Heres the situation. So my boyfriend had been really in a slump lately so in an effort to help him I thought maybe suggesting getting out of our normal routine and doing new things would help. I suggested skiing, hiking, mountain trips etc. Turns out I made a huge mistake. A day before our 6 month anniversary he suggested maybe we weren’t meant to be, I wanted to “go out and horseback ride and go skiing and stuff” and he just didn’t want to. I don’t even really like that stuff! I liked us how we were. He suggested maybe we were too different and said he didn’t think we should be together anymore. All while he’s choking up and saying he loves me but he’s sorry. Should I contact him sooner to explain this? I love him to death and admit this was partially my fault but I feel it was all a huge misunderstanding that should have been a discussion not a break up… Help
You didn’t explain “how” you are different. Temperament? Goals? … or what? He said he loves you and I’m sure he’s sorry thinking you weren’t meant to be and that you shouldn’t be together anymore. What is it that you feel you need to explain? Too much information lacking here to understand what might be going on with him.
Different in the sense that I was wanting to go out and try all these new things and he didnt want to. Like he felt we werent compatible in that way. But I only said those things as a suggestion away from our normal activities from worry he was in a slump and thought it might help. We have the same long term goals Id say, these were just the only examples he used. I just feel like I need to explain my actions werent coming from me wanting more out of our relationship, that he misinterrpreted my suggestions for getting out of his comfort zone.
Did you ask him why he was in a slump? By that, do you mean he’s been depressed about something? Like maybe work or something? I almost think you’re using the word slump for the word rut. If you think he misinterpreted your suggestion as you wanting to go out more or do different type of activities (instead of the usual) as if it were a sign you’re not satisfied with the relationship, you could try explaining, but maybe wait a couple of weeks (no contact) to give him time to reconsider something as serious as a break up or it might give him time to settle down enough to want to talk about it. If you were happy with the way it was, let him know. Good communication is one of the keys to a good relationship. Maybe ask him what he’s looking for in a relationship that would make him happy and you share what you want too. Don’t turn it into a begging session where you promise to be and do anything he wants. You have to be content with the dynamics of the relationship too. You both need and deserve to be happy:)
Yes that was exactly it. The weekend before the breakup he had been distant and told me it was because of work and just wishing he was doing something different. He said it had been making him push me away and he wished he hadnt been so rude the past couple weeks. So yes I think you’ve got some good advice… Im thinking of waiting two weeks and sending him a letter explaining and asking to meet in person
Work life is a big deal to a man and if they’re not appreciated or satisfied there, they can sink into a terrible depression and “nothing seems right with the world”. He wants your support and yet, he feels he needs to work things out for himself. Just be kind and loving and let him know you’re there for him no matter what. I think sending the letter and asking to meet is a great idea. I wish you luck for a happy outcome…