So me and my ex broke up just over a week ago, I was staying at hers until I could get home anyway the day after we she broke up with me she asked if I’d like to have a nice day out with her to which we did what we’d been planning to do for weeks and visit all these cool little pubs and went for a meal at a place she’s been wanting to go to for months. So anyway the day was fantastic, she kept holding my hand and at the end of it she kissed me and said “you’re the most important person in my life and I love you” that night she asked if I would stay in the bed with her and spoon with her. I obliged as it was my last night.
The next morning as we parted ways, me going for my train and her to work she hugged me and pulled me in for a kiss. I could she that she was trying not to well up and trying not to say “I love you” I know she was finding it just as hard as I was so I pulled her in for a kiss and said “I love you and I always will”. I’m not one for empty words, everything I say I mean and she is the same.
So anyway I started the NC as of a week ago, all was fine for a few days but then I started receiving Snapchat of just random everyday things, I haven’t replied to these. However 3 days ago I had a accident which meant I had to go to hospital as I had crushed a vertebrate, I posted on Facebook, almost immediately I started receiving texts of her worrying about me so I said she could call. I only stayed on the phone for a few minutes just to calm her down and reassure her I’d be fine, I ended the call as I had to go for a scan.
I received texts for the rest of the day on and off asking what we’d be doing when she’s up in a few weeks, I said we could possibly go for a drink but I’d let her know closer to the time and stopped contact again.
So it’s been nearly 3days NC, this morning I received a WhatsApp message saying “I’m always here for you if you need” and shortly after a Snapchat asking how to look after an orchid I bought for her just before we broke up (she knows full well how to look after it). She looked sad in the picture and is still wearing the ring and necklace I bought for her. I haven’t replied
So what do you guys think I should do/take from this?
The reason for her breaking it off was because due to the type of work that she does had meant that over the past month or so she’s been working on average about 13-14 hour days so she’s been very irritable. So whenever we’ve clashed even over the smallest of things it’s just turned into a massive argument on her side.
Also she lives 2 hours away so distance has played a part. However now her shirts are changing to 8 hour shifts and she’ll have a lot more time.
She became very cold the other day before NC as she said we shouldn’t be talking everyday and planning to meet up (her idea to be talking and meet up).
Yesterday morning I received a string of texts. Asking if I’d blocked her on Facebook (I deactivated it) then a follow up text saying “don’t ignore me I thought we were good” immediately after seeing this (she can see when I see the message as it’s on WhatsApp) I get another message saying “don’t make me ring you!!!..” I ignored these and then 20 minutes later she attempted to ring which I ignored.
I got a message 2 hours later saying “why are you being like this… I thought maybe adults could talk? If this is how you think it’ll help you, by ignoring me that is, then fine. I just want you to feel better and hurt less because as much as you don’t believe it I really care about you and I want to make sure you’re ok, you’re important to me. I guess with the ignoring of me you don’t want to see me when I’m back in 2 weeks anymore? I hope you’re OK " I didn’t reply to any of these, I reactivated my Facebook a few hours later and I got a message shortly after saying” I’m sorry I got all up in it, I just want to make sure you’re okay xxxxxxxxx “. I kept receiving Snapchat of just random things and a few questions, so I faltered abit as I know she has next to no one to talk to where she lives so I just sent a message saying” I didn’t block you I just deactivated my account. Anyway I’m busy so I’ll talk to you later" I received one straight back “ooooh what’s got you all busy? Haha” from this I’ve still been getting Snapchat that she’s still wearing stuff I bought for her in, and going to places that we used to go to.
Oh yeah and she’s been liking every post I’ve put on Facebook which she never used to do unless I tagged her in them and has also been replying to public snapchats that I’ve posted (so not directly to her)
Just finding it abit difficult to ignore her as I know she doesn’t have many people to turn to where she lives (I was always the first person she’d turn to when she had a problem) and she could possibly break down as she used to suffer with really bad depression.
It’s hard because she’s the one that changed my mind about marriage and kids (we used to both be so against the idea to the point she doesn’t like kids but we both admitted we wanted those things with each other. Which made her so happy she nearly cried). I have every intention to be with her but stuff needs to be addressed and worked on for that.
You know man NC for 30 days doesn’t work to every situation. And the reasons you guys broke up seems like something that can be solved. Because you both still have strong feelings for each other and unlike most of the people here, she’s trying to make contact with you. I feel you did a great job by sending her that message! It work on letting her now that you’re living your life to the most busying with your stuff and not being miserable as she expects. And wow a 14 hour shift! She must be just completely stressed out. Maybe that’s why you guys have nonsense arguements. It’s a good sign that there’s no major problem leading to your breakup. Maybe some time a part will prove everything. So since she’s there alone , it’s okay if you show her some care like asking her to take care or stay safe. But remember just on friendly basis. You can ignore her snapchats and irrelevant questions though. But make sure you keep your lines here for now. Maybe just play a little hard to get, and also reflect on the relationship, on what really went wrong and what you can do on your part to make things better. I agree with your last sentence! Time will tell. But some stuffs need to be re-adressed. You’re going to meet her in 2 weeks right? When you meet her up in 2 weeks, show her what she’ve been missing. A new and more attractive you!
So you think meeting up with her in a few weeks is a good idea? I’m supposed to be meeting her mum some time soon to give some clothes back she left at mine (also me and her mum get on like a house on fire she used to call me son) so I know her mum will want to talk to me about stuff. Can’t really give the stuff to her purely because when I meet her it’ll just be before she goes on a night out with her old work mates.
Or I just play hard to get and not be too available so she can only meet me when I’m free (give the illusion atleast haha). So what do you think, keep in contact just very minimum every few days?
Well I know how to make her weak at the knees haha just dress to the nines.
I think the only predicament would be if I get the drunken call or text asking to come around after the night out, then I wouldn’t be sure what to do.
So this morning I received a call to which I answered straight away as for my job I’m essentially on call. Turns out it wasn’t work but instead the ex.
Pretty much asking if I was busy so I told her I had a few minutes to spare. Apparently her mum isn’t able to pick the clothes up as she going on holiday for 2 weeks (abit short notice but that’s by the by) so she was telling me all these reasons why she’d have to get them instead and tried to give me a day however I told her that I’m very busy the weekend she’s up so I may find it difficult. She said that whenever I’m free she will come straight over so I told her I’d let her know.
So almost straight after this she asks if I still want to meet up with her for a few drinks whilst she’s up. Might be abit cruel as I’m probably completely free but instead I told her that I’m probably going to be too busy to meet up with her, she seemed quite down about that so I told her that if I get any free time that I’d love to meet for a few drinks (she seemed very happy with this). I told her I was busy so I had to go but she tried to tell me about an impulse buy she’d just done (a ps4) I had a quick laugh about it and cut her off as she tried to further the conversation by saying “I’m really sorry but I am really busy, I’ll talk to you later” and hung up. The call ended up lasting about 5-10 minutes.
She’s never the one to really initiate a conversation even with her closest friends and she’s never been one to just talk so long about random things, she usually gets bored of phone calls and ends them after a minute. I mean we used to stay on the phone for hours at a time but over the last month or so of the relationship we didn’t but now she’s putting all this effort in contacting and trying to talk to me.
I just got a text through (as I was typing this) “I hope you’re okay. Are you ignoring me? Are we friends?” followed by a Snapchat straight after showing me some new clothes with purposeful cleavage and a wink.
hello! @achappy ! Sorry for the late reply
Wow that’s great news! It seems that she still genuinely cares for you and wants to be treated like your gf. Maybe it’s her plan after all to come get her clothes by herself just to see you. It’s good news too take she calls you! And even initiates to have a conversation with you. And I feel you did a good job letting her know that you’re ‘not available’ and she can’t just break up with you then suddenly want to wiggle back in.
Well you do want her back do you? The way she breaks up with you seems like just a harsh decision. I hope there are no major problems leading to your break up. For your case I feel that all you need to do is play a little hard to get and don’t reveal much in your text. Then when she comes back, meet her up and try to talk things out , let her take the lead. Don’ show your intention until she show signs she’s really interested. Ohh btw when is she coming back? In two weeks? or during the weekends to ‘pick up her clothes’? Well about that snapchat, she’s obviously trying to seduce you Don’t fall into her traps … yet! Maybe she bought that PS4 as she was picturing to play it together with you too. But stilll…Don’t show your vulnerable side to her so she will realise it’s a mistake letting you go. But if you need to reply her just be polite and casual, nothing more than that. Great to hear that things are doing well, good luck!
Yea I have every intention of being with her and it’s unavoidable to not be cheesy but I aim to spend my life with her. I know I’m perfectly fine on my own two feet but well she completes me haha (abit embarrassing to admit but so be it )
She’ll be up on the weekend in 2 weeks so I’m just going to let her know that I’m still busy but maybe I’ll throw a day out when I’m free and then possibly say I can’t do that a few days later as I’m busy just to see how she reacts?
I’ll still go meet her, possibly make it so she can come pick the clothes up when I have 20-30 minutes free, let her come to the house and get them but then have to leave because I’m busy and have to get off and then say I can meet her for the drinks she wanted the next day.
Errr maybe I’m thinking into this too much haha.
I couldn’t resist replying to the snap chat as she said “new threads” in it so I had to have a laugh and sent a picture back a little later of sowing thread “my new threads” . I know she’d have laughed at that.
Haha aww
Yes that sounds like a good plan! That way she’ll learn to be more appreciative of her chance to meet you. Great plans you’ve made there But remember to be flexible! It’s okay to have some slight changes but just remember your main goal in point, to show her that you’re striving for yourself too and not miserably missing her like she expects you too.
Anyway I would appreciate too if I get a guy’s view on my post! Please check it out when yiu are free pal! Keep doing what you’re doing for now. I bet she’s gonna fall hard for you when she finally get to meet you !
" ‘IF’ we were to give it another go, us together, it wouldn’t be right now it’d be in a few months when I’ve settled at work and thought about stuff"
I haven’t spoken to her, so no prompt from me to send that apart from silence.
Just came right out of the blue and I have no idea what to take from that? Like is she actually thinking about getting back together or maybe just trying to ease my pain from the break up, I really have no idea haha.
I haven’t messaged back, I won’t but if anyone thinks otherwise let me know.
Hey @achappy ! Wow such a surprise to receive such a message from her.
It’s obvious that she still have strong feelings for you . But most of her actions ( asking you about coming to pick up her clothes , sending you snapchats etc ) may be mostly because she still rely on you. And it’s hard for someone to just stop connecting with someone they spent so much time together and literally grow as a whole together. And so far I feel you’re doing on your part very well . How’s with the plan of her to come to pick up her clothes from your place？
Anyway I feel it’s definitely a good sign from her saying that, for a reconciliation that will last for the long run. It means that she really do consider a future with you and she was thinking about you both as one when she said that. She really does appreciate you and everything you’ve been through. But at the meantime she’s at that point on her life that is important for her individual growth. Seems to me that she still cared very much but as an responsible adult, she want to be responsible for her words. If she suddenly just told you ‘hey let’s get back together’ you would be happy of course but also you’ll kinda lose respect for her . Maybe you’ll end up letting her do the chase because she broke your heart once. If this happens, your relationship would become not genuine . As in the love is not pure. I hope you get my point here.
So from now on, focus on yourself too, to grow as a person . Work more on the internal changes. And always have a positive mindset. I’ve seen in a lot of places that they said, every relationship will go through a crisis phase, where both partner went on their own way to find themselves , their dreams their goals living in this world, but then they realised they’re never complete without each other, and went they got back together, their love became stronger than ever. Maybe you both really needed some time apart to think things right and finally head to the right direction together. I believe for your case there’s definitely a very chance!
As for the message maybe you can text her that you agree with her, and that you need this time apart too to find yourself/focus on your work/ or things that will show her you’re striving for yourself too and not at all miserable over losing her. And wish her that you hope she’ll be doing fine. And you would be there to lend a shoulder if she needs. I mean I don’t think that playing mind games with your ex is a good idea at all, after all it’s the connection that is really important. Show her you really cared for her well being but you also know where you both should stand now. When she’sin need , hear her out, she’ll remember how nice is it to have someone to be always there for her.
So abit of an update. As I haven’t been here a while.
I ended the NC/LC a few days ago as we had started talking a little just to arrange a day to pick her clothes up. Anyway the conversations really hit off and we ended up talking for hours like we did when we were first together, having a laugh and joke with each other. Compliments to each other on looks, life and other such stuff, having a joke about her loving sleep so much that she hates being woken up. On that she said ‘if you ever wake me up in the morning I will rip your cock off’ (I was really taken back by this as I know this in a weird way to most people is one of her terrible ways of flirting, strange I know) she apologised for ages about it, I just laughed and joked about how she’d used me as a pillow in her sleep.
Anyway so we’ve been talking a few days now, all good. Then today she was abit distance so I pulled back on the talking. A few hours ago I received a snap from her with her best friend saying ‘oops we’re still out, work in the morning ?’. I just simply put one back saying “evening ladies”
Hmm then I got one straight back of just her looking sad saying “I miss you” this is the first time she’s said it to me since the break up (she’s a strong woman who is very good at keeping control of her emotions and feelings) so it struck me abit that I received that.
I just sent one back jokingly asking if she was drunk. She opened it but didn’t reply, I’m assuming it’s because it was 1 in the morning so she’d probably gone to sleep.
What do you guys think?
I’m meeting her this weekend, think I should act on it? @moonbunny
Don’t fall into her traps … yet! Maybe she bought that PS4 as she was picturing to play it together with you too. But stilll…Don’t show your vulnerable side to her so she will realise it’s a mistake letting you go. But if you need to reply her just be polite and casual, nothing more than that. Great to hear that things are doing well, good luck!
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