This story between me and my ex (former friend) started in 2021, before this me & him were school friends before COVID-19 hit.
About around 2020 me & him started to chat on iMessage before we agreed to plan up a meet up in 2021, at first everything was good then I did something I shouldn’t have then he left home and gave him a few days for him to be at ease before we had a conversation about moving forward. Then I snapped and we both went into no-contact.
A few years passed and I kept apologizing to him until eventually he reached out to me last year because I shared an online post about how lonely I was since I discarded by another guy who dumped me beforehand.
Anyway, after he simply asked how I was doing I asked if he wanted to be friends but he was unsure.
However a few days later he said he was interested/curious in trying out private activities. And as a gay guy I said yes to which was around August (2024)
For the next few months me and him tried to get to understand each other better but as our communication styles/needs are different eventually we ended up ghosting each other temporarily.
Then I changed one of my boundaries to where he could only reach out to me when he wanted to plan a meet-up to do private activities with me, which was a fatal mistake on my part.
Then one around in November, while I was at work he impulsively messaged/tried to call me when I was at work. Albeit stressed and not in the best state of mind, but since work I was bored I replied then the conversation started.
At first it was going well until I let my impatience get the better of me, since I was at work, then I decided to leave it at that (regrettably).
Afterwards when I came back home, he then messaged/called me again on Instagram. Then we started a video call conversation where he was apologizing his impulsive actions. However because I was already drained from work and not in the best mental state, accidentally did not accept his apology in the heat of the moment then ended the tense call.
The next two days I attempted to see if he was still interested in meeting up but declined. Afterwards I regrettably snapped and proceeded to chase/send unprofessional/unnecessary messages for the next two months. Then near the end I regained my rational mind and now I’m writing this post on this form.
Currently as of yesterday I’m starting no-contact but my gut feeling says I want him back/but my mind realistically says this is basically impossible even following no contact indefinitely…
Without going into any private details, does anyone have any suggestions or advice for my rather complex situation as the accidental dumper of my case? Thank you