My ex broke up with me. We dated for 5 years and I was absolutely devastated. I begged and pleaded and sounded desperate. But then went NC for a little while, then she texted me saying how she missed me and all that.
So fast forward to right now. She and I have been texting everyday. Some days more than others. But around mid afternoon every day we both agree to just stop texting because she still needs some space. Then in the morning or early afternoon she will text me and say how she misses me so much it hurts. When we talk, she tells me how she knows I’m the one, but she’s just not ready yet. She wants to be together in the near future. But, she got played by another guy for sex only and she’s been really down about it. She says her emotions are numb for the moment, but she still knows she loves me and wants to end up with me.
So obviously I want her back if I’m on this website. I’ve been working on myself, seeing therapy, limiting my alcohol, and just trying to be a happy person again. But it’s so hard to wait for her. Especially how every day she texts me and says she misses me and wants to see me, but we never do (except for last weekend). I just want to hear someone’s opinion on my situation right now. Because I want her back with me so badly. I know I can live without her if I have to, but I don’t want to. It’s just hard to wait.
You have a chance of getting back with her. If you guys talk i suggest you guys meet up and tell her and be firm about it without begging or saying anything sweet just being firm and tell her you want to get back with her and this talk is about that. Tell her how you feel your not going to be waiting for her all the time and of she’s up for it make it happen and she doesn’t want to tell her to give you space and time and start the plan. that way she she’s your not a joke anymore.
Hey Ryan, I think she is still way too confused about everything to make a decision about you two. I know it’s hard to cut contact when she is acting like she misses you so much, but the fact is that she doesn’t want you right now. You both need space. I think you need to do more nc. I was in a similar situation right after my breakup but the more we contacted the more he was able to get over me and move on since I was his emotional crutch. She needs to know that you deserve better than waiting forever and she needs to see you seriously pull away for an extended time unless she is ready to commit again. She obviously needs time to emotionally heal from the breakup. Being in constant contact right now will only serve to make things worse in the long run unfortunately.
Yeah both of you are right. It’s hard for me to ignore her texts though. Like I feel bad just leaving her wondering why I’m not answering her. Because she did that to me and it’s not a pleasant feeling. She knows I want her back, we’re both very open about that. It’s all timing right now. I’ve told her that I can’t just wait around forever. And if she goes back to that guy I couldn’t be with her because that would mean she didn’t learn her lesson from being played. I just hate seeing her in pain and I like helping. This was her text to me when I said maybe we should take a break from texting because it’s doing so much pain to me. “Ryan you don’t know the half of it! I will miss you so much and probably text you soon. I love you so much!” It’s obvious we still love each other, so it’s very confusing why we both have to be unhappy when we could be happy together.
And one mistake we had last Sunday was I had her over at my apartment and she spent the night and we had sex. It definitely made me miss her even more because I haven’t seen her since then.
ryan, i think this sentence says it all: “it’s very confusing why we both have to be unhappy when we could be happy together”.
the truth is she doesnt want to be with you right now. i think she doesnt want to lose you either. she doesnt know what she wants and is unfair. i think if you got back together now it would be too rushed and i think the longer you stay in contact, the more you will feel in limbo and it will prevent both of you from moving on from the past (a necessary action if you want to reconcile). in your situation i would let go with love. tell her you love her and you hope you can work this out in the future, but for right now you need some space and would really appreciate if she didnt text you. set small goals. try to go 2 weeks without talking first. i know you love her and want to be with her and its so tempting, but i think knitterz is right in that youre helping her emotionally deal with the break up. i think time and space is the only way to know if reconciling is right or not. youre both young - no need to rush.
Blahhhh I know you guys are unfortunately right! You know I just worry that if I do stop talking to her for good that she will just move on. Maybe I’ll move on too, who knows. And she wasn’t really dating that guy. She hung out with him 4 times she said and it was just a huge mistake. I think I’ll gradually stop talking to her. I’ve been doing well lately and not thinking about her as much as I was weeks ago. Been back to working out and eating. Sleeping is still not going very well, but it’ll come back.
I agree that it’s unfair. Not that she hasn’t made up her mind; that’s understandable. But rather that I feel like I’m being strung along, you know? I don’t know it’s just a tricky situation. Because I love having her in my life and the things she tells me indicates that she wants me too. And as much as I want to go back to dating her right now, we would be rushing back into it.
you don’t need to stop talking to her for good! and after 5 years if you stop taking to her for a few weeks - even a few months - she will not forget you. that doesnt happen. if she moves on from a few weeks nc, she’s not the right one for you!! that guy has nothing to do with this. he’s insignificant. this is only about the two of you.
she is stringing you along by telling you shell want to be back together eventually but not yet. thats not right. its fine for her to be confused and not know - but she needs to respect you enough to let it go for now. these situations are always tricky. take care of you and your healing. whatever is meant to be with her will work out. she might want you in the future, but she doesnt right now. keep telling yourself that. rushing back into it would only put a bandaid over these problems. be cautious. i think you both need a bit of a time out from this situation.
If you keep texting her, it’ll be the same situation for a few weeks or months until she finally moves on - I know from experience. You don’t need to leave her wondering why you won’t respond; she wanted space, right? So tell her that you agree that you BOTH need time and space to heal emotionally and figure out what you want. When she doesn’t have you around, she will eventually figure out what she wants, which is almost certain to be dating you. Sticking to the NC is important for both of you right now.
It seems that NC will make things much better. Make her miss you. Each time u dont txt or call her back, its gonna get to her. Give each of you space and time. Then contact her. When you do, be stern and confident. Tell her your feelings and in turn she will tell you. Hope they match.
If you guys have the time, check out my situation. I could use all the help i can get.
I know I keep telling myself that I deserve someone who will actually love me the way that I love her. But I know she will get back to that point. I’m just impatient because I know what I want, but I can’t have it. I’ll try NC more this weekend. Hopefully it’ll do some good.