What should my next plan of action be?

Hello,

My ex and I broke up for about 8 months now. I spent the first month begging for him back, tried to talk to him several times over the next few months with him being cold and acting cold because he didn’t want either of us to be lead on and later implemented the no contact period beginning April. I took the time to better myself physically and mentally and made new friends. He ends up contacting me in June due to the fact that we were both going to attend a mutual friend’s wedding in the same month and wanted to “clear the air”.

When we met up to talk, it really appeared that he wanted to get back together (holding hands, leaning close to each other) but wasn’t sure, so I told him to really think about his answer. We both went to the wedding, it was awkward at first but we both had fun regardless, with him complimenting my dress. Because I was very drunk and he was buzzed, although bad, he ends up driving both of us back to his house (it wasn’t that far from the reception) with him holding my hand the entire way. I ended up staying the night. The next day, I asked him to think about that answer and we ended up going no contact again for the next 3 months. I continued to better myself during this period.

After the 3 months, he contacts me again to talk. He ends up telling me that although he wants to get back together, he doesn’t see himself doing it. He says that he can’t stand the little quirks I have and do as the reason why he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. It was a heated talk between the both of us with me pointing out issues that he has as a person and it made him open his eyes. At the end of it all, he says that he will start “looking around” but quickly apologized when he saw how upset that made me feel. He ended up hugging me and asks he would “see me around” and I just ended the conversation with, “I’m disappointed with your choice” but left the door open for him. I returned some photos we took together and one from our friend’s wedding. We haven’t spoken since.

I feel as though he is lying to me and just doesn’t want to admit the truth. Apparently our mutual friends have been bugging him about getting back together with me, and from what my friends have said, he doesn’t want to get back with me because it seems like an obligation and not something that he wants to do. I’m wondering what I should do next, how I should contact him, if I should go no contact for a little longer, etc. Any advice would be helpful, thank you.

It sounds like he can’t decide what he wants but wants to always have the option to do whatever he wants.

He wants you to always be there if he decides he wants to be with you but he doesn’t want to commit himself to anything. And it seems pretty clear that talking with him now isn’t going to get you anything. He will just say he “wants to get back together but isn’t sure… can’t commit”, etc.

I would continue with no contact. He needs to make a choice and you shouldn’t be someone who is just an ‘option’ someone wants to keep open. Keep working on making your life better and if he contacts you, you can decide what to do from there.

Thanks for your reply.

It’s been one month since we last talked and I feel like I should make some sort of move eventually. Maybe attempt to text him just to be friendly. To add on, he says he does misses me and my friends have also said the same.

You know better than anyone else as nobody else has all the information. If you haven’t been in contact for a month, whatever you decide is probably right. The best situation would be if he contacted you.

So I’ve invited my ex out for lunch/dinner to catch up but he said that he’s not open for tonight but maybe another time. I messaged with “Ok. Maybe next week?” and he has yet to respond. How long should I wait before trying to message again if he doesn’t respond?

He knows you want to meet. You know the email got to him. If he doesn’t respond it is because he isn’t ready to meet. I’d wait for him to contact you.

I feel like we are in almost the same situation. My ex suggested to meet the coming weekend and asked me to shoot him an email…however, when days coming, he didn’t have any action at all…I don’t know how to deal with that either…very annoying…

It’s been about 2 weeks since the last time I sent him a message and I’ve messaged him again saying that I’d still like to get something to eat with him and catch up. This time I’ve told him my schedule and allowed him to choose whenever he’s free. I know that he’s seen the message.

Wondering what else I can do now…