We broke up 4 days ago. He wrote me twice today.

We broke up 4 days ago because I was talking to someone online in January and ended it that same month. He broke his phone and I have him my old one and he found the old emails. The break up was excruciating. He told me several times to leave him alone and never call him or talk to him again. We haven’t talked since Friday. Today he sent me a very long email about all his feelings. It’s was very hard to read. I’m so disappointed in myself. I’m very angry with myself. At the end he says:

I’ve been writing here all day today every time something comes to mind. It’s fucking draining. I don’t know if I should send you this or not… This doesn’t mean I’m talking to you, it’s what has been going through my head all night and day.

Considering this is different from other situations. I don’t know if I need to respond to some of the things he wrote. He thinks our entire 1.5 years together was a lie. And it wasn’t. I feel like a no contact will justify for that it was a lie if I don’t respond. About an hour after this email he sent another that I had been looking for for a project for work.

I gave him the passwords to all my email accounts so he can see them all. It appears he’s been checking them regularly as well as forwarding ones with pictures of me to his email.

Please don’t beat me up. I know I messed up. I just need some help. I’m not eating and can barely function.