Unexpected Crossing of Paths

We broke up over a year ago now. We haven’t talked to each other in over 6 months, and haven’t seen each other just as long. We were together for 3.5 years and I think most people would have described us as inseparable best friends even before we started dating officially. I still look back sometimes and believe that we had both a great friendship and relationship. We had and still have a lot of the same interests and things in common. We rarely fought and if we did fight we would resolve it in a day or two. But over time we just started drifting apart and had different life paths we wanted to follow. The break up was somewhat mutual. I have to admit I was blindsided by it, didn’t want to accept it, but knew I couldn’t change her mind. I had become someone that not only I did not recognize, but someone she could no longer love. I don’t blame her for leaving me. I would’ve left too. Turns out depression doesn’t just affect you, but the people around you. Who woulda thought (sarcasm). Anyway, we still go to the same university and work relatively close by but have managed to avoid seeing one another this whole time. Not avoiding necessarily on purpose, more or less just letting one another live our lives separate. However, this morning while at work our paths did finally cross. To some it may have seemed anticlimactic. All we did was smile and wave at one another, but for me it was pretty damn intense. I thought I had moved on since she is not someone who normally crosses my mind ever day like she used to, but everything came rushing back. All of the memories, good or bad, and my heart raced faster for those two seconds than they have in a long time. For those two seconds I wanted to drop everything and make it work again but I regained my composure and continued on with my day.

To be honest I want nothing but the best for her. She’s such a great person and deserves all that she has worked for, but I still don’t know if I want her back in my life. I thought I did a year ago but now I’m not so sure. She mentioned that maybe we could try again someday after some time apart, but as mentioned before I wasn’t in the best head space (depression and all) so I’m sure it was just a way to let me down easy. Of course everyone has heard of the stories of two people who used to date, split up, spent some time apart, rekindled old feelings, and are happily back together. Half of me thinks that could be us, but the other half thinks moving on would be better. The reason why I think we could is because things didn’t end badly between us. There was no big fight at the end, we both have refrained from talking behind each other’s backs, no bad blood or animosity between us. There was nothing before, during, or after the relationship that we did (at least on my part) to completely dispel any chance of starting over again some day if there were to be an opportunity. However, the more rational side of me says move on. It ended for a reason, and going back has no guarantee of it working out. Besides, focusing on something that ended could easily blind me from other opportunities of meeting someone even better.
In closing I do hope that we are able to someday soon meet up again. I plan to move away for graduate school in the next year, but before I leave I want to make sure that I make the right choice of moving on or tying to make it work again. Meeting up again after this much time apart I think could give me a better idea of which choice is best for her and I.

If you have made it through this post I thank you for taking the time to read this. If you have advice I’ll take it. If not, cool. I hear the best way to talk about your feelings is in a subreddit, anonymously, with other anonymous people. Cheers.

If you’ve resolved your depression and other issues which caused her to leave you, it might be a good or bad idea to try and meet up. She might be in a relationship with someone else or… If you meet and can have a logical discussion and agreement to reconsider or reunite, it would be good. But since you’re moving away for graduate school next year, it would maybe be cruel to meet up. Long distant relationships are VERY difficult to maintain…

It’s her birthday coming up. I missed it last year because it was during NC. Should I send her a “happy birthday” to her this year since she wished me one on mine? Not trying to use it as an excuse to talk/reach out/ get back with her, but rather just trying to be friendly again.

I think it would be okay to send it as you were together so long. What about your depression and other issues? How far away will you be from her when you leave for graduate school?

My depression will always be something I have to deal with. In retrospect I’m actually glad I went through such a shitty episode (even if it did end my relationship) because now I have a better understanding of my triggers and signs to look for. Hopefully knowing these signs can allow me to talk about it before it becomes a real problem and affects others. Communication is still hard for me but is much better than it was a year ago. Right now I don’t have a school picked out to go to but the distance can vary between a state away to 3,000 miles apart. If, and this is a big if, we did reconnect we would only be in a LDR for 6 months since she is right behind me for graduating and doesn’t plan on graduate school. We would have the ability to make something work. We had been in a LDR before together. It was hard but if it came down to it we could figure something out. But again that’s a big if, and I’m not holding my breath for it or making any serious plans. More or less just preparing for anything.

Alex give it a try and ask her to meet up to reconnect as friends. On that meeting you will know if she is with someone else. It wouldn’t hurt to try. However let her know you are planning to move away.

Goodluck Alex.