So my ex and I broke up after four years. I moved in with her and her family, got on really well with them all, even went on their annual family holiday (three times!). We were inseparable, the typical ‘I can’t see them ever breaking up’ couple. I loved that.
We went on a break after I got the ‘I love you but not in love with you’ speech. I agreed however she wanted to stay in contact (messaging), so we did. I was happy. After a week we got back together and all seemed well.
Three days after coming back from the break she shot me in the face. Not literally but that’s how I’m going to describe the pain. She admitted to cheating on me during this break. I couldn’t handle it and took all my stuff back to my parents and moved back in. Didn’t contact her for three days until she started messaging me asking if it was forever… blah blah blah.
I shut her down on several occasions and told her numerous times it was forever. I then met her on one of the nights so I could get closure on why this had happened. She was open with me and told me.
After a few days of not speaking I came to terms with the situation and why it had happened. I was ready to re initiate contact, or so I thought. I told her how I feel and how we can work through this. She declined and told me that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship, and wants to go out and have fun no strings attached. OF COURSE at this point the needy me came out and pushed her away for two whole weeks (did a lot of begging).
I found this site and learnt about the NC rule just after I text her and she replied with ‘I don’t hate you or anything but please don’t text me. It really doesn’t help me when you text me’. I initiated NC for two weeks and didn’t hear a peep from her. My best friend told me she had been hanging around a new guy she had only met in the first week of my NC. Devastation but I kept cool and didn’t do anything.
After now hearing many stories of how she thinks he’s the best in the world… I’ve decided to move on with my life and have made my intentions clear to her. Not for her but for me. Four years I gave my all for my heart to be ripped apart not once but twice. It’s funny when you write this all down it seems so simple, but my emotions over the last few weeks have been unbearable.
I’m now going to take this time being newly single to make some great changes in my life, for me and not for anyone else. No one should have to live their life to please another - NC had taught me this more than anything.
For all of you I share one piece of wisdom: If you’re not happy being single, you will never be happy in a relationship. Get your own life first, then share it.
