving me, got angry because she was denying every word I said and without saying a word I got in my car and drove away). But now she treats me like a complete stranger, seems like we had never even been together. And on top of that she acts like a completely different person now.

What are your opinions about it? Is it all for show or could one simply change like that for real? Can’t say that she changed overnight because she told me she was thinking about what was wrong in our relationship for some time, but during that time she showed no signs of what was about to happen… She does not contact me, she started liking those quotes about how bad love isn’t better than none and how people deserve to have someone around who would appreciate them as they are and so on, although it isn’t done in a way I would consider as a message directed towards me because she does it infrequently and if I didn’t look up for it, I wouldn’t even notice it. (Yeah, guilty of tracking her every move, because I do not trust those new friends, they seem to be up for no good. But then again, who am I now to tell her that.)

you’re frontal lobe isn’t fully developed till age 25. you can changed drastically till then… however I think she is just living her life she is 19… still a teenager she is having fun… getting it out of her system… you just gotta let her and hopefully she comes back

The thing is that she never acted like this before. On New Year’s Eve she wanted to go out somewhere but I was so busy with my studies that I didn’t really try to find places to go. I told her she was very naive hoping to find where we could celebrate just days before New Year’s Eve. I told her to go and celebrate with her friends instead if she didn’t want to stay at home with me. She didn’t even want to hear about us celebrating separately. And the most ironic thing is that it was I who started whining about how staying at home was boring…

Anyway, you get the idea. We never really needed anyone else around us, we enjoyed the intimacy of being just the two of us. At least I did because after the breakup she said everything that we did had become a habit even though she enjoyed it right until the last minute. But after that evening when I found out about her talking to someone about leaving me (yet, I wasn’t sure what she had to tell me but I assumed it was something about us splitting up based on the way they talked and the fact that she was trying to hide that chat from me) she felt like she needed to break this habit.

It really got my mind messed up. Because I have two scenarios in my head. One is that she lied to me all this time, showering me with affection, kissing me, holding my hand and looking at me with a big smile and eyes full of happiness while I was driving her home after Valentine’s day, sending long texts about how much she loved me and how happy she was with me while planning to leave me at the same time. And only now I get to know who she really is.

The other one is what I hope is true. That she felt something was wrong between us, talked to her friends about it but didn’t really want to break up with me (she gave me this impression by saying that eventually she would still have burst out, so in other words she was being patient with my behaviour but she got tired of it). She gave everything she had to save us while I was doing the opposite. But that last night was too much for her. And now she just tries to cope with our breakup by doing things that wouldn’t remind her of me. Like being with people who are so different from me. And I really want to believe that behind the image of a party girl she now tries to be still hides that perfect girl that I am madly in love with.