So the backstory first…me and this girl started seeing each other a week after she just ended a 7 year relationship. We started out by just hanging out a couple days a week. about 3 weeks into it, we became intimate with each other. The sex was mindblowing. we both agreed it was the best we’ve ever had. All through this, she kept saying that she didn’t want anything serious because of how recent her break up was. I agreed to that but when we were together, it was very much a relationship. She told me she loved me and i told her the same. In just a few short months, i was head over heels. We talked about getting a place together. The distance between us isnt short, we’re separated by about 40 miles. Anyhow, the house idea was as “roommates” even though we would be sleeping with each other. We found a house and put a deposit on it.
Two weeks before the move in, she confessed that it was all too serious and she didnt want to get the house. I begged a little about it,lol. Told her i was fighting for it because i believed it to be a good thing. This was last Tuesday. We agreed to not get it, but then this last week, she kind of cut me off almost completely. We went from talking all the time to only a couple minutes a day. I didn’t see her until last night and i spoiled the dinner with all my unanswered questions.
I wake up to a text from her this morning saying that all the feelings, the house, everything was just too serious for her and that she wanted to end it now before it got worse. I proceeded to beg again…ugh…the bad thing is my birthday is tomorrrow. in her break up text, she said she felt like a pos because she was doing this the day before my birthday and she was sorry about that.
So I guess my question is this…is this even worth me pursuing? Do i even have a chance at all because it looks to me like I’m the rebound here. I mean, we clicked instantly, have a ton in common, find each other really attractive, but the seriousness of a relationship scared her off.
This is the break up text; The fights, seriousness, house, feelings etc etc is too much for me. I don’t want that right now. And it’s all pushed me away. Having this break made me realize I want to do my own thing by my self and not do this anymore. This is the last thing I wanna do before your birthday. It makes me feel like a pos, but I can’t keep doing something that will hurt you & me. It’s not fair. And I’m sorry
so what are my chances? I love her deeply and would love this to be resolved but it seems impossible.
If you do love her, give her a space. There are chances that people found their love from a rebound. She’s just from a break up, so don’t push her. Show her that you are worth to be with. Make her feels safe with you.
It’s about healing her heart and gaining her trust. Think about it.
All the best.
I believe seeing her after such a short break up could have been a rebound. BUT believe it or not, I was in a relationship for 5 years and I found a guy I fell deeply in love with a month later. And I was with him for almost a year now while my ex was begging for me back but I ended up blocking him. Because I realized this new man is treating me way better, we had no problems while my ex was very insecure and treated me like dirt.
Think about it, there is a reason she broke up with her ex of 7 years. Regardless if they try it again, it’s possible it won’t work out if they had problems before or whatever reason it was.
If I were you, I would do the NC for 30 days or longer If needed, send a short friendly message, and if you both had a great relationship, she will miss you for sure. See what happens from there but take everything slow if she comes back. I think everything was just too fast for her right now bc her mind was still on the ex.
Good luck!
thanks yall. She sent me a haopy birthday text today and I’ve stuck to the nc rule and haven’t responded. Day 2 right now of that…its hard but I’m gonna stick to it. She’s worth my best effort and i don’t want to lose her by being too needy and desperate.
Apparently you were together a few months. She said she didn’t want anything serious, but making a decision to move in together was a serious choice and way too fast before getting to know each other better. She mentioned ‘fights’ being too much for her in the breakup text. If, during the time you were with her, there were many more good times than bad, you might have a chance to get back together. If however, the was too much fighting, she may not want to restart something she feels isn’t in her best interest. Something that would make her unhappy. Best for now to leave her alone and focus on improvements. It takes a long time to get over a 7 year relationship like she had and sort through all the feelings. Give her more time and after the no contact period, get in touch, but something simple and short like let her know you’re thinking of her and hope all is well…
The fights were a result of us being serious. Like she would act serious with me but then say the opposite. Her feelings were back and forth a lot. She sent me 3 more texts that i didn’t respond to and then she called this evening. I was busy at work and just answered my phone without checking to see who it was. It was her asking me if i was ok. I said sure and cut the conversation short. While we we together though, we had a blast. Always laughing, having a great time in general. It was just when she would get in her head too much, imo and then she would pull away.
If she acted serious, then says the opposite, how could that cause a fight? Did you argue with her about it? When she pulled away, she was probably trying to sort through her feeling for you. During those times, it would have been a good idea to keep quiet and be more understanding. Apparently you ruined the dinner by asking too many questions and she felt pressured. I’m not sure if she doesn’t want to see you now, but keep in touch or what, but I think it’s a good sign she called to ask if you are okay. When she wants to talk, be sweet and upbeat. Take it slow and easy. Don’t try to force anything. Under the circumstances, maybe going no contact isn’t a good idea unless she asks for it. Maybe stay in touch, but not too often. Maybe mostly when she initiates or after some length of days, reach out to her first. Just be kind and respectful and most importantly, don’t add any more stress on her life. Enjoy the texts and phone conversations as they come in. Good luck and Happy Birthday tomorrow.
Thank you. I’m just gonna give her some space ands hope for the best lol. She’s obviously confused about what she wants but cares enough to check on me.