No contact is going well and I’m doing things that really make me happy and improve myself. I’m very aware of where he and I both did wrong in the relationship but I’m still really keen to make it work again.
He has unfollowed me on snapchat and instagram because I don’t think he wanted to see me going out etc… But the problem with that is, he’s very stubborn, but quite a straightforward guy in many ways. I think if he saw me, we would talk and he would end up realising what he’s lost. However, I think he’s been so busy lately he wont have had a time to feel lonely yet and like there’s been a major loss. I’m going to message him on his birthday in 2 weeks (which will have been around 5 weeks NC), but I’m worried it’ll just be a stale conversation and I won’t be able to suggest to meet him.
Once he says something, he usually sticks with it if he can avoid thinking about the other options… I’m really worried that unless he sees me he won’t be prompted to realise that we can be great again. Especially as he won’t have been seeing me on snapchat or instagram. I know why he did that, because hes very strong and stubborn and won’t want any reminder of me… but that’s all I want to do! Remind him of me!? Whilst we’re not talking it’s the only comfort I have; to see that he’s looking at my snaps etc.
Anyone who’s in a similar situation or any words of wisdom would be really appreciated. When we were together, he talked about his friend who broke up with his gf, and he was saying “its a mistake - men take longer to realise everything, the girl will be over it in a couple of months and often that’s when the man will be starting to realise he’s made a mistake…” - I only hope that is what’s happening here but there’s no way to know and it’s driving me mad!!
@stottc - Glad you’ve been keeping no contact and doing things you enjoy:) You were too smothering and greedy for his time when he was busy and he felt the pressure from you, so I also hope you’ve been working on your issues. You wrote: “I think if he saw me, we would talk and he would end up realising what he’s lost.” That’s exactly the wrong way to think at this point. It’s only been about a month since he broke up with you and to see you now, would remind him of all the negatives.
Stay no contact until his birthday and take it from there…
I see what you’re saying and I thank you for your response, but I know him well enough to know that starting a conversation by text may not be the best way to get somewhere with him. Its likely he will find it easy to put that to one side but thats not possible if we are face to face. The whole point of reaching out after no contact is to arrange a face to face meeting eventually so I’m not sure how that’s totally the wrong way to think; I was more asking for advice from people who have been through it on how they first reached out after NC.
Maybe I didn’t communicate it well, but I think maybe you got the wrong impression from my situation. Whilst I definitely responded badly to his distancing, becoming sad and almost giving up, I was never greedy for his time. I just don’t think it’s right to not have ANY time for your relationship. It’s a two-way street and if I can make time with a busy career there’s no reason why he couldn’t at least try to. He even said that himself when we broke up; that it wasnt that I was asking too much and he hadn’t intentionally pulled away. We took things v slowly because he had been damaged from previous hurt, so I think it started to scare him that he had to consider two peoples needs instead of one, like he had been for so long.
I completely understand he needs space until his birthday but if anyone else has any advice on how to go about reaching out when that time comes I’d be really appreciative
I agree with staying no contact until his birthday and let him take the lead after that. If the conversation is stale just end the convo first - you’ll be on his mind after that. I find most guys will initiate things maybe not right away but shortly after.
thank you @memesy, I will definitely just message him on his birthday and just pray it’s not cold or awkward. Whilst I still feel like there’s so much left in our relationship and it was put to bed long before its time, I feel so much happier in myself after NC and I’m confident now that I will be able to start a positive and happy conversation and not be beggy or desperate
