I think it’s awesome that you’re following up on old messages like this. Reading my note gave me the opportunity to reflect on how grateful I am for where my life is now and I’m excited to be able to hopefully help someone who is going through a similar situation to the one I experienced when I wrote that message 10 (TEN!!!) years ago.
My ex and I did not get back together. Wherever she is in the world and in her life’s journey, I hope she is as happy as she can possibly be.
She was my first love and, as often happens with young couples, our relationship ran into the buzzsaw that is college, temptation, and the inevitability of evolving into different people….We held on a little too long through it all and both got hurt more than was necessary. My only regret from the whole ordeal is not having been confident and strong enough to say goodbye quicker. The wisdom to walk away would have saved us both (and me especially) a lot of wounded pride and heartache.
But after taking that lump, getting humbled, and getting back on my feet, my life has been a complete blessing ever since. I’ve had so much fun, I’ve travelled, I’m healthy, my career is in a fantastic place, and a year and 2 days ago I got married to the most incredible woman I could ever imagine. She’s gorgeous, kind, empathetic, successful, driven….i just can’t say enough great things about her. This first year or marriage FLEW by and I look forward to many, many more.
So I think my message would be something like this: embrace the pain and desperation you’re feeling right now and understand that it’s normal. Don’t fight against it…life isn’t a Disney movie and when the ship has sailed, let it go. Instead, take that pain and improve yourself. Reflect on the things you did to help end the relationship and try not to ever repeat them again.
And if you’re young like I was, go out and have some fun! Date lots of girls and make tons of memories.
It takes time, more than you’d probably like to hear, but eventually you do stop thinking about her, the things you could have done better, etc., and then one day you realize the pain is gone entirely. THEN you’ll be ready for the next woman that will make you feel that strongly again to come into your life and hopefully this time you’ll be ready.
If you’ve read this far, I really do wish you the best and I promise things will work out. I wish you could see and experience how incredible my life is now, but you’ll just have to take my word for it and wait to experience it for yourself!
You’re gonna make it, and 10 years from now you’ll look back and smile.
Adam