Trying to win ex girlfriend back from a rebound relationship
She and I went into a relationship on 11th August 2013 last year. In the beginning everything was great. But slowly I noticed she was a clingy person. Probably due to her age.
I had my own personal flaws anyways. I had hatred and anger from my past stored up during my parents’ divorce when I was 15.
Soon we got into little arguments to major ones. Our relationship soon went down the drain from there. I became someone else every time we argued. I lashed out at her thinking she was someone else.
We reconciled and argued and reconciled. I have a habit of keeping silent each time we argued. I usually leave and won’t wanna reply or pick up her calls after an argument.
Soon we had a nasty over-the-phone argument regarding his elder brother on 5th June 2014.
She’s 22 and I’m 33 by the way. 11 years age gap.
I didn’t called back that day. But she did. Kept calling and messaging to meet which I ignored and didn’t reply.
She came over to my house the next day when I was about to leave the house. I got in the car and just drove out. I didn’t feel like talking to her at that time. But I texted her after leaving the house while she was still in outside my house informing her I’m late for an appointment. Will talk after.
That whole day she tried calling which I didn’t pick up. Messaged to meet. Finally at night I responded with a long message telling her what I felt during the 10 months we’ve been together.
After that message. There were no more calls from her.
We left each other alone for one day. Then on 8th June I messaged her asking her if she understood with what I told her two days earlier. That’s when she replied asking for a breakup. This isn’t the first time she “threatened” me with breakups during arguments.
So out of frustration and feeling tired of her “threats” I told her if that’s what she wanted I’ll respect it.
Moments later she posted on Facebook status saying, “finally! Bring out the champagne and light the fire crackers!”
She didn’t mean it and I knew but she’s acting immature and I chose to ignore.
Days later she felt the pain and started to post articles on breakups and all sorts of relationship articles from novels and etc.
She didn’t block me yet at that point in time.
We didn’t contact for 2 weeks at least until she got her phone stolen on 12th June. She tried calling me using house number twice. I recognized it but chose to ignored.
I didn’t know she had her phone stolen until she posted on Facebook. Still I didn’t say anything or called to ask if she was alright.
She has an exam on 14th June to which I personally hand wrote a letter to her. Had it passed to her after the exam. Telling her to come to my graduation on 24th June and if she agrees to show up then we could start all over and work on both our communication failures. And if she chose not to reply then I would take it that she doesn’t want to patch back.
I inquired from a friend to see if she has decided to come or not. In the end she texted my friend saying she’s got a friend coming over from another state and would need to entertain her instead. And asked that I go on ahead without her.
At that point in time I thought her friend was way more important than my once in a lifetime graduation ceremony?
I was sad and frustrated. We left it at that. On 27th June she finally sent a very long message telling me of all the times we shared. The good memories we had. I’m her first love by the way.
Telling me that she loved me and was afraid of me not wanting to see or talk to her if she came to my graduation ceremony. And she came back to my house and took the one and only picture we had taken together. She said she didn’t want me to throw it away so she took it without my permission. And asked me not to be angry at her. And that she loved me very much.
She had secretly asked my friend for my graduation photos and cried when she saw it. She was very happy about for me.
I read the whole message but didn’t reply. I wanted to call but didn’t know what to say. And I left it like that without replying…
28th June she posted her heart was almost shattered completely already. I saw it but didn’t do anything.
Then on 7th July she went on a holiday trip with some friends. It was during this time that a guy came in and on 8th they posted in a relationship on Facebook. This guy was with her during her period of sadness. Comforting her and sharing his similar experiences of his past relationship.
And he happens to be a close family friend and also classmate of her elder sister.
I didn’t know until I saw their pictures. By that time she has already blocked me. I only found out through browsing her sister’s page.
My heart shattered…what happened to the “you’re gonna always be mine and only” promise? I thought to myself. She gave up on me so easily because of another guy which she barely knew…?? I tried to patch back one late night with a message to her whatsapp on 11th July. She came online and saw it but didn’t reply. That’s when I got anxious and afraid of losing her to the new guy. I tried messaging her the next day.
Constantly texting her saying I was sorry and please forgive me for my ignorance and give me a chance for us to work things out. I panicked.
She didn’t responded and blocked me on whatsapp as well. So I only could SMS her. To which she finally replied that she has given up hope. Every time she gave me chances and I let her go cold in her heart. And that there’s no chance of us getting back together again.
She also said that ever since our breakup she was happier and she laughs more now. That when we were together she had nightmares in the middle of the night waking her up crying. And gave me a final warning to not ever disturb her life again.
I was devastated…my heart was in pain…it was unbearable…I tried to patch up again through a mutual friend.
She agreed to meet with me at our friend’s house to say whatever it is and end it.
12th July we met and I didn’t really talked. It was only on this day she said it to my face that she’s with a new boyfriend (all the while through the SMS and etc., she didn’t tell me, although I already knew). She vented her frustrations at me and was saying how badly I’ve treated her and etc.
She was very emotional then. Crying and raising her voice at me. I basically only managed a few sentences which didn’t seem favorable.
Before leaving she told me that if I really loved her that I should wish her to be happy with the new guy.
I hit panic mode again the next day and sent her a lot of SMSes on giving me a second chance and us patching back.
No replies.
I thought how can our 10 months together…the good memories can be easily “erased” with this new guy that fast…I was heart broken and pain made me not able to sleep well nor eat well.
That’s when I googled and found this site. I read all the advices and articles here. But still I got desperate and two weeks lasted after our last face to face conversation, I called her on 27th July. Telling her I need to meet her to settle some unresolved issues.
She agreed but this time her boyfriend came along…while my friend accompanied me. She and I talked alone while my friend talked to her boyfriend.
I told her we didn’t really breakup and had any closures. There wasn’t really an end to our situation and she’s already gone into another one? She got emotional when I told her that. She said she assumed that by me keeping quiet all the while that I’ve agreed to the breakup. I told her I didn’t.
She then accused me of saying am I now blaming her for having been in a multiple relationship? I told her I didn’t say that but it came out of her own mouth.
It didn’t go well. She slammed on the table and got even more emotional and left with the boyfriend.
During my friend’s conversation with the new boyfriend, he found out that they already had sex not long into the relationship. Which was just days in fact…
It felt like an arrow pierced through my heart…still I loved her…it didn’t matter if she has done it because she was hurt and someone came in during her vulnerability period and she got confused and gave in and things happened.
Now it’s 2 days after the last confrontation…friends advice me to let go and move on.
But from the articles I read here and through a friend. He told me to not contact her anymore. Give each other some time and space.
She’s in a new relationship (which is definitely a rebound) and they are happy and sweet at the moment. And with me trying to interfere more then I would be pushing her further away to the guy and making the chances of me winning her back even slimmer…
I know I shouldn’t become desperate. But it’s really killing me inside and I can’t sit still…
Please help and advice. What should I do now? And what are the chances of me actually winning her back or her realizing that she’s in a rebound and she’s using the new guy as my replacement…?